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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Ideal Gap Between Children

189 replies

rosalux · 03/08/2011 10:54

A friend of mine has just announced her second pregnancy and is due in early Feb. She currently has a DD who is 13 months. Similarly my cousin has two DD who are almost exactly 2 years apart. I am expecting my first this month and was just idly wondering what people thought was a good gap to have between children. Is it best to get all the sleepless nights out of the way in one go or do kids of slightly bigger gaps get along better? All being well I'd hope to have another reasonably soon, just not sure how soon.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

harbingerofdoom · 19/08/2011 22:28

DrKWhat's a bit of adipose after the age of**?

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 19/08/2011 22:32

I think doing the school run with baby and DC will be much easier than having two with you all day, MsScarlett ( as many seem to have) - especially if one is a demanding, jealous toddler !

DrKoothrappali · 19/08/2011 22:34

Harbinger Oh, I know I'm going to get it, I just don't need to be told I'm going to get it!

bonkers20 · 19/08/2011 22:39

School run with a baby is lovely. Granted there are hairy days when everyone's screaming and naked but those should be infrequent. Get the baby ready, get yourself ready, school kid gets themselves ready. Da da.

I found it lovely to have the routine to do every day and let's face it, it's not the end of the world if they're late once or twice for primary school.

emmanumber3 · 19/08/2011 22:43

notletting - actually, you're quite right. I have a sister 5 years older than me who I never see & am not especially close to at all and a brother 11 years older than me who I see regularly and get on brilliantly with. Like you say, it's far more a personality thing than an age thing as adults.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 19/08/2011 22:44

In my head it goes - breakfast for all, shout at schoolkid to get ready, wipe my face, shove some jeans on, insert baby into sling and out we go - then return to happy quiet house with the baby and get back into bed

harbingerofdoom · 19/08/2011 22:51

Sorry DrK I never implied that you would. To be honest I havn't really put much weight on it's just misteriously moved to where I don't want it!

Here if you want.
Both turned out fine:o

BeaWheesht · 19/08/2011 23:50

I have 3y9m between ds and dd and its perfect for us as I had loads of time just with ds then ds has just started school just as dd is starting to walk and become a bit more, well, interesting really! They absolutely ADORE each other at the moment at least and its really helped ds mature I think and dd is quite sociable and tough with having had a big brother and all that entails.

I think if I had family support I'd have had them closer together but because my first pregnancy was horrific I waited until ds was a bit older but I'm glad in retrospect.

Happymum22 · 20/08/2011 01:12

My 4 children are all around 2 years apart ..but this also means I can think about how my youngest and oldest get on as well as how they get on with the sibling closest in age..

having two close together (2 years or less)

Play together once past baby stage, my eldest son and eldest daughter (2 yrs apart) played beautifully together despite gender differences, shared toys and yes they had patches where they argued non stop but they now are in their twenties and very close
Can share toys/clothes..the three girls pass clothes between them now and always have passed on to the one the age below them , but eldest girl and youngest girl are nearly 6 years apart and so no fashion was the same and toys had gone from wooden objects and basic dolls to gameboys and dolls which cried, moved and peed..
Gets it out the way!- the difficult baby and toddler years are done and dusted quickly, however i think when DS got to school age Id want it again and be bored if i hdnt had more soon
Times change and so rules I had for my eldest are outdated and often OTT for my youngest... It took a while to get my head round giving my 11 year old DD a mobile to start secondary school when eldest son got his at 16.. I was horrified when my 14 year old came home from shopping a year or so ago with a miniskirt and cropped top for the disco.. My eldest would have worn a skirt approaching the knee and been sent home for any shorter skirt or a top which was only just over the belly button..
Holidays are hard when you have one child in a pushchair wanting to build sandcastles and go to bed at 630 and another child aged 10 and wanting a bit of independence, waterparks, rollercoasters etc.

having them far apart

eldest and youngest have a lovely bond, my youngest really looks up to her big brother and the gap is big enoguh for him to bother with her and really treat her well and look out for her. He has her to gstay and she loves feeling freedom going to his flat and meeting his girlfirend etc..
when they were younger they didnt play together much if they were far apart
toys expensive as need new by the time number 2 gets there! same with clothes..
career wise it was hard going back settling in, just about to be promoted..then preggers again!
you feel very old by the time youngest is going through what eldest went through years ago like gcse options and university applications etc..you think ou know it all by youngest and you dont because its all changed!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 20/08/2011 13:02

There's 15 months between my two and that's the ideal gap for me I wouldn't like to get one into school and then start all over again with the nappies and the sleepless nights

I don't think there is one Ideal Gap, There's as many Ideal Gaps as there are parents

msbuggywinkle · 20/08/2011 13:09

I have (well, will do when DD3 is born in Dec) 2 gaps of 2 years 9 months. It works really well for us, which was why we aimed to repeat it!

