Pregnant (IVF) Worriers/Warriors Part 4

[Buzzybee123]

Hi everyone,

This thread is for all you incessant worriers out there, not necessarily limited to IVF-ers, although I get the feeling the people who have had trouble TTC are more prone to worrying than others!

Bloody hell, text book birth! Brilliant! Congratulationes!!!

MrsH congratulations on your AMAZING delivery and arrival of MissH, cannot wait to see the photos and details of the name on FB. I am so pleased everything went to plan. You are defo NAILS in my book.

Shazza thinking of you my dear, hope you are ok. Hope the GP can help out.

BTW did Crisps share photos on FB of D&D?

mrs wow, congratulations! You are definitely nails! I hope the pool helped although you only got in it at the end. Well done, enjoy the cuddles in bed.

shazza I read your post and those from Dildals and Onion last night about struggling to settle their babies earlier this morning and have been thinking about them. Being a mother with a baby is so overwhelming. It makes me really appreciate the extended family, which is the norm in most of the world and for most of history. It would be so much easier to have a baby if there were always other sisters, cousins, aunties and mothers around to take the baby for a while and know what to do with them. Instead we isolate mothers and give them the (often) impossible task of getting a baby to sleep for long stretches, on its own, in a basket or cot, at predictable times. If they cry or don't settle or are out of synch with what we think they should do mothers feel that it is their fault. And it is horrendous for the mother too because you don't want to see the baby cry. Being a mother with a baby is the antithesis of what our society values - efficiency, productivity, novelty, independence, autonomy. Instead every day you are just trying to keep the baby from crying and yet still they cry!

I thought I was doing pretty well but then this morning I realised I hadn't had a shower since Sunday morning. It just hadn't occurred to me because I've been so preoccupied with everything else. Pangolina has been very fussy in the evenings and last night woke up and wanted to be fed a lot. I took her in bed with me and then felt a bit guilty. Still she calms down immediately when she is next to me and I have my arm around her. It is wonderful to have that effect on someone but it is a heavy burden sometimes too.

dildals can you send me an invite for the facebook group? I would like to see all the photos!

Hi all

Darling shazza. Hand holds and as many hugs as you can possibly handle. What onion, dildals and fairy say makes soooooooo much sense. There is an enormous amount of pressure for us to be the perfect mothers (and extremely grateful too, given the fight we all had to get our babies) that when we don't go skipping out of the hospital, smiling and full of the joys of spring, we somehow feel as though we have failed, which of course, we most certainly have not. I imagine it's utterly overwhelming having to care for a new human being, who can't communicate, who we have to get to know (and them to know us). Just try not to put pressure on yourself to be the perfect anything - you are all finding your feet as a family and it will take time for things to fall into place. If that takes a bit longer than a few days or a few weeks, then so be it. Take support wherever you need it and make sure you keep communicating - we are all here for you, no matter what/how you are feeling. Think of us as your slightly dysfunctional extended sisterhood-type thingy (yes, very eloquent Noks ) and rant, cry, laugh, ponder, chat or do whatever you need to get you through this period. I feel as though I want to feed you with gluten-free lemon drizzle cake and give you bowls and bowls of salt and vinegar Discos (it's like some sort of fucked-up Jewish mother chicken soup thing going on, even though I'm not Jewish and would not give you chicken soup either.....oh ok I'll shut-up now). We are here for you, so use us and abuse us as you wish my love. Xx

mrsh con-gratu-bloody-lations on having your gorgeous girl. Another corker of a name too (we have damn good taste on this thread). And yes, you are indeed NAILS. Two paracetamols ?? You are the Andy McNab of the Yoni Warriors alongside crispy who also gave birth to twinnies on the same medication. Amaze-balls. I am in awe of you.

onion I cannot offer any valid advice but perhaps she's just not ready for the CC and to be separated from you just yet in the night. We're given suggestions as to when kids will be ready for weaning, to be put in their own cots, to self-settle etc but while some children will do all these things earlier, some will do it later than the 'average'. Perhaps try in a month or something ? She may be ready for it then, as opposed to now. I really feel for you as you're clearly trying to do the right thing, but the pressure must be quite overwhelming. Give yourself a break

Hi to everyone else. I hope you're all ok on is gusty day !

