Pregnant (IVF) Worriers/Warriors Part 4

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

But keep I thought they aren't supposed to go more than 4 hours without a feed? Shazlett has slept 2x3 hour bursts tonight which is great but I've set an alarm both times to wake her up otherwise I reckon she might have slept on.

Also maybe all babies are different in the way that all adults have different sleep patterns. DP can sleep for hours anytime anywhere so maybe shazlett takes after him.

Sleep seems tobe one of those things that makes mothers competitive about the babies. Why are your Nct group posting this? Is it for a sense of achievement on their part?

Is your DH back at work now? Are you able to nap during the day? Recovering from the c section is a pain but I'm lucky that I have help so am able to grab a couple of hours during the day.

I know, I think its a competitive thing :( Am sure there'll be millions of subtle competitions and comparisons.
Yes, dh has been back at work for two week. I'm finding it really hard to nap in the day. I think its partly cos I don't know if she'll sleep 20 mins or two hours, so find it hard to relax.

I think once they're putting on weight no need to keep waking them. I am surprised they'd go six hours at three weeks though

Oh yes it is so funny when she pulls off the boob, face COVERED in milk, with a big 'AAAAHHH' and punches the air with her little fist. Must try and capture that on video.

Good point on weaning onion. gin DH will not set foot in Primark, there's like a force field that prevents him from even going near it! He's heavily in to M&S. Cords though shaz, loafers next I say!

My understanding of a dream feed is that you do wake 'm up for it, they don't feed asleep! But yes, do it at 11 and tank 'm up good. In the evening I really encourage Bella to take a good feed, offer both boobs and make sure she's awake properly to feed. In the past we'd give her a bottle of expressed milk but we stopped doing that. Another way of doing the dreamfeed is to give a bottle of formula at 11, formula is more calorific so keeps them full for longer. This I tried too, but Bella just eats less of the formula, so that didn't work. Dammit. Cunning child.

shaz and keep you're supposed to not let them go any longer than 4 hrs (they say 3 and then the nurse whispered that 4 is OK too) until breastfeeding is properly established & gaining weight. So if baby is feeding well and gaining weight you can leave them to sleep a bit longer. If they are sleeping that is. (oh keep just read that you had already written this)

Bella slept for 6 hrs ONCE and that was with the in-laws a couple of weekends ago. This has not been repeated. She slept 5 hrs twice in her little life. So if I were to post this on FB it would sound as if she's doing this regularly whereas it is a one off occurrence. Also, every baby is different I think, look at Ringlet, ruling the roost!

I think with FB particularly it is all about oh look how cool and awesome and interesting my life is, so I would take FB posts with a grain of salt. Also, when I meet my NCT group I also make sure that Bella is wearing 2 socks, no vomit in her hair, and I may even wear make up, whereas on a normal day I would go out with baby vom in my hair (yesterday point in case - I just tied up my hair and went out) and Bella in her sleep suit covered with baby vomit. (In my defence she's a VERY spitty baby, this girl doesn't keep much in)

So, keep stop complaining I saw your baby on FB wearing TWO MATCHING socks and she looked clean, so you must be doing OK!! ;-)

It's hard though, I fall asleep on the sofa at six every day for some reason.

gin I had v itchy skin throughout pregnancy and still do. I use E45 anti-itch cream, which helps. I also only use aqueous cream when showering (that is when I remember to shower!) and E45 emollient if I have a bath.

shazza DS was born with lovely wavy dark hair and it all fell out by 6 months and grew in blond. I was v disappointed! Apparently for a lot of babies the dark hair at birth is due to exposure to adult hormones in the womb. But there are many who stay dark of course. As for recovery after an EMCS, I remember managing to walk a few hundred metres 2 weeks after. It took until 4 weeks or so before I could do a normal walk pushing the pram. I hope you are getting good pain relief, that is important so you don't end up straining yourself trying to avoid the pain.

I tried dream feeding with DS but could never get him to feed without totally waking him up. Would be great if it worked though.

fairy did you try dreamfeed with breast or expressed into a bottle? Feel like it'd be easier with little as you could shove it into the mouth easier, and stimulate sucking reflex. Might try it here once she sleeps longer than two hours. Seems pointless now

I know you're right re fb dildals but just find myself at silly o'clock thinking of everyone else bar onion! sleeping

Gosh I didn't realise how long it'd take for them to get their 'true' hair.

