Pregnant after a miscariage, totally terrified, reasurance and hand holding needed.

[StateofConfusion]

I had a mmc in December, went for a scan at almost 14wks and there was no heartbeat, it was utterly heartbreaking.

Had an erpc and got back to ttc after christmas.

Got a BFP on friday, for 5minutes i was so happy my face hurt from smiling then fear hit me straight in the face, and I've felt uneasy since.

I'm achey/dull cramps at the bottom of my stomach/around my previous c-section scars, which i remember from being pregnant with dd, and now I've 2 scars, my youngest is 3.5yo.

However this terrifies me, I've always had horrendous nausea with pregnancy, and this time, its mild, occasional sick feeling.

I know im obsessing and reading into everything, theres no reason for this pregnancy not to be sucessful but i cant relax.

Anyone else been there who can reasure me, or even if you've not and had similar symptoms.

Thanks.

Am having to have the aircon on highest setting in the car - Ds even asked me to turn it off on the way home from school this afternoon (& I normally love the heat).

Have spent all morning arguing with the electricity people who turned our electricity off at 9 this morning without telling us and then advised me they needed access to the house at midday to put supply back on and would need to work inside house for hour and a half, oh and would I mind if they put their cherry picker on the lawn. I bet all you lovely ladies can imagine my response!

Then got a letter for ds to have an ultrasound scan on his leg on wed next week at some private company 30 miles away (we have a perfectly good hospital 8 miles away, where I am having my scan tomorrow morning), and patients are not allowed anyone else in the room with them. Needless to say then spent a good ten minutes on the phone to them and my gp's trying to sort that out. Now has scan at private company 12 miles away at a much more appropriate time in two weeks, and I am allowed to go into the scan with him. Apparently GP doesn't use nhs hospital for scans ???????????

Anyway, am now hot, bothered and extremely pessimistic about the scan tomorrow - not in a good place :(

Oh cupcake what a day!

Electricity people would have left my house terrified, that alone would have pushed me to the edge.

Our bloody air con needs a regas so isn't working, previous owner did something to it apprently, its grim in the car windows open results in pregnant headache and grumpy dcs.

I got very teary and emotional earlier when I realised this time next week ill know, ill either be so happy or uttery heartbroken. The fear is gripping me to be totally honest, I'd been doing ok. Now its getting real.

Good luck for tomorrow, ill be thinking of you, and no matter what were all here for support xxx

Thanks Stateof, they did, I refused to let them work inside the house (I did let them in to check the fusebox so that they could turn the electricity back on), I also complained big time to the 'national power grid network' who were extremely apologetic and said they are sending me £50 as a goodwill payment. But oh what a load of hassle on what would have been a really stressful day anyway, I suppose at least I was stressing about electricity and Ds's scan instead of my scan.

Poor you in a car with no aircon, I did think to myself today that mine may need regassing as I didn't feel very cold, but after reading the threads on here about how hot everyone is I thought maybe the aircon is actually working just fine and I am just over hot. I will get it checked when it is serviced though as I would hate to be without it.

I think I understand how emotional you are feeling about your scan, I'm wishing we'd never had an early scan (although if we hadn't I would be panicking about my 'lack of symptoms' and how long it would be to the 12 week scan). I feel like I'm trying to dissociate myself from the fact that I will actually know tomorrow whether or not I have a live baby. It is so frightening and hard to cope with. I think that like WL I'll be crying before and during the scan.

Am praying for wrong dates and a tilted uterus! But I think I know what the outcome will be :(

Thanks for your kind words, I will post my news tomorrow

Will be thinking if you cupcake best if luck.

I'm still in quite a weird ignoring it all place. Even though scan was good I still can't let myself think it will be ok but now don't want to think it won't be. I'm being a bit of a robot firth most part and only when forced into reality situations like the scan do i become a quivering wreck. Am also finding that lots if my clothes don't fit me any more, clearly I have zero muscle tone, but don't want to go into maternity stuff in case I jinx it.

Everything crossed for you cupcake. X

Everything crossed for you cupcake

I feel the same WL I'm going to a big jubilee party and have my eye on a dress but won't get it unless I'm pregnant, but I can't see a positive scan, I desperatly want one so I can't see it happening! I want this too much.

