Posifrickentivity thread: pregnant after miscarriage. TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

[squizita]

Continuing our journeys through pregnant after past loss.

Hand holding and support for all.

TODAY WE ARE PREGNANT.

I confided my fears about this pregnancy in a friend who had her first baby a few months ago. Her response was to chill out and that she was up ladders and scrubbing grout at 41 weeks. It made me think that the fact I'm on my 7th pregnancy, final try, pregnant with twins which holds more risks for healthy women let alone ones having to have a suture put in, the mental torture we all go through every single day etc etc have all passed her by. She got married, got pregnant straight away and now has a gorgeous baby. I've been through what can only be described as repeated hell with my doting DH who's been with me for eleven and half years. It's my frigging time!!!!!!
ps woke up with uterine contraction last night which freaked me out but luckily was not intense and went away after about a minute. Oh and my brother who is an attention seeking 29 year old with the temper of a toddler went nuts at his flat because he says the neighbours make too much noise walking around! Got arrested then had a 'seizure' which involved him falling over. He's done this before many times, he can pretend he's had a seizure because he has epilepsy which is controlled by tablets and that way he gets taken to hospital rather than arrested. So my aunt called me asking me to phone the hospital and find out what was going on because my 80 year old Nan went with him to hospital and didn't have her phone, money etc. Then had to call my parents who were away for Mum's birthday, then call my Gramps to let him know she had a key so he could go to bed and then speak to my no good rat of a brother who said I shouldn't be getting stressed out about him!Bloody families. This will be the second time he's had to move for having a fight with the neighbours. He was in my sisters flat before and said the guy upstairs played music too loudly so went nuts and got arrested (pattern here) so my parents sold the flat for peanuts so he could get the place he's in now.
I guess it took my mind of pregnancy for a bit!
How's everyone doing today? Nutty family members we can compare? Friends who think you're making a fuss about nothing?

aMum, women who have never been through the crap we all have will never know the depth of despair we feel and how truly frightening pregnancy is. My friends try hard to understand but they just can't quite grasp is. And I've only had one mc. Your friend should have just offered a hug if she didn't know what to say. Take each day as it comes, today you are pregnant. Hugs.

You're brother also sound like he needs a dose of 'learning the hard way'. Don't get yourself involved, you don't need the added worry of him right now. At 29 he should take responsibility for his own actions.

Hope everyone has a good day

amum yes to friends who think making a fuss about nothing. I did get great delight at cheekily saying 'just relax' to someone the other day who said it to me when ttc and now she's getting all wound up about being pregnant. I told her it was the most annoying thing anyone can say, along with 'at least you got pregnant' when miscarrying. How is that helpful?!?! In think she understood what she had said now she is in it yourself.
I just get insanely jealous when all some people have to worry about is whether it's a boy or a girl. Not that there will be anything wrong, whether they will lose it. I genuinely couldn't give two hoots whether it's a boy or girl. Just that it's ok!! People think I am lying when I say that but I really really don't have a preference and just want it to come out at the right time and be healthy.

*wound up about not being pregnant

And sorry to hear about your brother. My family are actually on the whole ok, my mum just says daft things and can only take my FIL in small doses. But agree, as he's 29, can't he just be left to figure it out for himself?

He's always used the epilepsy as a way to control my parents. He can bring on a seizure and does't seem to grasp how he could kill himself. It's this fact that keep my parents in perpetual fear. My sister died in her sleep in 2008 and they are totally petrified they will lose him too. He has been a manipulative little sod since he popped out almost 30 years ago and knows how to get what he wants. I just wish getting what he wants would involve making something of his life. I adore my parents but watching from the sidelines I'm been making mental notes of what to not do. I made a comment not long ago about how far the invisible umbilical cord stretched from my Mum to him and she said "you'll know one day" and I thought please no, don't let me bring up a giant baby!
I look at him and how he has life, its the most precious thing in the world, something denied to my babies, cut short for my sister and my uncle. He sits at home all day, goes out with mates at night, gets drunk, does other things that are detrimental to his health and here I am so scared I'll lose my baby I think that sneezing too hard will cause them to fall out of me! Ok, well it's not like that's going to happen but these mad thoughts do pop in my head. You're right, he is old enough to sort himself out but I know my parents and if they cut him off they know he'll probably do such stupid things he'll kill himself and they will not be able to live with the guilt. So they moved him down the road where they could check on him every day. It's this horrible circle of dependency.
Anyway, I'm off topic. Sorry everyone. Let us all say together. This will NOT be us…please!

Amum some friends (e.g. my "oh I'll bet you'll have a premi one too" mate) are so clueless. Having said that, mine tend to be the opposite way... constantly asking if I 'should' be doing things or am 'allowed' in a patronising/guilt tripping way. As if I'd EVER do something forbidden.
I have hidden from the more dramatic end of my family. Actually screened calls etc'. My DF is possibly ASD, possibly personality disordered - messed up childhood and very dramatic/can't read situations. My mum indulges him. But she has realised his drama can't be happening now thankfully and has contained him very well!!!

Congratulations penguin!!!!
Sorry the silence - moved house at the same time as going into labour.... We've had a boy on 29th may - fast and furious labour - 2 hours from waters breaking - baby boy weighing in at 9lb 10 oz !!! I'm absolutely delighted! And can't believe he is finally here xxxx

It's 9 am and am knackered. Ds a decided to poo in his pants and then on the carpet. Properly fallen out with him. Particularly as then the stupid electricity keeps tripping when trying to use the washing machine to clean poo covered stuff. Agggghhhhhh.

