Posifrickentivity thread: pregnant after miscarriage. TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

[squizita]

Continuing our journeys through pregnant after past loss.

Hand holding and support for all.

TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

Good news seasides :) glad all's well :)

So pleased your scan went well Seasides!!

seasides so glad you had great scan news.

Thanks everyone.

GW I do expect hope to receive a fair few gifts!

Yes, that does sound similar Drama! We split the rent 60:40 and bills and anything house related 50:50. Sometimes he treats me to a meal (or a holiday!) but we're used to just divvying things up.

My Mat Allowance is a bit less than the rent so we've talked about using that for my rent and dp will pay the bills. Only the other day did it occurr to me that unless I can save a bit before hand I won't have a bean to do so much as buy an ice-cream! Might need a rethink!

So true One and Seasides yean probably more than I would like. I really have not got my head around the idea of joint finances and roles in this new sense.

Welcome sighing and Jodien1

Sighing I was scanned at epau when I had my mc and when we went back exactly 2 weeks later for the check-everything-has-gone scan they said they could see I had just ovulated. So totally possible.

MrsG

Hang in there Cake xx

Woop woop Seasides!! So pleased for you. Hurray!

nice one seasides Enjoy those bubbles, you deserve them!

seasides so chuffed for you! Yay!

I found it very weird when the maternity payments didn't come in. First time I have had no money going in to my bank. And I'm on a relationship where it's all shared so if I find or weird then can see how those who go halves for everything find it weird. But OLTT is right. You need to have upfront chat about it - before the baby arrives as will give you unwanted stress otherwise.

This time. I'm not going back to my job - it's too much travel and uncertainty of location and to go more senior I will be expected to travel even more and do more schmoozing in the evenings - just don't want that. I want to see my children every day and take them to school etc. yes I'm sacrificing my career but my family is too important. We are able to live on the one salary fortunately, but will just need to cut back on a few areas. And then I will find something else local to do (and have starter planning my own business). It will be weird not having an income but we have talked about it and both agreed to this approach. It's a bit scary but going with it!!

Thanks so much everyone!

My 'career', such as it is, will totally change too. I'm a freelance journalist but have worked mostly for one magazine since leaving uni-but they don't pay enough to bother going back into the office so it'll be a mixture of the odd feature and finding something else to do. But I'll only have government maternity allowance, so basically I'll be living off DH too. It's how we'd always known it would be though, so it's not worrying me. Will concentrate on career after the kids are at school, will have 35 more years of it so plenty of time!

But the joint bank account conversation was an awkward one London, money really can be. I'm a lot younger than dh and earn waaay less, so he's always paid for most things, but even so...feels odd. But then we''re squeezing their children out of our vaginas and sacrificing careers etc, so in the end the contribution to the relationship is definitely equal!

Yay seasides. That's amazing news :-)

To everyone having wobbles, I'm so sorry. It's not an easy time at all, but remember, we've all been there and can sympathise :-)

To those worrying about money / maternity leave etc - I think it's a general concern tbh I've got 18 working days left (work 3 days a week) and as excited as I am to finally not have to get up at 5am, no matter how much I enjoy my job (which I do) I'm concerned financially, and about sorting nursery places for baby for May when I go back, and abkut just feeling generally useless as I've always been at work or at university, I only took 16 weeks off when I had DS (though has him right at end of uni, would have preferred longer).

As the mother in law says, I expect I'll enjoy the "rest", though how getting up several times a night is restful is beyond me haha.

And yep, tonsilitis is sucky. Add it to the fear of miscarriage, then the hernia and diastasis recti, plus the very high chance of pre eclampsia occurring again and not knowing if I can VBAC or not, I'm just over it now. Want September and then the struggle can be a distant memory :-) now to wait patiently for the results of my glucose tollerence tests and I can try and relax till blood pressure on Friday haha x

Well done Seasides. Have my nuchal next week. Feels like it will be a big milestone. My Aunt asked when she can have the go ahead to get knitting but I don't know if I feel brave enough even then.