Where's gin... ;) .

keep I only tried dreamfeeding with the breast. I don't think I tried very hard to be honest, it was so hard to get DS to sleep that I was very averse to anything that might wake him up. As for your FB mums, I can see it the other way - if your baby is sleeping so well, what excuse do you have for the house being a tip, wearing the same clothes everyday, relying on fish fingers for dinner? Pangolina is a good sleeper but it really has nothing to do with me or any routine or trick. It's just her. But even so I do feel tired a lot of the time, even if she sleeps well she's still pretty demanding when she's awake. And like you I find it really hard to nap during the day unless the conditions are just right and I know she's going to stay asleep. This morning DH woke me before he left for work (7:10am) but then I fell back asleep and DS had to wake me up to take him to school!

Rules the roost is right. Up at 5.30 this morning. Gah.

shazz some lose their hair some don't. That's helpful isn't it? Also, STOP WALKING. Just rest for now! You've recently been nearly cut in half, remember that.

keep Those kind of comments are why I can't use Facebook, also all the stealth boasting about everything else. I tried it for a couple of weeks but it made me start to dislike people. This probably says more about me than them. I feel pretty hopeless at the moment when nobody else I know still has their baby in their room, nevermind bed. I think I'm becoming the person people say 'oh well, at least I'm not Onion.'

fairy (and keep) I too am too tense to nap when ringlet does as I don't know when she'll wake up. It's really annoying when people keep telling me to sleep when she does.

gin I itched too and it's come back recently. I have a really itchy back. Anyway, nearly there.

DD1 used to dream feed without ever opening her eyes, she'd open her mouth when I nudged her with my nipple and that was it. I don't think she was really awake but still had a good feed.

I'm sitting in the car outside the house as ringlet is asleep and I can't face her waking up grumpy. I'll sit here for another 15 minutes. Luckily the wifi works out here. What a life.

Oh onion you're doing great. I can't believe you're still functioning.

Well, the 6 hour lady didn't make coffee as she only had two hours total last night... That's not on fb!

I have had a cry as I need a sleep so much but she's waking up as soon as I put her down. It's so frustrating. At least at last she's asleep on me not just crying. I don't know what's up the last couple of days.

gin I used cocoa oil which was nice. I think as soon as ginette is born you'll be fine. So any day now.

fairy gosh, good little ds to wake you up! You must be exhausted with 2, even if pangolina is our champion sleeper.

onion At least you managed to get her to take the bottle right? Small mercies. Now at least you can share the love with DH. What do you reckon it is though? Do you think she just really enjoys being close to you? Do you think she got in to the habit of being close? Combination of both? Or, option c: 'No effing clue what's up with this child', which tends to be my answer when I get queried on Bella's psyche.

Wow as to DD1 breastfeeding asleep!

keep When you are up in the middle of the night you are not alone! Me and Shazza are also feeding our children. And Onion probably too. Oh, and Fairy. And Crisps. And MrsHY. Blimey, lots with babies nowadays.

I can also wholeheartedly recommend a dummy. As soon as BF is established. Stick a dummy in. Bella just loves to suck and I can't understand how I used to be able to soothe her pre-dummy.

Keep...ignore the facebook bollocks. Either they are lying or the four month sleep regression will fuck em up good and proper :-) i stick to my guns that sme babies just sleep and others don't. D&D are doing really well at the moment (3.5 hours in the night in between feeds) but that is probably due to them being prem and will change, plus we've had a few of ThOsE nights where they just want to feed constantly. I'm much more chilled out about it as ey are children number 2 and 3, and after Dd1 not sleeping for 2odd years I just don't want to stress out about it any more.

Gin...conspicuously absent eh?! I used some cheapo palmers cocoa butter cream this time which was a few pounds from a supermarket and I swear it was better than the swanky stuff I had last time...no stretch marks or itching this time, or maybe its just because my mahoosive stomach was already stretched beyond repair. Hey ho, its nothing I can't tuck into a pair of primarni jeans...

D&D were weighed today and are finally gaining lots of weight and are both above their birth weight....they each put on seven ounces in the last four days which seems like a huge amount considering that they are only around four pounds each still. The feeding frenzies are obviously paying off!! We had the prem team lady round today who was happy with them so we are well chuffed after so much worry in the beginning. I can't believe how well they are doing for 34 week baboes, but can't stop myself from wondering how long it would be until something terrible happens, is that wierd? I feel like such an ungrateful cow for worrying when they are doing so well.