Thinking of you today cupcake :)

Hope everything goes well today cupcake thinking of you xx

Hi ladies, bad news I'm afraid, the sac was still empty and the same size as ten days ago. Am booked in for an ERPC next wed. Feel quite detached from it all at the moment. I think I knew deep down and tbh at the moment I just feel relief that I know what is going on. Noclue said to me that it is the fear of it happening that is worse and I think she is right, I know what will happen next and that I will be ok, and we've already agreed that once the 2 week wait is over we'll start ttc again.

I am sure tomorrow I may feel alot more emotional, but I know I can get through this.

Am really hoping for you lovely ladies that that's the run of bad luck and the last mc on this thread. Thank you so much for all your support, and the best of luck with your pregnancies, I may pop on here from time to time to see how you are all getting on,

lots of luck,love &

x

cupcake so sorry for your news. I totally remember that detached feeling, and understand about the fear of what is to come, which is somehow relieved when you know what is happening. Wednesday seems a long wait, though any wait is too long in these circumstances. Thinking of you. X

Oh cupcake I am so so sorry to hear that. You sound like you have a really great attitude but do allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and be very very kind to yourself. Wed does seem like a long way off, I'm sure this will be an extremely difficult week for you, my thoughts will be with you.
It's been lovely having your friendship on here and I really wish you all the best for the future, including a speedy conception and a healthy future pregnancy.
Xxxxx

Oh cupcake I am so sorry, the erpc does seem a long way away but take that time to say your 'goodbye' and greive if you need to, for me the erpc was closure and helped me feel a bit stronger, its a long road to recovery mentally and we are all here should you ever need us.

Take care, rest and be gentle with yourself xxxx

Thank you Bonzo, WL and Stateof, yes Wed is a long way off and I could have had it done on Monday but I have things that I do on Mondays and Tuesdays and so I requested Wednesday as it seemed easier (and probably kinder to me) to not have to rearrange my week around the ERPC.

It is all starting to sink in but so far it is easier than last time, for one I know what is going to happen, and I know that there never was an actual 'baby' just the sac - no fetal pole etc, and somehow that makes it a little easier in my mind. And I've had 10 days to accept the idea that possibly this would happen, last time I was almost 12 weeks and it was such a shock (I hadn't even considered mc as a possibility), and this time, as you all know, I have obsessed about it constantly! And having you lovely ladies to talk to about it, and all the hand holding and hugs have helped so much - huge thank you to you all

I just want to keep it in my mind that I tried, and that I still have time to try again (just - am no spring chicken), and the odds must be a little better next time, surely?

And if it happens again, then Dh and I will know that our Ds is truly a miracle and that we have given it our best shot, we don't want to have any regrets.

Stateof I think you are the next scan? Good luck - I'm sure it will be good news, this thread is due a run of that!

xx

My scans wednesday to say I'm crippled with fear almost covers it! Thank you xx

Cuddle your ds, my dd was a huge comfort to me when I had my mmc, I spent many hours just with her on my lap watching barbie films or other such rubbish, being close to her helped me more than anything. Take care xxx

When your ready to ttc again I'd recomend joining the mosh pit in conception, they have a huge wealth of advice and experience and are wonderfully supportive xx

Oh man, I'm so very sorry, cupcake :(
Life is so unfair sometimes xxx

Oh cupcake my heart is breaking for you. your so lovely and it just seems unfair.
I am glad you have a positive attitude and I really hope it gets you through. love and hugs xxx

How's everyone doing? X

Had a terrible day yesterday really teary, had a nightmare about my eldest it was horrific upset me all day, ended up buying a fetal doppler and speaking to mw she checked me over cause I was a mess. baby is fine heard the heartbeat again feel better for it .
hope your ok state and everyone else too :)

My cars broken, I'm stupidly upset, but if that's the only bad thing to happen this week ill survive.

Stupidly stressed now though as I have to drop ds at school for 8.50 and be at the hospital for 9.30, it was going to be a rush with the car but on the bus impossible. Were all alone in this stupid town, no one who can come to us, I really need dp with me!!!

And we've realised me EDD is friday 13th deep fecking joy.

Cupcake I read your posts and I am very sorry, a rather un mumsnet bunch of for you.

