Social media updates about birth...

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Has anyone else requested that family members don't post on social networks before we (the parents) do about the birth of DC?

I have politely mentioned to DB & DBIL as they are likely to know it is happening. Being single men with no interest in kids I am concerned about their lack of empathy re this. DBIL already took to Twitter before my 12 scan .

DB has taken offence. I have to say my relationship with him isn't straightforward/that good, so it is probably more indicative of that, but I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for us to request...?

I have just written a blog post about this very thing- if you are interested - www.bumpbabycandme.blogspot.co.uk

These threads always remind me of my poor aunt.

She was having my cousin (in the 60's) and had literally just had her an hour or so before. Only my Uncle knew at this point, as none of our family had home phones then. Turns out that a neighbour of my grandma's was a cleaner and had seen my aunts name on the board and nosies around until she found out about the baby. She broke her neck getting home and went straight to DGMs and told her that her first DGC had been born, what sex, weight etc.

DGM was FUMING, had a right go at the neighbour and never spoke to her again. My Uncle, proud as punch, rocked up at his In Laws to break the news only to find out that they already knew. They tried to pretend but my mother (16 and subtle as a brick) let the cat out of the bag. My aunt was gutted and when the neighbour got into trouble after Uncle complained, she blamed my AUNT!

See I had it the other way round, People were writing on my wall 'Congratulations' 'Well done' 'Bet he's beautiful' AND I HADN'T BLOODY HAD HIM YET!!!!

I deactivated my profile as didn't want family members to think I just hadn't told them..especially as it was still a day or 2 before I actually had him!!

Oooh, I had DD 7 weeks ago. My DS's godmother, a dear, dear friend of mine has been working overseas. I sent her a photo of DD, which she then put on Facebook, tagging DH and I saying what a gorgeous new baby we had. At least I had told parents and siblings, but it would have been nice if I had been the one to put a baby photo up... There were lots of people commenting on the photo who are friends with her who've never met me or DH, it just felt that they didn't have a right too (silly I know).

I won't say anything, she's is one who almost 'over using facebook' on her travels as it's an easy way for her to keep all the friends she has in different countries updated on her news, but this wasn't her news to share.

I also disagree, it is my news, and just because the mother doesn't usually get to share it doesn't mean that's the right thing.

I didn't have a mobile in the delivery room, I had my babies in my bedroom and I had my laptop, home phone, mobile, chargers, plugs etc right next to me. Why would I not use them, in a judicious order, to share the news because it is tradition that I should be shut up in a mud hut bleeding on my own whilst the 'village' (people I hardly know) celebrate?

For us, loads of people met our second baby before the grandparents did, before any 'family' or close friends did. We wanted a few days of adjustment period so the visitors didn't come until about 48 hours after but life still needed to go on, I still needed to take older DC to school the next day, still needed to go shopping, still needed to answer the door to the postman, neighbour etc, all of whom 'met' the baby (and in some cases had a cuddle, at school gates, neighbour etc) before any family had been near.

I don't see the problem.

Ida, the issue is other people sharing the news without asking the parents not the parents sharing.

I can't see why people other than the parents shouldn't post about a baby on social media - it seems quite precious to me to want to control other people's posts

Honestly, I think be glad people are interested! It's nice that a wider community gets involved. I think if its not your immediate family or friends just take care if posting and perhaps be a little sensitive to the fact they might like to be the announcers but as the parents, don't sweat it, people are happy for you and celebrating your little one!

But the poster above was arguing it wasn't the mother's news to share, that's what I was addressing.

To those saying that it isnt just the parents news to share, think about this...

In PG nothing is in your control. Nothing. Even if you eschew all forms of antenatal care and have a free birth, you are still ultimately in the hands of nature. From the second you conceive, as a father or a mother, you have no control.

But you can at least be the ones who say "We have had our baby! S/He is X lbs X oz and will be called......." If someone else does that for you, without being asked to, then that is the special moment that was yours being taken away.

Is it really too much to ask to want to be the ones that announce the birth of your own child? And as for banning grandparents from seeing their new DGC for 48 hours but happily handing it over for cuddles to randoms at the school gate, words fail me!

YANBU. At all.

YANBU. We requested that no one mention it to anyone, including on Facebook, until after we'd told everyone we wanted to.

Learnt my lesson after a friend outed my pregnancy on FB when I'd been keeping it under wraps.

I've now left FB!

Completely disagree that the parents shouldn't be able to control announcement of birth or any other details of pregnancy.

The birth could have been traumatic, the baby may have had problems after birth, the mother could still be recovering, there could be relatives who they want to contact before making general announcement.