Onion...DD had a fabulous tantrum the other day. She got up to have a drink and then sat herself back down on the rug facng away from the tv...and then promptly cried because she was the wrong way round to see the tv. Brilliant. I need to start writing these down for future use when she gets married or meets her first partner or something...

Will report more when the twin haze has cleared!!

Oh crisps that is just fantastic news on the twins weight. Well done you!! Are you exclusive bf?

Here I am feeding my child!

Onion you are doing so well. Ringlet just has ideas of her own. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. How has it been tonight? I've been told to walk a short distance every day. It's amazing how quickly my scar begins to pull though. I'm not very good at sitting still. Also the novelty of having the MIL stay is wearing off for DP so I feel that I need to get better quickly.

Crisps brilliant news about D&D. Well done. And priceless tantrum from DD1. Cracked me up

Dildals DP also loves M&S. that's where the cords came from. Unfortunately they are too small. He is v disappointed. Heehee about having sick in your hair. Shazlett has just started to be sick in the last couple of days. It's a new thing. She also chokes a few minutes into the feed. It sounds awful but I guess it's cause she is taking in too much too fast.

Fairy bless DS for waking you up. How funny that his dark hair fell out at 6 months. Shazlett has so much of it I really hope it stays.

Keep I also don't use Fb for the same reasons as onion and dildals have mentioned. I love having our warriors group but that's it for me. People tend to post the good bits.

All ok here. As I said there is tension between mum and DP. I keep trying to discuss her leaving but she is having none of it. I can't actually get her to leave! DP's dad and step mum are coming to visit on wed and thurs. I really don't want them to come but DP loves his dad and it seems unfair of me to say no. I just want my flat and family back now. It's a balancing act between getting help and wanting tobe ok on our own.

I don't think shazlett will dream feed. She falls asleep at the boob and no amount of persuasion will encourage her to take the nipple again without waking up.

I hope all those still preggers are ok. It's very quiet in some camps. Come back!

Much love xx

Same here shaz which is why I thought it might be easier to get a bottle teat in. Maybe it'll be different once they are a bit older.

Sorry to the preggos we have been monopolizing with new baby angst. Come back and let us know what's what buzzy noks gin motor and everyone else.

Hello ladies! Gah I'm so behind- sorry! GIN- any news?????
Well breastfeeding is being established here (read I turned into a human cow for 48 hrs and pretty much fed constantly) but I stupidly didn't twig this was what was happening so in a particularly low moment had both baby whisperer and Gina ford open in a vain attempt to find an answer. Then my boobs seemed to double in size and since then she has been napping for longer (as have I) but there's no bloody rhyme or reason and I'm sure we'll be doing a merry dance of another kind before long! Have to shoot as madam is waking... Sorry not to catch up... Speak soon xxxx

Who are these FB beatches who boast about their sleeping babies?! As someone said, they're def only posting the good stuff, not the bad. Please don't let it make you feel bad. And those of you I've met avec baby, both you and baby have looked very well groomed and gorgeous.

shazz it must be hard balancing the need for help vs the need for some family time and DP's feelings re mil. I think you probably need to be selfish and take the help. It's only for a very short time in the bigger scheme of things, to allow you to properly heal and recover and you will then have lots of time for the 3 of you to be together. Must be tough though balancing everyone's needs.

We'll invite PIL down for a few days in the first few weeks, but they're not allowed to stay over! Our house is teeny tiny, they wouldn't get any sleep and also they would be too much work for me. They've found some god awful looking hotel in Croydon. DH is refusing to tell them to look elsewhere... If anyone knows of anywhere nice and cheap in souf London, do let me know!

crisps fab news about the twinnies! Yay to piling on the weight. No stretch marks and you have twins?! I literally can't see any normal coloured skin on my lower tummy! Am worried this is cos ginster is such a beast..

keep hope you had a better night last night. Is there any family nearby who could come and give you a chance to have a nap? I'm moving my mum in once DH goes back to work, but she lives near enough to be able to go back home for weekends day release

onion hope you finally got ringlett out of the car and into the house! I have visions of you stuck there all night.

fairy wow what a good boy DS is to wake you up for school! I'm going to hunt down that e45 cream.

