How painful is labour?

[MayimBialik]

I'm sure the answer will be very/extremely/agonisingly! But what is the most painful part? Is it the contractions? What do they feel like? Bad period pains but they go on for so long it gets exhausting? Or worse? Or is the most painful part the pushing? How long does that last for?

Just starting to wonder more and more about the whole thing. I'm hopefully having a waterbirth and am really looking forward to it. Im being a bit naive at the moment thinking I have a high pain threshold and always suffered from horrendous period pains so it can't be that bad....feel free to bring me back to reality!

I personally didn't find the period pain analogy very helpful, and as a few other posters have said, wish someone had given me a more realistic idea of just how excruciatingly painful contractions can be (for some women, at least). I found contractions in both my labours pure agony, made me feel like I was losing my grip on reality (and sanity!).

Before anyone flames me for being negative and scare-mongering, I think it's helpful to be prepared. I realise now (and this really did help the second time around), that in my first labour the shock of how bad the pain was made me completely panic, which of course made the pain much worse. The second time I felt much more prepared mentally - I accepted that the pain would be extremely bad, but that it is temporary and you always, always recover - and certainly when it came to pushing I felt so focused and 'in the zone' that the pain was much, much more manageable.

I honestly didn't realise how painful labour would be. That might sound really naive but I just didn't consider the actual birth...thought it would be like period pains. It was beyond anything I could have imagined and has left me with a damaged hip.

HOWEVER DD was back to back which is notorious, I had problems with the midwives (not believing I was in labour until her head popped out ) and I quite frankly panicked. This really isn't the same for everyone, and I have friends (especially those who did hypnobirthing) who had an enjoyable birth experience. Next time around, I would try hypnobirthing and water birth without a doubt.

My analogy (a very clear picture in two of my three labours) was that I was stranded on a tiny rowboat in a huge stormy grey sea, with nobody there to help me. Each contraction was like cresting a huge wave. In my third labour I had 2.5 hours of 1.5 mn long contractions with 40 seconds between each. I told my DH we were never doing that again the moment she was born. (we did, but not for a long time)

OP, would be really interested to hear your story when you have a chance, hope it is a positive one.

Haven't read all the thread but think a few people have suggested breathing and hypnobirthing style techniques will be really helpful, given your positive outlook.
I was looking forward to labour in the last weeks of my pregnancy with DC1 (and also, like you, worried I was being naive). Just the thought of meeting DS and finally being a mum was so exciting to me, and finding out what labour is really like (i know that makes me sound weird).

In the end I had a home birth with tens, breathing, water, a few paracetemol and a glass of sherry. Pain was bad, but I coped with my own little breathing and stretching techniques for most of what I think was first stage was on own with DH for most of time, so not sure when I was dilated etc). I think the point about pain with a purpose is the main thing to focus on - when I was told I wasn't dilated at all on the midwife's first visit (about 8 hours of contractions prior to that, pain at point of not being able to bear it with tens) it made me feel like the pain had been pointless and question how much more I could take.

She left, I got in bath and I sped up after that: was getting strong urge to push and very strong pain that I needed to scream rather than breath through. The worst part was that I kept thinking 'I'm not dilated at all, I have hours to go'. But once the midwife came back and told me she could see the head it all got much better. Pain must have been about the same, but because I knew it was nearing the end I was just focused on pushing as much as I could and it was fine.

Agree that stitches were worse, and piles/anal fissures after the birth which feel like completely pointless and unfair pain to go through!

Try to stay positive and calm, and do what feels right for you on the day. Good luck!

My best friend - the world's biggest wuss - told me that labour is much more painful than delivery and IME I found that to be true. I was absolutely terrified of tearing but didn't even notice when it happened with my DDs 1 & 2. Labour is horrible, no question about it. I spent a lot of my labour with DD 3 in the bath, which helped much more than I had expected. The births themselves were fine - probably due to all the endorphins or something, I never went to any of the antenatal classes

For me 1st stage much much worse than 2nd.Breathing and entonox made no impression at all on the pain

First you're afraid you'll die, then you're afraid you won't!!

"First you're afraid you'll die, then you're afraid you won't!!"

Haha!!

For me, the biggest shock was tactually having the baby. Everyone at my ante natal class was so worried about the birth, and didn't really think about afterwards. In the end, out of the 10 of us in the group, one had to have a CS, the rest of us had varying degrees of 'bloody awful' to 'not too bad!' Afterwards, we all found it really overwhelming and the birth faded into insignificance!

