I THINK IM PREGNANT? OR HOW LONG TILL?

[Jael123]

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. Ive been trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

If you and your boyfriend think that you will end up married then why not do that before you have a baby. Having a baby is a huge commitment , you are literally tying yourself to someone for the rest of your child's life. Might as well do it with some financial and legal protection in place.

Am a bit bemused that you say it's all you and hour dp can talk about. Is there literally nothing else that the two you would like to do before you settle down? That's a bit unimaginative! Why not use some your savings to go travelling or to have some adventures?

Don't get me wrong, having a child is really good but bloody hell it's dull sometimes. The complete lack of spontaneity involved is mind numbing sometimes! You quite literally can't just pop to the shop without thinking about the baby. You will never ever be truly able to put yourself first ever again.

read her other thread people it gets even more weird on that one she supposedly has all these offers to universities in paris yet she just wants to ruin it all by having a baby Oh and she has 2 jobs she has had for 3 years god haven't read a thread this funny in ages !!

OP not getting the answers you wanted does not equate to being immature. Sometimes (and always on an Internet forum) you'll get answers you don't like. Sometimes a sign of maturity is taking other people's views on board and listening to them, as generally they've been there and done it.

I would say immaturity is sticking your fingers in your ears and saying 'la la la I'm not listening'.

OP has disappeared just around the time the school day begins... Coincidence?

maybe her fantastic two jobs career she's had since she was 15 means she had to dash off !!

Hi,

I was 18 when I got pregnant with my eldest child. I was in a long term relationship (married, not that it makes a difference), both working etc and our baby was planned. Similar situation to you really.

You are an adult and quite capable of making an adult decision, just as I did. Good luck to you!

My DS was born when I was 19, and I don't regret it for a second. I wouldn't go back and change my age or anything. I was young enough to cope with the lack of sleep . Now he's 12 and I'm 31, he's at secondary school and mature enough to be independent a lot often time, if I wanted to go out or take an evening class of something then I could (well if I didn't go and have more children a couple of years ago anyway!)

There are aome TTC (trying to conceive) threads on here, that are really supportive and won't judge you for your age.

Nope still here, off to work in 20 minutes, thanks for the concern. I thought this place was for mature adults, clearly not

What do you do jael? What are your working hours like? Have you seen the maternity policy from your company?

Im on the TTC threads treads and she will get judged especially the stuff she spouts she'll offend them within 5 seconds.

You're not going to get very far in life if you think all criticism is immaturity. I think you've got some growing up to do.

I agree with some of the advice repeatedly given here, contentious issues aside. Stuff that I encountered whilst ttc, and obviously not all this will apply to you but...
Make sure that you have had chicken pox and you have had your MMR jabs. I had to have a blood test to check immunity, it took 2 months to sort out rubella jab. Though most people had this as routine as a child, I didn't.
Learn more about how conception works, ovulation etc. there is actually only a small window where you conceive. At 28 I was amazed at how little I knew about it all.
There is a conception forum on here, good for hand holding, general advice.
Its good to try and plan, at least you're thinking around how you'll live, afford it etc. but now try expecting the unexpected. We all plan for 1 healthy child, but I had the shock of my life finding out its twins. It can happen to anyone. Does your financing, plans etc include this eventuality. How would childcare work?
Also, are you prepared to raise a child with illnesses or issues. I have a brother who is 39 and still cared for full time by my parents, though he was a perfectly healthy normal baby. For a while I put off having children until I felt I was ready for coping with this eventuality.
Not put off yet?! Lol. Then eat healthy, take vitamins and really concentrate on just enjoying the intimacy and sex with your partner, because when you're finally pregnant and have the baby a lot of that will inadvertently disappear for a while, especially if you are unfortunate to feel unwell during your pregnancy, morning sickness can be horrific.
I hope you have a good friends and family support network too, that will really help.
I genuinely hope everything works out for you. Times change, it used to be everyone got married young set up home, had children. We don't mock our grandparents for it, that was what was expected. Now there is a belief that we have to have had it all and been everywhere, got everything sorted before children and marriage, otherwise we will regret it and miss out. The biggest issue these days is its next to impossible to own your own home and the mother stay at home. Both parents work and then you might be lucky enough to afford your own home. It's a financially tough world, so I can understand that the advice would be to get more security and try living together make sure you have stability. But how much money is enough, how long being together is enough, children can pull apart relationships that have lasted years and years. How prepared can you actually be, and then how much comes working it out as you go. The number of times I ask my mum how she managed and the response I get is, you just do, you make it work, you learn to cope, you adjust, you make sacrifices.

Having read through both threads again i actually dont think this is an 18 year old. I think this might be someone a good bit younger actually. 13/14. It's just the way she talks, maybe she is 18 but very immature but it is nowhere near the level of maturity that the 18 year olds in know have. None of them talk like this, even the more immature ones. This reminds me of those Ricki Lake shows where she had 13 year olds who wanted babies. This is how they talked. "I plan to love my baby forever" just about sums up OP's mental age.

singlesuzie hit the nail on the head
this is what OP probably sounds like in RL

rockstar me and DP are in the middle of buying our first home it works out £200 cheaper than paying rent on a poxy apartment we don't own. i guess i depends on the area you live in though

given me the advice that I've asked for

A lot of people who have been polite and kind in tone have given you advice around what you've asked for ... but you've rejected it because it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

When you have a baby, this is something you do need to overcome (again regardless of age). It sucks. For everyone, every age, but you have to get used to it.
You have to adapt because life - life with pregnancy too - you might get things like...

