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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Social media updates about birth...

128 replies

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 12/06/2013 12:26

Has anyone else requested that family members don't post on social networks before we (the parents) do about the birth of DC?

I have politely mentioned to DB & DBIL as they are likely to know it is happening. Being single men with no interest in kids I am concerned about their lack of empathy re this. DBIL already took to Twitter before my 12 scan .

DB has taken offence. I have to say my relationship with him isn't straightforward/that good, so it is probably more indicative of that, but I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for us to request...?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MangoDaiquiri · 20/07/2013 17:20

Totally reasonable. When I had DD1 3 years ago some family members posted my news of my DD's arrival (we were team yellow) and her name before I was out of the hospital! I didn't mind too much but was slightly disappointed.
I would certainly never spoil anyone else's news in this way.

LittleMissSnowShine · 20/07/2013 17:25

I'd probably go more along the lines of other posters about switching off / disabling FB wall and only allowing tags in photos/statuses with my approval. Saying that it's still pretty impossible to control what people might post, esp on twitter and if I had a family member discussing me being pg online before my 12 week scan then I'd be keen to avoid them doing it again when it comes to the birth.

That being said I wouldn't particularly care about being the one to post the first 'official' pics but everyone is different and if having other people post your news online before you've had a chance to do it yourself makes you uncomfortable then YANBU at all by politely asking friends & family members to refrain from posting anything until you have had a chance to do it

notso · 20/07/2013 17:51

Bazoo I remember after DS3 was born, at home unassisted and we had transferred in in an ambulance DH saying to my Mum
"Yes, I'll just put her on"
Then he turned to me and saw me being sick all over myself and the midwife with her hand up my fanjo looking for the placenta and just going and putting the phone down on her!

Xmasbaby11 · 20/07/2013 17:53

Your friends and relatives should know you well enough to behave as you want them to regarding your pregnancy. You need to be more open and direct with them to make it clear what you want / don't want.

Even though I and a lot of friends and relatives are on fb, I can't see anything like this happening because there are unwritten rules about not mentioning other people's business.

AlexanderinaTheGreater · 20/07/2013 19:18

I disabled my fb wall before my daughter was due so no-one could post anything on there until we had. (I never mentioned the pregnancy on fb, so did get a lot of 'never knew you were pregnant' comments when we posted baby pics which just amused me). People could still have posted comments as their status or whatever mentioning me I guess, but I think people are less likely to do that, and it would reach less people I know.

I've seen loads of babies being 'announced' by other people's congratulations on fb and it drives me nuts - it's not their news to share. Twitter I guess you have even less control over - I don't use it so don't know if there's a way of taking yourself temporarily offline so people can't tag you.

Bazoo23 · 20/07/2013 19:25

Notso - haha "hi mum ... OUCH ... No its just the midwife rummaging around for the placenta...so how are you?"

:-D

PenelopeLane · 20/07/2013 20:11

I am with the other posters where it wouldn't even occur to me to mind. But then when my nephew was born a couple of years ago my other sister and I posted on FB how excited we were about him being born, and they really were posts coming from a place of love and excitement about a new addition to our family. Sis got upset as we posted before she had, and I felt really bad as I honestly hadn't thought it through and had only posted because I was so excited myself. It wasn't about trying to beat her to it or make it about me, it really was because I was giddy with excitement. She also got upset that someone wrote 'congrats aunty pene' which she thought was me making it about myself, rather than her. It was mortifying, other FB posting sis and I felt terrible that something we'd posted in love got so misconstrued. I realise now we were probably out of line, but still ...

Knowing how strongly she felt neither of us posted at all when her daughter was born later as were too worried about putting a foot wrong. Plus, knowing what had happened meant others in the family didn't either. We were all too worried about getting it wrong. In fact, now I think about it, I don't think I've ever posted about her existence as by the time I was allowed to, the iniital giddy moment had passed.

When my DS was born I didn't mind who posted when, as it didn't make the congrats that flowed in my direction any less special. I'd much rather people be like I was when my nephew was born - unguarded in their joy at my DCs birth - than like I was when my niece was born - all excitement tampered by fear of putting a foot wrong.

Namechanger430 · 20/07/2013 21:05

People can be inconsiderate without the help of facebook - I needed to announce my pregnancy at work at 6 weeks as I have a hazardous job. I did ask that they kept it to themselves although thought at the time I was overreacting - surely no-one would say anything about such an early pregnancy... Ended up being asked about it by people I barely knew before I had told my own mother. That would have been a great way for her to find out naturally, plus would have loved speaking to all the aquaintances re my miscarriage had I had one.... So now I am extra careful who I tell what and always make my wishes clear. And OP think you are wise to do the same.

I don't think its rocket science really, news like that is clearly not for you to spread, but some people just dont seem able to grasp it.

bail16 · 20/07/2013 21:12

I ended up taking myself off Facebook when I went into labour (I work in maternity ward and was worried friends at work would post congratulations on my wall before I'd told people). So once id told all the people I wanted to I then re-activated my account. It worked out perfect!

MsJupiterJones · 20/07/2013 23:22

Completely reasonable, my DH's aunt & cousin decided to write congratulatory messages on fb before we'd announced it - we were trying to let family know first but the message hadn't yet got round and I then got annoyed messages from people saying oh you've had it then?! Oh it made me so grumpy. Same cousin last year put an RIP Grandad post on fb before DH & his sister knew, that's how they found out their grandfather had died. Why don't people think?

LithaR · 20/07/2013 23:29

This reminds me so much of when I found out I was pregnant with my ds. Got out of the doctors and called my mum, telling her not to tell my gossipy sister. She ignored me and my sister posted it on facebook. I hadn't even had the chance to tell the father or my own first.

