Ah thanks everyone, and chaffinch that's OK I don't mind talking about it. Not many people in rl know I have bipolar so this is therapeutic to be able to be so open :) Rationally I know that it will all be fine and the baby won't care so long as she gets some form of food from someone
just another one of those preconceptions that I am going to have to drop. I am sure I have so much more of that to come, starting off bright eyed and bushy tailed about routines and food and activities to do (currently looking into parent and baby art classes haha) and then reality will sink in hehe.
The other sad thing is that she may get lithium withdrawal and howl lots as it leaves her bloodstream as I have taken it during pg. Again rationally I know it's fine and I am on a low dose and she won't remember, so chances of that are low. But it breaks my heart that even before I begin I might have hurt my baby in some way! I guess that worry never will stop though!
My mum wants to come for a visit but I am feeling very antisocial at the moment. How to tell her I want some peace and quiet
also not sure I want visitors in the first couple of weeks. Unless she comes with my stepdad and makes a holiday of it I think we'd rather be alone! Dh said he's going to keep his parents at bay as well for a few days.
Sleep would be nice, woke up at 4 with nausea and made DH get me more milk at 6. Am having a day in bed today with my new book.
jen bet you can't wait, how exciting to only be 9 days away.
Ooh nom nom scampi and chips with tartar sauce meerka where can I buy some sauce! But worry you aren't hopeless. Do you think you might have a touch of pre natal depression? My friend had this and sounded similar to you. Was miserable. Perhaps talk this through with your Gp or midwife? 
meerka that's rubbish. How many weeks now to go?
petit great news on the abcess clearing up, what a relief for you.
OK going to try out the natal hypnotherapy Cd. If the baby lets me listen and achieve zen without kicking too much! She's so active this morning.