Pregnant after a miscariage, totally terrified, reasurance and hand holding needed.

[StateofConfusion]

I had a mmc in December, went for a scan at almost 14wks and there was no heartbeat, it was utterly heartbreaking.

Had an erpc and got back to ttc after christmas.

Got a BFP on friday, for 5minutes i was so happy my face hurt from smiling then fear hit me straight in the face, and I've felt uneasy since.

I'm achey/dull cramps at the bottom of my stomach/around my previous c-section scars, which i remember from being pregnant with dd, and now I've 2 scars, my youngest is 3.5yo.

However this terrifies me, I've always had horrendous nausea with pregnancy, and this time, its mild, occasional sick feeling.

I know im obsessing and reading into everything, theres no reason for this pregnancy not to be sucessful but i cant relax.

Anyone else been there who can reasure me, or even if you've not and had similar symptoms.

Thanks.

Morning ladies,

Hope you are all feeling ok today? I have woken up feeling a bit negative, having a 'can't believe it will all work out ok' day :-(.

This will sound really selfish, but I think it is because I found out yesterday that a friend is 10 weeks pregnant, I am so pleased for her as she had cancer years ago and was told she would never have children as a result, but I can't help but feel that life is not kind enough to allow both of us to have our babies.

The same thing happenened with my last pregnancy, when I was 7 wks I found out one of my best friends was pg due more or less the same time, we were both so excited and planning all the days we could spend together with our new babies (our other dc's are good friends too) and then I lost mine, I found her pregnancy so hard and barely saw her until her baby was born, I missed her and still feel awful for effectively avoiding her, although she says she fully understands and we are completely back in touch again now.

So I guess this has bought all those feelings back up to the surface again and reminded me of the mmc.

Thanks for 'listening'

x

Hugs mrscupcake

I totally understand the way you are thinking. It's because of this kind of fear that we are all drawn to this thread. I think it's safe to say that we all know all too well that dark place. We've all had our innocence taken away, like stateof said upthread, and we've had to accept that life is sometimes just shit. And cruel. And unfair. As my dear friends (and their vicar) said at the funeral of their one day old beautiful boy in March, "life sucks". There is sometimes no explanation at all for the horrible things that happen, and we feel like lashing out at anyone who says things happen for a reason.

I think it is good that you've had the feelings brought to the surface, like you mentioned, because it is better out than eating you up inside. They're all normal feelings. Some of my friends, including the ones I just mentioned, have had truly awful losses, and it hurts so much that I can't help fix that for them. And it also makes me even more terrified of what can go wrong. But on the other hand, between us all, we also have an amazing gang of happy, healthy children, which I have to remind myself means that the good does actually outweigh the bad. Awful things are even more awful because statistically etc they are far far far less common.

I obviously will not tell you to be optimistic, hopeful, or anything annoying like that but on your behalf I will have faith that there's as good a chance, if not more of a chance, that things can work out ok.

Thiking of you.

Morning

I'm feeling the same mrscupcake I'm very achey and uncomfortable and irritable so this must mean something wrong in my pesimistic head.

I feel like because I want to too much it will go wrong, I just want to wallow in my bed all day watching rubbish re-runs on tv.

I feel so guilty because I have a happy and healthy son and daughter and its like I'm being greedy wanting this baby because we don't 'need' it (yes someones said that to me) I just want it so bad, so fucking bad!

Fingers crossed our optomism soon returns.

Thanks Wellies and State for your understanding.

State I'm sorry you are feeling crap today as well, I am so touchy and irritable today, have done lots of telling ds off for being too noisy (he is incredibly loud at the best of times). I think it may also be anxiety building for the scan on thurs. I was on sertraline (anti-depressant) until I got BFP, and then doc said it is safe to stay on it but it would be better for first 12 weeks to take nothing if I can, although better to be on the meds than be pregnant and unwell. So I came off of it, today I really feel like I could do with going back onto it, I will wait and see how I feel tomorrow and Monday though before making that decision.

I could quite happily take to my bed until Thurs I think. I can't believe someone said that State although I can IYSWIM, people are so insensitive. I'm always getting people saying that it must be so easy for me because I only have one child! Someone else I know goes on and on and on about how lucky they are to have a boy and a girl rather than two girls or two boys, on a bad day I'd love to tell her how some of us would be happy with just two children. I don't think it matters how many children you have if you've lost one and ache for another, but I guess it's only those of us who have been that unlucky that realise that.

Wellies, your poor friends, I struggle with the losses I've had but I don't know how I would still breathe if that happened to me. I know I'm so lucky to have one happy healthy little boy, but would so like for him to have a sibling as well as for me and Dh to have another child. Someone I know had a little boy last year who was stillborn because the cord got wrapped around his neck during birth, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him, I don't know how she was still standing and breathing after that.

Life does suck, and it is unfair, and none of what happens is personal just bad luck, it just can be so hard to deal with.