Through lots of mocking of the shininess, I have got DH to buy suits from m&s, if not his other clothes dildals. He tried to sneak in a matalan one, but I pointed out it was an estate agent suit and he abandoned that plan! Think it's his northern tight side/total lack of interest in clothing that means he'll do Primarni.

sweetie how are you doing? Any symptoms? And noks too?

Well I'm still here and with no signs of anything happening imminently. I do have super sore boobs now though and odd bits of nausea, which hopefully mean my hormones are shifting.

shazz did you have any treatments to encourage shazzlet along? I'm getting tempted to book some acupuncture or something similar for mid next week.

The itching is still driving me nuts and stopping me sleeping at night. However, I have just found something the soothes it preparation h ....

X post mrshy waves and luffs to you and mini hy

Sounds perfectly normal MrsHY. It will calm down into some sort of pattern eventually.

shazz it's a delicate balancing act isn't it? I don't know whether it's the same for you but with is my parent do stuff but DH's mum is very much a visitor and wouldn't help. Not because she wouldn't want to, but because she's not as at home in our house and I'm not her daughter - I think that has a lot to do with it. I still think you need to prioritise you and Shazzlet at the moment. DH will get over it in time.

My DH loves M&S shirts. Do all men hit 35 and then settle happily into M&S clothes?!

I'm amazed at d&ds weight gain, that's brilliant!

Love the sitting the wrong way round tantrum! Dd1 was vile this morning, I had sewed her a Christmas tree decoration and she threw it at me because it didn't have beads on like another one I made. I could have happily walloped her. She is going to be a right brat about Christmas presents being exactly what she wants - I foresee lots of time on the bottom stair.

Ringlet puked in the bed last night, she never pukes these days so it took me by surprise but dear god it was everywhere. I had to strip her, me and the bed. She then compensated by sleeping until 7 though.

About your earlier question dildals. I think we are supposed to bed share as all mammals do it and most cultures do, except us in the West. It genuinely goes against my instinct to have her in a separate cot and room and I feel that's a cultural imposition. However, I think we do it for good reasons, especially when they're older, as we really need some adult time etc. and that is what is getting to me and I don't want to bed share with her any more. Sadly, it's such an ingrained habit now I think she genuinely needs to be with someone to feel secure and the transition from being constantly with me to sleeping alone is a hard one for her. I don't know how many attempts it will take but we'll get there eventually. I have hopes that when she starts crawling she'll be really tired and that might make a difference. I may have caused this situation by always taking her in with me but I felt I had to at the time to get some sleep, I do regret it somewhat now though. (There's a good book about the comparative cultural stuff surrounding bedsharing by Deborah Jackson called Three in a Bed.)

Anyway, naptime is over... hope all the duffers are ok. By that I mean not feeling too fat and itchy.

gin at the image of you slathering your enormous purple bump in Prep H! truly a high point of pregnancy glamour.

My DH loathes M&S and would never wear anything from there even if it looked fantastic, which is irrational in my view. I buy him everyday stuff from H&M, Gap and Primark (he has finally accepted that their 8 quid jeans are better than £80 Levis). if he had his way he would only wear merino wool sports wear, topped with goretex for the winter.

shazza you have my sympathies re balancing parents and DH. Luckily it is only for a short time.

onion I like bedsharing too and agree that it seems like the natural thing to do. But I do find that I get quite cramped because of having to lie only one side and not squish her. You started it with the best of intentions though and couldn't have foreseen it would become such an issue - you've been too successful! Presumably DD1 was not so attached to sleeping with you? She sounds very independent minded, which I mean as a compliment. It will serve her well in later life. crisps same goes for your DD1!

mrs well done on the bf marathon. It will settle down and become more predictable.

Right, off to get Pangolina weighed now. I've been putting off going to any mother and baby type group but she hasn't been weighed for weeks now so I feel I should. I have a deep aversion to joining any groups although once I actually make myself go I usually enjoy it. It's a silly hang up from school I imagine.

Hi to everyone else!

Crisps result of D&D weight gain, amazing result for prems. I am so pleased for you. at DD1 turning the wrong way from the TV then having a tantrum - bless her.

