Pregnant (IVF) Worriers/Warriors Part 4

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

sweetie names are bc hard but I think once you choose I think they just grow into it.

I found it hard to think of Scarlett as kip, iyswim, and felt I was still pg. Whereas dh kept calling her our bump nickname.

sweetie oops sorry for passing on the itchy bump curse! Honestly, Prep H works the best out of everything I've tried! The glamour eh? Sounds like the twinnies may well stay put until Monday. All v exciting. We have one girl's name, so hoping it'll suit her. And I think I've finally won the battle over the surname (I kept my maiden name and want to double barrel DH's and mine).

keep that's so random about the kid with the same name! I don't know any other Scarletts. Hope the drs goes ok. One of my friend's babies had acne caused by her hormones passed on through the milk. I'm not looking forward to getting my pre preggo spotty skin back...

I like your work onion, having your mum so well trained! My mum visitor yesterday and I had to stop her doing chores! She brought down some pics of me as a baby, including one taken in the premee baby unit. I'm sleeping on my front - funny how the advice changes!

motor hope you are ok. During my scare at 30 weeks, the monitor showed I was getting big contractions every 10 mins! However the MW said not to worry as they weren't painful. I still get lots of BHs, the cold, touching the bump and wind/churning tummy set them off! Obvs it's best to get checked out, but do ignore Dr Google and his thing about 4 times an hour.

Sorry to hear you are feeling isolated. Shame you're not in London so you could come to a yoni meet up (I know, that sounds veh wrong!) During the first 15 weeks of pregnancy I saw no one - just felt far too ill to socialise, but after that I made a huge effort, as get down if I don't see people. It was similar during the ivf - during the actual cycles I became a hermit, but made a huge effort otherwise as felt feeling barren and friendless was too much to deal with. Now preggo, some friends have been amazing and some pretty rubbish, for various reasons. I guess it may change again when the baby arrives and I'll be plaguing Shazz with visits, you lucky lady

shazz hope all is going well with the in laws visit. Not long til you are off for Xmas now! Hope you are still recovering well. Love the FB pic by the way. Reckon my baby will be totally bold and have hair envy.

mrshy ta for the mat pad tip. I have packets of em stuffed about the house! I also have several packs in my hospital bag. I have a stupid amount of luggage, but the pads, nappies and towels seen to take up lots of room plus the chocolate, magazines and hair straighteners

mad yay for hearing the heartbeat. I still get emotional when I hear it.

buzz is it your penultimate day at work? Wohoo.

dildals thinking of you.

I have no real symptoms to report... The bump has def dropped further and we have a MW appt later, so am hoping they'll say she's further engaged. It does feel like I'm sitting on a baby now... Yesterday I had some mild period pain, but it seems to have gone today. Apparently there's a full moon next Tues and more babies are born then, so keeping my fingers crossed... I know it's bollocks

motor I'm very happy to hear that the BH were nothing more sinister than overexertion. Maybe you feel introverted simply because of fatigue? You were saying a few weeks ago how tired you are, if you are still sleeping badly it will have a cumulative effect. I didn't feel very sociable the last weeks of pregnancy because I was so tired and unwieldy. However, there is undoubtedly a major shift psychologically when you have a child as they become the centre of your life in a way unlike anything else.

sweetie in v curious about your name choices. Speaking of which - none of you swine have PM'd me mrshys choice. sweetie can you oblige?

fairy, I've been thinking about this today but these days I am also hugely happy with my own company (and ringlet's of course). With DD1 I thought I was letting her down if I didn't take her to a different activity every day, but I don't feel like that now. We go to something a couple of times a week but mostly we just potter. The hours between 9 and 3 seem easily filled with bits of housework, cooking, naps, lunch, feeds and a mooch to the shops. She's at an age now where as long as I talk to her all the time, she'll sit and play while I do something else for ten minutes. I stop and start a lot of tasks but there's no rush. In fact, there's a nice pace to my life at the moment. (If only she'd sleep in her cot!)

Oh and gin, I generally travel very light yet my hospital bag seemed enormous. Until I got there and the other women in my ward all had those massive wheeled cases that would do me a month long holiday.

My baby is still mostly bald at eight months. I was mostly bald until I was about three.

Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it. I do think tiredness has a lot to do with it fairy, and the short, cold days too.

Four days sweetie! So exciting.

Gin it sounds like you are gearing up for the big event too - wonderful. My friends have all been lovely, but I just seem to find it hard to connect with them at the moment. Two of my best mates now have children who are 10/11, so I feel a bit out of sync with them, but I am lucky to have fairy down the road.

Thinking of you today dildals

I forgot you know fairy, how lovely.

Does anyone have a good idea of a present for baby's first Christmas, or something for dh from her?

It is amazing to think that we have indeed all supported eachother through IVF, one natural conception, several bouts of new mother/baby angst, 3 prem labours and their consequences. You have all been amazing.

What is it though that makes it easier to find support here than with your 'real life' friends. I am starting to think my IRL friends are abit rubbish! Which would be unfair to them! Why do I feel I can tell you a lot more!?!

