Social media updates about birth...

[MrsMargoLeadbetter]

Has anyone else requested that family members don't post on social networks before we (the parents) do about the birth of DC?

I have politely mentioned to DB & DBIL as they are likely to know it is happening. Being single men with no interest in kids I am concerned about their lack of empathy re this. DBIL already took to Twitter before my 12 scan .

DB has taken offence. I have to say my relationship with him isn't straightforward/that good, so it is probably more indicative of that, but I don't think it is an unreasonable thing for us to request...?

[plentyofsoap]

I had a member of my dhs family post the pics of my ds on facebook. He was in nicu and i had sent them to my fil who shared them privately with other family members. It was private and I was beyond angry. It caused alot of problems which I could have done without. Be very careful.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Agrees for once with Xenia. My DH didn't tell his work colleagues I was pg at all with DS - they found out when I told them and I certainly didn't tell mine until I could cover it up no more.

In fact when dd was born my mum phoned the hosp at about 10.30 (most unusual). DH had left at about 5.30am; and I was supposed to ring first thing but I dropped off waiting my turn for the ward coin phone. My mum thought something had gone wrong because the nurses wouldn't give her any info - and she had a massive rant about my thoughtlessness when I woke up and phoned her. I don't think I slept for more than two hours at a stretch again for about two years after that !!

[LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey]

With both of mine DH rang everyone on our list when our babies were born and everyone requested passed the message on, i.e. my aunt rang my grandma, my dad rang my mother (she was in hospital on an ICU ward) and his mother etc. DH rang our best friends. After that we were left alone. All the vital people had been told and offered their congrats and it didn't matter to us if they posted their congrats on FB. I don't mind other people announcing the name or gender in their congrats because all the people I wanted to know first, knew.

[LittleMissSnowShine]

The other thing about all of this is sensitivities beyond just you and your OH wanting to be the ones to announce it - like other posters have mentioned sister's posting news about their pregnancies on FB before they have had a chance to tell father of the child or RIP grandad messages before everyone in family knows that grandad has passed away.

A good friend of mine was due a few months before I was with DS. Her DD was stillborn and I knew she was really grieving and upset still as my due date approached so I wanted to have the chance to text her before she saw it on FB. Similarly if you have friends who may be recovering from mcs or who are struggling with ongoing infertility, then announcing you're pg by posting up 12/20 week scans can be a little bit insensitive.

I guess it all just feeds into bigger questions about over sharing on social media...

[DoJo]

I don't think it's precious to want to make your own announcement, particularly if you have close friends/family in different time zones and want to share the news with them before the world and his wife know about it. I also think that anyone who has had a difficult birth, problems with health etc probably wants a chance to deal with those before having to field well-meaning but possibly unintentionally awkward congratulations from people who they might not necessarily have chosen to share with.
I feel even more strongly about pictures as facebook reserves the right to use any pictures posted on there in any way they choose, so thinking carefully about how happy you are for everyone in the world to potentially see any images you post on there is vital.

[IdaClair]

I felt quite strongly that I wanted to tell everybody myself, so nobody got to know until I was ready to tell them. A few hours after birth I had a merry time with my phone and my laptop letting everyone I wanted to know, know all at once and nobody else got to tell anyone. It was great. I don't think it's precious at all, it matters a lot. There was no way I was going to let DH tell everybody.

I don't think a single picture of the baby's face, their name and birth date announcement on FB is 'overshare'. I've lost babies and been the one grieving (and had to retract pregnancy announcements on facebook, unfortunately) does that make me more or less qualified to post up the happy news? Not sure.

[LittleMissSnowShine]

I don't think it is over share either, provided it is your own news you are sharing and that you have had the chance to let important people (your partner, maybe your parents / siblings, close friends) know first. Social media blanket approach is v handy in terms of letting more distant friends, cousins, colleagues etc know about your new arrival but I'd be a bit gutted to see on FB that my sister had had a baby (for example) an hour before and I hadn't gotten to hear about it in person first!

[surfingbabies]

Facebook & twitter make me twinge!!!
Only your own business should go on your wall......if ANYONE wants to announce YOUR birth they should ask u first.....only insensitive people don't ask! God it winds me up, its mainly for nosy people with no life
Good luck

[karinmaria]

Oh I wish I'd done this with our friends. I had stupidly assumed I wouldn't need to considering I'd managed to keep my mum's passing away and my entire pregnancy off there but no, people bloody announced the birth before I'd managed to get hold of a couple of family members who do not text. Their kids told them because of the FB announcements my friends put up.

So frustrating. I wanted either my DH or me to announce - it seems that was merely a pipe dream...

[BabyILoveYou]

DH's little cousin- who I see at funerals/ weddings- decided to announce it on Facebook. I was really upset, it was just not her place. It wasn't just 'congratulations Baby and Mr Baby on Actual Baby'- it was this really elaborate 'Welcome to the world Actual Baby, born x.x.x at 12.01' and so on.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

A couple of weeks ago a friend and his wife had a baby half an hour after she was born he called family to let them know, 8 hours after she was born something went very wrong she died less than 2 hours later.

I'm sure it was very precious of them to be even more distressed (hard to imagine that anything could add to that pain but it can)by loads of public fb and twitter posts announcing the safe arrival of the baby made by others.

