Did you have a baby shower?

[ElleDubloo]

Our pregnancy is still secret at the moment (only 5+5) but in a few months we'd like to throw a party to celebrate.

Did you have a baby shower / other celebration?
How pregnant were you at the time?
What did you do?
Did you ask for gifts / donations to charity?

I'd quite like to wait until the summer, and invite friends round to my in-laws' house (much bigger than our flat) where we'll have a barbecue, balloons, bubbles, fizzy drinks and games We might ask for donations to a children's charity in lieu of gifts (because I like shopping for things myself!)

[jorahmormont]

My uni friends threw me one as a surprise. We're all quite young and I'm the first of our group to have a child, so they were all really excited and it was cute. Basically I walked back into class from lunch and they'd set up a little surprise party and bought gifts which was lovely of them.

It's definitely a no-no to plan your own, though.

[toohardtothinkofaname]

My friends are holding one for me (I found out because 2 separate sets of friends had started organising and almost ended up with 2!) . I've asked not to be included in any of the prep though and refused to have it at my house - just felt too odd.

I have been asked a lot though what we need help with and have been told it would be easier for friends/relatives if we had a list for them to have so I've made one but I've worded the intro extra, extra carefully because it did feel a bit greedy.

[Junosmum]

Totally not my thing. I'd be mortified and what if everything goes wrong after it. The idea gives me funny feelings of tempting fate and the like! Strange as I don't feel that way about other people's, but I'm still not keen. Feels excessive and grabby.

[tindel]

I did, but only because my American friend was desperate to organise one for me. It ended up being an afternoon tea with partners and children there. She'd organised a few games and there was no mention of gifts on the invite and I didn't put together a gift list. Everyone bought little gifts anyway and one of the games resulted in my having pre-addressed thank you cards to send back.

A few people were very sceptical about it beforehand, but it was a lovely low-key afternoon and DH and I had a great time

[applecatchers36]

Yep my sister organised one for me, it was a special treat at the end of pregnancy, an opportunity to relax have lunch, games, cakes etc with friends and family before your world implodes in new parenthood.

Was a lovley moment & a great memory.

[sandy30]

I didn't. Would have secretly sort-of liked one but it also feels like tempting fate. Plus, I think you usually need someone to host it for you and I don't have anyone (woe is me ;)).

[OctoberCupcake]

Looks like I'm going against the grain here, but I've attended a few showers as a guest and I've really enjoyed them. The biggest was for a friend that is just the loveliest person I think I've ever met, it was a complete surprise to her and there were about 20 of us at someone's house. Some people brought gifts for her, some brought gifts for baby, some brought nothing at all. We all had tea/wine/cake and a really lovely afternoon catching up. Where's the harm in that? It's hardly 'grabby' if she had no idea it was happening!

I've taken a gift to each shower but in general I make it something for the Mum rather than the baby (except last time where I got a snowsuit in the sale that I just couldn't resist). At another one (also a surprise) we chipped in for a 'mummy to be' spa day as a gift.

Will I have one myself? Who knows; it's not for me to decide or organise. If I do though, I won't be hideously embarassed - I assume only people who actually want to come will come?

[NotSoYummyMummy23]

I don't like them. I have just been invited to one and have been told that I MUST bring a bag of pampers nappies with me. Its also not at anyone's house. No, it's at a restaurant so we now have to have money to fork out for a meal, along with buying the most expensive nappy brand out there. I will not be going.

[jurisane]

American here! I really didn't want a baby shower but my friends insisted and planed the whole thing so I didn't even lift a finger. But then I HATE being the center of attention so its natural that I wouldn't want to be the center of a baby shower.

Remember there is no paid maternity leave over here so if we want to take time off work after the baby is born we loose thousands of dollars in income for just 6-12 weeks of leave. Add to that the medical bills which even if you are insured (and everyone should be now thanks to Obama) most people are still responsible for a certain percentage of the hospital and pre-natal care. I have to cover 20% of all my medical costs.

All in all the American government is not very friendly to women having children. So if we throw a little party for our close friends and relatives and they bring gifts that we might not be able to buy for ourselves, then how is that grabby or crass? We are stepping up and supporting each other. There is no way my husband and I would be able to afford buying all the kit a baby requires if we were on our own. We had to save up for two years just to get enough set aside so I could take 12 weeks off after the baby was born.

I completely understand why baby showers are not common in the UK but in the US they are simply filling a need. Besides CAKE! Who doesn't like cake?!

[maybebabybee]

Christ MN is massively anti-American isn't it :S I had my head bitten off on the Mac N'Cheese thread where a bunch of pearl clutchers are being arsey because obviously the correct British way to say it is Macaroni Cheese.

That being said, I am currently 14 weeks and would not have a baby shower as I think it's a slightly odd thing to do. But I really hate being the centre of attention, so that might be just me.

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

My American friend told me it's more the norm over there to help the new parents out as there's usually no paid maternity leave etc so it can be financially harder.

Even though people don't have to, a lot will feel like they need to bring a gift...and then one when born...then one for the Christening. I would personally feel rude turning up at any party without at least a small gift.

I didn't have one with DC1. I found out one was being organised but managed to stop it as I'd got a good friend going through IVF and another that had just had a loss so it seemed inappropriate. Some tea and cake thing was organised but I gave birth prematurely (which is an extreme way of getting out of it!) and missed it.