"I'm sorry, you have can't have xyz birth choice for medical reasons" (when you wanted advice about that birth choice)
"You have to quit your job now, due to blood pressure or whatever" (when you wanted to work till 2 weeks before)
"This room/cot/food isn't agreeing with your baby, you'll need to make changes"(from a HV or similar)
...and when they're older things like...
"PFB's talents lie in music not sport" (for example) if you ask about how to get them ahead something you love, and find they are totally different.

And then they'll hit an age when THEY disagree with anyone and everyone.

Ok I know advance searching is a no no but really OP. Lets see what you have said so far.

This thread

You have a good job for 3 years (so since you were 15).
You have travelled the globe.
You have over £5000 in savings.
You have a good education.
You live with your mum & dad as does your BF.

Other thread

You have 2 jobs.
You have been together 4 years (so since you were 14)
You lived in student accommodation while at college for 1 year.
You have 4 offers of universities including 1 in Paris.

What job will a 15 year old be able to get that is well paid?

What college did you have to go to where student accommodation was available.

What course did you do?

You held down a full time job nope sorry 2 jobs while doing a collage course for 2 years whilst travelling the globe and living in student accommodation.

Pull the other one OP.

There are so many holes in your threads they resemble Swiss cheese!

Hi OP. Lots of good advice above. Just thinking this might be better on the "conception" section of MN, not the pregnancy section.

It can take 1 month or 6 years! It depends on so many things. Would definitely consider speaking to a doctor or nurse. They should not judge you and will be able to advise what you should do health-wise. Good luck with whatever you do.

funnyfoot it is funny though you have to admit. they get so riled and huffy when we smell bs and call them on it what do you want to bet she reads this and never replies or defends herself under a new NN

As in puppet of sock

Before I start, I'll admit that yes it is none of my business, yes I am being judgemental, yes you are an adult and yes I am being patronising. Now that that's out of the way...

I always find it so incredibly said when I hear of a teen or very young person desperately wanting a baby. Why? Because I think that there must be something or someone missing in your life that you want to feel loved or give that love. Or, that you have so little belief or hope/dreams for your future - work, travel, study, dating different men & having fun, being carefree... The list is endless.
With the greatest respect, you are sooooo naive. You have no idea how the world works just yet, if you're still living at home. You might think that you know what it's like to have a baby, but you don't. You have NO idea. You cannot imagine what it's like, going from an 18 year old girl to a MOTHER, a MOTHER. You just simply cannot even imagine that life. Yes it is the best feeling in the world but it is also the most exhausting, challenging, draining, frustrating. Your life will never ever be the same again, ever. To have a little person so dependent on you for ALL their needs, is hard at 30, never mind 18.

The chances are your relationship won't last. Yes there are exceptions, and I've read them here and seen them in real life but again, why take that risk at just 18? Why tie yourself to that one person at such a naive age?

That's just my advice. Please, please think this through.

If it is a good idea now, it will still be a good idea in 5 years time so wait, why are you rushing?
You should give living together a trial period of at least 1 year BEFORE you start trying for a baby. You need to take folic acid and a good pre-pregnancy multi vitamin for at least 3 months BEFORE getting pregnant and throughout the pregnancy to help prevent birth defects/abnormalities. Have you talked to your bf about how you want to parent a child - are you on the same page about disipline/schooling/budgeting/where are you going to live/how often you will spend with the pils/who's going to mind the child if you both work(if you think your parents will do it for free you will need to check with them BEFORE getting pregnant because child care is expensive and you will probably be working for very little money after the costs of that are taken out. Relationship-wise, will your relationship survive if you are working different shifts and not seeing each other regularly even if you live in the same house (just a few mins/hours a day if you are lucky to get that much), both constantly tired and staying in with your baby while your friends go out and have fun (and probably your bf socialising with other girls and without you).
How are you both when you are tired or sleep deprived (this is a major one you will probably suffer insomnia in the last months of your pregnancy and your child may not sleep through the night for the first two to three years (years is not a typo!) you will be exhausted and so will your bf. Does your bf do his fair share of house work at home (if not you may be expected to do all the cleaning/cooking/shopping because he may not want to do it and someone will have to as well as looking after the baby.
Would you still be able to live comfortably as a single parent without benefits if your bf doesn't pay you maintence (lots of women have babies with men they think they will be with forever and it doesn't always work out, you may think that your bf would never walk out or refuse to give you money towards a child but it can happen)
Have you priced the cost of all the things you need to raise a child (they don't stay small and cuddly forever, they grow up and eat you out of house and home, they need a clean and warm home/nappies (for at least the first two years)/car seat/bed/clothes/food/money/love/patience/support (the list goes on)

