Pregnant (IVF) Worriers/Warriors Part 4

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

We are trying a grobag first time tonight shaz!

fairy I totally get what you mean. We were also unexplained, and 'only' about the same time. We definitely want at least one more. But two things, first, I wouldn't really want another right away. Though it would be a gift if it happened. Second, I have three frosties, and do feel weird to ttc while they are there. I am really quite conflicted about whether they are babies, and should all be given a chance (gulp, possible four babies) or if its silly to use contraception then have a fet. I'm only 31, but it seems we have big issues conceiving, but ivf worked first time. Dh is of the no contraception and if we get preg naturally that'd be great. Does anyone have thoughts on my dilemma?

fairy the thing is I can't imagine not using contraception but not actively ttc. I think I'd get sucked in again. If you think you could then I think its quite lovely to leave it up to fate.

At the moment its academic, as we are too knackered to get down to it. When has anyone else let dh back to the yoni?...

Can't wait for our latest birth stories. And noks - ANY NEWS??

They definitely won't take your baby, shazza! Whether you take the referral or not is up to you. You don't seem depressed toe from your posts but obviously it's very hard to tell from that. What does your DP think?

For what it's worth I don't talk to Pangolina very much, there doesn't seem to be a need. We understand each other. DH does more because he is more distant to her, not more closely bonded. "Not parenting to the best of your ability" sounds a bit judgmental to me (is that the standard we should be aiming for?)but how did she seem to you? Was she basically sympathetic?

My DH doesn't want any more children, he says things like "of course this is our last" and "never again", as though he wants me to vigorously agree. I keep quiet.

Cross posts shaz of course they won't take her. They are there to help and support you, not to take babies. Please do not censor what you say because you're thinking of that. Say how you feel and they may be able to help, whether through talking, or drugs if necessary. It is still very early days, and baby blues a vvv normal. Keep talking to us too. You're doing a brilliant job, its weird suddenly having baby-talk and I too sometimes notice I'm happy changing or whatever in a daze.

Oh, when I told my hv I wasn't thinking about contraception now she said shed see me for booking in shortly then... I got the whole oh now you've relaxed you'll get pg naturally, I see it all the time with ivf. God, if only I'd relaxed.... Grrr.

Hmm so I imagine he wouldn't be a fan of no contraception then fairy...

Kip is so fascinated by faces now, she stares at us for hours :) btw yes shaz I think we got the snot sucky thing in boots.

Dh and I went out for lunch today. Kip slept while I jiggled the pram

onion yes, i have thought that I should call it quits when I'm ahead with Pangolina rather than risking a MC or worse. The thing is that I don't definitely want another baby, it's more that I find it very hard mentally to shut the door on that possibility, which getting the coil fitted would mean. And no other contraceptive methods have ever worked for us (apart from the "two busy careers and small children who don't sleep through the night" method).

keep god, having the frosties does make it that much more complicated. I probably would just skip the contraception and see what happened then make a decision as to whether to go for the FET. It does mean you take the risk that you get knocked up v quickly though. Not getting hung up on TTC is the main issue though. I think DH would probably just go along with the no contraception thing even though he is officially against any further babies. It's all extremely hypothetical at the moment though!

I always feel that in every interaction I have with the health professionals they are sneaking in an assessment on whether you are depressed. I can come in for athlete's foot and get asked how I am bonding with baby. I do feel like I can't be honest with them, because I am afraid of them taking Bella away, especially after that case in the news where this lady got sectioned and forcible C sectioned! WTF!! I don't think I am depressed though, but it would be nice to be able to be less on my guard.

fairy yes, we totally have that dilemma. When the GP asked about contraception I also said I didn't know (and started crying). DH defo wants a no2, I am 39 and feel positively ancient. We'd have to have a no2 fairly quickly but am anxious about age, careers (I quite enjoy my job!) etc, getting figure, evenings, life and marriage back. Most of the baby care falls on the woman's shoulders after all, it's the way it is, especially with breastfeeding. I would quite like to focus on Bella for now, rather than having to divide my attention. I think I would be happy with one, but I am totally loving the baby stage. Basically. I am undecided. On the fence. I do know I would be an emo trainwreck if I were to fall preggo!

Oops on the grobag! I missed that bit of info!

God, it's so hard isn't it? I know exactly what you mean about the finality of the coil, even though it's totally reversible it feels like a big NO MORE. I am hoping I get over that finality once I start to get some of those other things back. I'm knackered and I don't want to be this knackered again, I'm not a great parent when I'm exhausted. One of my sisters dithered for ages about having a third and then decided she could give the attention she'd want to to three. I think that's true for me too, I am starting to get time back with DD1 and I have neglected her, if I had a third I'd feel especially guilty about her. Anyway, there are compensations in stopping, especially after our fraught ttc and pregnancy journeys.