[Fuzzyduck21]

I didn't want one. I agree with pp - I wouldn't celebrate a birthday before it had happened. Plus I generally feel awkward accepting gifts/money even in donation form. Are you planning on having a christening? If so that would be a nice time to celebrate.

But who are we to tell you how to live your life? If it's something you want to do then go for it! Traditionally baby showers are done towards end of preg at around 35+ weeks though and a friend usually plans it for you xx

[SirChenjin]

It's lovely that you're excited about your baby - but others outwith your immediate family won't be that bothered about it, honestly.

Never host your own baby shower (god awful things that they are) and please don't throw a party to celebrate the fact that you had sex and conceived a few months ago - let those who are really pleased for you to bring you a small gift after the baby is actually here. A party for the sake of it is always nice - a party so that everyone can come and share the 'wonder' of an everyday event is just toe-curling.

[cheesecakemom]

Some of the comments here? Why do Brits dislike Americans so much? Showers are common in other parts of the world too and are part of the culture!

I'm not American but it's normal for us to have baby showers. If it's not part of your culture why celebrate it or be judgemental about it?

It's like saying I don't celebrate Guy Fawkes night, stupid British bollocks celebrating terrorism etc.

[dayspringjubilee]

We have a lot of Americans at church (I'm one of them!) and they insisted on throwing me a shower - but we also have a lot of pregnant ladies, so I asked them to keep it quiet so no one would feel left out. In the States part of the idea is that your friends bring gifts because babies are so expensive, and it helps the parents! You'd usually register, just as you do for weddings, and boy do I wish we had that here. That being said, I asked my "organiser" just to ask everyone to bring a picture book for the baby and write a note inside it, I didn't want people to feel obliged to spend money on big presents. I also didn't want stupid games etc, I asked for just a little get-together with cake, but I suspect they may have gone overboard with the arrangements :P

[Sunnysummer]

If you'd like to throw a party before the baby comes that is great - we had a really fun BBQ, it's a nice way to see lots of your friends before the first few months of having a new baby, when you tend to disappear for a bit!

However... Baby showers are a bit naff but ok, but throwing your own shower is a no-no. If you don't want presents anyway, can't it just be a party, everyone can show up with booze, and no obligations for gifts or anything? As the due date gets nearer and you get busier and pregnant-er you may well feel a lot less keen about organising things, too, so it's a good idea to rope friends in to help

[IAteSomeofthePies]

I've been to many baby showers in the States. Some of them have been for women, one or two for men and women. Although personally I find many showers boring, I understand that we are all different in what we enjoy. It is sometimes nice to see friends' mums and aunties again, who you probably haven't seen since the wedding.

I always appreciate a list, as I've no idea what to buy. Showers are never hosted by the mum to be, and usually the list doesn't come with the invitation (this is a little frowned upon by sticklers.) It is true that you feel obliged to buy a gift if you go, and I am personally uncomfortable with the 'tempting fate' feeling. However, it is uncommon to then give a second gift after the birth. You're just getting your gifts in early so the parents know what to buy themselves.

I say celebrate your exciting impending arrival (when the time is ripe) however suits you and your OH. Now is a good time to start doing what you want, rather than what others want for you!

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

That's exactly how I feel Heatherbell - other people's pregnancies just aren't very interesting. I would by all means have a get together as it will be easier before baby is born, but not make it actually about the pregnancy.

[Miriama]

I've been to several baby showers, and whilst they were pleasant enough, it really makes me feel a bit odd to celebrate a baby before they actually arrive! In Scotland we do a head wetting, after the baby comes which I think is a nicer tradition!

[Heatherbell1978]

I don't like the thought of them but tbh, I wouldn't want to subject my friends to it! Most of my friends don't have kids or aren't quite at that stage and the last thing I want to do is force them into an afternoon of baby chat when I'm keen to try not to become too baby obsessed around them.....

[ElleDubloo]

Nice to see some of the more sympathetic responses coming through. We're thrilled about the pregnancy, and it's a way to have a celebration and a get-together! I didn't want gifts in the first place, so it was a bit harsh of some posters to call it being "grabby".

Prom vs party vs ball - it's just semantics, IMHO. At our school we had a "summer ball" but in reality it was identical to a prom.

[gamerchick]

now back when i was in school.. there was no proms.. there was an end of year party that didn't cost a bloody fortune for my mother just to keep up with my peers.

[Blondebrunette1]

I love baby showers, I have only known them being thrown by a friend or relative though rather than mum to be, I've never been given a gift list, I wouldn't ever do that-we didn't even for our wedding as I think it puts pressure on people and its out right cheeky to expect someone to buy you whatever you dictate. If I want to buy a gift it's because I want to and not because I've been told to. With regard to it being American 'nonsense' I'm English & I think it's lovely to celebrate every occasion and happiness to the full, people can be very judgey, boring and serious of you ask me. I dress my kids up and give them a party with their friends, I loved my school prom (why would you deny a teen a nice dress and a party?) play dates last time I checked were friends meeting with kids what's wrong with that? & baby showers are not grabby you're not forced to attend, it's an occasion to celebrate, with all the horrible stuff that goes on in this world why moan and belittle people who do make a fuss of the good?