Lastly, Talk to your parents and his parents BEFORE getting pregnant, if you are as mature as you say then you should be mature enough to discuss it with them and not just with random people online. If you can't discuss it with them then you need to wait until you both can before having a baby

One of my biggest motivations for saying wait a few years would be the realisation I had a couple of weeks ago, where someone asked if I was going to get married soon, and I said "I've got to leave at least one big life event until I'm in my 20s". It then hit me that although my baby wasn't planned, I still feel like I've tried to grow up too soon. I had a year of drinking myself stupid in my first year of uni (and then spent my second year laughing at them all in the bar as they get stupidly drunk, because I was pregnant), and I was never really that interested in drinking to begin with. I don't really want to travel - I like the odd holiday but heading off into the big wide world isn't for me. So the two big things people say you'll miss out on, don't particularly bother me - and yet I still know that had I planned this, it would've been rushing into it.

So I'm not going to tell you 'There's so much you can do with your life!', I'm going to tell you that it's clear from your posts, you think it will be easy, and you are very mistaken. Forget 'needing' to go out clubbing and travelling, you need to be living with your boyfriend. Splitting time between each other's houses isn't going to cut it any more. You need to know that you'll be able to take maternity leave, how much paternity leave your boyfriend will be able to get, what pay you'll get. You need to be prepared for the fact that 'you time' is gone, you will be judged, you will be asked constantly if it was planned, and I can't imagine many responses being positive if your answer is 'yes'. You need to develop a thicker skin, you can't just dismiss all advice apart from the one you want to hear as 'immature'.

What happens if you want a water birth but your midwife advises you that you're high risk and need a hospital birth? Will she be 'immature'?
What happens if you're low risk all the way through, and then at the eleventh hour there's a complication that means you need a C-section. Will the doctor be 'immature'?

This isn't immature advice, this is honest, frank advice from outsiders and people who've been there. Some is going to be good, some is going to be bad - it's important to pay attention to both, otherwise you're missing out on all the advice you need.

If this is a troll now I'll be massively fucked off, it is really bloody hard to admit that I think I was too young and as much as I love my DD, I wouldn't have tried for her at 18.

OP, surely you can understand why you've got people's backs up? You're talking about starting a family (not "having a baby" btw), yet you and your partner are not even a family in your own right yet. You've talked about moving in together, but haven't actually done it. Thinking you're ready for a baby while still clinging to your mum's apron strings is a bit weird tbh.

Also, you referred earlier to your boyfriend being "petrified of losing you". Really? Why? Mine isn't. Why would he be? We're a team. Are you absolutely certain that he's not just going along with your plans because of this?

But onto the advice...

The first thing you absolutely need to do is find a place to live. As a family you will want, nay NEED, your own space. As a mum, you'll need to find your own way and while it will be fabulous to have family support nearby, you'll do this better without having someone constantly watching over you.

You also need to have a very clear and considered look at your finances. What will rent, council tax, utilities, insurance, food, petrol, baby necessities etc etc cost per month. And how does that stack up against your/your dp's salaries? Also what benefits will you be entitled to to top things up if necessary (working tax credits, child benefit, statutory maternity pay, housing allowance etc)?

It will be important to check your work contract to find out what maternity benefits you are entitled to. Do they offer an enhanced package? (You do have a contract, right? If not, you need to get one pdq - please don't rely on assurances from your employer!). You need to have worked a minimum of 26 weeks in the run up to your due date in order to qualify for SMP btw.

Assuming all these costs work out, also consider what you'd do if circumstances changed. There's a general election in 11 months' time. If the Tories or, God forbid, UKIP get in then benefits for unemployed or those on low incomes are likely to drop even further... how will you cope if that happens? You're lucky in that you can go back to mum and dad, but that really should be viewed as a last resort (as it would be for most adults) not as an automatic back up.

Finally - I'm not saying all this just because you're young. DH and I left highly paid jobs in London to move to the countryside. I started my own business, he took a less stressful job on lower pay. I won't be entitled to SMP, just maternity allowance, and we're not entitled to any benefits, so I've had to do all the calculations above to make sure we can afford to do what we're doing. If we couldn't then we'd have to make changes - and that wouldn't mean moving in with my parents. That's what it means to be an adult.

So I'm not going to tell you 'There's so much you can do with your life!', I'm going to tell you that it's clear from your posts, you think it will be easy, and you are very mistaken
This. This x100.

Not related to age at all, it's just this overwhelming feeling that you think you've got it all nailed.
If women who have lived without external support, on their own etc' are frightened and challenged by this, at least have the self awareness to know that you will find it tough too and might need some tough truths and go through some tough times.

What job will a 15 year old be able to get that is well paid? I worked in a pub for 1 year and now I am working in a bank:)

What college did you have to go to where student accommodation was available. Exeter then moved onto Plymouth

What course did you do?A level English lit, English Lang, acting and art, then at Plymouth Photography diploma

You held down a full time job nope sorry 2 jobs while doing a collage course for 2 years whilst travelling the globe and living in student accommodation. I didn't say I've travelled the globe, I said I've travelled a lot for my age, I work in a bank and I do freelance photography, at Exeter college I stayed in student Accomodation. Done.