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Original poster

Social media updates about birth...

128 replies

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 12/06/2013 12:26

Has anyone else requested that family members don't post on social networks before we (the parents) do about the birth of DC?

I have politely mentioned to DB & DBIL as they are likely to know it is happening. Being single men with no interest in kids I am concerned about their lack of empathy re this. DBIL already took to Twitter before my 12 scan Hmm.

DB has taken offence. I have to say my relationship with him isn't straightforward/that good, so it is probably more indicative of that, but I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for us to request...?

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FoofFighter · 12/06/2013 12:27

I will be yes as I have certain family members that cannot access the net 24/7 that I want to know first before it goes public. (son in the Army)

Same applies for pics, we are to put the first pics up, nobody else.

SourSweets · 12/06/2013 12:29

Absolutely not unreasonable, he has no right to take offence! I had to request the deletion of lots of Facebook updates when I announced after our 12 week scan so will be asking for no announcements that don't come from us. You're well within your rights.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 12/06/2013 12:33

What rights SourSweets? I don't think anyone can control twitter or FB

Original poster
MrsMargoLeadbetter · 12/06/2013 12:37

Thanks for the reassurance.

As I said it probably to do with other stuff with DB and maybe he is upset that I think he'd post something when he knows he wouldn't etc.

To be fair he hasn't posted anything about my pregnancy, but I kinda of thought that as the most prolific social media users I'd rather say something than not and risk being upset if they then do post stuff.

I have experienced a few friends with poorly newborns, so just want to ensure all is ok before it goes online etc.

Thanks again.

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Bejeena · 12/06/2013 12:43

Of course it is not unreasonable!

We have actually gone one step further and neither have we announced the pregnancy on facebook ourselves or 'allowed' family or friends to do so on our facebook pages. It is not for the whole online world to know.

However I posted an article about sport and pregnancy the other day so some people might be guessing.

We have just told everyone we want to know personally so there is no need for it to be on facebook.

Redtractoryellowtractor · 12/06/2013 12:44

what is the reason that they are likely to know? Do they live with you? If at all possible you could try to limit them knowing by just not letting on, or is this absolutely impossible?

Bejeena · 12/06/2013 12:47

I should add family/friends can post whatever they want on their own facebook pages so if my brother wants to 'announce' the birth of his nephew on his status then he can - but only him and his friends see that, it is true about people not being able to control what others post. I don't want it on my own page and anything posted to my page has to be approved by me first I have it in my settings.

AnythingNotEverything · 12/06/2013 12:51

I can't believe you even have to ask. Don't people have any idea about who's news it is and therefore who should announce it?!

Original poster
MrsMargoLeadbetter · 12/06/2013 12:51

I am personally ok with posting after the birth once we have but I understand that others aren't. I always try to be sensitive about what I post on social media about other people.

My FB audience is small and only people who I am actually friends with. Not as keen on my professional (Twitter) networks being updated though and mentioned that too.

Redtractor DPs will be looking after DS whilst I having the baby & DB lives with them. And for equality DH will want to give his DF the heads up it is happening. So they are likely to find out.

I don't think they'll ignore us and post anyway and even if they do I know I cannot do anything about it! But I suppose I just wanted to avoid the situ arising if possible.

OP posts:
Kelly1814 · 12/06/2013 13:55

gosh this post fills me with dread, would hate for things to be on social media without my say so!

as i am 23 weeks and have kept a very low profile this pregnancy (hardly anyone knows or even suspects i am pregnant) it may well be that some people don't even find out i ahve had a baby until WE choose to announce it. that's if we even do put it on facebook.

Dh2812 · 12/06/2013 14:08

I'd actually go further then just your brother if you are worried. I have had a few friends who've had sisters in law and friends post announcements before they had a chance to. In these cases although I'm not friends with the Dsis or whoever, it's appeared on my news feed as they mention the mums name. I think it's totally inappropriate to announce someone else's news but some people don't share that opinion and won't respect that you may want to be the announcer so it's best to discuss in advance with friends and family.

specialsubject · 12/06/2013 14:15

you make the rules. If you don't want announcements or photos on social media, that's fine. Just tell people what you do/don't want to happen.

Lilimum2be · 12/06/2013 14:19

Not unreasonable at all. My bro and his gf requested the same, baby niece was born at the end of January and there are still no pics online. We were all very diplomatic and subliminal in our posts until they both announced the birth. I on the other hand am dying to tell everyone I'm expecting but bf won't let me Hmm

phantomhairpuller · 12/06/2013 14:24

Facebook and twitter are nothing but a PITA for things like this!! I put my foot in it a couple of years ago. Girl from work had a baby, I took the call from her mum (who worked with us too) to say she wouldn't be in as she'd been birthing partner and needed some sleep! Not having girls mob number I messaged her on fb to say congratulations. But being the dumbass that I am I didn't PM her, I wrote on her wall for all to see. Half her family didnt know at this point. She wasn't too pleased.

