Ideal Gap Between Children

[rosalux]

A friend of mine has just announced her second pregnancy and is due in early Feb. She currently has a DD who is 13 months. Similarly my cousin has two DD who are almost exactly 2 years apart. I am expecting my first this month and was just idly wondering what people thought was a good gap to have between children. Is it best to get all the sleepless nights out of the way in one go or do kids of slightly bigger gaps get along better? All being well I'd hope to have another reasonably soon, just not sure how soon.

I think we're going for around a 3-4 year gap, so DD will at least be at nursery before we're conteding with night feeds etc. again.

My psychologist friend reckons 3 years is ideal, but that really, anything goes and it's one of those factors that can mean a lot, or a little.

I have one just turning 5, one just turning 3, one just 16 months and the fourth one is due in 2 months. I would advise against these gaps

DD1 was 21 months when DD2 arrived. I would advise against this gap. Even 2 and a half (which DD1 is now) seems like it would be a bit easier because she understands what I say most of the time (e.g 'I need to feed the baby' etc), even if she doesn't like it!

3 is the worst for jealousy issues. I've never met a pair if siblings with a 3 year gap where there we not issues

I want mine really close together, or failing that at least 5 years apart

I agree with kayano - from personal experience! My sister and I had serious sibling rivalry issues, and I'm quite glad that there will be a 6 year age gap between mine! Maybe that was more down to my mom and dad's parenting though...
I am a bit nervous about going back to the baby stage, but am trying not to dread the toddler stage too much - that was such hard work with DD. I love the fact that my DD is now quite independent with some things, and she is really looking forward to being a little mother-hen. Also, she's at school, so I get plenty of one-to-one time with my new baby when she arrives.
I know it will be difficult to please both of them when going out etc, and I'm sure that there will be issues I haven't even thought of - but there are pro's and con's to any age gap when having children.
I don't think that I could have coped with 2 very young children at the same time - most of my friends who have done it this way have told me that it is hard work. However, they are able to do things together more easily.

I have 3y8m between mine and it has worked out well for us, we probably would have had them closer together if it wasn't for finances but actually now they are older (nearly 12 and 8) I'd not change the gap at all.

I think it's impossible to say, as all parents are different and all children are difficult.

I've seen siblings very close in age fight like cat and dog and be extremely competitive, and I've also seen them be like best friends. I've also seen siblings with a big age gap become very close, especially as adults. I do think personality (and perhaps gender as well) have a lot to do with it.

Some parents cope well with more than one baby, some know they couldn't cope and go for a bigger gap. Often your own childhood experience of siblings affects your choice.

Also, I think it depends on what else you have going on in your life, like whether you work or are a SAHM, whether you have to pay for childcare, your financial situation, or if you have family nearby who help out.

And finally siblings are for life, not just for childhood, so what seems like a massive age gap when they're small will make very little difference when they're in their 30s for instance. It's often then that personality is more relevant than age.

I've got 22 months between mine and the hardest bit for me was the pregnancy. I had a years maternity leave with DD1 so got pregnant literally as soon as I went back to work and had to deal with being back at work (p/t from, home) , getting used to leaving DD1 with a c/m, pregnancy fatigue, the coldest winter for years, swine flu, I could go on!

However, I've not found the gap between them too hard because DD2 is 13 months now and they've just started to play together and are really fond of each other.

I'd love a third but I'd want at least a 3 year age gap next time so that DD1 was at school and DD2 at pre school. For me, that's mainly because I find it really tiring hefting children into and out of car seats/trolleys/buggies etc!

Sorry, I echo what koolaid said about circumstances too.

We have no family anywhere nearby and I can just about cope with looking after two small children when I/they are sick but I think three would be pushing it when there's (literally) no one nearby we can ask for help.

Depends how late you've left it to get started in the first place! I will have turned 35 by the time my first appears this November, so I imagine I'll need to start getting in on for number two relatively quickly to give it a good chance of happening ;)

Seriously though, I think that considerations like your own age, attitude to career, financial stability are equally as important as what is 'perfect' for the DC themselves. In a way, these factors are maybe more predictable to balance up given that closeness might depend on the children's temperaments.

I say this pre no 1 though....

About 2 foot 3 inches is the best gap. Far enough so they can't physically fight and close enough that they don't have to shout to argue

"I found it much easier to have 2 small DC to look after than I did with one"

That makes no sense at all.

I feel exactly the same way.

I have a 22 month gap between my DDs and I love, love, love it.