[syl1985]

It doesn't matter what your requests are. Everyone should respect them. If they think they're unreasonable. Their problem.

It's your pregnancy and your rules. If they're pregnant then they can decide how they want things to happen.

It's so stupid that if you're pregnant people think that they got a say in things.
Like my brother was angry on me that he wasn't the first one to know I was going to give birth.
All the time the same question if the baby wasn't born yet.

When my brother had his daughter he called everyone and at 6 in the morning. Not long after she was born we're in the hospital. They really wanted everyone to come and have a look asap.

So we did. It was nice seeing my niece so soon. Although having a phone call around 5am wasn't necessary for me.
Unlike them I never asked to get a phone call asap. So it was a surprise being awoken so early. But we went over. It felt like he really wanted everyone to be happy for them and to share their special moment.

I was happy, but at the some time I was thinking. F*ing hell, it's 5am I've got a live, you know. Someone people around here do need their beauty sleep.

But we're differently. When I've given birth I never felt the need of having visitors around. I wanted my rest and my time with the baby.
I guess he felt that that was they way he did it. So I had to do the same for him?!?!?

People for some reason can respond so weird on pregnancies and not respecting your wishes. Almost like they feel or think that our pregnancy is also their pregnancy or something?!?!?
And they've a right not to respect our wishes. Because they're a bit pregnant too....

[Laptopgirl]

My BIL did announced our DC on both mine and DH fb account. I was livid as I hadn't even finished telling my immediate family! So being the bitch I am - returned the favour when they had their DC

[funnyperson]

It is a strange world on this thread, with the mobile going as the placenta is delivered and 12 week scans posted online.

Years ago in an Indian village the drums were beaten if it was a boy; a metal platter (thali) sounded out if it was a girl.

Was it ever the case that the mother was the first to tell the world about the baby? I don't think so. There were always those waiting with excitement outside the delivery room who would run and tell the world in whatever way was current.

So this century it is facebook. A new person is born. I find it hard to understand the possessiveness of anyone who thinks it is 'their' news. It is baby's news. Not the mother's news or the father's news or the aunt or uncle but the new person who has an identity beyond mother and father and thats why the workmates and granny and db and everyone rush to post.

I can't stand mobiles in a consulting room btw.

[funnyperson]

Bring back the drums I say.

[funnyperson]

Was Mary cross that the 3 kings found out by following a star?

[Maggietess]

Totally agree funny person!

[florencebabyjo]

funnyperson,Yes you're right. It's the age we live in and I think we all need to understand a birth is not just about the couple but also the community around them. It is natural for that community to need to share that news, a sort of primal instinct. It can also galvanise a community to support that couple as in when something does go wrong. The social networking could come into its own with offers of help.

[ArabellaBeaumaris]

Totally agree with funnyperson

[SummerMyArse]

sock that is so sad.

"I find it hard to understand the possessiveness of anyone who thinks it is 'their' news. It is baby's news. Not the mother's news or the father's news"

I disagree. It bloody is my news that I have given birth to my baby! I'm the one who did all the sodding work!

Fwiw I have little opinion on the whole FB/twitter thing mainly because I don't do either and have a very small circle of friends and family, most of whom don't FB or twitter either.

I phoned my parents about 2 hours after the birth (once the stitching was finished) then my DB.

DH decided to wait (DS was born at 8pm) to tell his mum because she was visiting the next day (DS was a few weeks early). So he went to collect her as usual from the station and showed her a photo of her first grandson It was a lovely way to announce it and yes, he would have been hurt if she'd found out from somebody else.

[HawaiianSunset12]

Following this from "discussions of the day"

I have not had children yet, but from the "other side" I was gutted when I went on facebook to discover my cousin had announced on there she had just had her baby, complete with a photo. I was expecting to be told by text, so to find out all her friends knew before I did (the status was a few hours old at this point) was gutting. The last person to see a photo of the baby was the babies own grandparents (who don't use facebook)

[JRmumma]

Ill definitely be de-activating before my due date, same as i did before my wedding, and before we told friends and family we were expecting. I don't use social media for anything serious and NEVER post anything personal about myself and definitely not about others.

I don't mind if my news is shared through the grapevine, but i don't want pictures of my child on the internet at all, unless i decide to share any. Once you post something on the web you lose all control over it. I think most social media users would do well to remember this in general.

[OhDearNigel]

stick it on an easel take photo and post to your own FB

[Bertrude]

hawaiian I've been the same with a recent pregnancy announcement from one of my closest friends growing up. Our families did everything together and we're all still very close despite me living abroad. With their first, I got a phone call before anything went online, same with first baby's birth. I spotted a couple of weeks ago that his wife is now pregnant with number 2. I was gutted. I rang my mum (good friends with his mum) and she said oh crap, I said I'd ring an tell you and I forgot. I then looked like the horrid person for not congratulating them before that point!

But yes, live birth updates on FB do my tree in. There's far too much 'OMG I think that was a contraction'. 'OMG I'm 3cm dilated'

I think some twattish people juts try to make it look like they know before everyone else though, kinda see, I posted first so I knew first and an due reform most important.

[Bertrude]

And due reform????? And therefore am!