Is my baby mine?

[ismybabymine]

Long time poster, name changed for this thread. I know this isn't rational. But it isn't 'affecting my life' so not sure a gp would/ could help?

I have a nine month old. He's my second baby... but I just don't think he's my baby. I'm a woman. I gave birth to him. But I just keep thinking: he's not your baby, he's not yours.

Nobody in the family thinks he looks like either my husband nor myself. I feel quite disconnected from him. I don't want to hurt him or anything like that. I mean, he's just a baby. But I think it makes me resent him at least a bit.

I suffered primary infertility with my eldest and ds then came as a total shock. Because I was wfh during the pandemic when I got pregnant, I didn't really tell people I was pregnant. I think a lot of my friends/ acquaintances don't know I now have two children... I felt shit talking about being pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy after all I went through to get older child. Also have a few work colleagues who've had real difficulties. Obvs work people know I'm on mat leave, but I didn't tell most of them until just before I went. It was super surreal.

I'm not sure if this is pnd/ ocd. But I get this intrusive thought most days. And I have trouble sleeping.

I KNOW he's mine (obvs as he came out of my vagina)... but I just keep getting this intrusive thought. What could/ would a gp be able to do to help me so I stop thinking this all the time?

I have no practical support on a day to day basis...

What do I do to stop thinking/ feeling like my baby isn't mine???

[quote ismybabymine]@Rtmhwales - that's exactly it: he doesn't feel mine... I think if someone came to me and said 'whoops we made a mistake.' I'd be like, 'oh, here ya go' and hand him back. I like him. He's alright as far as babies go. Maybe the issue is just bond?? I do things just with him. Swimming. Play. Singing.

I just want to stop that obsessive weird rumination that he isn't my son. And feel less rage and sadness. Im not sure if it is 'anything diagnosable' and maybe just needs time. So I guess maybe that's why I feel weird that a consultant is querying psychosis??[/quote]
It's not you it's OCD or PND op. Go speak to someone. Please take care

Intrusive thoughts is classic PND. See your GP asap. They will offer counselling or m Ds. You may still be waiting for counselling this time next year. A mild anti depressant worked for me. PND is the result of imbalance of chemicals in the brain, anti depressants restore the balance. It’s a bit like taking vitamin pills for the brain.
It will take a little time for the happy pills to work and they recommend you take them for 9-12 months.
I had a difficult pregnancy and ended up in hospital for the last 6 weeks ( this was 17 yrs ago) but like lockdown. Then my dad died and a close friend lost their teenage daughter traumatically. I disconnected from my DS 10 mnths after he was born because the thought of loosing him was too much for me to process. Anyway the meds did the trick.

I had this with my second baby. She felt like a close family member that I was minding. She didn't feel like my daughter. She was well cared for but I was just going through the motions without feeling anything.

I saw my GP and explained that it felt like I was waiting each day for her mum to collect her. It turned out I had PND.

Once I started medication things improved very quickly.