Yes, I never would have thought I'd use an internet forum! I don't know why its easier. Maybe because we all contribute on our own terms, so you don't feel you're imposing. Also, we have had similar experiences in terms of struggling to conceive, which is unusual at least in my circles.

dildals do you want to tell us about yesterday?

Yes. keep you struck a cord with me when you said you felt sorry that I felt I couldn't share the photo with others. And you know what, you're right. Why couldn't I share it? I am not ashamed of it, I really love that photo, the only thing that is holding me back is what other people would think and it's not about them. If we can only share bullshit stories and good news stories, then what's the point?

Yesterday was a lovely day actually. There were lots of tears but it was nice to cry together with DH rather than separately. I have never lost anyone before and I realise now that grieving is a lonely business. Each person grieves in their own way and no one can make it easier or do it for you. So to feel connected again to DH yesterday and to share was nice. It's hard to understand for him the rawness of the emotion. I tried to explain to him that I got given this massive chunk of love for this child, which is probably what nature intended, and then the child is not there, but the massive amount of love is still there, which is why it hurts so much. The men don't get doled out that big chunk of oxytocin induced love, with them it develops more gradually I think. It also doesn't affect the amount of love I have for Bella and it doesn't mean I am stuck in the past, they're separate things. I think he got it now.

I had some alone time with Georgia's coffin and played a song for her about saying goodbye to someone you know very well and I told her I was so sorry I wasn't able to keep her safe and do all the things with her that we planned, show her all the things we wanted to show her and play with her sister. After the service I carried her to her grave. I thought that was only right after carrying her for 7 months. How fucking heartbreaking though.

Afterwards DH and I went for a walk and sat down for a picnic with a view of Somerset's rolling landscape.

We then spent some time with our friends who looked after Bella, who have been really good to us. It's amazing, some friends just totally step up to the plate, others don't really know what to say or do and avoid you (there's really no better way of saying it I am afraid) like I have a contagious baby disease. I don't think they're necessarily fucktards (to quote crisps, I had never heard the term fucktards before, I am trying to wedge it in to most conversations whenever I can!) they just don't know what to say or do and TBH I probably would have been one of those people in the past.

Bella loved all the attention. She got to sleep on someone's chest for most of the day! We got home at 00.30 last night though, she's still asleep the little mite, shattered.

dildals thanks so much for telling us about yesterday, it sounds like a perfect day. I think it is easier to talk about these things on this thread for a number of reasons, firstly we are all here because we want to talk about our struggles with pregnancy and hear about others' experience. It's also easier to write down everything one wants to say rather than have it in a conversation because there's no one to interrupt you or change the subject. But I think also sometimes we believe that other people don't want to talk about these sorts of issues, even our closest friends. I know that when my close friends had miscarriages I probably avoided talking about it because I thought that is what they wanted. Also, it was before I had children myself and so did not really know what to say. I think (hope!) I would deal with this better now. Hearing all of you talk about these things has definitely helped me to understand a variety of experiences.

onion I am also quite happy spending the day with Pangolina, bookended with taking DS to school and picking him up. I don't really feel the need to join any groups for company but if DS was younger and at home as well I absolutely would just because I couldn't stand being at home with him all day. This is no insult to him as he is a sweetheart but once he stopped napping it really took a lot of energy to spend a whole day with him and there would be no break for myself.

I am thinking of joining a baby yoga group in January as that would be a nice thing to do with Pangolina. They played 'Baby Love' by the Supremes on Desert Island Discs this morning and yes I did dance around the lounge with her in my arms.

keep that is amazing that there is another girl at your surgery with the same name! the only Scarlett I know has the surname "Green". Really.

gin I also kept my maiden name when we married and our DC have double-barreled surnames. I know that has posh connotations in the UK but I think that will change a lot over the next generation. Luckily we have one short name and one longer so it isn't too unwieldly. The DC may want to stick with one when they are grown but TBH I hope it is mine!

Right Pangolina is solidly asleep so I had better rush around like a madwoman trying to tidy up before she wakes up again. She now weighs 4.7kg (10lb 8oz in old money), up from 3.8 kg a month ago. V pleased as it is a good gain, although it is still just the 50th centile.

Hello to everyone else, got to run!

dildals thank you for sharing. It sounds lovely if heartbreaking. I'm glad it helped dh to understand, I'm sure these things hit us all differently. I think its lovely you've shared in fb. Have you talked much about your loss with rl friends? Gosh its been so hard for you with the devastation of losing Georgia, the excitement and exhaustion of having Bella, and having had her in hospital. You must be emotionally and physically completely exhausted

Good news in pangolinas weight gain fairy. Kip is now 9lb5oz, up a pound in a week, and now nearly at the 50th, was 25th she born.

dildals it all sounds very apt. If that's the right word. I'm very glad it helped DH understand a bit more.

fairy when she's bigger I'll need to take her out to wear her out and stop her destroying the house. I still need to have Activities planned for dd1 or she turns nasty.

Good weight gains! Ringlet's barely 25th percentile now which is where she was at birth but she's clearly a petite child. She's just crawling backwards now, it's hilarious. I'll be putting the stair gates up tomorrow.

