Today we are pregnant! Thread for those pregnant after miscarriage

[JBrd]

Come and join us for lots of support, handholding and posifrickentivity! (Not sure I spelt that right...)

I'm thanking a wonderful midwife who rang me on Friday, on her day off.

Long story short, in Jan DH & I saw an obstetric consultant regarding our MC's.

On Thursday last week, I rang the community midwives regarding a booking in appointment as I was getting agitated and antsy about booking appointments(just because you do these things) and I'm a control freak who needs to be in control of things.

A lovely MW rang me back and it turned out she was the community MW who had visited after we lost DD1 to still birth. So she got on the phone, made an urgent referral by fax to our local hospital, straight back to the Ob consultant that DH & I saw in Jan.[ grin]

Result is that this morning a letter arrived in the post giving me a consultant appointment for 2 weeks time when I should be AM 8 weeks pg. trying to think positive even though I am obsessing about the risk of another MC

I have a feeling that we may be mollycoddled through this pregnancy. The consultant when we saw her in Jan, was lovely, so fingers crossed everything will be as it should be. :)

quiettiger it's a really great feeling when you met health care professionals who'd go the extra mile isn't it?

tearex I waited till 7 weeks before calling the midwife after my first MC. That's because my first MC was at the end of 6 weeks. My second was a 12 week MMC (basically same as yours). So in your case, I'm not sure how long you'd like to wait before calling the midwife for the 8 week appointment. I wasn't offered any early scans despite having 2 MCs. I was told it's only when I have 3 then I'd be treated as a case of recurrent miscarriages. (I'm not sure what that entails, but I'd be referred to the hospital fertility clinic).

hi tearex, congrats and welcome. Early scans really depend on your GP - many won't do it unless there is a medical need (i.e. a bleed), and few will send you before 8 weeks as there is a chance of seeing nothing much even with a succesful pregnancy, so in terms of alleviation of anxiety it may not help much. I was lucky (if you can call it that) to have been referred for an internal scan for gynae issues, which coincided with me being about 5w, in that case they saw just the sac. This was about the stage I'd got to with my previous pregnancy before MC. A week later EPU called me in because of the empty sac and we saw a heartbeat. Am now 14 weeks and have had good 12 week and NT results, but still the dread never quite leaves (I had some sort of crazy dream last night, about going into labout I think, luckily I've forgotten it). If you can't get an early scan, it might be worth finding out about local private scanning services (£55 round this way, but can be up to £100).

Sorry to hear you're worrying nerdy; have you looked in detail or just one or two nurseries? They do vary a bit in price, childminders are another option which can work out cheaper. Scout around a bit if working is important to you (I feel lost without the structure of a job to go to).
On this matter, am desperately hoping that I feel up to going to work soon - limping about the house trying to motivate myself to sit at the PC and work is not good for me. DH is working from home to help with the pick-up and drop-off business (as I can't drive or walk far enough to catch the bus). But the heady combo of pregnancy tiredness with hauling my overlarge arse (due to living on chips for the whole 1st tri) about and healing my poorly foot is exhausting!

Wow tiger, that is lovely and so encouraging. I have to be honest here and say that my experience of MWs and other HCPs, both in pg and otherwise, has been great (not uniformly so, but you can't have everything). Some are not that helpful, some are not that competent (my 1st health visitor got angry when we tried to discuss the [now implemented across the UK] rotavirus vaccine, DD did catch rotavirus and was very poorly - she was ill-informed), but generally have had great care from very good people.

Too true Toddle and I can't afford to spend more than need to.

That's frustrating Nerdy. I am envious of your debt free status -I wracked up so much debt in my twenties! Though this is mainly from setting up business so should pay off.. she says..

Congratulations and welcome TeaRex! Glad to hear what you've read has helped with the hope. I found it so reassuring to read that others felt how I did early on. I had the opposite experience to you and with this pregnancy experienced near identical symptoms to my first pregnancy (which ended in mmc at 10wks last Oct) and was desperate for something to be different this time round! Fingers crossed for a sticky bean for you.

Quiet I am really pleased to hear people are going out of their way to help you. It must really help your well being.

Take it easy Corp

nerdy I've written you a reply on the childcare cost but I'm not sure where it's gone! Wanted to ask the same asCorporeSarnie if you have looked at many nurseries? Some people on MN said childminders could be cheaper but it's the same in my area, but it doesn't hurt to look and ask around does it?

