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Original poster

"Was it a planned pregnancy?"

240 replies

LuluLozenge · 24/01/2011 10:50

Has anyone else been getting this?

I'm 32, have been with my DP for over six very happy years, and we both have good jobs.

I'm a bit taken aback to be asked this all the time - most recently by a friend's new girlfriend I'd met an hour earlier! I always answer politely but I think it's really rude.

Does everyone get this or do I just look like the kind of person who is too disorganised to use contraception?

(It WAS planned, by the way!)

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MistyB · 24/01/2011 20:02

Obviously babies are made 9 months before they are due but I also found it terribly embarassing when people tried to guess exactly when my babies conceived! ie was it the weekend when.....? IMO, that level of detail is not for discussion!!

CountBapula · 24/01/2011 20:04

My gran asked me when I told her I was pg.

I wanted to say, "Yes Nan, we've been at it hammer and tongs - do you want to hear about my cervical mucus?"

I didn't, of course. I spluttered something about it being very much planned.

She is quite scary though. Got very hoity toity with me when I told her DS wasn't going to be christened ... Hmm

MickeyMixer · 24/01/2011 20:08

Knakard - staggering!

TooImmature2BMum · 24/01/2011 20:16

I work in a team called 'Right First Time' (to do with customer service, not because we're that up ourselves!). When I started telling people at work, one guy asked "so, was it right first time, then?" I think he was trying to think of something funny and didn't realise what he was actually asking!

Also, a girl at a party asked me who the father was. I had never set eyes on this girl before. I just looked at her and said "my husband". For all she knew, it could have been a mortifying question! I should have said "I don't know"! Grin

sungirltan · 24/01/2011 20:22

gawd. i've asked people if their dc were planned. only because mine wasn't i suppose. im sorry!!!

anythingwithagiraffeonit · 24/01/2011 20:22

I was 5 months pregnant, quite visibly too, had announced it in facebook and was at work.

A camera man said to me quite casually about it..."oh no! What are you gonna do?"

Um... I thought we'd keep her! Seeing as we tried so damn hard to have her and are both beaming from ear to ear!

It's SO rude!

Thaney · 24/01/2011 20:36

My MIL asked me if it was planned. I didn't really no what to say I was so shocked.

When I told her, DH and I were both 32, had known each other for 20 years, been together for 8 years, married for 2. We both have good jobs and own our own home. Why would anyone, least of all MIL, assume that it wouldn't have been planned?

hilltop666 · 24/01/2011 20:40

I got this as well from loads of people whether i knew them well or not, despite being married for 2 yrs and both of us in good jobs! The thing is even if it wasn't planned as if you would tell people- that kind of thing is so personal!!

babybythesea · 24/01/2011 20:57

'thehiddenpaw Mon 24-Jan-11 11:44:27
I am also expecting to be asked do I want a girl (i have 2 boys)
and my third top questions is do I know what it is (I am used to that and my response previously ranges from yes, it is a baby to 'homo sapien' to 'please god a healthy baby')'

I read in a book once that the answer to "do you want a boy or a girl?" should be either:
(a) not particularly
or (b)"Of course"
depending on how nauseous you have been that day.
I always just answered 'yes' when I got asked if I wanted a boy or a girl, or if I knoew what it was (We know for sure it's human).

MickeyMixer · 24/01/2011 21:01

Hey Thaney - Sarah by any chance??

Astronaut79 · 24/01/2011 21:03

Everyone assumed Ds was planned cos I'm a bit of a control freak. Now he's a year old I'm being driven mad by random people and family asking me if I'm having another one (1st time lucky with Ds, 3 months and counting with potential dc no.2). I was told by no fewer than 3 people at a recent family event that Victoria Beckham is having her 4th in June. Until then, I hadn't been aware that I was in competition with her.Hmm

PacificDogwood · 24/01/2011 21:05

I used to answer with "Well, after 3 consecutive MCs, we are v pleased" - it shut the fuckers rude people right up Grin!!
I was in my late 30s, had been married for 6 years, am a HCP (yes, I know how to use contraception) and still the questions came.

Lots of people assumed no 3 and 4 were unplanned, including my own mother Shock. She also asked whether we were planning to have any more as it 'was becoming a bit common' - Shock again...

