anyone else getting a hard time for not wanting to breastfeed

[kiki22]

I've been getting it from all directions for not wanting to breastfeed and am finding it very hard not to give in to the pressure, My reasons for not wanting to breastfeed are that i have back problems and will need to be on painkillers am currently only on paracetamol and in constant pain can not be in this pain with a baby and i may not always be able to do all feeds if i am in to much pain anyway, also i have a very stong bond with my niece which i believe came from being able to feed her as a baby and would not want to deprive DP of that experiance since i enjoyed it so much.

I keep being asked 'why do u not even want to try it's best for your baby' and on a few occations 'is it not worth the pain to do the best for baby' finding it very very hard not to crack under the disaproving looks has anyone else had to deal with shit over not BF??

well she must do or she wouldn't have started a thread. mn threads are not representative of much really because only people with axes to grind post - esp in ff/bf threads.

saying she has an amazing bond with her niece because she fed her is just imaginary - how is feeding her any different from just cuddling and sitting with her regularly?

oh goodness sungirl
why does a question have to turn into an arguement?
I think orginally she was asking if anjyone else had experienced the ridiculous comments as she had.
I think she probably also wanted some support for her decision.

I believe that giving a baby a bottle is a nice way to bond and have a special moment with them so I am toatlly with her on that one.

My sis in law and mum in law were over the moon to be able to give my baby a bottle - you could see the pleasure and joy in the their faces!

If you dont see any difference between feeding and 'just sitting with' then I wonder how you are doing your feeding????

Also want to add that the bonding thing is rubbish. My DH has never given my DD a bottle as I BF, and yet he is could not be anymore bonded to his daughter, who squeals in delight at the sight of him! Fathers don't need to feed a baby to bond with it, there are lots of other ways.

I'm not even going to start on the other ill informed, inaccurate, anti-BF comments on here.

Of course Daddies and everyone can bond with the baby by not feeding them but in turn the mother doesnt have to bf to bond with the baby which ia a very common 'pro' bfing statement.

Why is anything 'anti bfing' always labeled as inaccurate and ill informed?
utterly ridiculous!

It is a regularly used statement when people are talking about the pro s of bf

It's a good job it's not true as one of my children was tube fed for a while buy i never had trouble bonding with him, however it is lovely to watch a dad feeding his baby, when the baby had his tube removed and I was expressing my dp was so happy to be able to feed him, feeding was one of the milestones ds had to hit before leaving neonatal so it was realy nice that dp could be as much a part of it as me

I think it is your choice.
On a professional level I have to recommend breastfeeding, particularly if there is a strong family history of allergies, obesity, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, etc as bf is reported to have benefits in reducing these risks.

On a personal level I fed dd1 for 6 weeks and dd2 for 6 months and dd1 is the more intelligent and less frequently ill of the two.

However, that aside, bf is much less expensive and once established reduces the faff of sterilising bottles/ washing them/ finding somewhere to heat them up. FF is just as difficult, if not more so on your back. At least with bf you can lie on your side straight or go on all fours over the baby while streching your back. FF is one position so if DP/H is at work you may be more restricted and you can express/ feed in the bath for relief. My back ached from constant standing bent over the sink!

I gotta say i dont agree that ff is a faff.

Quick wash up, stick them in the steam setriliser..... we had 10 bottles so no need to wash up through the day just last thing at night..never ran out.

boil the water first thing in the morning and leave it in a covered jug or somewhere and then use it all through the day. we didnt heat it up ...
no faff.
but for me the bf was tears, backache, stress, no latch, painful nipples, mastitis, up all thorugh the night etc etc.....

no contest really.

haha bless anyone who thinks ff is a faff - they must have a full-time cleaner, cook, gardener, nanny et al on hand for dealing with day to day life.

Yes, why is it that bf mums bond better with their children? What about bf dads? Are they the taboo of the baby world? Bf dads more likely to send offspring up chimney than well-bonded ff dads?

As an aside, as always I'm very excited when someone mentiones "medical data > anecdotal data" - but they can never tell me exactly where the bf-baby laboratory is. :( Do you suppose those babies will be like the chimps who were detained for 30 years and this week let out in to the sunshine? Erm and a big fyi, "scientific data" is only "anecdotal data" written by someone in a white coat!

Your thoughts re medication and pain as reasons to not want to bf seem sensible - but still worth discussing with gp and keeping an open mind.

Thoughts re dp bonding not sensible, lots of other things he can do!

I have a couple of lovely inventions this time, there called microwave steralizer and tommee tippee flask, and if out and about there are always ready made cartons

I find the biggest faf is now I'm weening and making up pots of different foods for the week, even though I do it all once a week and freeze it I still spend a whole day boiling different foods.

But you're absolutely right Alpine, I don't think there is any way bf mums bond with their babies better than ff mums, just as I don't think there is any way bf babies bond less with their dads. For either "side" to present bonding / lack of bonding as an argument is just stupid in my opinion.

There were definitely advantages TO ME of bf, however I wouldn't be so stupid as to think those advantages then transfer onto another mum / baby / dad / family. Similarly I'm sure there are many advantages of ff to some people which didn't apply to me. If I am asked my opinion about bf vs ff (dangerous ground, I know!) then I try to point out the things I found good about bf rather than go on about how bad ff is.

The bf weirdness really is just on mn.