It's definitely easier to talk to people who've had similar experiences, whether online or in rl. I know so many people were awkward with me and I don't blame them, but it just makes everything harder. I think the internet is wonderful for linking up people in quite unusual situations. I have a friend who is a widower in his early thirties and he was telling me of a forum he uses for young widowers. Before the internet he'd never have been able to talk to anyone else in the same situation. I think it's brilliant. There has been too much suffering in lonely silence over the years.

I have my surname as I didn't change it on marriage and the children have their dad's name. This baffles my extremely conventional neighbour who once tried to send a parcel for me back with the postman as it was addressed to Dr MySurname and he was adamant that I was Mrs DHsSurname. I then felt I had to explain why I wasn't Mrs DHsSurname or indeed Mrs Anything and ever since he has viewed me with deep suspicion.

Hello lovely, lovely ladies,

I hope you don't mind me popping up on here. I know some of you from the egg buddies thread and I think I've probably been stalking you all from the start of the first worriers thread . You sound like a bloody amazing lot.

I wanted to pop in as I can finally post on here! After mc from IVF #2 in March and then a failed cycle in July/August , we did a DE cycle and I got a BFP last Sunday at 6dp5dt and am 4+2 today. I am being cautiously hopeful.

As you were

Oh wow choco great to see you here! Congratulations!! Welcome, and worry away! I did ivf in march, and was lucky first time. My daughter was born at 37+1 almost five weeks ago, so now I'm worrying about spots and poo (hers) rather than spotting and branston hicks (mine) :)

Hurrah choco and tentative congratulations. We need some newbies as the babies born are beginning to outnumber those in waiting.

Help yourself to a maize-based snack and start fretting you don't have enough symptoms.

choco welcome and congrats :)

hi choco I think I remember someone with a similar name from the egg buddies thread, is that right?? Or has my brain gone to mush. The sage onion is right, start fretting about not having any symptoms and we'll tell you that we all did the same x months ago!!

Welcome and congrats choco. I'm really pleased you are joining us and look forward to your pregnancy progress.

Thank you for sharing dildals. Truly moving and heart-breaking and beautiful.

Hello ladies

I'm in bed. Just settled shazlett am hoping she will stay down. Last night she went 5 and a half hours from now. Get in!!!

All our guests left today. We are flying solo now.

Dildals thank you for telling us about your day yesterday. It sounds beautiful and I had tears in my eyes thinking about you carrying your beautiful daughter.

Choco welcome! Great news and fantastic to see you here.

Sweetie names are so hard. In the end DP caved in and we chose my fav name for shazlett. Had she been a boy we had decided to go for George despite my reservations about its popularity. At the end of the day you are going to have to use the name every day and have to love it. As long as it is popular (ie is classic and has stood the test of time) and not trendy then I think it's ok. The pic on Fb is of shazlett in the state post milky face when she is out for the count. And 6 o clocksies is like elevensies but at 6am. So exciting that the DTs are nearly here. I bet you are curious to know what they look like.

Keep funnily enough there was a girl at my primary school with exactly the same name as me until her mum remarried. I also wish that I'd known a year ago what I know now. I could have saved myself so much heartache.

Gin I'm waiting for the Ginster to arrive as well. Then we can go to baby yoga together. Tomorrow we have been asked to talk to the Nct group. I can't believe I'm supposed to impart words of wisdom. I barely know what I'm doing!

Fairy there is a baby yoga class near Gin that we are going to check out. I'm also not a huge joiner in but our Nct group are bonding well though unfortunately I've missed the meet ups due to the cesarean but the lovely Gin is nearby so I'm not alone.

Huge hello to everyone else. How are you all doing? Buzzy and Noks you both must be up pretty soon aren't you? 'Citing....

Wellso much for 5 hours. Shazlett has terrible wind and farts. And is following through. I've just changed 2 nappies in 5 mins. She is also hungry again but I don't feel that I have any milk to give her. She has bled me dry today.

I hope it's not a long night.......

Oh re weight gain. I'm not sure where shazlett is on the scale. How do I find out?

shaz look in your red book where they plot weight. Glad your nct group are bonding, you thought they were a bit rubbish at first didn't you? 5.5 hours?! Wow. Enjoy your time as a little family.

choco I remember you, I think you were among the first to get a bfp on the egg buddies, alongside fairy, yes?

I haven't even had a chance to go through the red book yet. So many things to do!

So shazlett has been asleep again for 5.5 hrs. I know this sounds good but I'm worried. I haven't slept for this long cause I keep setting alarms thinking that I will wake her to feed. She has now gone 6 hrs without food part of me thinks ok let's leave her to sleep and part of me is worried she won't feed enough. MW said she can go longer at night between feeds but must have at least 8 feeds in24hrs. Cause she slept so much last night it was hard to fit all the feeds in yesterday and my breasts felt empty. Any thoughts? Is over 6 hrs between feeds to long for a 3 week old baby?

I've answered my own question. Abit of googling has thrown up mixed answers but I have decided to wake her. It is now nearly 7 hrs without food so I've woken her up and she is chomping down so fast she is spluttering! Hopefully she will go back to sleep afterwards.