Hello Scubes
I'm sorry for your loss in September and sympathise with the situation you are in right now.
I had a missed miscarriage in April this year, after nearly a year of trying to conceive, and then conceived again just a month later. While it was great on one level to conceive again so quickly - and I'm really not complaining - it really was difficult to deal with psychologically and emotionally. So much so that there were big tears at various points in early pregnancy, especially in the waiting rooms for the early scans (at 7 and 9 weeks, again at 13 weeks - same room where were found out about the mc, very tough - and the subsequent scans are an ordeal rather than the exciting times they were in my first pregnancy before our DS was born) Basically I was in total denial about the pregnancy for a long time, really until the baby started to move around a lot - and I'm still not entirely relaxed about it, although it has got better with time.
All I can say is that the mc experience taught me that no amount of worrying does any good (for some reason I had a very bad feeling about that pregnancy) and any symptoms (or indeed no symptoms) can mean anything, this is just a time where treading water is the only thing possible, that and giving yourself as many small treats and enjoyable activities as you can manage to try to take your mind off your worries.
But you have found the right place for letting off steam and sharing experiences with people who have gone through the same as you. We all know how you feel, and feel for you.
In my experience, the Your Pregnancy Week by Week book by Prof Lesley Regan (who runs the frequent mc unit at St Mary's Paddington as well as being a general prof of obs and gynae) is full of info on normal pregnancies and difficult pregnancies alike, and I have found her book really comforting (I'm always recommending this - must emphasise I'm not Prof Regan's mum or literary agent )
Good luck and stay with us!