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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should I find out the gender or not with DC2?

93 replies

halfpint76 · 09/09/2013 08:35

Hi, we have our scan on Friday and we (well, I, really) just can't decide whether to find out the gender. It's our second baby, and we chose not to find out with the first. In a weird way I am worried it might jinx it if I find out (as DC1 was a healthy, fairly easy baby and I had a very straightforward labour). (Weird logic, I know! but that's how my brain works!!)

My husband's quite keen to find out and I definitely can see the benefits (in terms of choosing a name, sorting out clothes etc).

Also, it took me a while to get used to the name we gave DC1 - I felt we decided too quickly (husband is a nightmare with names :-( and I did feel I compromised a bit). I obvioulsy can't imagine DC1 being called anything else now but I do remember those feelings of regret in those first few weeks.

We've decided that if we do find out the gender we'll just keep it to ourselves so that's it's still a bit special.

Just wanted to know what you did? Did you regret it? Pros/cons of finding out.

My indecision is driving me and DP nuts!!

OP posts:

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minipie · 11/09/2013 09:12

middleclassdystopia I'm not sure where your aggression comes from, I wasn't criticising people who do this, just saying I didn't understand the reason.

thanks for the explanations eg working9while5 and Zing, makes sense.

Themymblesdaughter · 11/09/2013 09:59

I think its nice to keep it a surprise though of course its up to the couple what they do. With DD i found out which was good in terms of organisation but people were weird about us finding out. With DC2 i didnt and got the biggest surprise of my life when it was a boy!! I had a c sec and the doc held him up for me but not high enough so i couldnt see his bits. When my DH realised i didnt know and brought him over to me it was AMAZING. Still havent got over it 5 months on. Everyone said my bump was girl shaped and i got loads of 'oh it'll be another girl' comments which i said bollocks to, whatever it is i'll be thrilled on the day to have it safe and out. I admit i did want a boy but i wasnt that bothered. It was great to ring everyone up with my DS in my arms and hear all the gasps of surprise. I think each to their own, maybe try both ways like i did. Both were great. I was slightly dismayed on returning home to realise he had nothing to wear as convinced he was a girl i'd got all dds stuff out. Still wearing the odd pink babygro bless him! They do say all the most powerful men wear pink. I'm rambling now, good luck op and who cares what it is, its a lovely snuggly baby!!!!!

Mystic73 · 11/09/2013 10:07

I agree with mrs.eric.bana. We did the same and I don't regret it in the slightest. It was wonderful waiting for our son to arrive and we will do the same this time around. However it is completely personal choice and people should certainly not be judged by this. If anyone did refer to finding out the baby's gender as 'chavy' then I pity them for being so ignorant, rude and uneducated themselves. Good luck ladies, whatever you decide :-)

magnumicelolly · 11/09/2013 11:04

I would like to find out this time- but don't plan to tell everyone, because if we are having a girl I don't want loads of pink stuff! I think it's such a shame that almost all 'girl' stuff is so over the top pink now.

93pjb · 11/09/2013 12:02

we found out both times, so I can't say if it would have been really exciting to find out at the birth but it definitely didn't bother me that we already knew.

For dc2 I thought it made quite a big difference to dd to be able to talk about "her baby brother" rather than "the baby". It made it much more real and gave her a better idea of how we all fitted together I think, she was 2.5 at the time.

You don't have to decide right away if you want to find out or not. DH was out of the country for my 20week scan with DS. I asked the sonographer not to tell me but to write it down and put it in an envelope which we opened when he was back.

EmGee · 11/09/2013 13:48

It makes me smile when people say they can tell by looking at the scan. I wanted to find out the sex second time round and at the 22-wk scan, the sonographer said 'There you are (pointing), so what do you think?'. I replied 'Oh it must be a boy - that's a willy'. She responded 'That's her ovaries - it's a girl'

Arf at my ability to distinguish between a willy and an ovary :)

ChildOfThe1980s · 11/09/2013 14:04

We didn't want to find out with either of ours - I like nice surprises.

ZingWantsCake · 11/09/2013 14:09

emgee

friends of ours actually didn't want to find out but it was blatantly obvious it was a boy as they saw him pee! (apparently)

happynappies · 11/09/2013 14:35

I didn't find out about either of my four - I wanted the surprise element to help me focus in labour!! I think once I hadn't found out with the first it made me reluctant to even consider it with any of the others, because it would be just 'different'. Dh wanted to, thought it would be a whole lot easier with regards buying stuff, names etc, but we hardly bought anything anyway, and yes we spent some time pondering boys' names when we didn't need to, but in the great scheme of things, no big deal. I think basically there are people who have to know, and people who don't want to know - it's a bit like marmite. I can't imagine knowing, and am sure there are loads of people who can't imagine not knowing!! Good luck with your scan op.