Lesson learnt Wink

StuckOnARollercoaster · 12/06/2013 14:35

Having seen versions of this thread before on MN I decided not to mention my pg on fb. Have told people in real life - and where its more of an online friendship then only mentioned in private messages rather than on public wall.

Immediate family will be told when baby is born but most are older and don't 'do' fb, so I'm hoping no one will jump the gun before I can post a birth announcement on my fb for wider friends and relatives. Well thats the theory - we'll see if it works!

cantdecideonanewname · 12/06/2013 14:41

It's not a unreasonable to request that people let you announce the news yourselves.

I'm a bit different to you in that I don't want our babies arrival to be announced on facebook at all, we don't do facebook or twitter and have asked a relative in the past to remove a photo of my family from his facebook page, he's facebook friends with a particular person I don't want to know about me or my family but have no idea how to go about mentioning to friends/family that we don't want them to mention it on social media without us looking like we're completely mad.

spatchcock · 12/06/2013 15:20

You're definitely not being unreasonable, OP. Social media sites have blurred the lines of privacy. Some people, like your brother, think everything is fair game.

Original poster
MrsMargoLeadbetter · 12/06/2013 15:33

Thanks for further thoughts.

It was 5 years since DS and obviously social media has become more prevelant.

A friend gave birth recently and added a request to the announcement text to pls not share on FB until they did.

Then another friend sent a text message about her baby and a friend of hers immediately took to FB to say congrats. I just thought Hmm what if they haven't told everyone or don't want it shared on FB etc.

These 2 recent incidents have made me think about it.

Am sure DB will be fine, as I said I think there is probably other stuff going on.

Just glad that others agree that it isn't unreasonable.

OP posts:
lilstar · 12/06/2013 15:41

I feel angry for others when I see people post about births of babies before the parents even do. I haven't posted anything on fb about being pg and don't intend to for this reason. I expect my friends and family have decency and show respect to be posting nothing about it until and IF I do.

soupmaker · 12/06/2013 16:02

I am really sensitive to this. Having had two MC I found it very hard seeing 12 weeks scan photos put up by family and friends who got over excited when expecting. I haven't mentioned my pregnancy on FB at all.

curiousgeorgie · 12/06/2013 17:37

My in laws did this to me. I hadn't told my brothers or best friend or grandparents yet, just both sets of parents and within an hour of having DD loads of DH's relatives had written on my Facebook wall with her name, sex, birthweight... Everything. I was gutted. FIL had phoned everyone to tell them despite us expressly saying pease don't, I remember crying that it was all over my Facebook and my DH tried to get people to delete posts but it wasn't quick enough and a friend and DH's aunt and her family even turned up at the hospital.

I'm having an ELCS this time and I'm not telling anyone when it is.

curiousgeorgie · 12/06/2013 17:39

My poor SIL was still under general and didn't know everything was okay or the sex of her own baby and her DH posted to Facebook that they'd had a boy!! That was the worst... Waiting 9 months to find out the sex then the world knowing before you even do Confused

TrudyW · 12/06/2013 18:01

This really annoys me, I hardly even shared I was pregnant with anyone except family and close friends. Then at about 7 months, I just casually slipped it onto FB and even then noone really seemed to react much to the post. So when my son was born we had a terrible labour and complications so I didn't have a chance to announce it until he was a couple days old and when I logged into FB my SIL had updated her status announcing his arrival, name, weight and several pics of him, I was so mad, that was our job not hers! She will def be getting her warning not to do the same when our current bump arrives!

MeerkatMerkin · 12/06/2013 18:09

If you really think they are likely to post before you get a chance to, just don't tell them when you're in labour/give birth. Their choice to choose to be stroppy with you, their choice not to be informed when the time comes.

Bazoo23 · 19/07/2013 21:23

When I gave birth to my daughter I suffered a second degree tear. As I was being stitched up my bf nipped out to ring his mum and sis and let them know.

Literally as I was having stitches my phone started going with congrats messages. One from my best friend of 11 years :-( SIL had bizarely taken it upon herself to announce OUR news on FB. I was fucking fuming. DD was literally minutes old. I hadnt even told my dad and it sounds pathetic but she could have ruined that "moment" for me.

YAsoooNBU!!!

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