The elder understands things like 'wait' but they are still close enough in age that they like many of the same activities, just do them on slightly different levels. DD1 and 2 currently get on very well, they balance each other out. I imagine they will clash quite a lot as teens though!

Mowlem · 20/08/2011 15:09

I agree with the others that how well children get on depends on personality and (to a lesser degree) gender not age gaps. My two DDs have a 3 year age gap, and they play together all the time. Until recently, they chose to share a bedroom, and they talk of getting a flat together when they are older. DD2 is old enough to join in with DD1s games and play with her when her friends come round, but there's enough of a gap that there's not too much competition between them - they both recognise that DD1 is older and so can do much more than DD2.

That said, if there had been a two or a four year age gap, I think they would still have got on just as well - because of their personalities.

hopefulgum · 20/08/2011 15:21

I've had a few different age gaps, as I've had 5 kids.
The first 2 were exactly 2 years apart. I was young and fit at the time and found it really hard. Then I had a 3 and half year gap - it was great. I found the three year old was able to understand the baby had specific needs, and I just felt I could handle things better with a baby when the other children could dress themselves, feed themselves, etc.So our 4th child was born about 3 and half years later too.

I did like the fact that the first two were great playmates, as were the second two.

We decided to have a fifth child after a few years, so my last two have a 9 year gap. I love that my older children are so helpful with the youngest. You have live-in babysitters - and very willing to help out too. However, the youngest doesn't have a playmate like the older ones did, which I feel is a bit of a disadvantage. He would like more time with children close to his age (he's almost 3). I would really like him to have a sibling soon, but it isn't exactly working out for me/us.I'm not giving up though

carriedababi · 20/08/2011 15:26

people get so hung up on this, what do they think people with big families do, that have a maasive span of ages in the family on days out etc?

ILoveDolly · 20/08/2011 18:21

I have a 4 yr gap between mine which has worked out like a dream as they are completely in love (so far!). The youngest is 18m old and the older is completely brilliant with her/happy to play 'baby' games etc from time to time. But I am pg with 3rd and obv this will be a 2yr gap - so will let you know how that goes!! differently, I expect...

umf · 20/08/2011 19:15

4 years between mine. Working out great so far. Planning to do the same again.

Pluses: DS1 was old enough when DS2 was born to talk about his feelings, understand what was happening, help me entertain the baby, and have enough of his own life (preschool 4 days, friends...) that he didn't feel too displaced. They share a room and (so far) adore each other.

Though it's fair to say I might have had another one sooner if I'd realised how much easier than DS1 babies can be.

Chandon · 20/08/2011 20:02

My very wise GP told me:
1-2 year gap is best for the child

But a 3 year gap is best for the parents!!! He said.

Most divorces are within 3 years of having your first child. if you can regain your balance after 2 years and a bit, you're ready to try for the next one!

demsy · 20/08/2011 20:27

Following on from what Chandon wrote and vey wise GP, I have 2 friends who have 5 and 7 children with varying age gaps between each sibling. They both swear blind they wished they had a 1 to 2 year gap between each of them as in their experience it was harder in the first instance but the benefits later on far outweighed the initial hecticness!

oliviasmama · 20/08/2011 21:28

let nature take its course

Cheria · 20/08/2011 21:36

DD is 5 months and I am working to a time limit... not going to go into details here, but thinking I will start trying in another couple of months. If it doesn't happen I'll stop trying. But DD is exceptionally easy so maybe I have underestimated how hard a second one would be.

Personally I don't get on with any of my siblings - 7 years younger, 7 years and 9 years older. I wouldn't leave it that long at all. 2.5 years would be ideal for me but I have to start trying before, just in case it doesn't happen quickly.

Papyrus · 20/08/2011 21:43

There's a 2.10 gap between DD1 and DS, a 2.6 gap between DS and DD2 and there will be exactly 3 years between DS and DC4.

This worked really well for us as a family, however I think DD2 will have a bit of a shock come October as she is very much the baby of the family with DD1 and DS pandering to her every whim and DH and I being slightly more lax in our parenting!

Papyrus · 20/08/2011 21:45

Ahem that should be exactly three years between DD2 and DC4 - I haven't had three children in three years!

mopsyflopsy · 20/08/2011 21:56

We've got 21 months between our 7 and 9 year old and, as others have said, after the initial hard work, it is great as DD and DS generally have similar interests, share toys and get on reasonably well.

But, as others have said, I don't think there is a 'perfect' gap - there are pros and cons for each difference and it also depends a lot on the childrens' characters.

PinkSchmoo · 20/08/2011 22:08

I have a 2.1 year gap. I had planned on three years but from observation think that a bigger gap is sometimes harder on the elder child. Although a smaller gap is harder on the parents....

Wouldn't change my gap for the world as it would mean I didn't have my lovely DS.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 20/08/2011 22:29

Very true, PinkSchmoo

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