Fairy hope Pangolina has a good weight gain too

Shazza I hope you can sort out the tag team families and get some time for you, DP & Shazlette

Gin I don't have any stretch marks at the moment. I have been obsessed with applications of any potion or lotion I can get my hands on. My bump isn't too itchy either but the last week or so I have been wearing these massive over bump knickers that are really supportive. They look hideous but I am past caring.

Nothing to report here. Today is my 37 week twin due date, I never thought I would go this far. I was convinced they would arrive end of Nov. I have been shopping for the glamorous maternity requirements (massive maternity pads, piles cream, lactose etc) this morning. You can imagine the shopping basket I had in Boots, fortunately the older woman on the till never even batted an eyelid.

Noks, Gin, Sweetie, Motor and anyone else yet to pop- do not underestimate the amount of granny maternity pads that you will need post birth. That said every woman is different, but in my case I got through nearly a whole packet in labour as my waters went slowly over the course of the day, then a whole packet on night one (doubling up on thick mat pads is such a good look) then 4/5 a day for the next few days after that. Now it's much more manageable and like a normal period.
I hope nobody's reading this over their breakfasts

I gave up using pads for my waters mrsH, there was just so much I Sat on a towel in the car. I got through loads too in the first few days, it was pretty light by ten days and done by two weeks. I've had some ?thrush, I think from rubbing on those horrid pads though. sweetie I didn't need piles cream, fx you won't either. T-5!!! :)

ginny whassup?

fairy how was pangolinas weight? Why do you hate those groups? I normally would as am not v sociable with strangers, but reckon I'll be so desperate for company and to make friends and get out of the house...

My baby has baby spots all over face and neck :(

gin no, no family near by enough. Am looking forward to Xmas as my mum will enable loads of naps. When dh was on paternity leave we did want time to ourselves. Then after he went back I wanted to prove to myself that I could cope.

shaz I agree that it sounds like your mum should stay on a while. You are still recovering. Is dh back at work?

Morning everyone. I am still here and still up the duff just haven't been keeping up with internet based things very well lately. 17 +2 here and heard the heartbeat last week . Feeling very fat at the end of the day and barely at all in the morning......

Will read back and catch up with all of the sleep deprivation and feeding discussions. Keeping an eye on you gin.

Hi ladies - tomorrow is Georgia's funeral in Somerset. It took me four months to get my head around organising it and it took me some time to decide on what to do too. I had this feeling she was all on her own down there in the mortuary and that if we cremated her she at least could be with whom she belongs, her family. However, I don't like the idea of cremation and there's the risk of getting no ashes with babies. Then I had a look at our local cemetery. Which is lovely. But it's so massive and I would always feel guilty about not visiting enough. I'd feel she would be alone there too. Finally someone suggested to me to bury her with her paternal grandmother in Somerset, which is in the church yard of the church where we got married. That finally felt right. So she'll be with her grandma, who no doubt will take good care of her.

I put one of Bella's dummies in her coffin, a letter and a poem from me, a photo of me and DH, a photo of Bella, although she probably knows Bella better than we do! And a card from her (maternal) grandfather. She's wrapped in one of her blankets and has a soft toy with her that my mum gave her.

The service is just going to be me and DH, and the Rev who married us. We don't want anyone else there.

I have been looking through my old photos and there is a series of photos of me with Georgia and I simply love those photos. I look so at peace and I remember falling in love instantly with her. In a strange way I felt so happy. And although I realise it may be upsetting for some of you, I want to share that feeling. The first photo is taken with lots of daylight coming in through the window, in the last one it is dark outside, I must have held her a long time. I have uploaded one of the last photos, I am starting to doze off (due to pain medication). It's hard to see in the small format, but I have such a peaceful smile on my face and I love the fact that had she lived we probably would have spent many hours in that position. I know I can't put a photo like this on FB or put it on my mantelpiece (although I would actually, but DH would have an epileptic fit) but people always put these photos up when the birth goes well and for some reason I want to share this photo too, because even though she didn't make it, I still feel proud to be her mum. So, if there is one forum where I could potentially share this, I thought it would be here, so I have uploaded the photo on my gallery. Don't worry, you can't see anything grizzly, just 2 little feet and me.

dildals I just looked at your photo of you and Georgia, so beautiful. Thank you for putting it up for us to see, it feels really special. Such beautiful little feet. I am sure she will be looked after very well by her grandmother, just the perfect place to put her. Now I am blubbing into my porridge!