Noks cx

mrsh congrats on your little girl

shazza big hugs x

mrshy! A huge CONGRATS! She looks just gorgeous and another lovely name. I'm really pleased all went to plan. Not even gas and air? You are double 'ard nails! Hope you are all settling in well and enjoying newborn cuddles.

sweetie it's now a race tween me and you!

Awww shazz ((hugs)). I agree with everything onion has said. You had such a traumatic time in labour and managed amazingly well, but I wonder if some of the trauma is catching up with you and combined with the hormones is making everything hard. As dildals said, let those tears fall. It is such an emotional time and you are recovering from a major op . However, I think it's very sensible to see your gp and to have an honest chat with them. I assume that like any other form of depression, the sooner PND is caught, the easier it is to deal with and also means you don't have to go through the hell of living with it without any support. You must not feel guilty about how you are feeling . You are being very brave and dealing with it. Lots of love and if there's anything I can do to help, please do let me know.

Waves and luffs to everyone else. I looked at some of those bed pad things in Boots today and thought of the bed pad porn . We removed the e blanket and have a waterproof sheet from ikea on. Our mattress was fecking expensive and I'm not ruining it with bodily fluids! crisps am loving D&D's pram! In fact, it could well have been mine - my parents had a 1970s one for me (in the 70s!)

We had a MW appt today and she confirmed the baby is still head down and also engaged, yay. The MW led birthing centre no longer feels like a total pipe dream... I just have to encourage force the baby to come before the booked induction at 41 weeks. Do any of those old wives tails work?! MW suggested walking...

I feel bad moaning about it here as so many of you are dealing with serious baby induced sleep deprivation, but the whole not being able to sleep is starting to do my head in. I am just so uncomfortable at night now, as the bump is huge, itchy and I get rib pain and indigestion, plus huge baby moving causing BHs. I end up going back to bed in the morning/afternoon and scaring the shit out of the postie, when I answer the door in my pink dressing gown that won't do up over the bump Ah well, not much longer to go and then it'll be the baby keeping me up :)

Massive congratulations on your baby girl MrsHY

shazza you had a seven day labour, which resulted in a massive life change, you're recovering from abdominal surgery, your hormones are all over the place, and you are confronted with emotions and challenges you have never met before in your life. Give yourself time to adjust and recover. Your baby girl is getting masses of love and cuddles. I hope the emotional roller coaster settles down for you soon. You are a brilliant mum! Xx

buzzy how are you doing off the meds now? Hope you are still feeling better than you had been.

How is the nursery nokks?

gin I think you had a mw appt today - how did that go? I think you are technically up next!

Hi to sweetie - not long now!

Hi to ceara caip madness and foodie - keep posting!

Hello to all the mums with babies - dildals onion fairy keep and crisps (love the sound of your pram by the way).

As for me, nothing much to report really. 25 weeks now, and loving the wriggling, kicking baby in my tummy. Loving my growing bump that I always fantasised about but never thought would be mine. I am resigned to the likelihood of induction and delivery suite labour, and will just take all I am learning from pregnancy yoga and active birth to help me and the baby through the process. Long way off yet, anyway.

Love to all. X

Just quickly as was coming to bellow ANY NEWS?!: Congratulations mrshy - super nails!!! I need two paracetamol just to get through the day.

