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Pregnancy

I don't know what to do. please help.

85 replies

hotcrosbum · 23/03/2013 12:20

I didn't want to clog up the HG support thread with this.

I've had dh screaming in my face all morning and I have had enough. I am 7 weeks pregnant, baby was planned, but I don't know if I can continue this pregnancy.

As we were trying, I found out I was pregnant a day before my period was due. Dh has been an arsehole since then, picking fights.

I have an older DS from a previous marriage, I suffered sever HG with him and the sickness has started again. DH said he's fed up of it already, that I should stop moaning (i've not been moaning, I have felt like death, but I haven't whinged about it), that he's fed up of doing everything (a bit of cleaning here and there and changing the cat litter tray today as I was heaving).

He said the sickness is my fault, that its self inflicted because I got pregnant and I should shut up about it.

He was screaming at me at looking into medication, he doesn't want me to take anything.

I have decided to go semi private with this baby - private GP, private midwife, private scans. Will have an nhs consultant and have a cs in an nhs hospital, but all other care I will be paying for. THIs is due to being treated appallingly with ds, being left feeling like I had been publicly raped after I was examined against my will on a ward where they refused to shut the curtains. I ended up with such bad PND that it has affected every area of my life for the past 11 years. I can't risk it again.

He is now saying that its a waste of money who am i to think I am better than everyone else, that he doesn't believe how I was treated, that I am making it up.

Midwife is coming for her first app in an hour, sat here crying. I dont know what to do.

I honestly don't know if he is trying to make me throw him out so he doesn't look like the bad party, or if he is trying to make me so stressed that I miscarry.

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hotcrosbum · 27/03/2013 07:41

Thanks, I will try.

Yes, dh can cook, it's his one saving grace. He's going to make a big stew type thing on friday for the weekend so I will try picking at that. I am craving mashed potato, but know from bitter experience that they don't come up all that well (tmi, sorry!) so will probably give that a miss!

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hotcrosbum · 14/04/2013 10:22

SOrry for resurrecting this thread, but I am not in a good place.

My died. I went for a follow up scan and there is no heartbeat. I am heartbroken. I am waiting to miscarry naturally.

I blame dh. I hate him at the moment.

WHen we had the scan the doctor said all the usual, how it was nothing we had done.

He gave me weeks of stress, shouting, screaming at me. How could that have helped anything.

ANd now he says we should move on. I'm carrying a dead baby that my body has painfully get rid of. How can I move on yet.

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hotcrosbum · 14/04/2013 10:22

My baby died, I meant.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 14/04/2013 10:26

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. I have no magic words to make things better but I can hold your hand until someone wiser comes along.

hotcrosbum · 14/04/2013 10:28

I want to shout at him and tell him I blame him and tell him how much I hate him, but I can't. I can't face more arguing and shouting, not now. I am terrified of whats going to happen re the miscarriage, no idea when it will happen, ds id due home today after being with his father for the easter hols.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 14/04/2013 10:34

Do you have anyone you can go & stay with for a bit, away from your DH? I don't know much about Women's Aid but lots of people mention it on here so it may be worth contacting them to see if they can help.

I had a miscarriage at 9/10 weeks pg but mine was medicated so that I knew when it would happen. Not sure how far along you are so don't know if this is an option?

WeAreSix · 14/04/2013 10:37

Massive un-MN-hug. I'm so sorry.

I can understand why you blame him. You're bound to be angry, hurt, in dismay. You are grieving.

Have you got RL support?

Shylepite · 14/04/2013 10:37

I'm so sorry, I don't have anything useful to say but I'll hold your other hand while you vent on here.

hotcrosbum · 14/04/2013 10:38

I have no one. No family, no close friends. I am on my own with this, and I can't disrupt my son.

I have opted to wait to miscarry natrually. FOr now, we'll see what happens.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 14/04/2013 10:39

Whereabouts are you?

WeAreSix · 14/04/2013 10:42

Virtual hand holding.

Miscarriage Association has lots of information if you need it.

MrsHelsBels74 · 14/04/2013 10:43

Obviously it's ok if you'd rather not say, I'm just thinking someone local might be able to offer advice on what support might be available. Or we can search on the net if you don't feel up to it?

hotcrosbum · 14/04/2013 10:52

Im in london.

