PG after MC: sticking with posifrickintivity - today we are pregnant

[ChristineDaae]

Over this way ladies....!

So I finished the last thread by accident apologising for my awful typing skills! Sorry!
If anyone is on a real computer please feel free to add our stats list

Have just spent some time reading back on this thread and must say I feel better as I know I am not alone. Finding this time very hard. I keep going to the toilet to check and expecting failure every time. When I fell pregnant in Dec I was so convinced it was all going to be fine given my textbook pg with dd. So when I mc'd I was so surprised and confused. So now that I am pg again I am subconsciously or consciously trying to do everything different. I don't want to buy any pg magazines, or read my pg books, or talk about it with DH or tell anyone (had to tell my family and in laws the previous time as it was Christmas and they would have noticed the not drinking part). These are all the things that I used to enjoy but I don't want to get my hopes up again, just in case. I sound so negative but only being honest about how I really feel. Wishing the next 2-3 weeks to go quickly so I can get to my first scan.

Welcome swede you are most certainly not alone. Welcome to the knicker checking brigade. Any time you think you are getting too anxious, just come on here. You will find reassurance when you need it and a good fish slap when anxiety tips over into bonkersness. This is my third pregnancy, but still no kids. I am pretty much pretending it is not happening. It won't be real for me until after the 12 week scan. Sadly experience of miscarriage does diminish the joy of subsequent pregnancies. The lovely thing about this thread is that graduates pop in every now and then, to remind us all there can be happy endings and it is all worth it.

I just survived my first full on freak out. Went for number two, wiped, looked down, bright red. Heart rate went through the roof. Looked again - tomato skin. Heart rate only just recovered.

Aoife That's like something that I would do!! Those pesky tomatoes.

Arggghhhhh!!! Rant time!!!

Does anyone else feel like their inlaws are completely taking over??!!

I'm sat quietly shopping for girls baby clothes on my iPad, FIL starts telling me how Mothercare is a bloody designer label and that I should shop at bloody sainsburys! Or mention it to MIL so that she can buy it!
How about? Piss off? Last time I checked I was the one carrying and giving birth to this child, im also the one that has the say in what she wears sleeps in etc! I get it - this is there first grandchild - that's not my problem tho -

They are in their 60s and have no sense of style! They have already bought her their own wardrobe of clothes for her! As well as a chair etc for their house! They think she's moving in! Then I was interrogated about when I was returning to work! I told them I was taking the full 12 months... Oooo the shit hit the fan then, DH has tried to talk me into going back after 6 months as have they!

I feel like a fucking baby making machine that was lucky enough to be chosen to carry THEIR child! Once she's here I should piss off back to work so they can have her!

I'm really angry and upset that I can't even go out and buy my daughter the clothes that I like!

Thanks for the tip squiz, think I'll be doing a detour to tesco this week then!

swede I totally sympathise. I was so full of naive joy and excitement the first time I got pg and having an MC takes all that away and you can never regain it, it is so sad Just try to be grateful for every day that goes by when you can say "today I am pregnant", and you will get through it eventually.

Your in-laws sound like a nightmare fod. Of course you should just smile sweetly, thank them for the advice and then totally ignore it. But that is much easier said than done!

Fod not telling my dad yet for exactly this reason. To put it into perspective, we had a family row when we (well, I) bought our house ... He kind of used the 'emergency keys' to let himself in and do attempting DIY (His choice of colours and openly saying it was to save us young idiots - mid 30s - from painting it a psychedelic nightmare because we "dont know what colour a house SHOULD be"). This is sadly par for the course with him. DH very seriously thinks it's a form of OCD!

Shall be ranting in a few months (I hope) or checking out postnatal care in the outer hebredes lol!

Yikes re the tomato aoife hope you are ok now

So just to say I've had my first becks blue and yum.

Just ignore them fod and do what you want when they have gone home. My FIL was awkward about my 1st mc so he's not knowing til a long time.. If I get far.. Plus he bugs me when he comes round as always expecting my son to have a brain of someone 5 years older than he is and when he's started doing something new like crawling then it's 'oh so when will he be walking' or when he can count to 10 it's 'oh he should count to 100 soon'. Totally does my nut.