Can someone PM me the name for my dossier?!

gin I've read that 45% are still pg at 40 weeks, but only about 15% by 41 weeks, so chances are good you won't be induced. Try rasp tea, sex, walking. Are you able to go in the mw centre then despite the strep b? Yay!

mrsH congratulations!!!! And friend me as I want to see her and know name. Sounds like a lovely birth.

shazza ...just a quick post but don't feel guilty at all. Hormonally when thngs are out of balance you can be completely powerless to your emotions...after a shitload of ivf drugs and a fair few induced menopauses I am testament to that. At the same time, don't underestimate just how difficult it is to rationalise your way out of 'dowm' feelings after a huge lack of sleep. I spent a week pretty much awake when I was n the hospital with D&D and A am definitely not recovered from that yet...your epic birht, plus night feeds will have left you exhausted. On top of that, we all went through shit with ivf and had what was effectively a year long pregnancy (even though Inknow some of us eventually got knocked up sans ivf). That said, get thysen to the docs asap. This is a medical, biological, chemical thing which can be supported and helped for most people with some medication. we are here to listen and not judge and to smear you in maize until all was well. More to follow tomorrow when I am not covered in milky vomit...

shaz how was the doctors? Or are you waiting till the night shift..

Hi girls
I'm finally in bed after shazlett didn't settle after the midnight feed so I had to sit up with her til the next feed. She is hopefully settled now and will sleep til 4.30. That's the plan anyways. Trouble is that I'm now dog tired but not sleepy. Oh well I'll just lay here and listen to DPs snores and shazlett's snuffles.

Thanks for your support. I am beginning to understand the need for family support. As you say Fairy, in other cultures this would be the norm. My mum has been brilliant and is thankfully able to stay as long as we need her. I feel disappointed that I'm not able to cope alone after imagining that we would be all cosy as a family of 3 by now but we do need the extra help. I'm worried that DP is not going to be able to cope with me crying and shazlett at the same time.

The GP was very understanding. She said that my feelings are entirely normal and echoed Onion's point that new babies are hugely confusing and I don't know her yet. It's not until about 6 weeks when they start to interact that things improve. I feel pressure to enjoy this time but she said to let that go and not listen to all the well meaning folk who say to enjoy this special time. It's too much pressure. It's all special and frankly it is what it is.

On top of this my scar has a little infection so I'm now on antibiotics and under strict instructions to do NOTHING except maybe walk to the end of the road. I feel ok in the mornings and today we attempted to go to the sling library cause I want to be able to carry shazlett. Of course as I write this I realise the stupidity of this act. Luckily the trains were cancelled and in the end we didn't go. At first DP was frustrated thinking that I was making excuses but now that he has heard the drs orders he apologised for pushing me to go out and is making me rest at every opportunity.

I have follow up appts next week and the week after and she said that if things don't improve then she can give me something to help me through this time. As you say Onion, that's not what I would choose to do but my priority is to be well enough to look after shazlett.

So mrsH RESPECT to you girl!! Massive congrats and well done for the successful hypnobirth. I'm a tinsy bit envious. It sounds like MissyHY came into the world in a beautiful, calm way. She is so gorgeous. I hope you are all settling in. I look forward to getting together once I'm out and about.

Motor lovely to hear from you. Your post about the movements and loving your bump is so sweet. I look at shazlett now and can't believe that she was the one making all the movements that I felt and filmed over the past few months. I try to imagine her face being in my tummy. All these months I've been talking to her. It's amazing.

Noks, I could do with a mahousive slice of your gluten free lemon drizzle cake. My food sensitivity diet has gone out of the window since the birth and I've eaten everything put in front of me. But my skin problem has flared up so time to settle back down into my normal eating pattern. Maybe that might help my mood as well if I'm eating foods that nourish me.

Gin hurrah for the Ginster being head down. I'm keeping everything crossed for you. I echo the recommendations of walking, rasp leaf tea and sex. You could also consider a sweep nearer the time. I put it off and wish now that I had done it 3 days earlier when it was first offered. It didn't hurt one little bit and got things moving after all those days of contractions not going anywhere. I could have saved myself a few days of drawn out labour.

