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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

"Was it a planned pregnancy?"

240 replies

LuluLozenge · 24/01/2011 10:50

Has anyone else been getting this?

I'm 32, have been with my DP for over six very happy years, and we both have good jobs.

I'm a bit taken aback to be asked this all the time - most recently by a friend's new girlfriend I'd met an hour earlier! I always answer politely but I think it's really rude.

Does everyone get this or do I just look like the kind of person who is too disorganised to use contraception?

(It WAS planned, by the way!)

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takethatlady · 25/01/2011 19:06

PS, I've got friends who have just cancelled going bowling because they think it'll risk the baby's life Hmm. When I said it wouldn't and I wanted to go, they just gave me raised eyebrows and said 'no, you can't, you've got to think about the baby'. Bowling!!! Are they mad?!

(Again, I know this isn't meant to be rude in any way and I'm not offended at all but it is a bit patronising when people suggest I'm not looking after my baby because I want to go bowling, but they are!!)

CrawlingInMySkin · 25/01/2011 19:08

doodleboo Thanks Grin you are right.

Firawla · 25/01/2011 19:08

what the hell is supposed to be the risk of bowling??? lol
just ignore them!
some people eh

rocketleaf · 25/01/2011 19:22

Bowling? Good grief!!! :O bless em tho.

I have had people assume I wouldn't want to go to the pub because I am pregnant. Erm, I actually am capable of socialising with people drinking without falling to the temptation of getting hammered on gin you know. Or are you afraid I might osmose the alcohol somehow?

Astronaut79 · 25/01/2011 19:46

babybythesea I know exactly what you mean! Felt like bloody mother earth cos it was so easy to conceive no.1.

Not so bloody smug this time round. Sad

I too, am pissing on sticks far too often for my sanity. Good job I'm actually meant to be working full time and bringing up DS, otherwise I'd be totally obsessed!

pamelat · 25/01/2011 20:21

I dont think it is rude if you are asking a friend, context dependent.

I struggle with 2 children, toddler and baby, and if any of my peer group (same situations) got pregnant right now I would ask it!! Purely out of shock/admiration/jealousy Smile

Its rude of people you do not know very well.

Mrswhiskerson · 25/01/2011 21:13

I think it might be in case the person is not happy about it and the person asking does not want to put their foot in it by saying congratulations! only to see that the pregnancy is the last thing the other person wanted .

PipPipPip · 25/01/2011 23:06

To be honest, I'm okay with the 'was it planned' question - perhaps because (luckily) only close friends have asked it. But the two that annoy me are:

"Do you know what you're having yet?"
Uh, probably a child, you sexist dork.

*"But you can't do/eat/say/drink/lift that. You're pregnant!"
Yeah? Watch me...

PipPipPip · 25/01/2011 23:07

To be honest, I'm okay with the 'was it planned' question - perhaps because (luckily) only close friends have asked it. But the two that annoy me are:

"Do you know what you're having yet?"
Uh, probably a child, you sexist dork.

"But you can't do/eat/say/drink/lift that. You're pregnant!"
Yeah? Watch me...

mathanxiety · 26/01/2011 02:39

If it was that close a friend, you would probably know without having to ask.

I think it's far better to assume congratulations are in order.

Coralanne · 26/01/2011 05:45

Las week I bumped into a woman I hadn't seen for about 6 years.

When I told her DD had 4 she said "My God hasn't anyone told them how it happens" and "doesn't she know how to cross her legs".

Felt like saying to her "hope I don't see you for another 6 years"

Astrophe · 26/01/2011 06:10

We are getting the 'was it planned?" now - I'm pregnant with DC4 (and it was planned).

My first two DC were a DD followed by a DS, and we got the "ooh, thats good you can stop, now you've got one of each" and then when I was pg with DC3 we got (only once) "but why? You have a boy and a girl...?".

And I always get (and this upsets me FAR more than the others) "is it twins?, no, but you are sooooo enormous!" usually followed by "when are you due...really? no way, you must be due sooner than that, are you sure of your dates?"

WTF? Do you really think I want to discuss the regularity or otherwise with you?

I must say I don't generally mind friends asking questions like 'how long did it take to fall pg" etc, but I hate the ones which imply that its surprising that I am happy to be pg, or that I shouldn't really be.