SlinkyB · 11/09/2013 15:05

Good luck op, I was in your shoes until yesterday! We just couldn't decide whether or not to find out. We didn't with our dc1 (2.7yr old DS), but thought it would be nice to try it the other way.

There's a lot of pressure on us to have a girl, as our family is full of boys. Also, this is the last baby, so in a way I would've liked a girl as would've given a bit more variety and balance to our family (have a dss too). Was already fed up of the "you must have a girl!" comments from people (like you can effing choose !) so wanted to find out so I could come to terms with having another boy and think positively.

We found out yesterday we are having another boy, and I'll be honest I was a little sad for the daughter I'll never have (yes yes, awful thing to say I know, not expecting any sympathy - in fact most of you would probably hunt me down with pitch forks for saying it). I lost my Mum this year and think that's made it harder. We're also not telling anyone, as can't cope with any so-called pity, didn't realise some might think of it as attention seeking though?!

Anyway, I am of course delighted that everything is healthy with our baby, and know we are very very lucky. I'm just not sure I'm glad I found out now, as can't imagine feeling any "gender disappointment" after the birth.

Do come back and let us know what you decided!

AbiRoad · 11/09/2013 15:19

I wanted to find out (I am extremely nosey and did not like the idea of there being info that I could have that I did not have). DH did not want to find out. In the end I went along with him and was really glad I did - it genuinely did add to the amazement at the time of birth (for me anyway). I also liked thinking about names so was glad not to be narrowed to thinking about girls' names only!. I think it is very personal though, and there are circs mentioned in the chain where I would have pushed to find out (eg if there was a risk of gender disappointment or I was struggling to bond with bump etc). Definitely not something to judge anyone on though, and I dont think this is a decision anyone else can help with as it is so personal.

cloudskitchen · 11/09/2013 19:26

I found out with both of mine and we named them and referred to them by their names from there on in. I liked the experience. No regrets at all. We also told everyone. I think it would be tricky not to as you will naturally refer to the baby as he or she.

CatR1 · 11/09/2013 19:46

I too was a unsure if I wanted to find out the sex of my second baby or not. DH was very up for finding out and I decided to in the end, purely to be organised as it wouldn't have mattered really either way. Personally, I was a bit daunted by the 20 week scan (not available first time round) but finding out the sex made it so exciting. I have told people what I'm having as everyone asks and I'm not the best at telling white lies!! we won't be discussing the name though, that will be a surprise.

BakingEating · 11/09/2013 21:31

I really can't make up my mind about whether to find out. Part of me wants a surprise, but of course the reason surprises are so great is that you're just dying to know.

davidtennantsmistress · 12/09/2013 06:41

Ds1 es as xh wanted girl and me a boy, would have bee tears one way!
Ds2 no but did as dp was going on op tour and wanted to know.
Db 3 no, I honestly have no desire to know but I think it's a girl.

chicaguapa · 12/09/2013 07:26

We didn't find out with DD and were definite that we didn't want to know. I had most of my antenatal care in Spain, where they do find out as a matter of course, so we had to keep saying that we didn't want to know. Plus they could have given it away at any time by agreeing the adjectives to the gender of baby, which in hindsight would have given it away because DD was a girl.

So with no.2 we wondered whether to find out the gender, just to have both experiences. But we decided not to and in hindsight it was absolutely the right choice for me as it was DS and I had really wanted a boy. I wouldn't have swapped the moment of finding out I had a little boy for all the gold in the world. I remember it like it was yesterday and I feel it was better than being told at my scan and it still not being 100%.

HTH

Seff · 13/09/2013 13:26

We found out with DD, even though I had that panic all the way through about what if she was a boy. We told people, and also talked about her name. We got given big bags of clothes from a friend though, which was nice. Plus, I was so shocked at being pregnant in the first place, I felt I'd had enough surprises!

I'm still undecided this time, though we probably will find out. We will still tell people the sex, as I don't think I could keep it a secret from everyone else when talking about the baby. Not mentioning any names this time though.

SlinkyB · 13/09/2013 19:58

Well op!?! What did you decide to do today? Hope the scan went well

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