I had a miscarriage two months ago, had a BFP this morning, partners working away, won't see him until the end of the month. I identified with a lot of your posts, I'm also markedly trying to make this pregnancy 'different', firstly by not joining any of those month you're due threads. Asking to be taken off their list was awful.

When do I go see my GP? My friend got an earful for not seeing midwife before 8 weeks and with my DS(8) it was the norm not to see one until 10 weeks. I don't want to feel like im jinxing myself but I don't want to miss out on essential care.

state hope you managed to get DS to school and yourself to the hospital. That sounds so stressful, just another straw on the camel's back.

debeez sorry for you loss and congrats on your BFP. I haven't joined any antenatal threads, just this one I suppose. I would see your GP asap. they may be able to refer you for an early scan if nothing else. TBH I don't think antenatal care is of much use for a lot of people. If you are already doing the "right things" like being a healthy weight and blood pressure, taking folic acid and vitamin D and not smoking, there really is not much the midwives can do. Even in the second trimester its about screening for and managing any chronic conditions. It's not till the 3rd trimester when there is a reasonable chance of baby making it that there seems to be much point to me. So, the sooner you see your GP, the better your chances of getting an early scan and a 12 week one on time, but apart from that...meh.

swansea sorry you had a rotten day yesterday, but how great that your MW was available to calm you down, not something that is available here.... Better today? These pregnancy dreams are a bit . I'm having very vivid ones, including rude ones about a friend of DH (who is also my boss's brother)!

Up and down here. I had my hair coloured today as was sick to death of my high lights. A bit of a work in progress as have about 2inches of white roots which I am trying to go with as I eventually want to stop dyeing it. SO that's the up bit. My symptoms are bit on/off, on Thursday I hardly felt sick at all, then yesterday and today I've been feeling more sick, but not that sick. Boobs are sore, and I'm sooo hungry, but I can't help worrying. with the mc I only had symptoms from weeks 6-8, then they went. This time I've had them from weeks 3 til now, but, well, you know..... I only had a scan last Friday and saw a heart beat. I'm seriously thinking about getting another scan in the next week or so. Am I mad?

Welcome deb so sorry to hear of your loss but huge congrats on your bfp. Make yourself comfortable here this thread has saved my worrying sanity many a time!

Touch wood bonzo but the car could be in fixed and home in time for the scan thanks to my wonderful family helping us. If not ds best friends mum has offered to take him in. If the car is our bad luck I am fine with that. I'd take any material damage if the good luck is a healthy baby.

I don't blame you for wanting another scan, think I'd happily have one weekly if I could! 4days to go until I find out if this jelly tots healthy or not. I'm preparing myself for the worst, removing nail varnish etc incase I need an erpc.

My symptoms come and go, but my boobs ache a lot, that rarely let's up. Hungry more than anything but can't decide what to eat!

How many weeks are you bonzo? Would a doppler help? X

Hi again, thank you for the warm welcome. I'm plodding along through the thread trying to get to know you all.

At that stage of thinking I'll have a baby soon! And waiting for it all to come crashing down. Strawberries and ice cream for me I think! Gonna try and push for an early scan but going to bear in mind the advice: if I follow the rules it's the best I can do and nothing more, nor all the midwives in the world will make it any more or less likely.

Hugs to you all. I feel very welcomed.

Good luck deb, were all here no matter which way things turn out for all of us.

I asked for an early scan, I have it this week when I'm 11+5
Not really early then.

state I'm only 8 weeks. Way too soon for a doppler. I think I'm going to have to try for a scan at about 10-11 weeks. I hate to lie to Epu and claim I'm bleeding, but maybe if I said my pg symptoms had gone which is what happened with mc and is sort of true maybe they'd see me. Sounds stupid but I don't want to pay for bad news.

That's totally understandable bonzo and personally I'd do it if I freaked out enough. I'm just dreading my scan, I can't see past it, its like I'm going there wednesday to end things.

I'm considering a doppler for those 'inbetween' weeks after my scan until bean starts moving, should I be lucky enough to get that far but then I worry I'd be falsely reassured or not be able to listen in and freak out! Gah! Its gonna be a long 6mnths if this beans ok!