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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you have a baby shower?

81 replies

ElleDubloo · 03/03/2014 09:42

Our pregnancy is still secret at the moment (only 5+5) but in a few months we'd like to throw a party to celebrate.

Did you have a baby shower / other celebration?
How pregnant were you at the time?
What did you do?
Did you ask for gifts / donations to charity?

I'd quite like to wait until the summer, and invite friends round to my in-laws' house (much bigger than our flat) where we'll have a barbecue, balloons, bubbles, fizzy drinks and games We might ask for donations to a children's charity in lieu of gifts (because I like shopping for things myself!)

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akachan · 03/03/2014 09:59

Sounds lovely. Personally I wouldn't ask for donations, just say no gifts thanks.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/03/2014 10:18

General etiquette is that they are held at about 35-36 weeks gestation and you never host your own

Don't ask for gifts and definitely do not ask for donations - both ideas are really cheeky in my eyes!! Why should people have to spend their money on you or charities just because you got pregnant?

I'm due in 3 weeks and my sister threw a mini party for me this weekend and I said in no uncertain terms that there were to be NO presents - I would have been mortified accepting gifts....it's just a bit 'grabby' - presents should be bought for the baby after it's born.

I said I didn't want any cheesy games and that she could get some balloons if she fancied but that was all!!!!

In the end we just had a girly night in, me, my sister sand 4 of our closest friends, alcohol (not me, obviously) and take-out!!! Nothing to do with babies at all.

Some people love the idea of baby showers and others don't.
I really don't

Congratulations on your pregnancy though

ChicaMomma · 03/03/2014 10:21

I'm not having one, and none of my friends have either. Lots of us have had weddings abroad, in either France or Spain, so we collectively decided we wouldnt put people to any more hassle with baby showers!

I might have a lunch though, with the girls, just where we all go and have a lovely long lunch somewhere.

Shroomboom · 03/03/2014 10:29

One of my friends organised mine for dd, at 39 weeks pregnant. She did a lovely champagne breakfast and although I didn't need or want presents everyone bought something anyway. It was lovely, relaxed and fuss-free

Edenviolet · 03/03/2014 10:33

I didn't and I desperately wanted one dropped enough hints to dsis as she had organised one for a friend a few months previously.

Have mentioned it since and the general attitude from DM and dsis is "who would we have invited? You don't have many friends"!
I'd have quite liked a little get together, nice cakes and tea, etc. nothing much but never mind.

Go for it op and make sure you have a lovely day.x

CrispyFB · 03/03/2014 10:56

I had one with DC1 seven years ago - an American friend who lives here organised it (not sure she realised they're not that common over here!) I was the first of our friends to get pregnant so there was a lot of interest I guess. Plus any excuse for a get together!

There was definitely NO gift list or the like - no obligation to bring gifts but a few people brought along the odd clothing item or smellies for me, nothing excessive at all. The party consisted of chatting, eating cake and a few balloons - no games.

Definitely not had any for subsequent babies, would feel weird. Felt weird enough as it was but not knowing anyone else who'd had babies, I had no idea it was so unusual over here! I do now!

kilmuir · 03/03/2014 10:59

God no, tacky and American

Only1scoop · 03/03/2014 11:02

No hate them they are the devils invention.

An American customary tradition....which has crossed the pond along with....school prom....trick or treating etc.

eurochick · 03/03/2014 11:03

I wouldn't want one. None of my friends have had one. It seems grabby and I wouldn't want gifts before the baby is here anyway. I'm paranoid about things going wrong.

I have sort of been to one once - a colleague's pre-mat leave leaving do was called a baby shower by the person who organised it. It was just afternoon tea with added baby chat.

PenguinsEatSpinach · 03/03/2014 11:03

I think a party is a nice idea, but I would agree on saying no gifts. If someone approaches you and says 'I really want to buy something' then at that point you could either say 'wait until after the baby is safely here' or 'we really don't need anything, but you could make a donation to Tommy's' (or whatever).

gamerchick · 03/03/2014 11:04

christ no.. I wouldn't go to one either. Horrible American things that should have stayed there.

I mean it's odd.. wanting presents just because you got laid one night and biology happened.

but if you do want a get together to say tarragh to your childless life.. don't ask for presents and certainly don't ask for charity donations.

gamerchick · 03/03/2014 11:05

and don't get me started on the school prom bollocks

MirandaWest · 03/03/2014 11:15

I've known of one. They're definitely hosted by someone other than the pregnant person and people probably would give gifts (and main to themselves about giving twice - once for the shower and once when the baby's born). I personally wouldn't feel happy about being asked to donate to charity - my charitable donations are my own choice - if you want to donate that's fine but don't assume others will.

NerdyBird · 03/03/2014 12:01

In one group of friends we've done baby showers, but all fairly low key and just the girls, not inviting colleagues etc. We've had two that were afternoon ones, and one dinner which was less baby-orientated.

