The Elderberry helicopter, for nub debates, holey tights and boxing pirate scans

[Tallyra]

Open to all elderberry grads and anyone who fits the berry criteria: over 30, 1st to early 2nd trimester(ish) with #1 after trying for a loooong time, and nervous as hell. Come on in for handholding and nub theory!

I'm here, with a new addition to my pregnancy symptoms, in the last few days i have been slobbering like a saint bernard. Has anyone else had this?

sorry to hear that kat we might be able to help tho, and can at least listen...

im still here. had a really busy couple of weeks and so been mega-tired.

was shopping on sat and went in the baby shops with my sis to look at the things didn't dare buy anything though, was too scared of jinxing myself!

maybe after 20 week scan!

Kat, poor you. I don't know but I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to bond... If somebody put you in a room next door to a really cute kitten, but you couldn't see it, hold it or hear it you would find it very difficult to fall in love with the kitten! This is no different, its not really 'real' until the baby arrives so I wouldn't expect to bond with something you can't see or touch. And I think it is normal to be worried and apprehensive which can certainly prevent you feeling excited. Is it like that or something else? Have you considered it could be antenatal depression? It's more common than people realise I think and understandably so considering the hormones rushing around and the epic scale of changes we are going through now and in the future. The NCT have some info here.
Please please don't stay away or quiet, come on here and share how you are feeling, we are here for each other and not just for the happy stuff. PM me / fb me if you want a moan or shoulder to cry on. I'm sorry you're finding it hard and will help if I can x

Sure things will get better. The little one has still loads of time to grow and correct the problem

Hello hello everyone I'm sorry for absence, I'm here too.

Great scan news from scannees and massive congrats on team pink tally!

merk, how's your fanjo? (Phone just autocorrected to fanjokery .... WTAF?!)

kat sorry you're feeling down. Do share here but also don't put too much pressure on yourself. I know we are all different and I'm clearly weird but I've only just started to feel any sort of bond with the wiggler and I haven't been able to contemplate having a real life baby let alone look forward to it. I can't buy anything either and I know I won't do until very much nearer the time. You will have natural defence systems after a miscarriage and however you feel isn't wrong. And hormones are very strong things indeed, particularly when it comes to being grumpy I find! You are with friends here.

I've missed so much so sorry not to mention more but sending a big hello and I bring non chocolatey treats we can all share.

Welcome home Thunder, did you have a lovely holiday?
Fanjo is still feeling bruised, I can't cross / uncross my legs, turn over in bed or walk without waddling without it hurting, its not pleasant! But touch wood it doesn't seem to be getting any worse yet
Kat to echo what Thunder says, its a strange expectation/pressure that you have to bond before your baby is born. And I'm more scared/ apprehensive than excited too, but I think that must be pretty normal too. I'm worried about our lives changing dramatically and selfishly concerned about the things we won't be able to do. I could feel guilty about that but I am gonna guess everyone feels that way a bit, and I know in my heart I wanted this baby so desperately and I will love her to pieces when she arrives and stops kicking my cervix to death!
And I am just assuming grumpy is totally normal... I am a grumpy cow every day and am embracing it and blaming the hormones!
I don't mean to belittle how you are feeling but am trying to reassure you that we're not all these happy, excited women that you seem to think you should be

Hey merks, yeah the break was good thanks, although centreparcs will always be centreparcs eh?

So what is it with the fanjokery then? Is it the kicking that's bruised it?

How was bath tally? Yeah I'm near Warminster/frome.

Cavort suggests its spd (ie pelvic related). 24 week app on tue so going to talk to them then but as far as I understand it I have to just suck it up and be thankful its not any worse.
I'm not sure what position she's in anymore but I'm guessing she's head down and feet high. Kicks are v high up now but her poking down low is not comfortable! Had a panic this week as she has been moving a lot less but I think she's just facing backwards or something as I'm still getting movements all the time they're just fainter.
Guess who is decorating their Xmas tree? Am now not moving house til jan so am maximising my Xmas excitement!

Oo will have to look up SPD now.
I get kicked and prodded in all sorts of places now- no idea what's going on in there.

