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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I THINK IM PREGNANT? OR HOW LONG TILL?

178 replies

Jael123 · 12/06/2014 13:48

I'm 18, just recently turned 18. Ive been trying for a baby with my boyfriend, we have been planning this all for the last 6 months, this really is what we want, we have a good income (we don't currently have any benefits and we plan to not rely on them)I came off my mini pill 1 week ago, I'm having heavy bleeding now, I presume this is my period.what do I need to know, what's important. I've googled and googled but I want really advice. How long do you think it will take for me to fall pregnant etc?

Anything would help, thankyou!

OP posts:
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Singlesuzie · 12/06/2014 22:24

But why not live with him first before getting pregnant? Confused

You say you want to marry this man and hve his child yet want to stay with your parents for the first few months of pregnancy. Why? He should be the person you feel most supported by if choosing to have a child with him. Can you understand why it sounds as if you arent quite as mature as you think you are?

Jael123 · 12/06/2014 22:31

No I don't understand. The only thing everyone is talking about is me living with my boyfriend which I literally do just in a house with his parents, he pays rent, we but food, we do the school runs and take his sister to and from school, we take her out, we visit friends and family often. We both do this whilst working full time. I am mature I've been planning this for a while. As has he. We've talked about everything, all the little details. We've talked about my moods that I'll get, he's done his research on the strain pregnancy can put on a relationship and he is prettified that he will lose me but I know I won't hurt him. He's very very caring, he wants a baby more than anything, it's all he talks about to my family, his, our friends, work colleagues, etc. As do I. So other than living together, and me not living my life and travelling which I would rather have a baby and experience parenthood than travelling (which I have actually traveled a lot across the globe for someone my age) what's the problem?

OP posts:
LettertoHerms · 12/06/2014 22:33

OP, I'm going to believe you're genuine. I don't doubt how badly you want a baby. I've known my whole life I want to be a mother. By the time I was sixteen I wanted a baby desperately. If I'd had a boyfriend at the time, I probably would have rushed into a marriage and baby as fast as I could. My mother had my brother at age 20 (married and planned) and I believed this was a 'deadline', I wanted to be a young mother, I wanted to have a baby by then.

I'm glad I didn't. I decided instead to spend my time training as a teacher. I love it. I work with small children and my career and continuing education is fantastic. The desire for a baby is still there, the monthly tears when my period comes on (even though we have protected sex) - I still hope I accidentally fell, but I move on and I'm glad every month when I haven't.

I'm 22 now. I have a stable partner of several years. We live together. We both want children. We still are not trying. We've only lived together a short period, though we nearly always slept at each others' before. It is vastly different.

All of life changes with a baby. Much of it is good. But there is so much you will not experience the same way if you have a child. Getting to know my partner, living with him, would be entirely different if we had a baby or a pregnancy in the middle. My education and career choices would change. It doesn't seem this way, but your way of thinking and life experiences will change so much in the next few years. I am not the same person I was at 18.

I still plan on being a young mother, I want to have my babies before thirty, and I have a solid life plan toward that (if all goes well with ttc). But if I followed my teenage way of thinking, I would have none of it.

Think about it, OP. Consider giving yourself a year or two, see where you are then. Babies are wonderful, I love them, I want them, but there's a difference between wanting a baby and knowing you can give them the best possible life. It has to be for them, not for you.

MrsCouchman · 12/06/2014 22:37

I haven't read all of the posts but wanted to say I have been with my now husband since we were 15, had our son at 22 but I would have happily had him at 18. Take frolic acid, limit alcohol and smoking. Myself and husband took pregnacare his and hers whilst trying to conceive no2 and it worked. Relax, enjoy and dtd every 2-3 days :) x

Funnyfoot · 12/06/2014 22:39

Wow OP in your short life you have managed to travel the world, hold down a lucrative job since the age of 15 as well as gaining a good education (not sure what you mean by that) and saved over £5000 you have been busy.

Travelling the globe as an adult is so much different than traveling to Benidorm round the globe as a child.

If you are so well educated and mature then seek the proper channels for advice on TTC such as your GP which I suggested earlier.