My original intention was to try for a gap of around 3.5 years, but I changed my mind and I'm so glad I did.

I would love a 3rd and have been TTC for a while, unsuccessfully so far. I should be a lot more frustrated with that than I am - I am enjoying life a lot with a 3 year old and a 1 year old and think that being pregnant now would be quite inconvenient.

I have also realised why people often have a bigger gap between 2 & 3 - in some ways I'm really only starting to enjoy DD2 fully now. I spent so much more time gazing adoringly at my PFB that it felt like I knew her a lot better than I know her sister at the same age.

4.5 year gap. Find it great. They get on very well.

I suppose siblings either get on or not, whatever the gap. If they do then the parents will say it is ideal.

I am enjoying the age gap between mine.

Waves at shecutofftheirtails for nor reason other than I also have two DDs of 3 and 1 with a 22 month gap between them

:o chugsy

It's great, isn't it? :)

It is shecut off!!

I'm very, very of you ttcing a third though. I SO want a third. Maybe, just maybe will try next year

i smiled at your post shecutoff, its a shame that no 2 doesn't get that same attention as PFB.

I have 18 months between mine. DD1 has just turned 3 and DS1 is 18 months. They play so well together, I honestly think if I just had one, it would be more demanding as I actually get the odd half an hour where they play quite happily together and I can get on with a few bits without feeling guilty. No hours of endless staring at DS1 as no time but I do have lots of moments of watching them both play together with a smile. And then, it all changes and they're fighting buy hey ho.

We are also about to TTC no 3 and I'm so excited about actually planning this one (note: withdrawal method is not an effective form of contraception ). Hopefully our youngest will be around 2 and a half when DC3 comes along. If we're lucky.

Either really close together (18 months or less) or 3 years plus. The standard two year gap seems to be an utter nightmare in the experience of just about everyone I know!

Our gap will be 6 years, not through plannig, i would have rather had a 4 year age gap. But I dont care - I have a brother 13 years younger than me and we love each other to bits! There is no right and wrong...

My 2 DC's have always played beautifully together 26 months apart. I found this to be ideal, as DC1 was 18 months when I fell PG and I was able to potty train her before DS was born.

I think there is no ideal age gap.

Based on what I have seen, exactly (or less than) two years is very hard for the parents early on because you basically have two babies. But then as they get bigger they often play together and can be very close - they entertain each other and you don't have to as much. They also fight though!

A three year gap is popular among my friends, and is what I orginally intended. They are still close enough to play together when they are older but it seems to be a bit easier on the parents at first - only one in nappies/bugy/cot, etc.

I have just found out I am pregnant and will have a five year gap. It's not what I originally planned but we had to put it off for many reasons, mostly money. I think the advantages will be that my oldest is pretty self sufficent and won't need much personal care, will be at school so I can give the baby plenty of one to one attention, and will be able to understand better what has happened to our family. The disadvantages will be juggling school run with a new born, they will require very different types of childcare when I go back to work and I will have multiple drop offs and pick ups for a long time, they will want to do different things on days out - entertaining a 9 year old and 14 year old on holiday will be hard.

Age gaps are no garuntee (sp) they will be close though - I'm closer to a sibling 7 years younger than one 2 years younger and my best friend is closest to a sister 10 years younger, despite being a twin.

Whatever happens, you'll make it work.

siblings are for life, not just for childhood

Going to use that when anyone comments on my big age gap!

I haven't read the when thread so apologies if the point has already been made, but they're only children for such a short time. They will be adult siblings much longer than they will be babies or small children. I'm not saying don't consider the implications for when they are small just don't get too Hung up on it. As has been said relationships are more down to individuals than age gaps. Also IME and observation how hard it is with baby has a lot more to do with what the baby is like than the previous children. A difficult baby will make life difficult whatever other children you have! Also I disagree with the poster who said 3 yrs was worst for jealousy. From what I have seen and read 2 years is the worst for that.

Anyway fwiw, I have an 8 yr old, a 4 yr old and a new baby. Dc 2 was a lovely easy baby and for me the gap worked very well. The only issue was for a couple of months having to do the school run with a newborn. Other than that it's worked very well. Dc 3 has reflux and is hard work but the older kids are no bother. Dc 2 is besotted with baby just like dc 1 was with him. The big ones squabble like any siblings do but also keep each other company and we haven't struggled yet with days out for them both but that may be more of an issue between 1 and 3.

Professor Robert Winston suggests 7 years .