I didn't find it that painful. I banged my head really hard on the mantelpiece the other day and that was much more painful than childbirth!

Loved the whole pregnancy experience but landed up having an elective Caesarean as DS was a transverse lie - moved around twice but they considered it too dangerous for me to carry on. Epidural which was fine until close then pain incredible so had massive morphine shot. This seem to affect feeding during recovery and landed up having to bottle feed after they realised son actually loosing weight! Massively disappointed.

Another one who found the first couple of weeks much more difficult than labour and delivery. Contractions were definitely worse than delivery. I asked for an epidural during the contractions but for a variety of reasons it didn't happen and actually, I was fine without it.

The first two weeks? Oh, good grief. I'm outsourcing that next time.

It feels like you are being ripped apart. The contractions take over your whole body and you are rendered useless while you have a contraction. When it finishes you are to exhausted from the pain to get comfy then the next 1 hits you! I found the pushing stage much much easier but then it only took 2 pushes to get my dd out (epidural with 1st dc so didnt feel anything).

Keep an open mind. Be realistic with your expectation - it will be the worst pain you have ever felt.

I have 2 dc's who are the light of my life and I would do labour (the worst pain I have ever felt) everyday for the rest of my life for them. Dont focus on the labour but on the baby afterwards. Labour is a tempoary thing - just keep telling yourself that.

I thought it was alright really.

First baby was back to back, long latent labour, waters broke but no contractions (back to backers can do this to you, little monkeys!) so I was drip-induced at 1cms. After seven hours on the drip was only 4cms, the consultant said that it would probably be a "long day and night" so I opted for the epidural. I described the pain at the time as feeling as though I was bobbing in water in a storm and kept feeling I'd be dragged under. It was sort of hard to predict when a contraction would begin and also each one seemed to really reach a much, much higher peak than the one before even though I wasn't dilating at any great rate. However, despite it being pretty painful, I wouldn't say I felt like dying or that it was agonising or any of that malarkey. It was painful and I could see it was going to get a lot worse so drugs seemed an option but I wasn't delirious or screaming or anything like that.

Second baby I really wanted to have a natural birth if I was lucky enough to get the opportunity (e.g. if not induced or otherwise needing continuous fetal monitoring). So I prepared a lot more than with my first. Did a hypnobirthing course at 30+ weeks though my practise after we stopped attending was very erratic as a tired pregnant whale lady with an active toddler and I didn't exactly "buy" it either, was very about some of it. Also revisited Juju Sundin's Birth Skills book which I downloaded on the Kindle and used to read in the loo.

The week before the birth I started to amass "coping tools" for labour that were described in the Birth Skills book. Simply put, these are distractors. The big thing in that approach is that you try to do something to "match the pain" e.g. distract yourself/focus on so that you stay in the moment and don't panic that you can't do it. My "kit" consisted of a few stress balls, some clary sage on a facecloth, a maracas, a picture of the London Eye (to visualise going up/having peak of contraction and coming down again) and this which I got on offer in Sainsbury's for a fiver and fit my Ipod. Oh, and a birthing ball.

The Ipod was a godsend, both for pacing to faster tunes and for listening to hypnobirthing tracks when I needed rest and contractions spaced out further), the clary sage was like natural gas and air but it was the maracas that really got me through. I shook one right by my ear really really fast as the contractions peaked and focused on that instead of the pain, really helped more than I can ever explain. I also banged it off things!

The two hard parts were:

1. Transition: the pain was really no worse in physical terms but of course there were few breaks for recovery between contractions and I suddenly felt totally overwraught and though it sounds dramatic, a sort of dark-night-of-the-soul sort of feeling. Just that I couldn't do it, that it would kill me, that I was all alone. Sort of like a depressive anxiety attack of some sort. Really weird. Midwife and dh just sat there looking at me, unaware I was thinking any of this though I was "making eyes" at dh which were supposed to communicate to him that I needed drugs. He was unaware of course . It was the most immense and powerful feeling, totally consuming, and there was a specific moment I remember well when it passed. I didn't feel relief when it passed, more like resignation e.g. well you better just get on with it then. It didn't take too long before it was time to push after this.

2. Pushing: this was the only time I really felt a bit afraid in a real sense e.g. the way you normally are afraid in real life as opposed to the crazy strange fear of transition. I was nervous about piles and tearing and I had to work hard in my head to breathe as I should. I got gas and air for this bit and fought the urge to push hard trying to breathe the baby out as I'd learned in hypnobirthing. It took a few goes to really "let" myself push his head out as I was afraid I would tear. On the other hand, there was no way I couldn't push either.. so it was a matter of degree..

