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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Gender - To know or not to know?

169 replies

justlemonade · 07/02/2012 22:07

20 week scan on Monday and I really can't decide whether to find out the gender or not. DH would like to. We have a DD who is 3yrs and she keeps talking about her 'baby brother' so I'd like to be able to prepare her for what is to come.

We didn't find out the gender with DD and I loved the surprise at the end of labour, but I don't know what to do for the best this time.

Sorry if this seems a trivial post as I know lots of people are asking for help with serious problems on this board. I just want to know what you all think the pros and cons are???

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
alorsmum · 10/02/2012 16:09

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lilmamma · 10/02/2012 20:19

I didnt know with my first two both boys,i would have liked a little girl to dress up,but was just as pleased to have a healthy baby,so when number 3 was a girl i was shocked as i expected another boy,so got my little girl to dress up,but boys are so much easier,so when no4 was another boy i was pleased,i knew what i was having with him as i had an amnio,and they knew,and had it on paper infront of them so i said well tell me,but i didnt tell dh as he cant keep a secret,only my mum knew..:)

M0naLisa · 10/02/2012 21:58

we found out with DS1 but didnt find out with DS2

Deadsouls · 10/02/2012 22:38

I didn't find out with both DCs, and I'm happy I didn't. Such a lovely surprise

slowburner · 10/02/2012 23:42

We didn't find out with DD, but when she was born after a tough but fast labour someone could have told me she was an alien and I wouldn't have cared. Utterly exhausted and overwhelmed I was pleased but there was no elation and I had wanted bump to be a girl since that line appeared on the test. DD became critically ill hours after birth and I didn't hold her for ten days, the next pregnancy will be an emotional roller coaster and I know that by finding out we can make the pg totally different. We will however keep it a secret between me and DH, and announce the sex along with name and weight.

But will see when I fall pg in a few years!

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 10/02/2012 23:49

We didn't find ut with our DD. I was mildly tempted at the scan, but decided to wait cos I wanted the "it's a girl / boy" moment. As it was, I had an EMCS and when DD was held up immediately after delivery and DH told to announce the sex, he couldn't tell, cos he was saw appalled by the sight of my entrails (apparently, you shuld never look over the screen during a section!) and thought she was a boy. So the beautiful moment of gender identification didn't really happen.

However, I am glad we didn't find out cos it turned out we both had been harbouring slight gender preferences. I wanted a girl (partly cos I have a great relationship with my Mum and wanted the same closeness with a daughter of my own) and DH wanted a boy. If we had found out at 20 weeks, DH would have spent 20 weeks being disappointed. As it was, he spent about 30 seconds being disappointed, cos as soon as he was handed our daughter he was completely smitten. :)

Doitnicelyplease · 11/02/2012 00:19

Interesting reading everyone's answers. I am in similar situation to the OP, have 3 year old girl who was a delivery surprise and I have my 20 week scan on Tues.

DD was our first pregnancy and text book we had fun doing boy and girl names and happy choosing gender neutral stuff, however this time we are clouded by 4 previous miscarriages (one of which we found out later was a girl) so I am swinging towards finding out and having a small bit of the uncertainty of pregnancy taken away.

I am not sure I can keep it a secret though which is what I would prefer!

TaylorSwift13Fan · 11/02/2012 04:02

Okay we always said we were NEVER going to find out and just wait till birth. Our first ( My DD) we didn't find out, it was going to be a surprise! :)
But with out 2nd we just couldn't wait and we had to find out Grin You should have seen how amazed my hubby was when he found out we were having a boy!
But from the start of our first pregnancy I had a very strong feeling it was a girl and with our 2nd I had a strong feeling that it was a boy and it was (Hasn't been born yet!)

finsophmum · 11/02/2012 21:27

I didn't with my first, but ended up going for extra scans and by the end the tinkie gave it away that he was a boy!
Second time round pregnancy was not planned and was by myself and decided to ask as I knew I needed to get everything sorted by myself, was really quite shocked to learn it was a girl as had just presumed it would be another boy...lots in the family. Gave me time to get ready!!