We're all on first babies so I think it'll just be for that, I don't think second babies will get one!
My friends have asked if I want one but I've said I wouldn't want a proper one, maybe just a nice lunch or afternoon tea. No games! It'll just be nice for people to get together.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/03/2014 13:14

My sister arranged one for me when I had DS1 who is now 6. I think she felt obliged as our cousin who was due 3 months before me was given one by her sister.
I was a bit embarrassed to be honest, especially as I feel people were guilt tripped in to bringing gifts. And the cheesy games were a bit cringy but it was a nice sentiment from her to make the effort.
Now pregnant with DD1 and if a baby shower is mentioned again I will make sure it's just more of a pre-baby girly night with food and no silly games and no gifts.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 03/03/2014 13:23

I've actually asked not to have one (friends offered to host one for me). I think they're so tacky and grabby. The games are boring, the chat is baby-obsessed (I'm pregnant and even I don't want to talk nothing but babies for hours) and it's just so smug and awful. I've been to a couple but now make excuses to drop out. Was appalled at a friend who actually set up a gift list for hers! Really, really grabby.

If you want to celebrate having a baby, have people to visit after it's been born. They'll probably bring a little gift then without you having to ask them for one. Doing anything else is, to my mind, just really entitled.

JBrd · 03/03/2014 13:35

Definitely not. I have never been to one, wouldn't go to one and did not have one for DS. They are tacky and grabby, just bad taste.

I grew up in Germany, and there it is/was considered bad luck. Call me pessimistic, but I find the idea to celebrate the baby, receiving gifts for it etc. before its arrival very alien - what if something goes wrong?!
Why can't people just wait to do that sort of thing once the baby is there?

Cuckoo82 · 03/03/2014 13:38

My sister organised one for me when I was 31 weeks and although I was dreading it a little bit (didn't think it was my kind of thing) it was actually an amazing afternoon - really relaxed, just a small group of us at my mum's eating cake and chocolate and having a catch up. A few friends who already have children brought their babies and it was a great chance to see friends I've not seen for a while. I think it also takes the pressure off seeing people straight after the baby is born when you may not feel much like company.

I didn't ask for gifts but got some lovely clothes and other essentials for the baby which will be a great help, plus, more importantly, great advice from my friends who already have babies.

I agree they're not for everyone but they don't have to be really tacky and can actually be something lovely to look forward to when you're starting to feel big, slow and generally a bit fed up towards the end of your pregnancy.

Dontbugmemalone · 03/03/2014 13:42

No because I'm not American.

Brodicea · 03/03/2014 14:35

Mine was like cuckoos and I lived in America until I was nine - my American friend hosted it. Having said that I wouldn't be into a huge bash, and I know a couple of British people who have had them in a much bigger way than I would have wanted. Different strokes.

I do feel like people shouldn't be pressured into buying gifts, but you know, maybe just don't go if you don't want to; and don't have one if you don't want to.

Musings: True the increasing Americanisation of British culture is a bit of a worry (proms and all that), but maybe it's because people are getting more fixated on rites of passage (i.e. through social networking 'look at me having fun!' and the commodification of everyday experiences). Being both British and American, I feel 50% 'what a load of shite - people are so self-obsessed' and 50% 'lighten up and have some fun, British people can be such misers!'.

livingzuid · 03/03/2014 14:56

My mil wanted to do one but fortunately dh headed her off before even telling me we eventually agreed on a party to introduce the baby to the family - his mum is Guyanese and this is a big thing so all the extended 'aunties and uncles' come. I've said no baby shower and I may be conveniently ill the day of the party. I wanted to have a bash at the christening so this sort of took the wind out of my sails a bit but oh well. At least I don't have to sit around and pretend to be cheerful when all I want to do is sleep and I can't eat anything anyway. The whole concept of a baby shower leaves me very cold.

The idea of presents before the baby is really odd. Big Dutch thing to send gifts and also for parents to send a card announcing the birth (people will be waiting a while for that though ie never! Although thank you cards for gifts I can do).

People get you stuff anyway, party or not.

RhubarbCrumble1 · 03/03/2014 14:59

Been to lots and hosted one for my best friend. Lovely opportunity for close friends, mums and grans to get together to chat, eat cake & nibbles. If I'm asked whether I want one I will say yes, no games and no need for presents but lots of mocktails and cakes!

mameulah · 03/03/2014 15:01

We were absolutely overwhelmed with gifts when our ds was born and people made the biggest and most lovely fuss. We didn't expect or organise any of this. Personally I would find it uncomfortable organising for people to fuss over us and can honestly say that I think people are more inclined to do so if left to their own free will. IYSWIM?

expatinscotland · 03/03/2014 15:04

No. Don't celebrate things before they come to pass.

jen2014 · 03/03/2014 15:04

I really, really didn't want one but a friend organised mine and kind of bullied me into it. I enjoyed it in the end, but mostly because I got to catch up with a few friends. Definitely wouldn't have one for DC2.
I went to one thrown as a surprise for a friend and although she had no idea, her mother and sil went all out - party games, baby carriage cake and decorated biscuits - the works. And it was really good fun actually. And women only. Not sure about a bbq with both genders there?
I kind of agree with other posters that gifts should wait until the baby is born, but a party is much harder to organise once the baby has arrived. New mum is tired, feels like/ looks like rubbish etc etc. I think between finishing work and baby's arrival is a nice time to do it. And the friend whose shower I went to lives so far away that the next time I saw her (and met the baby) was at the baby's christening when she was 8 months old. So it was nice to take a gift for her when she was still pregnant.

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