Hello to everyone else. I hope you are all well.

Ok. I'm going to try to rest now. I've managed to put up a pic of shazlett on my profile for those not on Fb.

Night all. Xx

Rough night here too. She was fine to sleep on me but not in her cot. I felt like I was going mad. :(

shaz I'm glad the gp was helpful, but do listen to her and rest. Does dp understand this? When does he go back to work or is he flexible? You seem very worried about him coping with shazlett, is there a reason for this?

Shazz I am always the first to say 'ENJOY THIS SPECIAL TIME' blabla, but the truth is you do have to roll with the baby punches. The first thing I needed to do with Bella was to slow down and just go with the flow she dictates, not making any fixed plans, expecting to be anywhere on time etc, let alone expecting her to sleep/eat at certain times, and not beating yourself up about it. I was lucky that I got to know Bella in the hospital with lots of support around to tell me what she was trying to tell me. But TBH just when you think you've cracked it, they change again. Just enjoy the little moments you get given, a successful breastfeed, a nuzzle of that massive barnet, her face when she burps, and share it with DP but also your mum, she's part of your family too. You will be able to take care of her alone, but not until you have recovered from your c section, you wally.

And fairy is so right. I had guests over this weekend and I found myself apologising the whole time whenever she cried and afterwards I was upset and angry. Why should I have to apologise for an 8 wk old baby crying, ridiculous! And I feel bad for still being on the phone to my mum on a regular basis in tears saying 'she won't stop crying' or when things just get too much. My DH makes me breakfast in bed every morning and cooks dinner, otherwise I would probably never eat. I hardly get round to having lunch either. So fairy I am VERY HAPPY to hear you say you didn't get round to showering, because I feel there's all these other women around who all seem to be coping marvellously, fitting in to their old jeans, their babies are all well dressed, diapered, fed and watered. Whereas mine occasionally has to show up in a baby grow covered in vom, with a milk moustache, (she's a spitty baby ... seriously ... the amount of wardrobe changes required ...) with only one sock, because the other one has gone awol. Their babies have no problem with crying fits and the mums I hate most are the ones that claim their babies sleep through the night. Get the fuck out of here you bitch. I seriously believe some of them are actually fibbing or have drugged their baby with some left over oramorf. And the next person I hear saying 'oh swaddling worked like a treat for us' or 'white noise makes Emily go to sleep instantly' I may have to punch in the eye with a Sophie the Giraffe. (You have been warned)

I absolutely love it when one of the mums stumbles in, or even better, texts/messages saying 'sorry, didn't make it out today because Eli did a massive shit up his back and then wanted to feed for the 16th time today' . That makes me feel SO MUCH better about myself!

Yesterday during the day Bella seemed back to her normal baby self, so I was hoping she had turned the corner with whatever it was that was bugging her. She had done lots of good quality naps, so she wasn't tired, she had been in the fresh air, had a bit of a play, all good. And then the evening came... I have so much respect for parents of colicky babies. onion has been talking about controlled crying, but can I peg the term uncontrolled crying? Maybe she was channeling Mandela's vibe who knows , maybe it was wind, but she was inconsolable all evening. She kept wanting to feed, because that makes her feel better, but then pulling off the boob to cry. Whether it was wind or Just One Of Those Things. God Knows, but I was in tears by the end of it. At 10 we finally managed to settle her, sort of. I put her down in her cot, awake. I was asleep before she was I think. I had a word with her this morning, no repeat performance tonight please. Not sure she'll remember though.

I got the NCT mag in the post yesterday and it had a little leaflet in it of www.sitters.co.uk. I think I might sign up and just get a sitter in once a month and DH and I go out for a bit of soft play, just the two of us.

On slings, I did go to the sling library and for tiny newborns there's not much choice. The Hana wrap is the one they recommend. It's a soft flexible sling which supports their head. If you want I can drop off mine. Seriously, happy to do so. I have another one anyway, that I got given, that Bels is now grown into.