twolittlemonkeys · 11/02/2012 21:37

We didn't find out with either of our boys. We might this time though, as DS1 is autistic and it would probably help him deal with the change more easily if he knew whether we were expecting a baby brother or sister for him. Also we have oodles of boys clothes and nothing apart from white sleepsuits if it's a girl, so it'd be handy to be able to get stuff out the loft/ borrow from friends accordingly. But then I think all our family would be disappointed if we found out the sex beforehand.... Who knows what we'll do? I'm only 5 weeks so some time to go til my 20 week scan! :)

JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 11/02/2012 21:42

Looks like an interesting option from what everyone has posted would be to find out and not tell. If you told older DCs though they might well let the cat out of the bag ...

... now that would be surprising ... if you were having kittens !

justlemonade · 13/02/2012 17:45

Just to update. After reading everyone's responses we did find out today. Team pink! Really pleased with the decision to ask gender at this stage. Thanks for all the advice.

OP posts:
InmaculadaConcepcion · 13/02/2012 18:33

Congrats, justlemonade!

SESthebrave · 13/02/2012 18:44

Congratulations justlemonade and thanks for updating us :)

herethereandeverywhere · 13/02/2012 18:56

Congratulations justlemonade. Welcome to "team pink"!

To add my tuppence worth, we were happy with a surprise for DC1 (DD) but I really wanted the uncertainty removed for DC2. There was family expectation it would be a boy (due to experiences of parents/grandparents/siblings) and I suspected DH wanted a boy (he was already calling the bump "little fella"). I really didn't want to go the 2nd 20 weeks worrying and wondering, esp. as my instinct was another girl. I was right, DD2. DH and his family were very nice about it but my parents said "oh well never mind" Hmm. We've all had the time since the scan to get used to the idea of 2 girls and it seems so natural now - so finding out was the right decision for us too.

BigBadBear · 13/02/2012 19:32

Congrats lemonade. I have two DDs and love it!

justlemonade · 13/02/2012 22:42

Thanks for all the good wishes. Secretly I had been hoping for another little girl!

OP posts:
JugglingWithTangentialOranges · 20/02/2012 10:01

Ahh, two wee girlies ! Sisters !

How lovely will that be Smile

And plenty of time for everyone, especially DD1, to get used to the idea ! Thanks

Spiritedwolf · 20/02/2012 15:18

Congratulations xx

We are a couple of weeks off of our 20week scan, it's our first pregnancy. We aren't going to find out (unless I suppose our baby flashes us on screen and it's obvious). My DH wanted to know and has a slight preference for a boy. I don't mind really (though I'd like both genders eventually) but I didn't want to find out. He doesn't want to force me to know, and doesn't think it would be fair for him to know and me not to. So we'll wait.

My reasons against it: Part of it is wanting a nice moment at birth when DH tells me whether we have a son or a daughter. Part of it is that I don't want to have different expectations based on gender and the easiest way to avoid them during pregnancy is not to know! I just feel there is enough of that gender-specific nonsense once they're born. Part of it is to avoid being overloaded with pink/blue items from relatives.

Hmm.. wonder if I can have my partner tell others the gender after birth by saying 'We have a healthy girl/boy but she/he doesn't necessarily like pink/blue'. Wink

Speaking as a girl who wanted her room painted blue and was refused because it was a 'boy' colour. Course, knowing my luck I'll have a pink princess who wants their room painted pink - whether they are a girl or a boy!

My room ended up yellow when I was little, and later was green and dinosaur wallpaper. I now share a BLUE room with my DH, success at last Grin

I won't deny my kids pink btw, I just don't want them to be defined by the toy marketers. I wouldn't go so far as refusing to tell people the baby's sex, though I understand why some people have, but I think it draws attention to the issue. My point is that girls and boys can have whatever interests they like, not that they shouldn't be girls or boys.

Not having a go at those who do find out the sex, or those who enjoy the whole 'Team Pink' deal. It's just not my Brew

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