Shazza they are obsessed with how much you talk to your baby! I don't think you sound depressed, for what it's worth. Tearful post birth is really normal in my experience and opinion. It can also be a bit strange chatting away to a baby who doesn't talk back. Somewhere along the line I started doing a running commentary all bloody day, almost talking to myself really, it's not a deliberate thing, it's just what I do, it's an easy way to talk more though.

I'm really fed up tonight anyway. I'm done in with scuttling about doing Xmas stuff and I just want half an hour to myself without anyone making demands on me. Even if it is just to write a shopping list...

I think it's really hard to decide on another baby when you are immersed in babyworld. At the moment my work seems very remote and unimportant but I know that will change when Pangolina is older. Similarly I can imagine that when/if I lose this baby flab I will be reluctant to re-inflate. And the childcare costs! Swoon! But deciding on having children is not susceptible to rationalisation, otherwise we would all just have one, for the maximum experience with the minimum investment.

That should be 'couldn't' give the attention. Stupid phone.

'Reluctant to Reinflate' would be a good album name. That sums me up nicely though.

Thanks girls. I've just talked to DP about it and he said the same. It isn't an assessment to see if I'm a good mother or if shazlett is in danger but more to see if I need some support. He said that they aren't going to take her away. Overall the HV was supportive it was just quite a shock for her to read back what I had said a couple of hours later. She also asked me if I was suicidal (no) or had thoughts of hurting my baby (no). I don't think I'm depressed either but I'm aware that I am very emotional and teary and that I have a history of depression so I need to watch out for falling into that trap again. I don't want it to creep up on me.

Re TTC. I think it would be impossible for me not to use contraception and not be conscious of TTC. I don't want to fall into that again. However I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let that go. I worry that it will always be in the back of my mind. My main issues with it all are my age and money. Also I think that we can cope with one and enjoy being a family and not feel too pressured about work. I'd still like to continue my practice eventually and DP would feel the pressure to earn more with where he is with his career at the moment. Those worries would be so stressful that the pleasure of having another child would be outweighed by the stress. I don't want to think about never having this experience again though. It's addictive.

Keep re frosties. That is a tough one. I don't think I would actively TTC while the frosties are there. However then you would have to go through treatment again. It is abit soon to decide. I'd say enjoy Kip and see how you feel in a year.

Shazlett won't sleep, has fussed for 2 hrs and now it's time to feed her again. I feel so tired.

Hello ladies! It's our first night home and as you can see the inevitable earlyish hours post!

Ginster arrived on Monday and is just gorgeous. So so loved up. She looks totally different to how I thought she would ( a tiny bit like DH, nothing like me!) and I can't stop staring at her tiny face. Will put up pic and name on FB.

Having her was a bit of an ordeal, though not compared to what some of you have been through!

One hour after her due date, at 1am on Sunday, I had a huge contraction type thing and my waters went spectacularly, all over the house! I was shit scared, as no other real signs of labour, the waters were quite bloody (apparently this is normal - do not panic if your waters are pink preggo warriors!) and I couldn't feel the baby move. Cos of the gbs we had to go straight to hospital, where they told me I had to be induced to reduce the risk of passing it on, which was news to me!

Anyway, they tried with the pessary first (being a whimp I demanded gas and air for the insertion!), with no real luck. So was then put on the evil drip, but on advice of my friends demanded an epidural first! I had 24 hours since my waters went for labour to progress before an EMCS. As they cranked up the drip, DDs heartbeat started to act oddly, being at times too slow or fast, so they had to keep turning it down. Eventually they used a Stan monitor to keep an eye on her. It was terrifying hearing it slow right down. Luckily I got to 10cm by mon morning ( with repeated epidural top ups and gas and air as I could still feel some bloody contractions - she was OP for most of it) and they decided to go for a vaginal delivery (I had told them earlier just to get her out by a c section but they thought it may be dangerous due to her position). Having pushed for all of 2 mins, the heartbeat went odd again, so drs rushed in and decided on an instrumental delivery. Lots of swearing and pushing from me, pulling with the ventouse and an episiotomy later, ginster was born! She came out crying and covered in vernix, like no one had seen on a 40 week baby! The medical team were amazing and monitored DD so carefully, whilst trying to reassure a totally mental me that there was still a heartbeat. The pain relief was great and they couldn't believe I was reading magazines whilst 7cm dilated and giggling at jokes as I pushed.