The whole thing took about 36 hours with 12 of these active labour in hospital. I really enjoyed the experience. It's only six weeks ago and remember it really fondly. I feel really lucky to have been able to get through it with just a bit of gas and air at the end, it was an amazing experience, totally different to my 18 hour induction which was a means-to-an-end and fine, but really felt more like something that happened to me rather than something I was an active participant in. I would do both again in a heartbeat for the experience of bringing a new baby into the world, but the natural painfree birth would be my preference in terms of the birth experience itself.

I agree the contractions are worse. It doesn't help you don't know how long they are going to go on for and how much they are going to escalate further in pain. Well I would have had a better idea if the mw would have listened to me and examined me! - but that's another story...

Pushing the baby you are on the home stretch - you have your eye on the prize! The elation you are about to meet your baby very soon takes over. That part just stings.

I do think my fear of not knowing what is was going to be like didn't help. So my top tip is don't let fear over take you. It might not be as bad as you think. It is not going to last forever!

When you get baby home that's when the real work begins!

I would also recommend a water birth to anyone if you are in the position to have one.

Hi,

OP do please try not to worry too much about the pain aspect of labour. I know it is natural to be concerned, but don't forget this is a natural process and we are designed for it!

We can all create natural painkillers during labour - these are called endorphins (which means internal morphine) and that is exactly what they are - morphine like. Those in this thread who describe being spaced out/ out of it are describing the side effects of the endorphins.

One of the worst things you can do ahead of the birth is imagine how terrible or painful it might be -but why? The part of the brain which is concerned with protecting you from danger cannot tell the difference between your imagination and something really happening - every time you think about the birth in a negative way, that part of the brain experiences it as if it is happening, and you create a sense of danger/threat around birth and /or sensations of labour.

When you go into labour, this part of the brain is likely to then respond as if you are in danger. This will have several effects, firstly it may slow the labour down (because it is not safe to give birth if you are in danger) and secondly it will trigger the release of stress hormones - mainly adrenaline and cortisol - and these stress hormones prevent normal levels of the painkilling endorphins being released and you will feel more pain. They also reduce the natural levels of oxytocin, which is involved with progressing the labour and your feeling of wellbeing and bonding with the baby after birth, it also helps the flow of milk.

As some very wise people on this forum have said, learn relaxation techniques, proper breathing, and practice them until you can relax yourself at will. Do not allow yourself to think abut how painful it might be, instead imagine yourself being able to cope (I appreciate this can be quite hard to do if you are worried about it). If you are able to afford it attend a hypnobirthing course, or perhaps visit a hypnotherapist to be taught how to use self hypnosis for labour.

Hope this is useful - I should say that I am a hypnotherapist and I have helped women to have a pain free (or virtually pain free) labour. If anyone does want any advice on learning self hypnosis for birth I would be happy to direct you to someone in your area if you PM me.

Leah

Haven't read the whole thread, but I'd agree with the people that said your attitude makes a big difference and if you expect labour to be painful then it will be. There's a lot to be said for learning some techniques to help you relax, understand what is happening and let your body do the work, rather than fighting the pain. Staying upright and mobile makes a huge difference - the worst bit of my labour with DS1 was having to lie down for an examination, I was so much more comfortable walking around and then was in a birth pool for delivery. I got a bit panicky around transition but then getting into second stage felt like a big relief and my body did the work again.
With DS2 I was so relaxed I almost didn't get to the hospital in time because I hadn't realised how far along I was!
I used the Natal Hypnotherapy CDs and found them very helpful, and also read Ina May's guide to childbirth which has lots of really positive stories about how amazing it can be.
I'm always shouting at the telly during programmes like OBEM where they are all flat on their backs and screaming - it doesn't have to be like that.

In the late stages of pregnancy I begged other mums, including my own, to be honest about the pain of labour and birth to me. They all said pretty much the same thing; it hurts in a massive period pain/ horribly upset stomach kind of way. I did as much prep as possible, hypnobirthing, reading Ina May, birthing ball etc and you know what? Although it hurt like nothing else Ive ever experienced, I would do it again tomorrow just not the pregnancy bit, it is so difficult to explain properly, the ctx were completely bearable until my waters explodedbroke and the second degree tear was horrid but the feeling that your body is doing something so incredible made me feel like the strongest woman on the planet.
I hope you approach birth with a positive and open mind, go with it, don't fight it and if you need drugs then take them. It's a cliche but there are no medals in childbirth, it's your time and you do whatever feels right for you.
Good luck!