The money one will be weird, I'm used to having my own income and paying for things. I set up my own business in 2008 in preparation for us to have a family. DH earns peanuts but we also moved to our own home last year so we'd have less mortgage to pay than rent but then the house started falling apart around us so things never really go to plan of they?! I'll have to look into it but I don't think I'll be entitled to much in the way of allowance. When I lived in cloud cuckoo land I thought I could keep the business going whilst I cared for my baby but I think that was wildly overoptimistic and certainly mission impossible for two. I only have to look at my neighbours, two week old baby, she took the kids to her mother for two nights so her DH could sleep because he works from home but for a company and his two weeks paternity is now up. He looked like he hadn't slept since the baby was born. When DH told him we were having twins yesterday he just gave him a look of concerned sympathy!

Anyone having UTI issues? I'm horribly prone to them full stop. When I saw prof Regan before finding out I was pregnant she suggested I be on low dose antibiotics throughout the pregnancy but I haven't seen her since. Went to the GP last week with UTI symptoms she said my urine sample was negative (which it always is) but when I explained it always comes back like that even when it's been so bad I've torn my bladder and passed blood she gave my a week of antibiotics. Last time they wouldn't give me anything so plodded on unit the exploratory surgery at St Marys by which time it was so bad they gave me six weeks worth of antibiotics. I wish they'd listen and treat the symptoms sometimes rather than rely on unreliable test results. Anyway, finished the antibiotics yesterday and woke up this morning and had the usual burn when I pee'd. Fed up of it.

Uti sounds like a nightmare amum
Certain antibiotics don't work for me - only some with uti. Does sound like you need to take a daily very low dose. Have you tried the obvious - am sure you have - but drinking shed loads of water, pure cranberry (no added sugar), cutting out caffeine etc. I had one before and was determined not to need antibiotics (was in 2 ww and didn't want to take antibs) and I drank the most disgusting drink (had to hold nose) but I swear it worked!! It was I think cider vinegar, (organic pref) diluted slightly with apple juice as so foul, and random herb - I think cumin. Google it! But it def worked for me! And don't think cider vinegar is alcoholic but might want to check!!

Morning everyone, is anyone else obsessed with testing? Or is it just me I've followed advice on here got with mini milestones so 5 weeks today ( the time of my last loss) next one will be 6 weeks then my scan at 7 + 2 how does everyone cope with the worry?

They wouldn't give me over the counter stuff at the pharmacy (even though I've been told it's safe before). I used to drink cranberry every day before the nausea hit but just throw it up now. I'm still finding eating and drinking really hard. It just makes me sick. I have to wait to be sick in the evening and then take my aspirin and vitamins otherwise I'd bring them straight back up. Very annoying.

Hmm cider vinegar will just make you throw up even more!! Have you tried sparkling water? Normal water made me feel sick in first trimester but for some reason sparkling was fine. Was quite an expensive habit but got me through it. That or warm boiled water.

Morning everyone,
Mrsg how rotation! had itchy burn for couple of weeks. Am always prone as I have endometriosis which is inside my bladder, and had assumed that it would clear up with progesterone. The blood has gone but not the burn :/
I drink gallons of water and cranberry juice to control (but not fix). Hope you're feeling better soon.
seasides yay :))
cake think I'm a couple of weeks ahead of you with SCH, so please shout if you want to bounce fears / mutual support. I had heavy fresh blood, which continued for 2 w, and the brown goop for another 10 d. Now stopped and the 2nd scan was good, however that was 2 w ago and now terrified all over again. Hoping Wednesday brings some reassurance. Hold on x
Sorry peeps, need a scaly slap as I'm taking everything the wrong way. Had to tell someone at work yesterday to avoid working with hazardous materials, and now feel that I have upped my chance if another mc somehow. Also disappeared off stats on here, which in my hormone crazed, sleep deprived mind must mean tears because I don't have any stats.... Feeling much leass sick and achy; must be something wrong, not meds actually working...
Holding out for 12 week scan next week
Must pull myself together and head to work.
Wishing everyone a wobble free day x