Also if you really want to keep working, and if your combined income can afford nursery, it might be worth you keeping your toes in by going part time. It really is very hard to go back into some professions if you have taken time out. It'd be a sacrifice, but sometimes you have to look at the long game. Also have you looked at childcare vouchers? Check if both your workplace offers them. The father can start buying vouchers when the child is born. I heard some workplace allows mothers to start buying from baby's birth too. (there's also working tax credit but I don't know how that works since we aren't eligible). Don't rule it out yet until you've really done the sums! But also, remember if you are going to have a second, you'd have to work out if you can afford two in childcare. Maybe you'll have to space them out so only one is at nursery? (Two preschoolers are seriously expensive).

nerdy I'd agree with the others that you need to think about the long game. Even if you are only breaking even by returning to work, having a big gap in your CV can make it really difficult to get back on the career ladder later, particularly if you are going to want a family-friendly job. You probably have a much better chance of negotiating flexible hours with a current employer. Remember you'll get some subsidised hours once they are 3 (15 hours of preschool or you can use the money to pay for a private nursery place) and as others have mentioned that you can use salary sacrifice schemes for childcare vouchers to get them pre-tax. One unforseen advantage of having our family spread out due to miscarriages is that we've only had one in childcare at a time!

bakingtins same here re the gap. DD will be 3.5yo on my EDD in September. So taking a year of maternity I would be able to see her starting primary for a few weeks before returning to work. It is an unexpected upside definitely.

Thank you for the welcome everyone, I'll probably wait then to see how well I'm coping re private scan and thank you londonjen you've just reiterated that every pregnancy is different and symptoms/no symptoms means nothing really so I'll try and remember that and not freak out whatever comes (this is a blatant lie, I shall be on edge for at least the next 7 weeks :) ) I'll call the docs next week as well, I think it will help me to have small goals to work to between now and 12 weeks.

bakingtins my gp seems pretty old school to be honest. When I went to get aspirin at 8 weeks for this pregnancy due to PET with my eldest he said he hadn't ever prescribed it before 12 weeks. I had to get midwife to refer me for it or I wouldn't have got it x

nerdy I think you live near me as we are both at at Peter's? Some nurseries here are a rip off at like £90 a day. But one of my NCT uses one that's like £45. I personally went the childminder route - not for cost reasons as it's not really worked out any cheaper but gives more for flexibility as I wanted slightly longer hours and also I prefer the home environment when the are small. Ds had been there 2 years when he's off to pre school in sept! Both me and DH get childcare vouchers from work and in jan ds qualifies for the free hours.

Thanks for all your comments earlier re my ewcm panic. Well I haven't had any more and the crampy feeling has stopped and MW never answered the phone... So didn't get to talk about it but also feel less worried as it seems to have stopped / don't think enough to be my plug.

Welcome tea and we are all here to help through the stresses of the first tri. It's a nerve wracking time (not that I'm any less nervous now!!) and we are pretty good at hand holding through the inevitable wobbles.

OMG! How f*ing insensitive can some people be.
Apologies in advance for the rant...

Slipped on wet decking last night, and landed very hard on the front of my hip on a terracotta pot. Cramps started about 40 mins later, along with a little discharge (clear, one positive note). pain increased all night so I have just rang my gp to try to get referred to EPU. When I explained my symptoms, and history of RMC, the receptionist said that she thought 'I'd be used to it By now'. I just dissolved and had to hang up.
FFS, unbelievable. Does anyone else feel that selection the rudest, most emotionally stunted people they can find to cover the desk? I know it's a thankless task, but still...
I'm going to take 10 and calm down before trying again.
Hugs to all, sorry about the moan.

cuppa god! That's absolutely awful!!! Report her! Hopefully she'll never get to do it to anyone else. I'm so sorry about your fall, hope you're okay? Let us know how you get on x

Cuppa OMG. Make sure you tell your GP what she said, that is unbelievable even by Dr's receptionist standards!!! If it's any comfort, if you're still 'early' everything is wrapped up well in there under muscle etc', when they talk about losses due to accidents they usually mean big car accidents, falls from great height etc' not a hard fall over. But even so you want to get it checked out.

Bump is playing games today and a bit yesterday. Being quiet enough to get me worried, then a movement, then quiet again. I'm well before the time when anyone will see me about it (21 weeks they said 24 is the cut off for feeling movement daily, 26-28 for patterns) but it's stressing me out a bit!

squiz with my dd I never had any pattern with her movements the whole way through pregnancy, my midwife told me no pattern was her pattern iyswim? And my my dd was absolutely fine :) hope this helps reassure you x

Thanks Tea, it seems to be at an awkward phase between tickles/pops and proper swooshes/kicks, so if I get a bigger movement I'm excited for an hour... then wonder why the others aren't all bigger! I can feel her moving around in there today anyway, just not pushing/kicking the outside. Probably booting the hell out of the placenta hence I can't feel it.

cuppa that's terrible. How are things today otherwise? Hope all ok.

Bit of advice please - so been having general wobbles and worried as anomaly scan not til 30 may when am 21 weeks. Phoned an got myself a private scan at hospital today. But she said they won't get able to check anatomy. Just HB and if there's normal growth. My worry is it's got something wrong with it as pretty sure it's still alive - as can feel movement (or bad wind). What would you do? It's £60. Will I find it reassuring or not do you think? If there is something obviously wrong, surely they will see it? I'm 17.5 wks today. Thanks

cuppa omg I can't believe a woman can be so insensitive. Even if she can't do anything to help, can she not show a bit of sympathy? Like I'll see what I can do, I'll forward you to the triage nurse, or I'll see what emergency appointment the surgery have? Is it really that hard to say these?

squiz I had a anterior placenta last time, and again this time. I can feel no patterns at all. I remember with DD it's only her hiccups that was regular. Try not to get too stressed.

fedup it depends if you can spare that £60 I think. Would buying you a little bit of peace worth it? I think they can't do the anatomy scan until like 19/20 weeks. You can google and check?