Singlesuzie · 12/06/2014 22:43

OP i dont doubt that this is what you really want. I can see that- i am concerned that you are being naive (in denial) about how big of a deal this actually is and whether you two together are actually ready for parenting and family life. I too was like you, i knew that all i wanted to do was be a mum. And then i did it, (at 18) and then i grew up a wee bit more and realised how much life is actually out there and how much i have restricted myself by choosing to have children so young.

You have the freedom right now to choose to build up a great cushion of savings, test your relationship under 'real' circumstances (living together) rather than just playing at it but still going home to your mum when you feel like it, and making sure you are as stable as you think you are. What's to fear from making sure all is as good as you think?

MrsCouchman · 12/06/2014 22:52

I genuinely feel sorry for this girl, she's asked for advice & recieved a bashing! If she hadn't mentioned her age people wouldn't judge and would give advice! Surely it's better for pregnancy to be planned than a shock at 18?! At least she will know what to expect, & even if it doesn't last with her partner, there is no difference to anyone having a child with someone & the risk it may not last!

Singlesuzie · 12/06/2014 22:53

Who has bashed her? Confused

skippingthroughthefarm · 12/06/2014 22:55

Judging by your grammar and your me me me i want i want i want attitude you have the mental age of a 10 year old. wow you do school runs that is such an insight into having a screaming crying baby 24/7 NOT. and yes what is this career you got at 15 that gives you so much income also what does DP do for a living ??

Solasum · 12/06/2014 22:56

Do the maths carefully. I am a single mum, unsurprisingly I hadn't expected to be, and have been since pregnancy. I work fulltime, and after tent and childcare costs I am eating into my savings for any unexpected costs. Personally with a baby potentially on the way I wanted to have enough money in the bank that I could keep us all afloat for 6 months if I lost my job tomorrow. And that was even before I ended up doing it on my own!

Solasum · 12/06/2014 22:56

rent, not tent

skippingthroughthefarm · 12/06/2014 22:57

We are not bashing her we are giving her the answers she wanted she just isn't listening because she is an immature child who only wants to hear what she wants.

MrsCouchman · 12/06/2014 22:57

Singlesuzie seriously? All I've see is negative and sarcastic comments towards her!

skippingthroughthefarm · 12/06/2014 22:58

Well its hard to take her seriously and i'm pretty sure she is being sarcastic back at us with some of the stuff she is coming out with.

Funnyfoot · 12/06/2014 23:00

But age does make a difference. It is important. I am much more mature and have more life experience now than I did at 18 yo. I may have thought I knew it all but in truth I knew very little.

The OP has been given practical advice as well as opinions that their age and their living arrangements are not the greatest for bringing a baby in to the world.
Surely we want less teenage pregnancies not more? The OP will get pregnant regardless of what anyone says on here so those that oppose it will make no difference.

UML · 12/06/2014 23:04

There is a difference in giving advice and in condemning a person.

It is good to offer advice, but that's where it should stop... It is upto the other person to decide what to do.

We all come from different families and cultural backgrounds, what is normal in one family or relationship won't be in another.

Sometimes you just have to let people learn things from experiencing it on their own, as their own person. No body likes to be dictated to, whether 18 or 30.

MrsCouchman · 12/06/2014 23:07

This girl is an adult, as I assume are the rest if the people commenting. She is no less of a person and tbh I would say some of what people have been saying is way more immature than anything I've seen her say!

Funnyfoot · 12/06/2014 23:13

Turning 18 and being legally classed as an adult gives you the right to vote and drink legally (amongst other such laws) but it does not mean you are all of a sudden mature enough to make life changing decisions that will not only affect you but affect a baby as well.

I know teenagers get pregnant but it is very rarely a planned event and many in my experience although never wishing their child away did wish they had waited.

The OP has thought long and hard about this and apparently has everything in place to support her and her child as does her DP so she has already made the decision. I have pointed her in the direction of her GP for practical advice.

Singlesuzie · 12/06/2014 23:18

All you are seeing is negative and sarcastic comments? You seem to have missed the majority of comments that are giving her advice and suggesting she plan to be in a more secure situation before bringing a baby into the world.

LittleBearPad · 12/06/2014 23:23

If you are going to have a child at this age you need to leve home and move in with your partner first. And actually that would be the case whatever age you were.

