found out its a girl, am a bit sad...everyone is a bit down

[mamaesi]

I just found out I am having another girl and feel down about it. Every single family member kept saying 'hope its a boy' and I know my husband wanted a son too. In fact so did I...

I know its silly, but I feel like I have let people down...and someone already said "oh shame, bet you wanted a boy"

And my husband has already said he doesnt want any more than 2 children...even though I kinda do...so this was my only chance for a son and now its over. Has anyone else felt this way? How did you get over it?

please help me talk some sense into my mind

[exoticfruits]

I agree with you phlossie-people have such a stereotypical idea of what each sex will be like and quite possibly you get the sex but not the personality you wanted. Women seem to think that they will have a friend for life in a DD, when experience tells you that lots of women don't get on with their mothers! Fathers can imagine playing sports with a DS, who may hate all physical activities and want to spend his time with his head stuck in a book.

[NRGless]

Crikey my emotions are currently all over the place with regards to original post (possibly hormones ). I find it upsetting that you are 'gutted' that you have another baby girl on the way and that your family are seemingly upset. Tell them to get pregnant and produce a boy! Getting pregnant in the first place is a miracle in itself and there are so many people in this country who try, and fail, to get pregnant who would give anything for a baby of ANY sex. My DP already has a daughter and has expressed his wish for another little girl.........I have told him he will get what he's given and he has said that that is his ideal but is excited about our baby and realistically doesn't care as long as it is healthy. Tell your family to keep their opinions to themselves, unless of course they change and are constructive. You need to get over this 'disappointment' and be thankful that you have been blessed with a pregnancy that is progressing well. Don't mean to sound harsh but you are thinking in quite a selfish way.

[Chipsycheese]

Even being able to get pregnant is something we should not get for granted, we should feel lucky.
Carrying a baby to 9 months and a safe labour with a beautiful, healthy baby is an amazing thing. Thats all we should be happy with.
Its not fair to have a preference over having a boy or girl.

[phlossie]

I actually think the focus on the sex of children is over-stated - their personalities and relationships have little to do with whether they're male or female. I think you need to think about what you expected having a son to be like, and understand that it might not have lived up to your expectations.

Example: my sporty dad wanted a boy, had a girl, then another girl and then the most awkward, un-sporty boy you could imagine! He's wonderful, my bro, and my dad adores him, but he's not what my dad expected a son to be.

[Pinkjenny]

And MumblingRagDoll - my dd and ds absolutely adore each other and play beautifully together. Ridiculous generalisations.

[Pinkjenny]

Lilbreeze - did you ignore my post above yours? I have one of each and people do comment in exactly the way you describe.

I am stepping back from this thread now as I am starting to get all defensive and it's not a good colour on me. OP - it will be fine, and I'm sure everyone will just adore her.

[NatzCNL]

Roisinanna, as stated in much earlier posts, this thread isn't about being unhappy she is having a baby, she is asking how to deal with her emotions and others around her who are expressing disappointment at her not carrying a girl. It is a real emotion which many expectant parents go through even though they are fully aware of how lucky they are to be able to have children.

OP has come on here to ask for help in getting past this emotion, not to be flamed for feeling what is entirely a normal feeling. There is no need for OP to 'hop over to the conception thread' and this was not posted there, so please respect that.

[MumblingRagDoll]

I have 2 girls and we wanted number two to be a girl...so they could relate and play together. One of each may seem neat but they may nt get on as well as 2 of the same sex. Ours play well together.

[roisinanna]

Count yourself lucky you can have kids.... Down?? Really? Sorry...I have zero sympathy here. Perhaps hop over to the conception thread and really see how lucky you are..

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

OP, I think it's absolutely out of line that you've been faced with so much familial pressure to have a boy. And I can sympathise: my husband's family are very 'traditional', by which I mean they're sexist twats, and when I was pregnant with their first grandchild they were explicit about hoping it was a boy.

When DH's grandmother rang me in the hospital to 'congratulate' me on having DD, she said "Congratulations, and think optimistic, the next one WILL be a boy".

And then DH's sister had a girl. And then she had another girl. And now I'm pregnant again I have banned all speculation and opinion about the baby's sex. Even if I buckle and find out the sex next week, I've decided not to tell anyone precisely because I will not tolerate people expressing disappointment in my pregnancy.

Which is not to say that your own feelings aren't valid, just that it's not making it any easier on you if people are being so rude as to tell you that your lovely little daughter is a 'shame'. FFS.

[Pastabee]

I'm one if three girls and we had a lovely childhood playing together and we are still close now. I don't have a brother so don't know what that would have been like but it's definitely a different sort of closeness for me compared to DH and his older sister.

You DD will love a sister I'm sure!

[Pleb1969]

My sister was like this when she found out she was having her second DS - she was absolutely gutted. Now she wouldn't change it for the world. I have 3 DS and did not give a toss what they were - we tried for a baby, not a particular sex. Rejoice in what you have, not in what you don't have. Life is too short to waste on 'what if's'. Hope the pregnancy and birth are a breeze and you have a happy healthy baby at the end of it! xx

[JimmyChoo17]

lilbreeze I want one of each purely selfish reasons of course...mainly because I loved having a big brother....who can then look out for his kid sister when she dates when she's older! Ha ha. Never really close to my sister but that's an age gap thing I think.

mind u from people I know and also my hubby... it's usually the men wishing for a particular sex child.