Does anyone know much about this sleeping on the left thing? I know the research is inconclusive about stillbirth but is the advice really to sleep on one side and not to change position in the night at all?

Seems to be a rumour out about by the daily fail. The stronger advice is to stay off your back I think. The NHS says the study on which the newspaper articles were based on was not a good enough set of data to warrant making any firm recommendations NHS info here
I'm a bit worried there's lots my midwife should be telling me but isn't... Ie she didn't mention the flu jan or whooping cough. What else do I not know about??

The bible book does mention it too-did you see! Do you know if it includes staying off your back at all times unless propped up- like not reading/dtd etc?

I asked my doc about flu jab and she didn't have a clue! Have you had yours? I understand whooping cough is for 28 week appt? -as is antiD,

Flu jab I've had, it gives some immunity to baby after birth and hopefully prevents you getting it which is good as is not great for baby if you catch it. I had mine quite a while back.
I think lying on your back (flat) is because of the pressure/weight on an artery so propped up/leaning should be fine

merk thunder my gp HOUNDED me to have the flu jab! Plus both midwives asked me!!!! Crazy thing is, I've always been totally pro flu jab and get one every year at work!

hiya thunder. Bath was crazy busy but very pretty.
How on earth ate you supposed to not move in the night? I regularly turn over all sorts of ways in my sleep.

and can someone explain the underwired bra being bad please?

Ha- I was told it it is the whooping cough that gives immunity to baby and the flu jab is important because preggos are more likely to suffer complications relating to fly if they get it. I will go and get it soon though.

Re lying on back- yeah it's the weight of the uterus on the vena cava apparently. I just wish there was more information about it as it's too woolly to understand. Like should you never ever lie on your back or is it just sleeping for lengths of time etc... Anyway....

Hey tally yeah Bath is a manic place, particularly this time of year. Glad you enjoyed it though. I think the underwire thing is about the wires putting pressure on the sides of your breasts which can affect milk flow? I'm still wearing my wired bras apart from when they're in the wash and then I monoboob it up with my mothercare one.

Re under wired bras they can block something and give you mastitis even during pregnancy. I was when I found that out but still have not bought any crap maternity bras

Mornings!

Freeeeeeeezing out there, now cuddled up with hot chocolate and a wet smelly Boomdog or two. Fiiiiiinally made it to 20wks.

Kat I don't know if it helps but I don't feel like I've bonded with these babies at all yet. I don't know if it's the total lack of kicking, or the fact that there's two of them, but it seems so ridiculously far fetched that I've actually got babies in there.. It's not what I envisaged pregnancy to be, I thought I'd be flooded with loads of maternal instincts and go all Earth Mother-y, instead I mostly forget that I'm pregnant at all. I suppose we've had so long to fantasize about what it would be like to be diffed that the reality can seem a disappointment. Merk is totally right about antenatal depression, it's really common. You could try telling your mw/gp that you're feeling down? And do still come and vent on here, we don't care if you're feeling mopey!

Who asked about underwires? To the best of my knowledge, the bra thing is a load of balls as long as your wired ones fit properly. Main problem I've realistically seen with them is that as the bump grows they can dig in below your ribcage and rub quite nastily, but it depends on the shape of the bump!

thunder yes the whooping cough is the one to give the baby temporary immunity until its own jabs. Flu jab may offer some protection to the baby in the same way but it's mostly to prevent mums getting flu which can lead to nasty chest infections/pneumonia when your immune system is weakened by pregnancy. The trust I work for also gives the hard sell for the flu jab, but the one I'm booked in didn't mention it and I had to ask for it!

I always end up on my back, I used to be a belly-sleeper so now struggle to find a comfy position but I don't find sleeping sideways easy. I cuddle up to Mr Boom at the beginning of the night so am on my side, but always wake up flat on my back and probably drooling and snoring. I think you can buy special pillows that are supposed to encourage side-sleeping...cost a flipping fortune though.. I prop up for reading but dtd still involves good ol' flat out missionary on occasion!

It's taken me a good two hours to post this, bet I've missed loads of stuff going on in the meantime now x

Can anyone recommend a good (cheap) maternity bra? I bought a big bertha bra from Tesco (not maternity, just wide straps and no wires) but it just makes my boobs hang over the top and look really sad. I still want a decent amount of hoikage.