One I don't think I've felt hiccups yet. What do they feel like?

squitz it is a regular hub hub hub knock on your belly and it goes on for a while, like a normal hiccup. I didn't know what it was initially until DD was born. She hiccuped a lot and I think it was the HV that told me they do both in the womb and outside as a newborn. And it's only then I clicked that's her hiccuping inside me. It is very different from kicks because it's very regular and goes on for a bit.

Ooh interesting, will look out for that. Oh well I presume it isn't a problem if I'm not feeling hiccups yet, provided there's movement (swoops and kicks). Got a little bit just now.

Hi, can I join? Had a mmc at 13 weeks in Nov 13 now 9+5 due Dec 5th. This will be DD1 for us.

I have had 2 scans at 6+3 (nhs) and 8+6 (private) and both times saw hb and was measuring fine for my dates. I thought that after the second scan I would start to breathe a little easier as the odds of mc after seeing hb at that stage are substantially reduced but the fear took just a couple of days to start creeping back in and I just keep thinking 'someone has to be that 0.5%' Since 9 weeks, just a day after the scan I have suddenly had so much more energy and the desperate gnawing hunger causing me to eat every half an hour just disappeared from one day to the next. I know that I have been incredibly lucky with my pregnancy so far and should probably just rejoice at feeling so good but I am so worried something has gone wrong. Fish slaps urgently required!!! I think I'm feeling particularly vulnerable as H has spent the last two nights in hospital following a heart scare (he has a congenital heart defect) - he's normally the one to talk me down when I start to worry.

Thanks for yor help ladies. I will look into it in more detail, but I've got an idea already based on what DP pays (or rather, doesn't pay) for his two DDs. DDs go to a childminder before and after school, three and a half days a week. It's roughly 15 hours a week, and costs approx £700 in total. DP can't actually afford to pay this, so his parents pay and the remaining time is covered by him and his sister. As baby would need full-time care cost is going to be more, even at the cheaper end of things. Childcare and travel to work are likely to take the whole of my salary. DP is self-employed so no vouchers. Not sure if my company does them (will check). I don't think we will qualify for any tax credits or benefits.

I could look for a job where the travel doesn't cost so much (currently commute into London from Surrey) but that's easier said than done! I do have some savings that we could dip into but it's not really sustainable and would probably not be a good idea in the long run. I can't really ask my parents for help and DPs parents are already doing enough.

squiz my baby is doing the same to me today. It's gone out of it's pattern again. Hoping it is just doing what it did on Saturday and hiding somewhere I just can't feel it. tea it's interesting what you say about no pattern being a pattern. Babies like to keep us guessing!

cuppa I hope you get checked out and reassured. Do report the receptionist, it's completely unacceptable.

fedup if your main worry is specific things wrong I don't think this scan will allay all of that. If you are worried about growth in general it might help. Can you spare the £60?

Good grief cuppa, what on earth made her feel the need to say that? Insensitive cowbag. I think it's best reported, else who knows how many other people she could be upsetting in the future.

Hmm Fedup I know how anxious you've been so I would normally have said go for it as 3 more weeks must seem long. However, if it isn't going to tell you anything you don't already know I guess it's just about how much comfort you would take from seeing baby on the screen. Maybe that would be enough?

Hi Penguin13 congratulations on your pregnancy! I know it's scary through these weeks. Sorry you've the added worry of DH in hospital, I hope he's doing okay. Please do come and vent your worries to us, we've all been there and totally understand. 9-10 weeks is when my nausea and exhaustion started to lift (this is 2nd preg, 1st ended in mmc at 10 weeks) so I know just how you feel. But I still had other symptoms that stayed and the nausea returned on a few occassions after. So try to enjoy the let up and having some energy again. I know it's easier said than done. It's great that you have seen hb twice already I know most people struggle to shake the 'why wouldn't it be me who is in the 0.5% category' feeling but I clung desperately to the belief that this 2nd pregnancy would be different, and that I was just one of many whose 1st preg ends in mc but then go on to have success, just as the mw told me, and in the end I did genuinely start to believe it.

Hi penguin I was on the ttc thread with you, glad things are going well for you pregnancy wise but sorry you're still worried and sorry to hear your husbands in hospital, hope he's out and feeling better soon.
I think I'm going to go for a scan just after 9 weeks, if this baby makes it past that point I might start believing, I'll see if I can get an nhs one if not I'll just have to book a private one. Feeling a bit hungry but that's it for symptoms, these are going to be the longest weeks of my life aren't they?
Hope everyone else is okay, I need to get back to work :(