We had to stay in hospital until last night, as they wanted to monitor her, plus she's v pukey due to gunge. Breast feeding isn't going well at the mo :( We've used a few bottles tonight as she just needs to eat and I'll ask the MW for advice tomorrow.

I'm shattered, as have had no sleep since Friday really and my bits really hurt. Anyone have any tips for epiositiomy recovery/pain relief? I was so relieved when I eventually did a poo and my insides didn't fall out!

My mum is coming tomorrow to help, as I'm not as able to do as much due to the stitches and also have hideous fluid filled legs that aren't working properly! DH has been amazing and stayed in hospital with me, despite having to sleep in a chair and do all nappy changes as I couldn't move about too well. Am trying to do the feeds etc all myself tonight so he has a chance to rest - he woke up at one point and asked where we got 'it' (the baby) from and had I googled it!

Anyway exciting times for the yoni warriors. sweetie congrats on your beautiful twins. They must share ginster's birthday? Lots of love to everyone else. Will catch up properly soon x

gin!! Huge congratulations, can't wait for a picture and name. That must have been quite a scary birth.

Is the problem latching with bf? Are your nipples ok? Has your milk come in yet? I thought it got easier once it did as its easier for them to learn what to do. Didn't the MWs at the hospital help?

Glad your mum is coming. I had a v easy birth and recovery but still needed mine, to cook, clean, and cry about bf on, as well as reassure us about everything to do with the baby.

I don't know much about episiotomies, but have heard of those circular cushions to sit on, like for people with piles. Could you send dh to boots? Keep taking paracetamol and ibuprofen. Wee in the shower. ?put on sudocrem?

Has ginster got a cone head from the ventouse..? She is so on time, one hour after edd! :) congratulations again, so pleased all is ok x

Oh! That sounds like an awful birth! Good thing there was a cute present at the end of it! You defo earned a NAILS award! Totally right to get an epidural before induction. The first poo is scary stuff isn't it? I named mine Malcolm. Episiotomy is tough, make sure you get adequate pain relief, you may need smth stronger (2 of my friends ad quite spectacular ones) than ibuprofen/paracetamol and pee while squirting a bottle of water over bits. Motherhood is SO glamorous!

Good work Gin!!! Virtual hi-five!!!

Ginny gin! Amazing news. Well done. Gosh sorry the birth was tough. You defo get to polish the nails award. I'm impressed that you managed the first poo already. After 5 days a LOT of lactulose and quite a few tears I managed to do it. It was pretty traumatic though. Added by the fact that it took several attempts to get it all and shazlett was screaming for food each time cause I was in the bathroom for so long! ( dildals at Malcolm!)

Poor you with the epi. so brave. Crisps mentioned a while ago that lavender baths were good for healing.

Glad you are getting help from your mum. It is so important for you to rest and look after Ginster and let DH and mum look after you.

Can't wait to see her. I bet she is as beautiful as her mum

I forgot. Re swollen legs. Did they give you support stockings? I kept mine on for days afterwards. My mum helped me take them on and off for showering. The pressure and swelling in my legs was so bad I thought it would never go down but it did after a week or so. Keep your legs raised as much as poss when you are seated and even sleep with them elevated if possible.

gin congrats on bringing the ginster into the world, despite the obvious difficulties! When I was having DS he had some heartbeat wobbles and it was terrifying. As for pain relief I would echo Dildals and say you should take both paracetomol and ibuprofen (both normal doses as they don't contraindicate) and make sure you are always 'topped up', i.e. don't wait for it to start to hurt to take the medication. I had codeine as well after my EMCS and I think if you just have it for a short time there's no issues over addiction nor will it harm the baby. However, I think the official advice now is to avoid it so you may want to check with your MW.

I had fybogel day and night starting the day I gave birth, plus 2 prunes daily and did not find the first poo very traumatic, but it took 3 days post-birth before it happened.

So glad your mum is coming, they are invaluable in the newborn days. Enjoy the snuggles.

Gin you hero! Well done you. So glad Ginny ginster is here safely. Breastfeeding is a total bastard in the first couple of days while the milk comes in. Actually it wasn't until day 5 that we found our stride. Shazz I hope you're feeling better about the HV assessment. I echo what the others have said- there's no way they will separate you from the shazlett. Waves to everyone else. Still being shit at posting I'm afraid as I find it really difficult to do personals on my little old iPhone. Mini HY was like a newborn possessed last night- fed constantly like a rabid rabbit between 11pm and 2.30am, then almost hourly after that. Absolutely Kerry packered today, but still hauled myself to the breastfeeding cafe to have a chat to the midwives and HVs and get some reassurance that this is just what some newborns do!! X