Anyway, thanks again for hearing me grumble!

Fingers crossed for us all and a positive day for all tomorrow!

xx

Sorry to hear everyones on a bit of a downer. Some very sad stories you've posted. The vicar is right, sometimes life does just suck and sometimes it is just so unfair. I always get a bit peeved when I see loads of people in town that kids that they don't cherish and so dont deserve and there's us that so so want these little ones.
The pregnant pal who was told she would never have kids is also proof that miracles do happen.
I've been googling like mad, still feel v tired, had a little dizzy spell and v sore hip today (had v sore hips with both dds due to hormone relaxin I guess) so have decided there may be a glimmer of hope left for me. Then of course 5 mins later I change my mind! I keep running through the 2 outcomes of the scan in my head. Argh! Poor us!

I've got sore hips already too.

I've also got a fecking sickness bug from somewhere :(

Poor you, that's awful for you. Stay in bed and sip ribena.

I don't think it was a bug now, must be pregnancy related as no one else is ill and I'm fine today just feel slightly run down and achey!

Bizare, I've never been sick whilst pregnant!

How's everyone doing?

Glad to hear you are feeling a little better today State. How is everyone else doing?

I'm a little less negative today, even had a few moments of letting myself feel positive and pregnant even. I think I'm just so scared of it all going wrong that I now can't let myself imagine it going right because I don't want it all taken away from me. 4 days to go to know more.

This is going to be a really hard week for me, I just keep imagining the 'I'm sorry' from the sonographer on Thursday. WL I think we are feeling the same on this one.

I want this baby SO much! And I want to enjoy my pregnancy. Oh well enough foot stamping for me.

Good luck to anyone having a scan tomorrow

cupcake that is exactly how I feel, I want this so badly and I want to enjoy being pregnant!

I have everything crossed for you xxx

My scans in 10 days it feels like its taking so long to come around! But symptoms remain strong, some stronger, and I remain hopefull --when I'm not having a total breakdown-- I'm 10+2 now.

Hi girls.
Cupcake state and anyone else who needs one sending hugs xx
Feel like crap constantly now am very anemic already and only 15 weeks tomorrow doesn't bode well. really tired all the time and barely able to function.
:(
hope everyone is ok xx

oh swansea you poor thing

xxxx

Sending you lots of hugs Swansea, do you know why you are so anemic? Can the docs or midwife give you anything to help?

Are you able to get much rest during the day?

I can't sleep tonight, anxiety I think, I just want to know if everything is ok, at the moment I'm convinced it's all gone wrong again.

I hate this so much, feel like I'm gearing myself up for another op.

Then I feel guilty for making such a fuss about it all, Ait's not like I'm the only person going through this, and some people's experiences are far more tragic than mine.

Hope everyone else is ok

Dont feel guilty mrscupcake no ones trauma or pain is less because to each one of us the pain we felt is the worst, iyswim?

I go from being positive and excited to waiting for doomsday. its shit.

Thanks stateof

you're so right stateof it is shit

Cupcake you are allowed to feel like this, I still feel like I am waiting for something to go wrong :) don't feel bad this is one thread where no one will judge you cause we have all felt like it at one point or another xx

re my anemia I always get it when I am pregnant its just started a whole lot lower this time so I am already breathless and struggling to stay awake everything is hard work even walking up the stairs. unfortunately I can't take oral iron so will have to have it as a drip but have to wait till 22weeks which sucks
take care xx

Ladies I am sorry to tell you that it's happening again. I've been bleeding heavily since yesterday morning and cramping... I know what this means. I've got a scan at the EPU tomorrow but I'm actually thinking of not going. It's not like they can do anything anyway, so it could be hours of my life spent in a hospital that I'll never get back... Did that last time.

Anyway, I'm sorry to bring such depressing news on the Monday morning. I'm not going to come back on the board for obvious reasons but I wanted to give you all a big hug, a little handsqeeze and to say good luck. I wish you all the very best with your pregnancies and healthy births for your much cherished children.

Thanks for all the help and support you've given me, it really really helped.

Oh noclue I am so so sorry to hear that . I know there is nothing I can say to make this better for you, but am sending you a big hug anyway.
I know it doesn't help right now but here's hoping for a better outcome next time.
So so sorry. X

noclue I am so so sorry to hear that, lots of love hugs and strength coming your way, take care and be gentle with youself xxx

I had the same. Miscarried at 11 weeks, d & c, 2 months later - pregnant - he's at school now, aged nearly 4. :-)

That's lovely to hear katelyn thank you :)

noclue I am so so very sorry. There's nothing I can say to make it better, wish there was. Thinking of you, big hugs x

Oh noclue I am so sorry take care of yourself xxxx

Noclue, I am so so sorry things seem to be repeating. Do get that scan, you never know. Snuggle up and be kind to yourself. Very much hoping to see you back here one day.