Also, anyone stop feeling sick arounf 10 weeks, been dying for it go but now it seems to I'm panicking that it's bad news. Can't win :(

Congrats for half way Boom, although prob more than half way for you. Are you having to have lots f extra appointments? Did you ever find out if they were identical or not?
I retract my crap statement about bras and bow down to your superior knowledge
Angel I was 12 or 13 weeks before my sickness started to go. I think the hormones level out once the placenta is working which is normally about 12 weeks. Hang in there

20 weeks, whoop whoop boom!! Fantastic!! Good advice about bras too - I'm still squeezing the pups into my original bras so they're not exactly brilliant fits but not too bad either. You've reassured me about the sleeping thing too.

angel I bought some cheap maternity bras from mothercare. They're ok and are comfortable enough but I just prefer the wires for support! Worth checking out if you're considering buying some though. I think they were 2 for £20 or something- I bought them last year though.

Are you worried that your nausea has stopped at 10 weeks? I don't think it means anything- it might be back with a vengeance tomorrow. My worst patch in terms of symptoms was from 14 weeks onwards so don't fret if symptoms seem to come and go- there seems to be no logic as far as I can tell.

Hey all, sorry to hear about the gloom kat - I have similar feelings, and really relate to what merk said about feeling really scared about how life will change. I feel a bit daft though because I am so grateful to be finally pregnant - the enormity of becoming a parent though, the looming reality of it, makes me realise what I will miss about my current life. It also scares me how differently I feel about things at times, like my job / studies, but that these feelings change and fluctuate thanks to the hormones. I feel indecisive, a but daft, and slightly strung out - and guilty, because I have LONGED to be pregnant!

I had a thoroughly miserable evening. After cooking one my specials, the Hairy Bikers sausage casserole, I felt really weird. Had a lie down and then puked up the entire lot. I then started crying because I was depriving the baby of a meal (?) and may have killed it. Was also worried there was some sort of poison in what I cooked - although DH was fine. I think actually there were some burnt bits from the pan, and there was a lot of bacon and sausage grease involved - yummo I hear you cry! I ended up a totally hysterical, banshee, puke-smelling mess. Where is my lovely pink cloud of glowing maternity? Hmm????

On the topic of bras I bought a two-pack from Marks and Spencer ages ago - they are generally larger and less attractive, but seem to be pretty supportive and not too granny-ish. I am naturally very small breasted though so have worn non-wired for some time (un/lucky enough to be able to buy the cheaper teen bras!) and haven't until now had much to support! Another thing to worry about - how my tiny boobs will become too drained pitta breads after breast-feeding - goodbye the consolation of having 'perky' small boobs - yay!

My Emma's diary email this week suggests my baby is sleeping for 12 to 14 hours at a time. If the only reason she can't do that post birth is because she is getting hungry is there a way I can arrange to have another umbilical cord attached during the nights??

Oh brod, I am not laughing at your sausage-vomit-fest. I'm NOT. Hope you're feeling better now. Maybe it was just too much grease for your oh so delicate pregnant stomach to cope with? The baby will be fine, it just steals all your backup supplies - won't even have noticed you barfed up its dinner!

I refuse to even contemplate non underwired bras. I'm a 34E normally and there's no freaking WAY these bad boys are going to jiggle around untamed! I do need to go and get a proper fitting though. Merk the mastitis thing is true, but only applies to too-small bras where the cup sits on the breast tissue and not on the ribcage itself. Oh and if you manage to invent a post-natal umbilical cord, I will put myself down to pre-order two, thanks very much!

Have spent the morning so far getting quotes for a boot guard/divider for the dogs. Oh the thrills! I do get to go out for coffee with a friend in a bit though, although her really naughty little boy is coming too so it may be a noisy trip. All good experience (or so I'm telling myself, although my children will be little angels).

Look what I found!

Thunder yes, it seems to have stopped for the last few days. I'm no longer repulsed by 90% of food either. I'm still very tired and get horrible headaches and have achy boobs but I was expecting the sickness to last until 12-14 weeks at least.