Oh dildals thank you. I am scared I'm doing the 'wrong' thing by cuddling or whatever, and she'll never sleep properly. How can nct people get 4-5 hours at 2 weeks?! Do they lie? Exaggerate?
This morning I feel sick I'm so tired. Dh tried to help but whenever she cries he just thinks she's hungry, and brings her to me. I had four stretches of one hour last night. I can't bear to think how good it would be to get five hours. Dh is back at work so I usually do it all after midnight. Last night I snapped at him when he said he was tired. He used to go to bed at midnight, so his life's not changed, I said. I don't want to fall into competitive tiredness.

Brilliant post dildals. I could have written that myself. Basically we are all feeling it one way or another. I can't imagine being able to get both of us showered,fed, ready and out. But as you say it's early days. Getting a sitter sounds like a good idea. Even for a couple of hours. DP and I went for breakfast the other day. Just for an hour. I cried for most of it but it was a start.
Keep DP doesn't have the stamina that I have. He cannot manage on no sleep and would never be able to force himself to stay awake. I thank God that shazlett sleeps in the Moses basket at least because if she would only sleep on one of us it would have to be me. It just wouldn't be sage otherwise. It's not his fault that's just how he is. To be fair he has got abit better since the birth and I do wake him to help me in the night but while I'm feeding he falls back asleep so I'm having to keep rousing him and setting her. I'm now on a cocktail of various painkillers and antibiotics. Some to be taken with food and some on an empty stomach so he is dealing with all of that. I can't keep track of the time. And like dildals I just need him to feed me. I don't care what it is. Luckily he doesn't have to do to work cause he is self employed although he does work one day a week and will do that next Tuesday. But my mum is staying for abit longer so I'm not alone that day.

Sorry for the self indulgent post. I got less than 2 hrs last night so am abit on the edge this morning.

On a positive note we are going to register shazlett today so that's exciting.

Have a good day all. Xx

keep please ignore the guidance which says you must do x or y from birth or your baby will never settle. I have a book by a paediatric sleep expert who says that whatever you do before 2-3 months will not matter at all so just do whatever you need to. He says what's more important at this stage is that you and the baby get the most sleep you can so do whatever it takes.

I have done exactly the same things with DS and Pangolina - DS needed to be fed into unconsciousness every 2 hours for weeks, Pangolina can go to sleep in her basket on her own and sleep for 4 hours (not always I hasten to add!!!) So obviously it isn't what I'm doing that's making the difference. I think Crisps said babies are individuals and some are easy and some aren't. Baby books try to tell you otherwise, that it's up to you entirely to instill a particular routine but that's so that you follow their model.

didals I hate it when Pangolina gets worked up and wants to feed but then pulls off the breast over and over. It is so distressing for both of us. And there is no way I am fitting into my old jeans for an awfully long time! In fact I'm wearing my (dirty) maternity jeans right now. And I have tried swaddling Pangolina but she always works her little fists out and waves them around and whacks herself awake. If I do it tighter she gets really upset. So like other things I think it works with some babies but they are a minority.

shazza having a newborn is a special time but more in the golden glow of nostalgia than when you are in it! And it's not "enjoyable" like that ski holiday you took with your mates in university or a surprise birthday party. To me having a newborn is like having an alien god suddenly appear and you are commanded to please him. You desperately try to do whatever the god wants, and make all sorts of sacrifices but still he is displeased. They are an enigma just when you most need to know them.

gin I think walking every day is good for getting labour going. I had a sweep too and it wasn't particularly unpleasant. No idea if it actually helped to get labour going but I had it done on Wed afternoon and was in labour Thursday night. I also drank raspberry leaf tea a couple of times a day for the last couple of weeks but again I have no idea if it actually had any effect. As keep says though most babies are born by 41 weeks so you have very good chances of avoiding induction.