I don't think it's just on mn, I hear this debate over and over again in RL too.
People are really sensitive about it because it represents a pretty fundamental parenting choice and anything that threatens the way 'they' decided to do it makes people feel defensive. I'm saying this relating to BOTH ways of feeding a baby.

When I have to sit and listen to my in laws try and tell me how weird it is that I BF, how much better FF is, how all the research about BF is not true (!!!Seriously...are they next going to tell me that research into the effects of cigarette smoking is also not true because they 'know people who smoke and haven't died'!!!) I just have to bite my toungue and gently defend my choice.

For me, personally, breastfeeding my son has been one of the most amazing things I've ever done. Aside from all the 'benefits' it's just been a wonderful thing that I loved doing (once all the pain/stress of learning was sorted out). It's very hard not to enthusiastically recommend it to people when it has been so great - surely that is not a crime. If it makes someone feel 'guilty', then I think that says a lot more about their own insecurities.

I don't care if someone FFs if they want to and it's better for them or their lifestyle but no need to pretend that the information (even the anecdotes!) and research about the benefits of breastfeeding a child are not relevant or real or important. Everybody has access to the same information and that's the basis you should make a decision from and then once you've decided, get rid of your hang ups and stick it to everyone who has a problem with it.

Good post Martha.

I agree - make your decision and stick to it. No need to justify it to others. If you say I want to ff because xxxx someone will always say but with bf xxxx.
Just say you don't want to, there's no arguing with that.

I bf both my DCs btw so not a pro ff person. But people who have bf are generally pretty entusiastic about it (or they wouldn't have done it) + it is better for the baby. You are bound to get a few faces if you say you don't want to bf but if you are happy with your decision that shouldn't be a problem.

I had so much pressure from ILs and DM to stop bf it was untrue! It was hurtful, ignorant and bloody annoying, but it didn't make me want to change my mind!

Explain to how amazing bf is .....

also can we stop with the whole it is better for baby ....
like mrbumble showed us there is evidence to the contrary and i can think of many incidences where it is not in the baby's best interest to have bm!

So ill add my little story... Not everyone can breastfeed, I didn't produce enough milk and it just wouldn't work, so my little boy had to go onto formula and not done him any harm. Everyone was pesturing me to keep trying it will come eventually but I did what I new was best for me and my son. He gained weight and is perfectly healthy and a happy little boy. So ignore what people say, formula milk is there for people who need it. And if u don't wanna breastfeed then u need it. Ur life,ur choice, ur baby. Good luck! Xx

Well I have both breastfed and bottle fed my DCs. With DS, he couldn't latch on (although now I know I was given very poor advice from HV and midwifes on how to get him to latch on...this is usually the main reason why so many woman "fail" at breastfeeding - breastfeeding when done well does NOT involve gettign mastisis, engorgement, a lot of pain, getting up at night etc).
So I bottle fed him expressed BM for nearly a year (rather than chosing formula - as ofcourse breastmilk is superior to formula, it's a fact, nobody doubts that - even formula manufacturers say so).

And I have successfully BF my now 13 month old DD without any problems this time, as I did my research on how to do it before she was born.
I can honestly say that I did not find any difference in the bonding between bottle and breastfeeding. None at all. It just depends how you bottle feed. Proping up a bottle in a babies mouth in a pram (like I've often seen when out and about) is not very bonding, but I always made sure I took time out and held him close etc etc while I bottle fed, and it was extremely bonding. So no you don't have to BF in order to bond.

Brewster - making up bottles with cool boiled water is not the right way to make up formula feeds. Water has to be at least 70 degs in order to kill the bacteria in the formula as formula is NOT STERILE.

well said mumt1

OP when i was preg with my first i put a post on here asking people about expressing so my hubby could help with the feeds .....oh my goodness! i got well over 100 posts with people having a go and going on about how ridiculous to let the hubby have go etc etc
well i ended up in tears and really upset by everyone comments and the way they said them.

I believe it is lovely to have others help with the feeding for many reasons.

I was full of these grand ideas about bb for ages and then going on to homemake all the puree etc.....well life turned out much differently for us and i was just trying to survive let alone trying to feed the baby.

This whole - the baby may have other ideas ...well that go go either way.
My little man refused the boob and no day 5 i gave him a bottle and he gulped down 60ml in 1o mins ....for a newborn that is a huge quantity of milk! poor little thing must have been starving!

i know people whose consultants have told them to quit trying to bf and stop starving their babies!

if it works great but there are no obvious benefits that i can see excpet allowing the mother to feel like she is 'holier than thou'!!

Isnt it amazing how so many women are 'experts' on everything to do with bf and ff!

i love it - you must all have gone to some magical baby feeding university ....

Can't believe you're more worried about your backache than nurturing and bonding with your child, you do realise you're going to have a BABY, don't you?
A certain amount of sacrifice is involved.....next thing you'll be on here complaining that he/she cries and keeps you up in the night........sheeeesh!

No you don't need to go to a baby feeding university to know how to make up a formula feed. It says how to on the tin.

choceyes I think you will find that guidelines state that formula manufacturers have to state when advertising follow on milk that babys should be bf for the first 6 months, no where on my tin of formula does it state that breast milk is superior

No one is claiming to be an expert just giving their own personal story?

flaminglip what gives you the right to decide how much pain a person should put up with so as to bf

Nurturing and bonding rubbish, you can nurture and bond just as well with your baby when ff