How painful is labour?

[MayimBialik]

I'm sure the answer will be very/extremely/agonisingly! But what is the most painful part? Is it the contractions? What do they feel like? Bad period pains but they go on for so long it gets exhausting? Or worse? Or is the most painful part the pushing? How long does that last for?

Just starting to wonder more and more about the whole thing. I'm hopefully having a waterbirth and am really looking forward to it. Im being a bit naive at the moment thinking I have a high pain threshold and always suffered from horrendous period pains so it can't be that bad....feel free to bring me back to reality!

HipHop. s'ok I can look back and laugh now too eleven years on. Honestly though, it really pisses me off when people say things like, oh you should have done this (hypnobirthing, not lying flat, read up more, whatever) and it would have been painless. If you had an easy birth, lucky you, not all of us were so lucky! does breathing exercises. I was so well prepared, and it was still shit!

Lol Glastonbury... To be honest, I've yet to hear of anyone who actually cracked open their scented candles at the vital moment...

i think it would be helpful for first timers to be able to experience the level of pain BEFORE labour so they can mentally prepare for it -

you can go into labour with all the calm feelings in the world but once you are in established labour - and its all taken over you - you cant help how you feel.

there should be some sort of machine that gives electric shocks or something like that....at the level of pain labour is.

then you know how you might cope...bearing in mind you have no idea how long labour will be.

im sure i read somewhere its akin to shattering every bone in your body?

id also have liked to try the gas and air before labour - and pethadine!

Soz, meant to type Glasto, damn autocorrect!

it really can be useful to have all the hippy stuff up your sleeve.

i had a text book so called straight forward birth with pethadine, 6 hours, 23 min pushing,

my MW got DH rubbing homotherapy oils in. whilst they did relieve me in the tinest way -over all the pain throughout and the shock of it - left me traumatised for 4 years. that was a straight forward non medicalised birth. with no complications or nastiness....one tiny tear not stiched.

Oh and if you're one of those beating yourself up about your birth(s), do your best not to. I did a lot of this after my first and while it was useful in so far as it made me really think about what I wanted for my second, it was all a bit ott.

Make no mistake, I am really, really glad I got my hippy hypnobirth waterbirth with my second, it was an amazing experience and ranks up there as one of the greatest of my life. I just know now that if I hadn't been lucky enough to have it though, it is just an experience and it wouldn't have made much difference to who I am or the rest of my life as long as I got my boy out the other end.

There are lots of amazing experiences I will now very likely never to have in life - like, oh, winning an Olympic medal or exploring the Amazon or the Galapagos Islands or whatever - but though I envy other people for having them a bit I wouldn't take it as a personal mark against me or feel unworthy for not having them. I probably feel a little bit sad I didn't do more travel or what have you, but it's okay. Your experiences are half chance, and so are everybody elses.

I took an aromastone to the birth centre for DD1's birth as I was not allowed to burn candles there. And I used it for at heat 5 of the 36 hours I was in labour. Oh fuck how I laugh now!!!!!!!! How in the heck did I have time/space to even have thoughts like that - Oh I know - I didn't have children.

I had a bit of a shock giving birth to DD2 on a monitor and on my back on bed in delivery suite - I thought I'd be in a birth centre pool floating and bouncing. Not the stereotypical on back birth. But that's what it was as the birth centre was full. At least it was fast, uncomplicated and not really painful.

Funny enogh the only thing that relieved the agony in the slightest for me was being sprayed with an Evian spray! Although that was because being July, the hospital thermostat was set to approximately a thousand degrees. And, as I said before, I wasnt allowed so much as a sip of water. For twelve hours of back labour. Bastards.

Eliza, hence the "can". It can be useful to have these things, it might not be... but whether you're a first timer or an eighth-timer, you can't really know before you go into labour as so much of the pain is probably dependent on positioning and how that particular baby fits into your pelvis/what angle they go in at etc which can't be controlled for or catered for in advance. My first baby's head was 98th centile and though the epidural took care of the pain so that wasn't a source of trauma for me, I had quite a long and slow recovery... second baby's head was 61st and of course it was going through a "tried pelvis" etc so it was all quite lovely. If I have a third, it could be better or worse than either of those two, but I wouldn't head into labour without a range of possible strategies and plans, even though I know that a lot of it is actually beyond my control (e.g. if there is a complication).