I'm the main breadwinner in my household. I'm also much, much more financially savvy than OH (ironic considering he is self-employed in a job which you would assume paid twice as much as mine... only private sector, not government paid as he is!). I've saved up a large 'buffer' for maternity leave (helped by the fact I'd saved for RMC treatment but then thankfully lived near a large centre with a short waiting list on the NHS). I won't join bank accounts with him because he is self employed and due to certain archaic laws regarding his profession, they don't have separate bank accounts (also they cannot demand money owed by solicitors by x date in the same way a normal contractor would, so work done doesn't mean cash that month!). Business debts come from the personal coffers! We'll set up a joint account for the house but will both need personal ones too.
We've had to have some conversations about how if SAHP happens, it's either him who will be doing it or we move up north to the in-laws because his wage won't cover the mortgage and bills! And how when considering whether we can 'afford' work/childcare, again his wage is sadly the one we will have to look at closely. I think it was a bit of an eye opener about how society is still geared up for Dad to earn more than Mum.

MrsG :( about the tonsils. Hope everything goes as smooth as possible.

Great news *Seasides"! :)

AMum if a pharmacy assistant won't give you something you know is safe, ask for their complaints procedure. I have had to do this before - with meds FOR my pregnancy!! Do also ask in another pharmacy.

Cuppa Fish slap. There are no omens etc'. A conversation about hazards are not hazards themselves! :)

Thanks for the encouragement folks, this waiting is just crap. cuppa how many weeks along are you? Thanks for sharing info about your SCH. I'd never even heard of them before mine. I've pretty much bleed for a week with now and initially it was hugely heavy (straight through clothes/trousers etc) then lots of cramping I passed something that resembled liver (sorry tmi) which was the size of my palm. Another one followed, only slightly smaller. Then more bleeding, now brown sludge. I think I just can't imagine that anything could withstand such a huge amount of 'stuff' coming out so my feeling is that within all that lot was the little bean. We will see tomorrow.

As for finances - echo what others have said, have a very upfront discussion about it before the baby arrives. I decided to become a sahm after I had my dd, I had a very well paid job with massive stress, long hours and travel. I'd been doing it for a long time and was quite jaded by corporate life and always knew it was not something that was compatible with family life, which was part of my decision to wait to have a family a little later (I was 35 when I had dd so not that old but older than some). I was very fortunate to have a job that paid well and meant I could save but it was still a massive adjustment to lose half our household income. Life has changed, we cut back on things and also found we just don't spend money on the same things anymore so it's not been as painful as I suspected. The biggest adjustment was for me and my mindset about my sense of value. We are so used to judging our value in terms of £££ I think and I had to really adjust my mindset and realise what huge value I contribute in being a sahm. It took a while! Plus not helped by irritating people feckless wankers making remarks about being a lady that lunches. We have a joint ac plus I have my own 'allowance' from dh, I asked for this as I just want a small pot for me - not large at all. Dh also transfered all his savings into my name, said he didn't want me to feel like he had all the pennies. In many ways being a sahm is harder than my old job - I am never off duty and i care about it in a way that i never thought i could. It is tiring but it's very much what you make it and I'm so glad to have had the choice to do it. It was a hard transition first but I wouldn't change a thing. Sorry for the essay!

X

Jodien I am! I think obsessive testing is a hazard of being in the early days, when you can't bring yourself to believe that you might actually be (shhhh...) pregnant
I've done another one this morning and it was the strongest pos so far. And I haven't had any spotting/discharge since Saturday so I might actually be...
Definitely one day at a time. Passing those horrible milestones. Distractions. I don't there is any real answer though. It is difficult to find the joy. You just want to fast forward through time. Let's start working on that time machine!

Thank you so much for all sharing, it makes me feel less alone in my worries!

Dp bought the sofa and the new bed (so he can "be comfy when you get humungous" !) and doesn't ask me to share such costs. When we first moved in together he paid twice as much rent as me. He knows and agrees with why I have tried to set things up this way. I think an allowance might be the way forward. Very weird to get used to! Or keeping a bit of the mat allowance would amount to the same thing.