Don't get me started on the comments re 4DSs and how 'surely I must want a girl' - grrrrr!!

thehiddenpaw · 24/01/2011 21:14

well I start telling people soon (or else they will be asking as now 16 weeks) and am hoping for some polite brush off it is none of your business comments to come out of this thread. Thanks babybythesea- will see what questions I get asked and may be coming back to update. My siblings won't be asking stupid/rude questions, I am positive it will be a big smile and congratulations from my brothers and maybe some happy tears from one sister (the other will think I am mad but be pleased too)I am one of 7 and they all know I want more than 2 (though probably not how many more,,,,,,)

stegasaurus · 24/01/2011 21:52

I get asked about 6 times a day (by colleagues and other random people) if I know what I am having. One person tells me repeatedly that she doesn't like it that I am not finding out and thinks that it's wrong to wait and have a surprise. What on earth has it got to do with her?

LC200 · 24/01/2011 21:55

It is all so rude. I had just turned 24 when I was pregnant with dd, and was a student teacher, but had been with (then) df for three years and we had just bought a house. I had about 20 people ask if I was going to keep the baby, including some people I hardly knew! Was utterly shocked by the very cheek of it! As if I'd want to have that conversation with anyone other than my very close family and friends, and as if I'd tell people who weren't that close that I was pregnant but wasn't going to keep the baby!

Some people amaze me with their rudeness, they really do. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

rowingboat · 24/01/2011 22:10

I think half the time people just don't know what to ask, so just try to sound informed or whatever and it comes out wrong.
I think laughing like a drain would put most of them off, then you could say 'Oh you know me! in a breezy way. Or say, 'Well we had a gant chart and used project management software, but we weren't really trying'.
Stegasaurus your colleague sounds like a pain in the bum. I think you should repeatedly tell her that you don't like that she keeps telling you her opinion and think that is wrong, with a nice big smile. Smile

ValiumSilverTongue · 24/01/2011 22:55

I think it's rude. I was asked this by a woman who considered herself very refined altogether. It bothered me most from her.

sleepywombat · 24/01/2011 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spongebobsquareknickers · 25/01/2011 00:43

How about - "I have no idea how he/she got there, I havent seen a stork around lately?!?"

spongebobsquareknickers · 25/01/2011 00:45

Shock at "are you going to keep the baby"!!

TheEvilDead2 · 25/01/2011 02:14

Yeah I had it all the time, married, together for years, late twenties. Odd fuckign question.

KTisPG · 25/01/2011 08:42

I'm 9 weeks with DC3, I have a DD and a DS already and I'm really [bshock] at the number of times I get asked this, and then the response is "but why? you have one of each already?" WTF!!!! Err, maybe because I wanted 3 children???? I might even push the boat out and have 4, is it anyone's business but mine and DH? [bhmmm]

kktpj · 25/01/2011 09:03

I had twins 12years ago and got that o poor you routine.It didnt help my already worried thoughts. Also questioned about ivf!
Now 12 y on with brand new ds - was it an accident? - when you say no, very much planned and after 3 miscarriages v much wanted, they dont know what to say.

babybythesea · 25/01/2011 09:23

stegosaurus - OMG!
I didn't find out either - didn't care as long as I knew it was healthy.

Won't find out when we finally manage to create no.2 either. OTPH, my cousin (had her ds a few months after me) knew, named him and told everyone. Contrast the reaction of the family when my dd was born compared to her son.

For me, lots of excited phone calls - what is it, what is her name etc etc.
For her, 'M is here safely' Far less excitment. My sister (who is very close to my cousin) says it wasn't because they didn't care but because we all knew who was arriving (name and sex) the novelty had worn off a bit. Everyone wanted to see him but we all felt we knew him already, whereas I had the element of surprise on my side! So even if I did find out I wouldn't be telling anyone else!

babybythesea · 25/01/2011 09:44

pearlym - I think you are right when women ask how long it took. I know I am interested - we found it easy to conceive no1 but no2 seems to be taking more time and I am now tempted to ask that question, just to get an idea of 'normal' time frames so I know when to start being concerned! I know all the medical stuff but want real-life stories. Don't really like being asked 'So when are you going to have no2 then?' I've only just started to mind this question though - up until relatively recently my answer was 'I want a small enough age gap that they can still play together, but big enough that I don't feel like my baby time ran out too soon!' Now, the question of another one is harder to answer. Depending on who is asking, and the general mood of the conversation I will either admit to trying and ask them to cross fingers, or be a bit ruder and say 'Why? Do you have a spare one?'