I had back labour with a son who apparently 'wasn't lined up correctly' and got stuck. Yes it was horrendously painful but there though it is the most painful you'll ever do your body somehow rises to the occassion and deals with limits you never knew were there - and my goodness is it worth it!!!! :-)

Thunks

• i was on knees scrubbing our living room floor of paint for two weeks before birth, i really dont think she was in an akward position, and during birth tried diff positions but with enoromous effort as was in so much pain. but i certainly wasnt stuck on my back.

this is why i think women should be able to experience - if they want the same ish level of pain.....from electic shocks and the like.

then you can have a better idea of how you are with pain.

there is simply no point anyone trying to predict as each woman is so different.

With my first,it wasn't so bad. I was pushing in the car, and she was born within 30 minutes of us getting there. It hurt, but it was manageable. G&A only.

With my second, the pain was unbearable. I was hoping for a water birth, but she was born in the bath while we waited for the birth pool to fill up. My labour notes say it was a 13 minute labour, so it was quick, but when she was crowning, I wanted to pass out. The ring of fire was exactly what it felt like - but she was born in 2 pushes, so it could have been much worse. I was at the hospital for less than 2 hours when she was born and had some really painful contractions there. I had g&a with dd2, but didn't get it working until I was getting stitched up.

So for me, the second time was way worse! First time,i forgot the pain right away, dd2 is now seven weeks and I still remember it clearly!

Regarding people being told to move around and have an active birth, its just not possible for everyone. Before my emcs I was hooked up to a foetal monior, morphine machine god how I loved it and I had a catheter, so bouncing on my birth ball was kind of out of the question.

It really is fine. Totally do-able. I have 3 kids. number 1 Iwas given epidural at 8cm so didnt feel crowning. The rest was fine though and as a result had no drugs with number 2 (although he was induced with a sweep and gel) and that was great. Quite intense but fabulous and I just hopped off the bed after and felt much much more together. Number 3 was more painful as she was anterior and got stuck which led to an hour of not pushing which was quite painful but again-doable. in the end the doctors wanted to give an epidural but she turned at the last minute and flew out as I sat up for the injection. So again... no drugs and we still made it.
Basically whatever your birth brings with be right for you and amazing in its own way. Drugs, no drugs whatever. You can totally do it. It really and truly doesnt hurt that much.... And I am no toughy. I think the high emotionally timbre makes all feeling more intense but given the choice between a migraine and childbirth I would choose childbirth.
Good luck!

OP, I've not had a baby yet. This is my first and like you I'm approaching the end and thinking 'what's labour like?' I've not even asked women what it feels like but they feel the need to tell me anyway and all they want to do is out-do each other in saying that labour is the worst pain you'll ever feel and that theirs was the worst . I'm preparing myself mentally with the idea that my labour will be my own experience, I'm not buttering myself up with thoughts of a little bit of pain, I'm fully aware it's going to hurt but I know that my pain threshold is a hell of a lot better than most women I know. Don't let anyone scare you with their own horror story of the burning ring of crowing fire or second degree tears down there... it might not happen to you. Be prepared for an experience that's going to be unique to you but be mindful that it's not going to be easy :) xx

Alligatorpie, you are not alone - a good few of my friends have had much worse experiences with their second, terrified the life out of me!

Elizaregina, I agree, you can't predict. Every woman is different and every labour is different. I think though from the perspective of sharing it with people who haven't been through it that it's important to hear positives as well as reassurances that for the majority of us, whether it's with drugs or without, a great experience or a bloody painful one, it's all worth it. I would never peddle the idea you can control your birth but I do think that you can prepare for it and lots of the hippy/woo stuff does end up being useful to people, you just can't know in advance whether it will work for you on the day you go into your labour with your baby. A go-with-the-flow attitude to the whole thing is necessary in lots of ways, but you can still prepare. What's that phrase? Plan for success, prepare for failure? In this case I don't mean "failure" in terms of how you give birth, but "failure of plans to materialise" e.g. prepare to accept it going differently to how you'd imagined. As it almost inevitably will in some way.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I gave birth in an amazing pool with soft colour changing lights and stars - yes, stars - on the ceiling. It looked like like a hot tub. Yet, when all is said and done labour is not a day spa experience. I really enjoyed it and it outstripped my expectations but only in the context of it being labour and my expectations having been pretty, well, catastrophic. I'd rather have had a pedicure and an Indian Head Massage .