I think you're right about the nostalgia. That is why people love newborns so much. They get the cuddles but keep their sleep.
Thank you fairy I will just try and roll with the punches, go with it etc, and not worry about the long term for now.

Keep I know what you mean about DH thinking that the baby is just hungry. It's that or wind he says and then proceeds to frantically try all the winding techniques one after the other. It's stressful just for me to watch. I try not to criticise because frankly I don't know much more than him but im amazed by my instinct for it. I feel I'm being unfair on him because he is trying and loves her so much. It's just a different experience for them. They don't have the feeding responsibility.

Thanks dildals re the sling. I have been given 2 soft wraps. Is that what the hana one is? We have tried them. The first time was ok but they second time shazlett got in a right tizzy and I lost confidence. Did you carry Bells when you were still recovering with your scar? It's hard to tie on my own. I think that I'm feeling generally inadequate and saw that as another failing. I was hoping that the library might have something else but am glad you have pointed out otherwise before we made the journey. Ill try again with the wraps we have and see how we get on.

Fairy it's interesting how different the babies are. They do stress not to compare yourself and your baby to others and You have experience of that first hand. I also have the 'lets swaddle her' every time she cries. This is what SIL did so DP wants to do it everytime. Sometimes shazlett likes it and sometimes not.

Anyway talking of showers I'd better go any have one. Grampy has arrived for the weekend and is currently 'hogging' the baby. Bless him he jumps up every time the opportunity arises to hold her.

Xx

Hi ladies. Sorry to hear about the tiredness and unsettled babies. It sounds to me like you are all doing amazing jobs and I'm in awe of you all! You truly are all worriers!I'll be a big crying mess I'm sure. I can't be bothered to wash my hair now fairy and I'm just looking after me!

keep thanks for the comforting stat about most babies being born by 41 weeks. As we know the exact date of conception, I'm hoping she's more likely to arrive around her due date.

Sex, hmmmm. I just can't imagine doing it at the mo! Plus I'd worry that it may push gbs bacteria up towards the baby - may be bollocks, that's just Dr Gin's theory paranoia They wouldn't give me a sweep as it's not recommended for GBS carriers. I'm quite relieved as I find internal stuff painful

shazz really pleased to hear your mum is staying longer. If I have a CS, I hope my mum will be with me for 6 weeks! If it's a fanjo birth, she'll be coming for a few weeks when DH goes back to work. I know I'll need the support and also I think my mum will love spending time with the baby. You must rest and look after yourself. I hope the infection clears quickly. Great that the gp was supportive and helpful.

Lots of luffs to everyone. sweetie and noks any signs of imminent labour?!

Dildsls I've just looked up the hana wrap. Do you tie it before you put the baby in? The ones I've got I'm supposed to hold the baby and try to tie it at the same time. You need 4 hands to do it! If you do tie it first I'd love to try to borrow it please. We could try to go for a cup of tea at the railway tearooms next week sometime if you are free? I am allowed to walk that far. Any other sarf Londoners can join if free.

Oh and thanks for the firm words re section recovery. I just reread your post and smiled at the 'you Wally' bit. I am being a wally. How long til you felt better after your op?

Shazza try not to put too much pressure on yourself and take all the help that is offered. I am glad the GP was so understanding. Sounds like she gave very good advice to take this parenting stage for what it is. Excellent advice on here too by those who have recently lived through this and are currently going through it. Hope the painkillers and antibiotics kick in very soon.

Gin I too am not a fresh as I should be, it just seems such an effort to get showered, hair washed & dried. Goodness only knows how bad I will be when DTs arrive. I am not on for any sex action either, I have told DH that is now an exit only. Nothing to report on imminent arrivals, I have upped my raspberry leaf tablets and reflexologist did a treatment to get things moving but it obviously hasn't had the desired effect as yet.

Someone on another thread linked to this article about the myths of parenthood. Might be worth a read if you get a minute as it seems every new parent has very similar feelings.