Really I don't care to be honest and neither does dh really...as long as healthy and it hurrys up and thinks about leaving now! He just wants to ensure it's a spurs fan...surely that's cruelty in itself ;)

[DoricDoula]

Take your time to heal your feelings and thoughts, no one else but you and your partner should worry about the gender as long as you as a family are ok. I can understand the conflicts of emotion and how every one adding their view can give you emotional difficulties.

Be kind to yourself
Bighugs

[MaMattoo]

Typo!! Submit = family! Oops.

[lilbreeze]

People do always seem to have the idea that one of each is best. Funny really, because from the child's point of view it's probably nice to have a same-sex sibling but no one ever says "Ah it's a shame you've got one of each, don't you feel sad your DD won't have a sister / your DS won't have a brother?"

I've got 2 DDs I think DH was a bit sad not to have a boy, although now their personalities have really come out and they're so different to each other and also so funny / cheeky / brave / adventurous he sees a lot of the traits he thought he'd miss not having a boy.

I don't know why some people are being so harsh - YANBU!

[MaMattoo]

Ignore the relatives.
Count the blessings - you are pregnant, baby is ok, she already has a submit waiting for her, she has you who is a good parent (already worrying and thinking)...
Just enjoy the pregnancy. Look forward to tiny hands, tiny feet and small clenched fists. Wonder who she will look like.
In my culture a house is blessed if there is a girl in it. Truly blessed if there are two. Consider yourself truly blessed!!
(hug)

[JimmyChoo17]

mama best suggestion would be those friends and family being put in the firing line of some mums netters as it seems your friends and family who are the major offenders here.

Congratulations on your pregnancy have no idea what's coming out of me soon but would flame down anyone I knew that had a negative opinion on what I had produced!

From your point of view u will love baby no matter what and hey....your dh might decide he might chance a 3 rd now? I could mention all the things that should talk sense into you about losses etc but think that's been well and truly done!

Personally I don't really care what my baby is but deep down I would love a boy then a girl but won't care what pops out as long as healthy and doesn't tear me in half on the way out

[maxbear]

I had one of each so really didn't mind what I had third time around. I shocked myself when I felt a bit when I had ds2. I think that it was as much that I knew he would be my last child and maybe I would have felt like that a bit if he had been a girl. All I know is that I felt really guilty that I had these feelings as I couldn't help them at all. (and in the event it only lasted about an hour!) Anyway ds2 is the most amazing lovely gorgeous child and I am just so glad that he is himself. Scrummy, gorgeous, smiley happy lovely and in to everything he can possibly be in to! In my experience every one always assumes that you will have the opposite of what you already have, but life is not like that and wouldn't it be boring if it was!

[exoticfruits]

I think that the problem is that we are so used to choice-I think it is wonderful to have one area of life where you can't choose and it is down to nature.

[serendipity16]

mamaesi - I felt like that when i had my scan last year.

At that point i had 3 boys & 1 girl + 1 stillborn girl.
I'd been through a lot to get pregnant, miscarriages, infertility & an ectopic so i was so thrilled to be pregnant.
I kinda hoped for a girl.... more for my daughter than for myself.
I was so happy to have a continuing pregnancy & just wanted a healthy baby.

However everyone kept saying, hope its a girl, you can't have another boy, you need another girl etc etc.
It got to the point that when i found out at the scan i was having another boy i felt that i had let everyone down. I know, i know it sound silly but there was all this pressure from everyone expecting me to have this girl & suddenly i was told i was having my 4th boy.

I love my little boy to bits, he's gorgeous, happy & healthy & that is all that matters. People do still comment about me having 4 boys but in my 'non hormonal state' i don't let it get to me.

[Kayzr]

My friend found out yesterday she's expecting her 4th daughter. Since she announced her pregnancy everyone has gone on about her having a boy this time. Yes she admitted it would be nice to have a boy. But she be equally happy with another girl.

Now she knows the same people (her family, her in laws and friends) that went on about having a boy have told her she wouldn't want a boy anyway. She's pretty fed up now.

[FourThousandHoles]

the OP seems a lot more balanced than some on this thread

we are all grateful for our healthy children but it doesn't mean that we can't have disappointments or problems along the way (should I be told that I shouldn't be concerned about dc1's minor health issues for instance because, hey, at least there is no life limiting illness?)

I never had gender disappointment (2 the same) but I think dp did with #2. We DID think #2 may have had problems in utero so had extra scans etc (thankfully all fine in the end) but it didn't stop his perfectly valid disappointment in not having the classic "one of each", yes it was put in perspective due to the stress of possible problems but he still had his thoughts and ideas of dc2's place in the family whipped away fairly early on (gender identifed at 16 weeks)

the OP seemed to need to deal with OTHERS' disappointment rather than her own and she gets attacked for that...

I think there are a lot of people that have had a shitty time but nevertheless need to stop projecting their sadness and issues on others that haven't had the heartbreak.

GOod luck OP :)

[Pinkjenny]

You can't win, OP. Everyone bases their opinions on their own experiences, you can see that from the posts, and from the fact that there are a million threads like this the other way around, from people being disappointed about having a boy. Probably more, I would imagine.

No matter what combination of genders or numbers of children you have, everyone has something to say about it. I have one of each and people still make ridiculous comments to me about dd not having a sister and their experiences of brothers and sisters fighting/growing apart/not getting on etc etc.

It will all be fine, and everyone will adore her.

[Lizzylou]

Sheep, I agree, my boys are so different in character, they really are.
But they gel nonetheless.

I suspect this is because DS1 indulges DS2