Those people saying its doable. Well it might be. Or it might not! Yes it is for most people, but some of us didn't find it doable at all!

Sammyleh, you are right. Whatever happens it will be your experience.

However, I don't think that everyone who tries to tell you about the ring of fire or second degree tears does it as it's a "horror" story though - I had both of these in my last labour even though I really liked it. The ring of fire is just preparation, really and that can be helpful e.g. when I felt it, I thought "ooh, the burning ring of fire! I must be nearly there now!" and two breaths later, there was a baby!

It might sound horrifying but even minor pain sounds pretty bad when you are contemplating having it happen to you. I once fell coming off a bus and grazed the palms of my hands badly. It was pretty sore and ragged however, it was no big deal, just made me wince for a few weeks and needed to be taken care of with a bit of dettol and cotton wool from time to time. However, if you gave me a sheet of sandpaper and asked me to recreate that, I would be horrified and panic stricken. The idea of the pain is worse than the reality even if you are talking about a paper cut.

Most people don't think it's horrifying when they recount their story, it's just a bit of a rite of passage and you will find women up and down the country telling their story at baby groups just because it's a huge experience and people tend to enjoy - or at least get something out of - telling it. Just think of it like that and it will be less annoying. Though having said that, not sure it's a fantastic idea to share with anyone that you think your pain threshold is higher than most women's before you've done it yourself!

absoluty thunks

thats why i went in with the idea of trying tens, birthing balls - hometherapy etc....and i did try it and would have also got to birth pool if i was able to move that far, i wasnt.

I did try it - I did have a straight forward birth and I was traumatised for years!

Most people have a traumatic experience because of physical trauma, I just had it because of the level of pain and the emotional and mental trauma and shock.

I was VERY calm when I first went into labour for two days - I didnt panic, I didnt rush to hosp I was at home for two days and went into hosp at 4cm. I was even calm when it really kicked in, the MW were amazing, my DH didnt stop massaging me for SIX HOURS.

It was just too painful and too different!

It smarts and burns when you pee

BTW the ring of fire part for me was neglible compared to contractions! It also only lasted a min if that.

Funny - I'm pregnant with my first, and while I feel like I can cope with the idea of contractions, I am becoming increased frightened of the crowning bit. The ring of fire :(

I need to sort myself out in my head, not be so afraid of it but it really does bother me. Even though it's only a little while, and nothing in relation to the amount of time contractions will be going on...I am really worried about it.

I fully believe it is logical that the more relaxed you are, the easier you'll be able to cope. Not have it hurt less, but from the mental aspect perspective - it's obvious it's better to be calmer, more relaxed than to be panicking, frightened, working up into a right state. So all my prep is just that really - knowing it will hurt, knowing I will hit a wall of "I can't cope", trusting my husband to pull me through that bit, trusting the midwives, trusting my body - setting me up from a position of coping mentally even if physically I am hurting.

I think the best thing about reading other stories is knowing you are not alone in this! Some mothers can feel guilty about choosing a c-section, or accepting pain-relief. Once you start reading their stories, you realise that regardless of how you chose to have your baby (or maybe how you didn't choose and it was chosen for you) there are other women out there who feel the same.

Initially, I felt a bit crap about having (and wanting!) morphine, particually as my mum had 6 pain-relief (no water or nuffinTk!) free births, and a friend of mine just gave birth with no drugs. But I don't have anything to feel guilty about, I now realise that it was the best thing at the time. Sure, I would have like to have done it naturally, had a proper water-birth and all that jazz, but it just didn't happen.

Never beat yourself up about your choices during birth.

Dear Mayim,

Nothing to do with bad period pain - for me the worst, need-to-curl-up period pain was like the mildest contractions. And yes the pain stops between contractions but in 10 hours of dilating the maximum I had between contractions was 1 minute, twice - the rest of the time I had 2-minute contractions every 30 seconds. Gas and air did nothing for me so I was grateful for an epidural - I could actually think and concentrate on pushing!

However intense the pain of contractions is blunt - for me sharp pain is worse and labour wasn't as bad for me as severe tonsillitis where I was curled up, shaking and panting every time I had to swallow.

It is hard to give advice as everyone is so different but I would say be ready to have your expectations challenged! All the best!