I was so busy just fulfilling orders and nothing more at the beginning of the year as first tri nausea and exhaustion pinned me to the sofa for months on end that I only recently did my paperwork and realised how quiet things were then. It gave me a bit of a fright!

Hate those wankers Cake the same ones are always saying I must lie in and lounge around all day because I work at home! Just no!

How have you fallen off the stats Cuppa? Please don't take it to heart. Blame technology! That's what it's there for! I'm sure just an older list got updated or something. We can soon fix that. Don't panic! as they say

Jo Getting through the first weeks is hard, but distractions are really helpful. Going to cinema, plans with friends, tidying out a cupboard, anything! I bought a learn to knit kit and every time I felt worried I would bury myself in that. Or a book. Unfortunately the worry won't ever quite go away so learning to manage with it asap is a good idea. And vent here when you need to. Congrats on your milestone, sorry it's a sad one, but it's here. Now you need a plan or two to look forward to between now and your 6 week date.

PGchimp: 0DC, 1 MC, EDD 9th June 2014
MeDoingMyThing: 2 DS, 1MC, EDD 14th June 2014
AliceBear: 1 DD 1MMC 1MC EDD 23 June 2014
Fishcake77: 0DC, 2MMC EDD 26 June 2014
Getagoldtoof: 1DC, 1MMC, 1MC EDD 2 July 2014
Louzul: 1MC, EDD 17 July 2014
Alb1 1mmc EDD 30th august
MrsGiraffe12: 1DC, 1MMC, EDD 7th September 2014
Squizita: 3MC, EDD 12 September 2014
OneLittleToddleTerror: 1DD, 1MC, 1 MMC, EDD 18th September 2014
HopefulHamster: 1DS, 1MC, EDD 5th October 2014
Londonjen: 1MMC, EDD 8 October 2014
Wigwam33: 1MC, 1DS, 1MMC & 2MCs, EDD 9th October (or 29th Sep according to NHS)
Fedupofrainydays, 1ds, 2mc, EDD 10 Oct
CorporeSarnie: 1DD, 1MC, EDD 1st Nov
MabelMay: 2DS, 1MC, 1MMC EDD 6th November
Omama 1 DS, 1 MMC, EDD 5th December 2014
Gwlondon 1mc DS 1mmc EDD 5th Dec
BobaFetaCheese; 4 MC, 2DS, EDD 14 December 2014
Seasides: 1 EP, 0DC, EDD 15 Dec 2014
Amicablemoomin; 2MC, 0DS, EDD 21 December 2014
QuietTiger; 0DC, 1DD (Stillborn), 1MMC, 3MC, EDD 25th December 2014
CallingAllEngels 2MC, 1DS, EDD 28th December 2014
aMuminwaiting: 5MC, 1MMC, EDD 31st December 2014
Cuppachaplz: 1 DS (twin MC'd), 8MC, 1 EP, 5 MMC, EDD 2nd January 2015
TeaRex: 1MMC, 1DD, EDD 7th January 2015
DitzyDonkey: 1MMC, 1DS, EDD 9th January 2015
IhavetowaitHOWlong: 1DS, 2MC, EDD 11th January 2015

Thread Babies:

Jessw25 Baby Oliver born 9 July 2013 5lb 11oz
BobaFetaCheese Baby Alexander born 30 July 2013 7lb 4oz
Andadietcoke twin girls born 29 August Charlotte 5lb 5oz & Sophie 7lb 13oz
Pentagon baby Elsie born 23 October 7lb 5oz
Bodicea baby James born 3 November 8lb
Ibelieveinpink baby Imogen born 14 November 7lb 4oz
BumpKitty baby Matilda born 18 Nov 8lb 2oz
Luckysocks13 baby Charlotte born 24 Nov 8lb
Jmf294 baby Alexander James born 25 Nov 7lb 4oz
Shellsocks baby Noah Stephen born 27 Nov 9lb 3.5oz
Gardenworm baby Wolfie born 1 December
Janielovesluckysocks baby Leo Thomas born 4 Dec 7lb 5oz
Bootyluscious baby Sofia born 17 December 6lb 2oz
ChocolateTeabag: baby Joss born 18 December 7lb 7oz
Blackholes: Baby girl born 23 December
WhatwillSantabring: Baby boy born 6 January 8lbs 7oz
pumpkinsweetie: Baby girl born 7 January 6lb 4 oz
Christinedaae - Baby girl Sawyer born 6th Feb 9lb11.5oz
MissMedusa: Baby Rhydian Thursday 27 Feb 1080g
TotalShock - Baby James born 25 February 8lb 1oz
Swangirl: Baby boy, 4 March
SaggyOldClothPussCat: Lucy Elanor 7 March 7lb
Pixielady83: Baby girl, 9 March
GuffSmuggler: Baby boy, 3 March
Fod: Baby Girl, 7 April, 10lb 3
TeaAndANatter: Baby Henry born 18 April 7lb 15oz
Kjh5: Baby Logan born 19 April 3.3kg
CbeebiesIsMyLife: Baby boy born 2 May
Tomkat: Baby Lolly born 16 May
Bakingtins: Baby Faith born 23 May 5lb 3oz
Penguinita: Baby Elanor born 27th May 6lb 1oz
Emki: Baby Michael born 29th May 9lb 10oz

There you go Cuppa Emki just pasted an older list when she added baby Michael to the thread that's all

I took the liberty of removing Stars from the top stats. Hopefully her c-section went well last month and she will come and tell us soon. Hope that's okay with everyone.

Thanks everyone I've been taking it easy since Saturday so I think back to work tomorrow will be a welcome distraction! Has anyone else had lower back pain?

Just dropping by, am crazy at work trying to finish a small project before going away with work (but taking the family) to the States next week. No real time to catch up properly but hope all are well.
Have a smallish fish-slappy question. Is it normal to have a tiny (really tiny) amount of bleeding after um, uncomfortable motions? Have had a tiny bit of blood stained mucous twice in the last couple of weeks, not enough to bother the midwives with, and probably wouldn't have noticed were I still not on knickerwatch, but worrying nonetheless. Any thoughts or experiences welcomed.

17 shifts to go till I finish work! I work 3 days a week so 6 weeks left. That's only 102 hours :-) however, I got some stick from a colleague today about going off at 33 weeks. I have 2 weeks holiday to take so I don't officially start leave until 35 weeks. Surely 33 weeks isn't regarded as too early?? Especially when your having a "high risk" pregnancy??

Hello everyone.

Yeay re scans! Will be thinking of you tomorrow, cake.

It is a week since my first positive test and no AF. Also starting to feel a bit sick(decaf coffee -urgh) and bowels have gone haywire (sorry!) so I am starting to let myself believe I am actually pregnant and even be a little bit excited! Still terrified though. I am not sure I am mentally in the place to deal with another mc. I was an absolute wreck just ttc in the last couple of months. First antenatal check next Wed- that is my own little milestone though the three tests I still have left are burning holes in my pocket.

I echo what everyone said about finances. I am on a tighter budget now and it is very noticeable that my childless friends have more disposable income but I don't really mind. Have discovered the joys of picnics over restaurants, wine in the garden rather than pub (not now-ha!) and car boot sales. I have so much good quality second hand stuff and I can probably resell it too once I have finished with it. More or less everything new was a gift in the first year. The big expense is obviously the childcare and/or drop in salary. I have just slightly increased my hours and am about to get the free 15 hours childcare for dd and I feel loaded, even though it is still lots less than we had before dd.

Keeping your business going would be a huge task, and I would find it too much I think, but I know people who have achieved extraordinary things when their children were babies so I won't say it is impossible. But you would have no downtime at all without childcare which is why I say it would be too much for me. And the twins thing will make a difference unless they always sleep at the same time.

Warning: tmi ahead:

Corporate. Do you mean bleeding from your back passage after being a bit constipated? I once asked Dr about that as I have family history of bowel cancer and he checked (embarrassing!) and said I had a tiny cut. Have noticed the same thing sometimes if I have to strain but don't worry about it now. Blood in stools should be investigated though.