Astrophe · 26/01/2011 06:11
  • WTF? Do you really think I want to discuss the regularity or otherwise of my menstrual cycle with you?
IntergalacticHussy · 26/01/2011 10:25

god i hate that question. Bloody rude, esp from someone you don't even know. prepare a witty retort for future occurances. can't think what right now.

babybythesea · 26/01/2011 10:34

Astronaut79 - it's not the best is it?! I too have been through quite a lot of sticks. Even did a middle of the night test - woke up groggy from what was clearly (don't you love hindsight) a dream, convinced it was essential to do a test NOW. Discovered in the morning my aim at 2am in the dark is obviously not good....! Got really excited last month- v sore boobs, 3 days late - then really painful cramps and heavy period. A bit disappointed (and the rest). I'm finding it worse because no1 was so easy - lulled me into a false sense of security. Still, onwards and upwards. And I am practicing my right hook for the next person who says 'I think your daughter would be a brilliant big sister - when are you going to have another one? You don't want her to be an only child do you?'

babybythesea · 26/01/2011 10:38

Astrophe - I had the opposite. 2 days before giving birth I bumped into a friend who didn't realise I was pregnant. Admittedly it was winter and I was well wrapped up but even so, I was 41 weeks pregnant -I'm not normally quite that shape or waddling that awkwardly. I'm not sure what's worse: being told you look fat when they know you're pregnant, or people assuming your heavily pregnant shape is just you letting your diet really slide!!!

rocketleaf · 26/01/2011 10:51

babyythesea my 36 week gone friend and I were in the showers at the baths the other day and a lady was whittering on to us about getting rid of the xmas belly. I nearly fell over, OK my 22 week belly might pass for a gut but there is NO WAY you could mistake my friends belly for an over indulgence in xmas pud but that is what she seemed to be implying. Was pretty funny. :o

Astrophe · 26/01/2011 10:53

lol babybythesea, true, it could be worse :o

I couldn't ind your frst post to clarify, but is it ovulaion tests you are doing? If so, a word of encouragement/caution: after 8 months or so of TTC our DC1, I fell pg , despite having ahd 3 months worth of ovulation tests telling me I wasn't ovulating! So press on! And good luck :)

babybythesea · 26/01/2011 10:59

Both ovulation tests, and then in an insanely hopeful moment (the middle of the night effort) a pg test. I had bought some when we first started TTC as it had all happened to fast with dd1, I foolishly assumed I'd need them within a few weeks. Am investing so much money in things to wee on I may need to take out shares in ClearBlue.

babybythesea · 26/01/2011 11:06

PipPipPip - I have a slightly different attitude to the 'you can't do that' comments. I preferred to work them to my advantage. 'No, you're right. I shouldn't lift anything. So if you could just move that to over there, and then stack those boxes. I really should keep my fluid intake up and get some rest so I'm off to sit on that sofa with my cup of tea. Yell if you need me to remind you of what has to go where.....'
A few goes of that, and people learnt not to comment!!!

risingstar · 26/01/2011 12:38

i got asked this constantly with dd3. there was a 10 year gap. i also got asked if the babys dad was different for dd1 and 2.

hubby did not believe me until he went to a hospital appt with me and a Doctor asked him if the baby was planned.

His response was "played for and won"

think this is a good response.

Sleepyslug · 26/01/2011 16:07

My partner's best mate got married and his wife asked me if my son of 18 months was planned. I replied 'yes' and she seemed shocked. I am 26 now and was 24 when I had my little boy. I wouldn't mind but she has a 2 year old and she isn't much older than me!..She always asks how old I am when I see her as well.

I'm too polite I should just tell her to do *%%%%£$"@ off (add your own expletive!)

kat30112000 · 26/01/2011 20:16

i was asked when i was pregnant with my 2nd son loads got sick of it

this poor woman asked me at the wrong time on the wrong day got the usual oh so was your baby planned so i replied what baby im not pregnant her face was a picture i was quite obviously pregnant but she shuffled off very red in the face but it made me smile

(he wasnt planned as i was told i wouldnt have anymore kids due to health problems so a lovely miracle suprise and so was his brother 2yrs later :) )

jugglingjo · 26/01/2011 22:18

Vaguely on these lines I was a bit Hmm

when one of my BF's introduced me, to a new mum at toddler group who had just had a baby, by saying I had two and wouldn't be having any more because DH had had the you know what !

Thanks BF ! I really wanted everyone standing within earshot to know that ! Blush

And I always liked to think it could just be possible we might have another !

duchesse · 27/01/2011 12:56

I have a 12 year gap between DC3 and DC4. People make all sorts of assumptions, but surprisingly never the correct one, that she took such a very long time to arrive (6.5 years) that we'd given up hoping any more.

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