FIL was just like that about my mc too (natures way blah blah grrrrrrr!!!! Makes me so mad!) whaf hurts is that DH won't say anything to back me up! It's really upset me, he was commenting in the hallway Bout the fact I was ironing sitting down! I'm in agony with SPD and the extra weight of being 35 weeks! Felt like screaming "Oi you inconsiderate arsehole! By rights I should be on my back in bed!"

It doesn't help that DH doesn't come anywhere near me anymore and doesn't call ot text either - just tried to have a good cry - couldn't do that because DC are in and out of the room every 5 minutes and to top it off as DH has decided to redecorate the bathroom we have no bath! The closest one is his inlaws! Great! So I'm fat, depressed, ignored and I probably smell!

Glad everything is ok pixie must be weird to go up to the hospital, like you say is a totally different ball game once you're up there.

Gah I feel really panicky about everything at the moment, am fretting tonight about all the birthday presents I need to get up until end of April as I'm convinced I won't be able to function once baby is here so have been furiously ordering on amazon. I need to calm down!!

saggy does your DH really have 3 old tube TVs!? That is bonkers. My DH is the same with the jobs, I'm constantly going 'can you just finish this' and he gets all huffy. There are a load of boxes in the hallway he promised to put in the loft this weekend and they are still there and probably will be once baby is here. Urgh.

Oh Fod. Have a {{{hug}}}.
My ILs don't really have a lot of input about the baby, but I do feel for you. They were far more in my face when PFGB was born.
Stick to your guns and wait for the new mother protectiveness kicks in. They dont have a chance.

Guff until yesterday there were at least SIX tvs in this house, 3 were large tube tvs. DP can't pass up a hand me down!

Ive just got in. My lovely friend invited DD and I over for dinner today and I arrived to find a full on baby shower! I don't approve really, and contrary to how 'loud' I am online, I hate being the focus of attention, but it was really lovely. I saw loads of friends who I haven't seen in far too long and was thoroughly spoiled.

Welcome swede youre in good company here!

Fod can't believe your fil! Don't think I'd be able to smile through some of those comments! Especially in your house.

saggy that's lovely that your friend organised a suprise baby shower.

Well it's my due date today. Feels a bit weird when that's the date you've been working towards for the past 8 mths and as you get closer u realise it doesn't really mean anything. Well I guess it's got to happen some time during the next 2 wks.

I always did think that would be wierd liesel. The due date seems to have a mythical status,but really it is an artificial construct. Baby will come when it's good and ready. Exciting to get there all the same!

Spa break has not gotten off to a great start. Got massively ripped off on the train tickets. Then was kept awake from 12 til 2.30am by a large, noisy Irish family, who were apparently leaving. I am trying to summon the energy to demand an upgrade.

Fod is there a hotel nearby? If I was you I would seriously consider checking in and pigging out on room service for a few days. Not this hotel obvs, as it sucks.

happy due date liesl I never like telling people due dates as they mean so little really but it is a milestone nevertheless. How are you feeling?

saggy that's so lovely to have a baby shower thrown for you!

fod I would find it very hard to contain IL rage there. However for your own sanity it is probably best just to accept some of the less offensive stuff (like the wardrobe, at least you'll never have to pack a suitcase if she stays there...!). And then focus on the battles that matter like you staying at home rather than them swinging in and taking over at 6mths (how rude!) I'm trying to be more patient with my MIL but it does help that she's several hours away and already had gc before we started a family. If that hadn't been in the case I think she would have been a lot more in our faces.

Thanks guff yes it was v reassuring to know baby ok because movements have def changed pattern. I hear you on the hoarding of things! I have bought enough birthday cards for the next 6 months! as if I'll never leave the house again! there is a post office about 20 paces away that sells birthday cards but obviously I need to have them all in already and maybe written and ready to post?!? I'll probably still lose track of dates and forget to send them on time anyway

fod Ugh, your PIL sounds toxic. Stay away from him and pick your battles. Remember, it's your baby, nothing they can do will change that. If just ignoring doesn't help, and it gets too bad, you might have to sit your PiLs down and explain to them very carefully what your plans are. Managing expectations and all that!
And tell your DH to man up and grow a pair! Really it should be him who should be doing the managing! That must be so infuriating.