Oh ginny you brave warrior ! Well bloody done. We were getting worried here ! Sorry about the sore fanjo and epic-poo shenanigans (this post birth poo is literally beginning to scare the shit out of me - which is ironic). I hope Ma Ginsta (that makes her sound so very gansta) sweeps into town to look after you and mini-gin. Take all the help you can. Hopefully mini-gin will settle down and get onto the boob after her traumatic birth. If she can't take it then don't beat yourself up about it and go for the bottle. If the Nork Nazis or the Tit Stasi darken your door, flip them the bird and tell them to fuck off. You have been through enough without that lot jack booting into town and giving you a hard time. If they help, then fine. If they nag or make you feel like poop, then that's not so fine. Anyhow, I shall carefully waddle off my soap box now alright missus anger management ishoos lady and say again, I am so pleased that mini-gin arrived safely.

Well, I say that I am going to waddle off my soap box but that would be a massive lie. hoiks her lardy backside back on it shazza that HV needs to go in for some retraining. Oh and she needs a Kill Bill-type karate chop to the neck too. How DARE she sweep in and say that you're not parenting to the best of your ability. What a fucking cheek. I am outraged on your behalf. You had such a traumatic birth experience and are now only just finding your feet that things are bound to be a bit up and down in the first few weeks. She needs to recognise this, yes, but to then make a huge leap and grade you as 'not parenting to the best of your ability' because you don't yak onto shazlett all the time is bloody outrageous. All her fucking ill-judged ramblings will do is stress you out even more, the stupid cow. If you feel that some help from the MHT will assist you then fine (thinking about it, perhaps a more balanced assessment by those better qualified than her would be of more assistance to you right now). I tell you what, when you go for your assessment you can give shazlett a running commentary to prove that you're not about to stick a pencil up your nose, a pair of your massive pants on your head and start talking in fucking clicks because you're clearly round the bloody bend. Jeezus Christ on a BMX bike, do these people not have better things to do than make new mums feel like they are failing at the first hurdle ? get off your soapbox now PLEASE. I shall shut up now

Hello to everyone else. I did titter at dildals naming her first epic-poo Malcolm. Nutter.

The news from Noks Towers is NO NEWS. I may have a negroid pelvis (I know, how racialist ) because of my mixed parentage which means that the baby is much less likely to engage until labour starts. This is completely contrary to what the GP told me two weeks ago when she said that the head was 2/5ths engaged. Basically they don't know wtf is going on because they all have different opinions. I shall ignore them all and continue to eat lots of cake and swan about until the nipper is ready to make an appearance.

Waves to everyone else. How are we all ? Ready for Father Christmas

noks wow, I didn't know that I had a "caucasoid pelvis" but that must explain why I can't dance.

(apols to everyone for racialist humour.)

Heehee fairy. Don't let that stop you from throwing some shapes on the dance floor this Christmas with gay abandon.

I think I have a boy pelvis. Does that exist?

Re Malcolm. The A303 had been blocked for over a week so I was a tiny bit worried about the amount of backed up traffic. Also, the whole pushing thing felt weird after giving birth. I was also scared my stitches were going to pop out as soon as I pooped. And, finally, last but not least, I had heard of haemorrhoids, but never had them. I wanted to keep it that way. (i had to google Preparation H the other day when Gin mentioned it)

keep Did you ask about sex the other day? I have let DH near fanjo again, but it still hurts!!! Apparently it can take up to a year?! It's not stopping us but it is not as enjoyable as it was. It also feels as if stuff has been moved. Bits aren't in the same place as they used to be. They are, but sort of not, if that makes sense. I tried to ask DH whether it now felt roomier, helpfully he then said 'well, you were always quite roomy actually'. Thanks. Turns out you were always able to reverse park a lorry in there, I just never told you ... (for those of you who wonder why I ever married this man, he's LOVELY honestly, most of the time! GSOH. Tall, sort of ginger, handsome. Like the singer of the Queens of the Stone Age, only then in cashmere and minus the tattoos.)

The main thing that is stopping us having sex is a) the fact that one of us tends to be holding a baby. Going to the loo with a baby, OK, but having sex while holding the baby, that is a step too far. b) his drinking behaviour c) baby induced tiredness. The reason we DTD this week is because I managed to have Bella asleep at 7 at night. Yay.

dilly or should I say bucket fanjo. Does your boy pelvis have a name ? You named your poo and your mattress so it would be doing it a disservice not to give it a moniker. I plump for Brian. Or Reg.

De seksi time ??? Wtf is that then ? Das wot got us into this fine mess in the first place, Stanley.

No, most of us didn't have sex to get here noks!!

I shall take my massive foot out of my massive bucket gob and pop myself on the naughty step.