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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

found out its a girl, am a bit sad...everyone is a bit down

167 replies

mamaesi · 13/07/2011 12:11

I just found out I am having another girl and feel down about it. Every single family member kept saying 'hope its a boy' and I know my husband wanted a son too. In fact so did I...

I know its silly, but I feel like I have let people down...and someone already said "oh shame, bet you wanted a boy"

And my husband has already said he doesnt want any more than 2 children...even though I kinda do...so this was my only chance for a son and now its over. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you get over it?

please help me talk some sense into my mind

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

plonker · 13/07/2011 16:34

I felt like this when I was expecting my dd3.

For me, it wasn't the thought of having another little girl that made me feel a bit sad, it was the thought of never experiencing life with a little boy. It was a sort of sadness for the things that I wouldn't experience, if that makes sense?

It doesn't last, I promise. Your little girl will be loved and adored by all ...especially you.

A little humility from some posters here wouldn't go amiss ...

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/07/2011 16:34

and OP has a right to express her disappointment in her family's reactions without being beat upon by others.

Ormirian · 13/07/2011 16:35

Sorry you feel like this.

I'd hazard a guess it will pass fairly soon so not going to make any unkind comments as you've had a few of those already. Ignore those who tell you to be disappointed You know how you will love this baby - just like you loved the first baby - they are looking at it from outside so have no idea how you feel. They are both your children - that is all that matters.

Minione · 13/07/2011 16:37

Whilst I realise that gender disappointment is very real and have sympathy for the OP, it is unfair to criticise and berate posters who are expressing their opinions. FWIW my son was stillborn and I take great offence at the comment made to the poster about 'shouting about' the death of their baby. FFS SANDS are trying to raise awareness about stillbirths and we are told to go back to the dark ages and not 'shout about it' as though it is some dirty secret.

MAmaesi - You will love your child regardless once they are born but I understand that its different to your wish.. If anyone in your family (or DH's) have a problem when the child is actually born they they are fuckwits.

ShowOfHands · 13/07/2011 16:38

Exactly. You said she should feel grateful that her baby is healthy. At which point did she say she wasn't exactly? I've said it several times now. Being disappointed about the gender is a natural and well-documented reaction. It's nothing to do with being grateful your child is healthy. You might not understand the reaction, you haven't experienced it but it doesn't mean it's not valid.

CBear6 · 13/07/2011 16:38

I've had two losses and fertility issues. That doesn't make my experience and opinions more valid than those of someone else and it doesn't give me the right to act like the Pregnancy Police.

Should we all sit around cradling our growing bellies with serenely bovine looks on our glowing faces, counting our blessings and keeping our mouths firmly shut lest we offend someone? No, we shouldn't. If I want to moan about my swollen clown feet or my zebra striped belly or my fifty trips to loo each day then I will. If other pregnant women want to express their feelings about any part of pregnancy than they can.

I'm not going to beat them over the head with my losses and demand they see how selfish they're being. Pregnancy loss is horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but my losses don't invalidate the feelings of other people or their right to express them.

The OP was asking if anyone has experienced these feelings and how to deal with them, nowhere in her post did she say she doesn't love the new baby and nowhere did she ask to be vilified for daring to express her feelings.

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/07/2011 16:42

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Message withdrawn

ThePippy · 13/07/2011 16:42

I am pleased you have a happy life Caroline, maybe you could spread some of that happiness then rather than shitting on other peoples, because after all "who the fuck are you" to do that!!

RumourOfAHurricane · 13/07/2011 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StrikeUpTheBand · 13/07/2011 16:45

I agree ciwi, referring to "tales of woe" is very insensitive when referring to the fact that some people have lost their beautiful babies and had to go home with empty arms, often to a room-full of baby things their baby will never use . And then have to plan a funeral for their baby. And as I said OP, you are entitled to your feelings, but other people are entitled to theirs. I know several people since losing my DS who found out the terrible news at their 20-week scan that their baby had died, or would be 'incompatible with life', or would be severely disabled. As someone else said, I went into every scan with my heart in my mouth having been to one before to see my baby with no heartbeat. You can't expect them to not feel upset or even angry that you came home from yours feeling 'down' because your baby was not the gender that you hoped for. They can't help feeling that way any more than you can.