Happy due date liesl* Due dates are actually rubbish, I think. Too many expectations, too much pressure. I went really overdue with DS, and at one point turned into a cruing wreck because everyone else was having their babies around me, one of my friends even 'stole' my due date!
Hope things start happening for you soon.

I felt properly yuck for the first time yesterday, basically slept all afternoon, which only marginally helped. Hoping that this is a good sign...
6+1 today, and the next 2 weeks are going to be so hard - all the bad things always happened around the 6-8 week mark for me previously...

Hopeful, hope you get some reassurance from your phone appointment today and that the spotting settled over the weekend. Have fingers x for you.

OMG Fod, a whole wardrobe?! Do people forget they had their turn at parenting and it's someone else's go now?

How are you doing today Swede? I was just the same when I got this bfp. In my cleandar I just wrote 'faint +'. Last time it was followed by "delighted" and smiley faces. After a few days I thought I would try to enjoy this because I might regret not doing so if it worked out. I looked on a pregnancy developement calendar but I just got upset about the previous pregnancy. I started crying and then I cried because this pregnancy or any other is always going to have that fear and cloud over it and I felt so sorry for myself that I will never again get to enjoy this time. But there isn't anything I can do to change that so I have to get on with it.

It's nearly 2 weeks since I got my bfp and it has got a bit easier as I have been able to feel some positive things, more than I thought I would tbh. I think it's good you're being honest about your feelings because that's all you can do really other than that just try not to beat yourself up about things and like someone else said come here when you feel a wobble.

JBrd sorry the next 2 weeks are the tricky ones for you. Hoping that it is a very boring and uneventful time xx

London & JBird The early weeks are so hard. I'm still too scared even after 2 scans. Keep thinking of MMC and so forth. :( Hope it gets better when/if I get to week 12!

Hi all ,

Just wanted to join this thread although I'm not sure if i am in the right place...... its quite confusing for a newbie !
I am 7 weeks pregnant after having 2 miscarriages within 6 months ( one a Christmas !) . I am so scared to get excited now and have become increasingly worried about EVERYTHING ....although i am trying to stay positive . I wasn't going to but i think i will be enquiring today about an early scan . Just wondering if anyone else has had this and how soon you had one .

Thanks all x

Hiya boop, welcome! I had an NHS one as 6 weeks which was a tiny heartbeat n blob, n then a private one at 9 weeks n that was quite nice as it wiggled around abit n had arm n leg buds, I wudnt go earlier than 9weeks again personally but both were reassuring for a little while :-) JBrd hope the next 2 weeks fly by nice an uneventfully for you x

Hi boop Welcome! You're definitely in the right place Last time, I had an early scan at 7 weeks, and this was arranged through my midwife, so NHS - with your history, it might well be worth asking your GP and/or midwife, if they can arrange one, for reassurance. I'd second Alb's comment, not to have a scan before 8-9 weeks, though - any earlier, and you are in very uncertain territory, as no hb at this stage might not necessarily mean that you're having another mc, just that it's too soon for anything to be detected! Better safe yourself the extra worry, if you can.

Hi all

Quick question from a worrier in "new territory" aka 9 weeks plus.

Getting what I would describe as muscly twinges or 'growing pains' in my belly. They don't last long and sometimes just manifest for a second or two when I cough. Sometimes sharp, sometimes achy but not cramps. Hoping these are normal? I understand this is the time your insides start to stretch and change ready for 2nd trimester.
Of course, knicker checking constantly.

Hi boop
I've got one coming up at 6 weeks (am currently just 5) but mine is to check where the pregnancy is after suspected ectopic. iF it all goes fine, I will pay for another one at 8 Ish weeks to find heart beat. I just don't want to get to 12 weeks again and find an empty sac.
I know at 6 weeks I prob won't see heart beat but at least I will know or not if something is there in the right place. I suppose it depends on what you want to know as in when you would schedule it?

Sorry that wasn't clear. I've had two mc. One was mmc at 12 weeks and the other was suspected ectopic with early loss at 5.5 wks