You're saying that you want to stay at home for the first month or so you are pregnant before moving in with your boyfriend - that sounds very odd.

If you are so committed to building a life together why wait to move in together? It is fundamentally different to spending all your time at your or other of your parents houses. You need to build a life together before you create another one.

MoominAndMiniMoom · 12/06/2014 23:50

You need to leave home. Searching for and moving into a house while pregnant isn't easy - again, I speak from experience on this one, having moved into a flat with my boyfriend at 36 weeks pregnant (my baby was born at 37 weeks). We were lucky enough to be able to find and afford a new build flat, but that is so reliant on them being a) available and b) affordable.

It sounds like you're all ready - in theory, on paper. My worry isn't that you'll get pregnant, you've already made that decision. My worry is that you're so set on the idea that you're ready, it'll be easy, that when you realise just how tough it is, you may not be able to cope. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best is great - but it sounds like you're only prepared for the best-case scenario, where you have an ideal pregnancy with no health complications and hormones just pass you by and you never have the near-irresistible urge to strangle shout at your boyfriend.

mrsleomcgary · 13/06/2014 00:09

OP, welcome to mumsnet :)

There's a lot to be said for having your kids young and while i agree that you should be living with your partner in your own place for a while I also remember how long it took me to get pregnant! So my advice would be put some of your savings towards renting a decent (not necessarily the same as nice) place to live that's suitable for a baby and get on with it! .

You've already quit smoking and drinking, get some folic acid, which you'll get in any supermarket, and generally look after yourself. Asking how long it will take to conceive is like asking how long a piece of string is but don't panic if it doesn't happen straight away, it took me 6 months of trying and doctors won't even think about checking for problems until you've been trying a year. if you want to try and speed up the process get some ovulation tests (I got pregnant in the firsts to using them, turned out I was ovulating earlier than I thought). Once pregnant a lot of it is common sense so plenty of rest, no heavy lifting, avoid certain foods etc.

In all seriousness though, best thing you can do is make an appointment with your practise nurse, she can answer specific questions young have and give you the most recent guidelines on what you need to be doing.

Alita7 · 13/06/2014 00:34

Hello, I'm 20 and I'm 19 weeks pregnant. However, I already live with my dp and his daughter, so I have been in the mother role for her for a while now, so I haven't made this decision lightly. I have never been interested in going out and getting drunk, I always wish I hadn't bothered so I don't think I'm missing out on much. Plus my dp is 32 and most of mysocial circle are older than me so I think my head just isn't where most people's is at my age. I'm too busy running making sure dsds dinner is cooked and her pe kit washed and actually I love it! I also know lots about pregnancy and birth as I was originally going to be a midwife but changed to do nursing.

I agree with posters saying you should move in together first, we did the staying with each other every night for a while but it isn't the same as when you have to manage finances together and household chores, especially in your case if you have your parents there doing a significant amount of the house work. I know you won't wait if you really want this but I purposely waited until I was 20, it's still young but I wanted to make sure I was done with certain social things like binge drinking, at 18, you've only just been able to go clubbing.

I am also lucky enough to be able to continue with my nursing course after baby! So while it will be harder, I am not limiting myself.

So yes, live together first and then make sure you're on the same page and know enough about mat leave, work and childcare(which costs a bomb). think about how you would cope emotionally if something went wrong with the pregnancy. what harm will waiting 6 more months do?

When you do it, start taking pregnancy vitamins from as soon as you start trying and avoid foods on the Nhs avoid list. And go to the docs when you get a positive to be referred to a midwife.

I think there are lots of benefits to being a young mum as there are to being an older one, but only if you're well prepared and in the right place for it.
If you have any specific questions then feel free to private message me :)

Jael123 · 13/06/2014 08:10

skippingthroughthefarm I'm sure that my grammar is a lot better than yours. However this isn't an English test this is me, adult to adult asking for proper advice on PREGNANCY not my life. I think that you're being very immature, and you're acting like a child, if you have children I suggest you pay more attention to them, rather than being awfully bitchy online.

OP posts:
Jael123 · 13/06/2014 08:11

And thankyou to everyone else that has actually been mature and given me the advice that I've asked for Smile

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