Congratulations emki!!! Lovely little (well quite big actually!) boy!!

Congratulations Emki!! Enjoy your lovely newborn snuggles!!

Fedup - sorry you're having a crap morning...in every sense of the word. Hopefully it improves as the day goes on.

Wow, congratulations emki, two massive life changes at once! 2 hours...wow, and what a weight! Hope you've recovered and are loving being a mum to your baby boy.

That sounds SO frustrating fedup, argh!

I've got 9 brothers and sisters...they used to wind me up appallingly when I was younger, but now it's just the oldest who is very difficult - some sort of aspergers, but he's never been diagnosed, and is over 40 now so won't do it himself. There's such an age gap between us though, we're not close at all so it has almost no impact on my life (I hope that doesn't sounds selfish. Unusual family structure, and he lives abroad.) Your brother sounds far more damaging to your family amum, and to himself. You're right, there's just no knowing what we're all taking on, but please please let it not be such a nightmare as that. I'm so sorry about your sister too, that's awfully sad. My DH's died at 29, and he's never been the same since. It really has affected him to his core, and his parents.

Aww another thread baby! Congratulations Emki

And great news about the scan Cake

Emki congratulations!!

Amum " I made a comment not long ago about how far the invisible umbilical cord stretched from my Mum to him and she said "you'll know one day" and I thought please no, don't let me bring up a giant baby!"
My sister is the same, keeps lecturing me about how people who were born after the loss or ill as kids are always 'indulged' and the mum can't help it. I was a low-weight, sickly twin and have always been quite independent (with my little sis - always hearty physically - the baby girl of the fam) so am a bit ... we shall see. I suspect DH will spoil mini Squiz rotton and she'll turn out feisty (better feisty than wimpy LOL).

Fab news Moomin I am so pleased for you.

2 hours?! 91lb 10?! Cor Emki! Congratulations I hope you've been enjoying lovely newborn cuddles with your little boy.

Wow Amum at least it's been a distraction for you. And here I am trying to buy the pattern of changing mat I want incase MIL buys me a hideous one. Perhaps she is not so bad on the scale of things eh?!

Congratulations Emki glad your baby boy arrived safely and in record time! Enjoy your snuggles with your gorgeous new baby and your new home .

aMum I'm sorry your friend and certain members of your family have been so insensitive when they should be supporting you. I have only been through one loss and the well-meaning comments of 'don't worry, it's not good for you or the baby' used to drive me up the wall. It is definitely important that you put your own health and well-being first and take no notice of those who have no concept of what you've been through.

Congratulations emki!

Good news Moomin - long may your scans being smiles and positivity!

Mine, unfortunately, did not go well. Bad news I'm afraid.

Uterus measures 24 weeks as the fibroid is so large. Sac measures only 6 weeks - should be 7 and no sign of a baby. So it looks like it's an anembryonic pregnancy or blighted ovum.

I've been told that I physically may miscarry before my next scan (to confirm the diagnosis next Wedsnesday.) They have to wait for a week just in case there's any chance of having dates wrong ( I'm certain mine are right).

When blighted ovum is confirmed next weds, I'm booked in for surgical removal on the Thursday. What we do after that re the fibroid, or trying again us anyone's guess at the moment.

Feeling shell shocked and confused at the moment, but my gorgeous DD is sleeping on me giving me a snoozy cuddle as we speak. ????. DH has taken the rest of the day off, so we can just be together.

Just wanted to let you all know. You've been lovely. Thanks for your support xxx

Oh joosie that's so horrible. So so sorry. fibroids are horrible things, they run my family and my Aunt and Mum had a terrible time with them. My Mum had a full hysterectomy as hers were so bad and she'd had all the children she wanted. My Aunt waited to have a family with hers and was told she would need surgery afterwards but my cousins are now 13 and 10 and she hasn't had it done. Write down tons of questions and bombard your medical team with them when you next go in. Knowing the full plan for the future might give you some comfort.
Lots of love.

Oh, that's a catalogue of awful for you joosie, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you've got your family around you for support. and I hope the future is kinder to you and your womb xx

Congratulations emki

joosie I am so very sorry, what a horrible thing fibroids are. The week's wait to confirm is horrible but I hope you'll take some comfort from lots of snuggles with your dd and dh. I had the surgical procedure for my mmc and was very glad to choose that option. Take your time about next steps, be kind to yourself and just do what feels right for you. Hoping you get lots of help and support from the hospital folks too. Hand holding and hugs x

Congratulations emki

joosie I am sorry to hear your news. My sister has had all sorts of problems with fibroids, they are horrible things.

Josie I'm so very sorry to hear your news . I'm sorry you have to wait an additional week for confirmation as well. There is no rush to decide what to do next. I hope you are surrounded by the love and care of your family as you and your partner go through this. Hugs.

Oh joosie I'm so very sorry :( don't disappear, let us know how you get on x

Joosie I'm so sorry to hear your news but it is lovely to hear of the support and closeness of having your family around you. I hope you can get some answers for the future re fibroid xx

Joosie so sorry to hear your news. Hope you're getting lots of support. Take care of yourself

aMum sorry your friends and family are causing you stress rather than offering you the support you need and deserve.

Great news on the scan Moomin

And huge congratulations to Emki! Enjoy your newborn snuggles

Afm, just booked in this morning so it's all official now. Feeling more positive having managed to get this far this time. DS is in a much more pleasant, cooperative frame of mind, and the sun is shining, so all in all a much better day than yesterday!

Hope the rest of you are all well.