I was so crushed that any future pregnancies will be kept close to my chest until I want to announce them.

ByHecuba · 21/07/2013 01:01

My cousin (who I haven't even seen for ten years!) did this. It doesn't take a minute to look at a new parent's facebook and think 'have they announced the news yet?' and consider whether or not they might like to be the first to do this.

AhamSaidJackLambe · 21/07/2013 01:02

We actually changed our fb settings just before DS was born because I really didn't want other people sending messages as I've seen it before and always thought it was really lousy on the new parents.

Then the day we got home we reactivated our accounts and posted a birth announcement and a couple of photos.

Some may think me a bit extreme but I'm not one for splashing my life on fb, I never mentioned my pregnancy and I've posted around 8 pics of DS and he is 11 months now.

Oscalito · 21/07/2013 01:06

I don't understand relatives who get all breaking news about it and feel that it's their place to announce it to the world.

Yes it's exciting for you, but it's far, far more exciting for the parents - let them be the ones to announce it.

Good idea to deactivate account this time. I remember with our DS a friend came to visit, took a photo of us all in our PJs, looking knackered, then posted it on FB. My DH contacted her and asked nicely for it to be removed, and said we'd put our own photos up when we were ready. Think she was mortified and felt she'd invaded our privacy, which she had. No one needs to see that. And no one needs to hear about 'nasty tears' on FB either....

marriedinwhiteagain · 21/07/2013 07:29

OMG - it hadn't occurred to me that this would be an issue for anyone at all but I'm an old gimmer. When ours were born your DH telephoned your parents and his parents the morning after the birth and a few close friends later and that was that until the newspaper announcements. 12 week scans on facebook - yuk. Ours are still in my bedside drawer, tucked away at the back somewhere.

MsJupiterJones · 21/07/2013 08:51

I think if I have a dc2 I will deactivate my Wall before it's due so no one else can post on it, then once we've made an announcement reactivate it. Seems easier than deactivating my whole account.

beela · 21/07/2013 09:20

I find it really odd when people post their 12w scans on fb - I wouldn't want people I barely know to be looking at the inside of my womb.

But perhaps that's just me

HMT13 · 21/07/2013 09:31

I'm the same with the scan pics. Don't get it. It's personal. And I wouldn't be happy if someone posted about me giving birth. I will probably eventually put something on there when the baby has arrived, just as its the easiest way of letting people know. That will only be once my closest family/friends already know.

Maggietess · 21/07/2013 09:33

It wouldn't have dawned on me to take offence about this. For each of our babies DH & I made sure we took an hour just ourselves and the baby before we told anyone.

Then we did a quick phonecall to the grandparents and picture message to our brothers and sisters. Finally a text to close friends from his phone (so I didn't get loads of calls and text replies when I was trying to seep/feed!).

After that I don't mind who announces what on Facebook. tbh I'm happy enough for anyone to do it and I'm quite pleased they are posting they are proud to be the aunties/uncles of our newest arrival! We'll probably post a photo a day or two later when we have time, but no rush.

I think people can get too uptight about this - relax and enjoy the time in the hospital when it's just you and your oh and the baby, especially if you've only got 6 hours til you go home!

ChasedByBees · 21/07/2013 09:38

I disabled my wall but my husband rang work to say he wouldn't be in and was starting his 2 week paternity leave. I was in the post natal recovery suite when a colleague wrote congratulations on his wall.

DH hadn't disabled his wall so friends of mine that were also friends of DH found out about the birth through that.

I can't understand why some of you don't realise that that is thoughtless or unwanted.

DH told work because he had to - at that point, we'd only told our parents and siblings. For my friends to find out via Facebook made them feel 'less worthy' of receiving the news via us directly, but I was still half out of it. It was really upsetting and annoying.

josiejay · 21/07/2013 09:50

I have seen people actually post that their friend/relative is in labour, which is even worse than a birth announcement I think.

Also bugs me when people post their own pics of someone else's wedding before the 'official' ones go up, though I realise this is probably me being a bit uptight!

Maggietess · 21/07/2013 10:07

ChasedByBees - actually I agree with you saying that it's thoughtless of acquaintances, I think that's a bit different to people like me saying it doesn't bother us. Whilst it doesn't bother me, I can understand that not everyone feels the same and therefore I'd never post news like that on someone's wall.

I suppose my angle was in response to the op asking about their brother and bil rather than work colleagues - I do think that's a bit different to aunties and uncles posting.

Work colleagues should have a bit more foresight that perhaps they're hearing something by virtue of the fact they are your husband's work colleagues and that friends and family may not know. That's just insensitive not to realise that!

On the other hand, if I was your friend, I wouldn't be feeling any "less worthy" just because some idiot in your husband's work posted something on Facebook!

Xenia · 21/07/2013 12:03

No need to tell family immediately of course...
We never told anyone I was pregnant until 4 or 5 months (as I was fairly small) including work, not even my parents!

ballstoit · 21/07/2013 14:14

DBro requested no fb mentions of dniece's arrival in his announcement text, I (and the rest of the family), were happy to respect their wishes.

florencebabyjo · 21/07/2013 14:36

What a fuss!
Good job Kate and William aren't being so precious! I can imagine all the world will know about new prince/princess before they get to tell half the people they know personally.
Should't we all just be glad we've had live births/healthy offspring without getting all melodramatic.
Does it really matter ?
Maybe being uncharitable, but it seems to me that some of us have our priorities wrong. I get the feeling such over reactions could split families in what should be a happy time.

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