Taking it upon yourself to making the news public on social media without consulting the parents is tactless and thoughtless.

There is no comparison to jungle drums.

This has happened to lots of people I know. Before we announced I was pregnant I changed my Facebook settings so posts from people posting directly on my wall are only visible to me. Can't stop people posting status updates (although best to switch on tag approval for posts too!), but my closest friends know I would be unhappy if they did this. I'll announce on fb myself when we're ready to and once all close family, who aren't on fb, know.

I had my babies before FB or twitter and RELIED on my immediate family and friends to broadcast to the world that i had a baby etc.... Isn't this just the same?

I wasn't alarmed that the lady 3 doors down from my mums or the lads in the local knew what i had and what it was called - i simply wouldn't have been able to get round and tell EVERYONE personally.

And as for other people updating their status with the knews, isn't this what ALL people do with each other when then speak - it's called conversation!!!! You tell eachother your news, and that sometimes IS other peoples news becuase it affects you.

Yes do that. I was a little peeved one of my friends announced our baby boy's birth on fb. We had planned a strict order of phone calls, emails then fb. When I said she'd been a bit hasty she said it was because she thought people would be worried about me. Bless her she was just highly enthusiastic and who can blame her!

I didn't 'ban' anyone or give the baby to 'randoms' - I just didn't have any visitors to my house for a couple of days after the birth (is that a problem? The grandparents met the baby at 48 hours old. Plenty soon enough for anyone I'd have thought). I still needed to live life though and you can't stop taking the kids to school just because you've had a baby, can you! Bumping into friends/acquaintances whilst going out briefly for an essential task is different to inviting visitors round to your house for a 'meet the baby' session - or can't you see that?

I can see that, I have had 6 children so you cant tell me anything about "life goes on"

But at no point was I in a position to have to do the school run in the 48 hours after giving birth. You say "our" and "us" so you had a partner who could have done the school run while you stayed at home with the baby, which rather indicates to me that you wanted to show your baby off. Thats fine, we have all done that, I get it! But to show off your baby to the school run crowd before its own GP get to meet it is rather mean.

And I wonder how you will feel if you have a son whose wife decides that you wont be allowed to see your new grandchild until 2 days later, despite her showing said baby off to neighbours and acquaintances.

Not everyone wants to hide away on their own. Either way is not right or wrong so long as its what you want.

My sister had her baby on Tuesday ad she came home Wednesday. He was very keen for me and my dd to come and visit them and meet the new baby. We drove down Thursday and stayed in a local hotel. Saw him yesterday and going back today to see him soon. She wanted my parent to go the day he was born so they did.

I was similar. I wanted to have visitors and show dd off to the world! I also accepted help from my parents and inlaws so I could sleep.

Mumofjz that's exactly what I think is the beauty of it! I don't need (or want) to spend my days after having my baby to update everyone beyond closest family, that's what I want them to do!

I don't care who, or in which order, people heard (after grandparents and siblings who by god you should be calling!), I'm very glad they are interested. It's a baby not state secrets and it's not all about your social announcement, use family and friends to spread the word to those who care while you spend time with baby! To hell with how cousin Doris hers the news and if she's so pissed of that your neighbours cat told her rather than you that she doesn't want to speak to you then seriously you're not missing out!

Reviving an older thread but had been following this due to similar situation in my life and it just reared it's head again and I needed a place to do a quick vent!

I'm now 17 weeks, but previous to the 12 week scan I had also asked parents (who I told as soon as I knew, around 6/7 weeks), to keep it amongst themselves until we had had scan and knew all was well. Didn't work, but hey ho, excited first time grandparents and all that.

12 week scan happened, all was well, however I then asked the prolific fb'ers in my immediate family to please keep my fb free of baby news for the time being. Talk about it on your own feed but please don't tag me or post stuff to my wall as we are still telling our friends face to face and I'm not comfortable with baby announcements on fb, dunno why, it's just not me.

This turned into a major family drama, complicated by my mum's slight ineptness at fb and lack of understanding of general fb etiquette, despite being on it all bloody day.

5 weeks later (now) she is still going on about it and has gotten it into her head that I'm not allowing her to talk about it with anyone, at all, ever.

Aaaarrghhhhh! Jeezus.. parents and social media, what an unholy alliance.

I'm quite worried about friends telling everyone on FB as soon as I spill the beans - as many of them are slightly obsessed with the site. I will have to specifically ask them not to share the news, as I plan on telling people in person rather than online, and so obviously won't tell everyone the same day. After me and my DP have finished announcing it to those we want, and when some time has passed probably, we'll put it on FB just so it's done :P Same after birth, but I will be very mad if anyone goes public with our news before us!