1st birth - arranged C section. Calm but the recovery was slow. Pushing the buggy and getting upstairs was awful.

2nd birth - induced by drip. I went from being totally normal to giving birth in 3.5 hours. I caved and requested an epidural about one hour before the end as it was bloody painful. The reason it was painful was because my endorphin's hadn't had a chance to build up as they would do in a normal natural birth.

3rd labour. I had mild braxon hicks at lunch time. Carried on as usual and by 8 realsed they weren't braxtons. It wasn't bad at all pain wise and with each mild contraction, I bounced my way through the sharp feeling. My contractions all but stopped and on the way to hospital at 11.30 and I expected the nurse to tell me it was a false alarm. However I was unexpectedly and amazingly 9cm and gave birth about an hour later, pushing for about 20mins in total. I think pushing was the hardest part for me but even then, I remember giving birth and thinking 'was that it?'. I had just assumed it was going to be much harder and much longer. I'd love to do it all again if I could, I actually quite enjoyed the whole thing. It was such a positive smooth and easy birth.

Best thing you can do is relax and make sure your baby is in the correct position in order to avoid a painful and long back to back birth. So avoid slopping back on the sofa etc and make sure you lean forwards so that the spine rotates to the front of your belly

Mine were fucking horrendous. Both times (crash CS after induction, and a VBAC). I thought I was going to die, in fact I could have done with number one. There is no way I'm going through it a third time, it would be ELCS all the way. But I think mine were both unusually bad.

I think the women who say it isn't simply didn't have very painful labours for them. All the relaxing in the world isn't going to help if you simply have a crap labour, so don't beat yourself up for 'not doing it right' if it doesn't go so well.

In the end, it is how it is. Good luck, I hope you find it a positive experience.

Yes, more painful than you ever thought humanly possible, but once baby's out, more love than you ever thought was humanly possible too and you instantly become quite a superior human being: a mum. Good luck! x

Oh how I do laugh at the people who say its only painful because you are expecting pain etc etc. What a load of crap. I was fooled by the NCT to think gas and air and a TENS machine would be enough, but was fully prepared to take whatever drugs I needed to make it bearable. As I was induced and had a back labour, the nurses really wanted me to have en epidural, but I stoicly said no like an idiot. Well the gas and air made me puke, the tens machine did nowt, and my blood pressure stated to shoot up. Eventually they talked me into an epidural, but just as I was bending to get it a doctor came running shouting STOP, as I had HELLP syndrome, and that meant I couldnt have the epidural after all. Oh and I couldn't have any water to drink, in case I need a crash EMCS. Thankfully I got some morphine then, but it still fucking hurt even though I was off my face. Needless to say my aromatherapy oils and homeopathy shit stayed in the hospital bag. And as for breathing exercises, don't make me laugh! The c-section hurt like fuck as well, and none of this was because I thought the experience of childbirth might smart a bit. fucking stupid thing to say

"Needless to say my aromatherapy oils and homeopathy shit stayed in the hospital bag."
Oh I do apologise Glasto but that made me laugh :) (not your pain, but your comment)

Agreeing with Rational - I spent weeks beating myself up after the birth because I had an epidural which, according to NCT group leader etc, made me a bit of a failure, who hadn't done enough preparation and was too 'mentally weak' to stay focused and relaxed during labour. What nonsense! Whether or not you have a painful labour seems to me to be a combination of luck, pelvic shape/size and baby positioning. In my case DS actually corkscrewed during labour so all the hours I spent beforehand bouncing on that damn ball were in vain! Not that I'm saying you shouldn't do all you can, just that you don't know how things are going to go until you get there, and it's not your fault if it doesn't go the way you planned. Fingers crossed that you have a smooth ride! X

At the hospital I went to, they had an active birth session and I liked their approach: they really pushed all the breathing/homeopathic/aromatherapy "woo" stuff for natural physiological labour, distinguishing this from, well, all the other kinds of labour.

Having had both a natural and an induced labour, it seems like common sense to say that what applies to a natural physiological labour with no complications probably won't to a big ol' medicalised birth, with a sliding scale applying to the usefulness of woo depending on just how medical your birth ends up being. If you're lucky enough to have a straightforward natural birth with no complications (including, here, funny positioning of your baby), it really can be useful to have all the hippy stuff up your sleeve. If you don't need them on the day or they wouldn't be useful, dispense with them and have a great big pile of drugs. That's my philosophy, anyway!