Realistically is 35 too late to plan for my third child?

[Stripedmum]

I have DS who is 2.4 and DD who is 21 weeks. I have had quite bad PND after both babies and once I'm (hopefully) over this bout I'd like to have a third child (if we're lucky enough to be able to conceive). However I feel like my body needs a bit of a rest and would like to wait until DD is at school before we tried for #3 by which point i'll be 35. Is this realistic? Anyone else with two reasonably close in age and then a larger gap?

Frusso I'm hoping for a similar set-up, though I'm a smidgen older so would be 35 with dc3. I had a slightly smaller age gap between dc1&2 and while it has been great in lots of ways, DH and I need a breather . But, we both feel we want at least another if it's possible so I need to wait for the others to settle in school first.

Op - I don't think there are rules in this case - you should do what you feel is right and you're comfortable with. Good luck.

Apparently humans "naturally" (as hunter gatherers/pre-farming and industrialisation) would have had children spaced 3-5 years - as breastfeeding and carrying the infant would have prevented conceiving the next one - throughout their fertile years.

That's really interesting Hettienne.

I absolutely 'need a breather' Chimney. That's exactly my thinking. But not ready to completely throw in the towel yet. Glad to hear of others hoping for a similar set up.

Stripedmum, I'd say go for it! I had my first at 27, second at 30 and am expecting DC3 at 38 (will be 39 when it arrives). I totally understand where you are coming from with PND and that was one of my fears, hence the big age gap, but like the other poster above said, part of coping with depression can be going for what you want in life. I will admit I am finding it physically tougher this time round, but this could be due to working, having 2 DC and a busy life generally, as much as age.

I'm 39 and only just had my first..

Will be planning a 2nd way after I've turned 40...

Where are these strange parts of the country where 35 is considered old?!

striped I stored things like clothes and toys in the attic. Lent the cot to a friend well timed dc in my gap and got given that back. Unfortunately for the clothes dc3 was a different gender. So I had to buy new to me clothes. And new pram/carseat combo.
Originally we didn't want the gap, but dc2 has complex SNs so the gap we have works well for us. As once the school run is done I have the day with dc3 and do the relaxing baby groups without a toddler in toe. It like having just the one again. Which I love.

9 years between number 2 and number 3 by the time it comes in a couple of months!

Only thing I would say is that pregnancy is sooooo much harder IMO the older you get. I am 38 and DH would go for number 4 ASAP but not sure my bones or brain will be up to it!

Wow- how on EARTH the op was so offensive to some, i have no idea. Each to their own and I think it was a perfectly valid op.

Some choose to have babies at 18- not my choice but I wouldn't get offended if someone told me I was too old to have mine when I did/am.

She's even said more than once, if fertility allows- hence to not offend those who unfortunately had babies late or are still ttc due to fertility problems.

It's def not too late however I've got 4 kids all conceived first time trying (or not trying lol) but I was young when I had them, I'm now 35 and had been having unprotected Sex for over a year to eventually fell pregnant but lost the baby a month ago.. So it may not be as easy, I never thought being 35 would affect my fertility but it must have done as I conceived the others so quickly x

I'm 34 and dc2 is one. Am not even thinking about getting knocked up with dc3 until I'm at least 36 (and dc2 will be at funded pre-school. I want to enjoy the ones I've got at the moment and give my body (2 cs/2 stone extra) more time to recover.

Maybe am just being idealistic, but got pg first month of 'seeing what happens' (rather than ttc) with both dcs and also would honestly not be upset if it didn't happen.

DTS at 33, DD at 38, pregnant now again at 41.

Stripedmum I didn't take offence to your post at all, you were refering to your pnd more than anything and if u. Feel comftable for another child then go for it.

However 'mynameismichaelcaine' I do find your comment really insensitive about age and babies, I'm 36 and pregnant with first baby and its took me six years and a lot of tears to get to where I am so you can just bugger off about age, if only u really knew hey!! In my view age is just a number and please don't be so insensitive!!

If age were just a number then there would be absolutely no correlation between maternal age and problems in pregnancy. Sadly, that is simply not the case, however we might wish it away.

Too late for me to do anything about it in my case, and go ahead and castigate me for pointing it out, but that doesn't change anything.

But, in fairness, we all already know that, and I am probably being a bit of a bitch pointing it out. Best of luck to you, blondebaby. I just felt a bit sorry for OP, who I think has raised a totally valid point, and been made to feel guilty for it (not by you, admittedly). I think a woman with two small kids and PND should be given a bit of a break.

Nothing whatsoever offensive about the OP it title. Perfectly realistic questions.

I decided that for me the cut off point was age 40.

I felt that, with dc3 being so much harder to conceive than the others, my body was sending me a message.

After dc3 was born I realised that, despite my decision to stop at 40, despite the fact that dh did not want more dc, despite the fact that I knew I wouldn't cope with 4dc, I desperately wanted another dc close in age to dc3. I was soooo tempted to 'have an accident'. But the matter was taken out of my hands by an early menopause.

So flame me - I've mentioned some uncomfortable subjects. My personal decision that 41 is too old, the fact that our fertility decreases with age, and that we do not actually have complete control over our fertility.

My mother had me at 39 many moons ago. No one even batted an eyelid then.

I know some one with five children who didn't have her first until 38. No twins! Now that's good going :).

Thank goodness we've moved on from times when people cared. In my friendship circle it would have been considered quite rash to have one before 30 at the earliest ;).

I am planning my second for 35. I don't want to do it any earlier so I am going to have to risk it. It isn't old in terms of childbearing anyway, don't worry.

My hospital said 38 was no age! It's simply not true that women over 35 have dramatically less chance of getting pregnant. Some women are fertile until 44+, some stop being so fertile 28+, some are not so fertile even when they're 22.

I honestly believe it's just to your genetic makeup, not your actual age.

My gran was 44 when she had my Dad...this was back in the 40's! No age at all, no one battered an eyelid.

Anyway. The best age to have one is 18 (physically speaking), no denying that one!

I'm 35 and preggers with twins

It's probably not too old, but would have been for me - I was out the other side of the menopause by 40, so would have been perimenopausal at 35. Luckily I had my dc at 29, 31 and 32.

I don't think age is as much a deal as dealing with bad PND (I was very unwell with it) and you have to do what is right for you and your family.

I just had ds2 at 42. Doing great here!

I will be 35 by the time my first is born and I'm probably going to try for a second. I think it is probably physically tougher the older you are but I was not emotionally ready any younger. My mum had me at 32 and my sister at 35 and that was over 30 years ago. I think you've just got to do what feels right for you.

no, not at all!

I was 35 when I had my 5th and 37 when I had my 6th

I've just turned 39 and we are TTC number 7.

good luck!

oliviamnhq Ahhwww jealous! I want twins next

Zing! Bloody bravo!