That said, from your posts I am sensing that you are more disappointed that your relatives are expressing their disappointment. They are out of order, and if they felt like that they shouldn't have expressed it to you IMO.

I hope you can get to grips with your feelings, but please remember that we are entitled to ours too. You did ask for people to talk sense into you too.

ciwi · 13/07/2011 16:47

maxine why are you being so aggressive and nasty? If you read MY comments I really don't think I have been too harsh. I was just explaining things from my perspective and if you read my posts I have not been nasty at all. The people I have met through sands etc do find it difficult to hear people moaning about healthy pregnancies. I am not speaking for everyone, just the people I know. I dont know her circumstances and I havent judged her, just advised that she look at the positives, thats all.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/07/2011 16:48

Ohhh goody someone else corrected "greatful" I was sitting on my hands trying not to!

ciwi · 13/07/2011 16:49

Totally agree strike I think people have been over harsh on both sides here. I really didnt think I was being though, sorry if I was

CarolineLou · 13/07/2011 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

CarolineLou · 13/07/2011 16:54

I have dysleixa sorry... didmt realise that was also a rule tht you cant have on this site

usualsuspect · 13/07/2011 16:55

Bye then, CarolineLou

CarolineLou · 13/07/2011 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

nunnie · 13/07/2011 16:59

I posted earlier about me being a 2nd daughter and how I thought secretly my parents wanted a boy but got a tom boy.
Anyway for family related views my mum was told when she had my sister she had done it in the incorrect order and boys should be first born by my nan (paternal), so you can imagine her comments and when my mum 'failed' to produce a boy to continue the family name. My Grandad desperate to try and keep his name going continued to father a child at the ripe old age of 69 but that was a girl. So the family name does end with my father which really doesn't seem to upset him (or he hides it well) I suppose he could follow in his fathers footsteps and father again (I do hope not though).
I can see why you are upset by your family being disappointed and why you feel they blame you, I don't have any words or wisdom for you to sling at them sadly but they really are the ones with the problem not you.

CotesduRhone · 13/07/2011 16:59

OP, if you're grieving because you now feel like you'll never have a little as well, there's a certain amount that's understandble in that. You'll be all done with that in no time, and you'll have another brilliant daughter.

Your family/friends, however, should be taken out and shot. I reckon you should summon every pregnancy hormone you have and direct some serious WRATH in their direction.

CotesduRhone · 13/07/2011 17:00

Urgh, what's wrong with my typing! I mean little boy as well

StrikeUpTheBand · 13/07/2011 17:02

I don't think you were either Ciwi.

CarolineLou, think you might want to avoid namecalling etc as there are rules against that...

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/07/2011 17:05

CarolineLou there are also rules against harrassment via the PM system. I have reported you. I suggest you stop. you stupid twat

working9while5 · 13/07/2011 17:05

All I want in life is healthy kids. and hopefully they won't have any disabilities or personality traits or anything else that might make their life hard.

BUT

I will have a secret, tiny sadness if I don't have a little girl, because I grew up in a house of women and I do believe in some ways that a son is a son til he gets a wife and a daughter is a daughter for life. I tell my mum everything, we are so close. I don't think it's the same for mothers and daughters.. and yes, it's doesn't matter as long as your baby comes into this world alive to a home that will love them. I love my DS more than I could ever have imagined loving anyone in this wide universe.. but I would love a daughter too. If I am blessed with any other kids (not looking great right now) I will love and cherish them beyond all else.. but all things being equal, I'd like to experience being a mother to a daughter as well as a son.

CarolineLou · 13/07/2011 17:06

LMFAO!!!!! Harrasment? I asked you why you bullied me for having dyslexia? Im a twat? LOL! :)

AmazingBouncingFerret · 13/07/2011 17:08

I made a comment about a correction of spelling before anything was mentioned about dyslexia, however I'm not getting into this with you. You are indeed a mouthy little gobshite.

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