I feel terrible becuae there were moments when I thought I didn't want my baby, there was at time when he was being nasty that I googled abortion places. Please believe me i would never ever have gone through with it, but ifeel that this is my pay back for thinking it.

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workingonitagain · 14/04/2013 10:57

hi hotcrosbum i've read your thread and so sorry that you are having to go through this. your dh sounds very much like my dh. he can be the best man in the world then every now and then say very insensitive things. i had a missed mc last december where there was just no baby it was my third pregnancy but i opted for medical assistant as i just wanted the nightmare to end and i have to say it wasn't as bad as i thought. my baby was measuring 6 weeks and i ended up having lighter than normal period and very light bleed. i don't know about waiting it out naturally just knew it wasn't for me but wish you all the best and hope this nightmare ends very soon for you x

Shylepite · 14/04/2013 11:00

Don't blame yourself! It's not surprising at all that you did that considering the way your "d" h was treating you. I got pg unexpectedly and the timing was awful, I seriously considered abortion and got as far as calling a local clinic. In the end I couldn't do it and everything worked out fine but if it worked like you're saying surely I'd have miscarried too? These things happen completely at random and its not fair at all

MrsHelsBels74 · 14/04/2013 18:05

The baby I miscarried was very much planned & wanted...but I still miscarried, it just doesn't work like that. I now have a strapping 6 month old since the miscarriage, no-one knows why these things happen sadly. Please try not to blame yourself.

Queazy · 14/04/2013 18:48

I'm so sorry to read your post What sad news - I really hope you are being offered support from your midwife and others. I know you've got to concentrate on you at the moment and its so much to take in, but it also sounds like you have some thinking to do about the future of you and your DH. I was worried after reading your other messages - it sounds like you're in an unpredictable but potentially abusive relationship, and you can't stay with him because of his relationship with your child. I'm so sorry for your loss. You can get through this though, and you'll have lots of people here to support you. Please take it easy and look after yourself xx

BabyHMummy · 14/04/2013 19:13

hotcross i am so sorry for your loss hugs

I know its hard but try not to blame yourself or dh for that matter. He was being an arse but sometimes awful things just happen for no good reason.

I should think he ia prob blaming himself and is trying to deal with it by just getting on with things. I do suggest you talk to him about how you feel though or it will consume you and probably lead you to some very dark places.

Here for you Xxx

something2say · 14/04/2013 21:29

Hi hotcrossbum I too am so very sorry to hear the news. Poor poor you. Xxx. I think your husband has been unbelievable towards you!!! Shouting at you like that. I do not think you lost the baby because you weren't sure about him or her. Xxxx thinking of you over the next few days x

hotcrosbum · 15/04/2013 14:23

Just to say thank you.

Am still in limbo waiting to miscarry, it's torture at the moment but I want to try and avoid a D&C.

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workingonitagain · 15/04/2013 16:42

have you only been given the option for D&C? i didn't want that either that's why i opted for the tablet that brings your period on and as i said it wasn't painful and it didn't last long either. good luck x

hotcrosbum · 15/04/2013 16:47

I havent been near a hospital (yet).

I had my scan at a private clinic, they said to either wait for a natural mc or contact my local EPU if I wanted a procedure. I don't know what to do really, no sign of anything yet.

All my horrendous pg symptoms have disappeared, physically I feel fantastic at the moment. i think i've buried my head in the sand.

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something2say · 15/04/2013 18:52

How are things with your partner?

hotcrosbum · 15/04/2013 19:01

He's been good. He's devistated. He's looking after me well actually.

He's been ok for about 4 weeks, t he was finally excited about the baby.

I just want this all over with before I think about what to do with regards to my marriage, tbh I need him here incase something goes wrong, to look after my ds.

Losing this baby has hit hard, I can't think about anything else at the mo.

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MrsHelsBels74 · 15/04/2013 23:41

I had a medicated procedure but it wasn't D&C. Depends on your NHS trust I guess as to what they offer, but I had 2 lots of medication that I took 48 hours apart & that was it, the miscarriage itself happened at home.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes as painlessly as possible. Am happy to discuss anything further if you want, feel free to PM me.

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