Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

Male babies excepted, of course.

I was in 5 days after emcs and would have hated partners on the ward. The midwives did the lifting and carrying for me for the first day and a bit till i could move.

When women are in individual post natal rooms (with en-suite) I think it could be ok, but not in an open ward.

My post natal experience was pretty bad, hardly saw the midwives and the HCAs were pretty awful tbh (not saying all are, but those I came across at the time). I was on the phone in tears to my OH each night. It would have been a huge help to me if he'd been there. But if staffing was improved that would reduce the need

We were in for 7 days and my partner was allowed to stay 9-9 each day. It was horrible each night when he had to leave but I wouldn't have wanted to have other peoples partners around. My dd was being looked after by neonatal for group b strep and I had sepsis, so it was a scary time but the neonatal nurses looked after us so well. And in a weird way being in for so long was so valuable, every little question we had the neonatal nurses were on hand to help with.

I think the thing with birth is that for women it's all about 'the experience'. Many on here have said having their husband has enriched the experience.
Postnatal care isn't an experience. It's care. It's to ensure you are well after giving birth before you can go home. It's not a hotel or holiday camp. Men can be there 12 hours a day. That's loads.
Have people never ever spent a night away from their partner? Is it the movement towards men cutting the cord and having skin to skin to make them feel involved? Birth is an event done by women, so women need the care afterwards. Men don't need to stay on the ward, at all.
Your 'experience' does not trump that of others, and if they are frightened then that's fucking more important than having someone pass you the baby and get you a drink.
And YY to men ringing the entire world to let them know the details of the birth, repeatedly. Go outside where you're supposed to, and let, ya know, the WOMEN who have given birth, rest.

70sbaubles
Absolutely spot on

Partners staying for no good reason other than 'to pass the baby' is one of my biggest bug bears.
12 hours a day is more than enough for partners to be there. In fact?at my trust they have longer than that!!

I am just so glad I had all of mine in the US. A private room with en suite and DH could stay over or not, but it didnt impact on anyone else. There was also enough staff to help, so if you pushed the call button, you got an answer immediately.

There is another thread running at the moment about people being inconsiderate in medical waiting rooms, on busses etc. the consensus is that generally people are selfish and inconsiderate every day. Why we would expect people to suddenly be considerate, quiet and respectful of others just because they are in a post partum ward if they arent anywhere else. The rules need to account for this. BUT the staffing levels also need to account for this too

In our hospital they can be there while on the labour/recovery ward but not when transferred to the main ward. I don't think they should be either. It's a personal vulnerable time for women and having male strangers listening in to personal medical conversations is not appropriate.

I was induced with my first and had a pessary and sweep to try and start labour - this was done during visiting time on the ward. I just remember having the husband of one of the other ladies just other side of the curtain. He was so close I could see his outline through the curtain. It was not a nice experience anyway made worse by feeling uncomfortable that the visitors could hear what was going on.

I wanted to have my baby in the midwife unit, which has rooms with en-suite and private post-natal rooms with double beds so partners can stay.

Unfortunately, it didn't go to plan and after the birth I ended up on a ward with other women and DH had to go home. I really needed him there, I was desperately upset and overwhelmed and felt very alone all night. A woman on the ward had another woman (I assumed partner/wife) stay overnight too and I wanted the same support from my partner.

I can see why having men on the wards isn't nice for people, but at the time I needed him. It would have made the world of difference to me if he'd been able to stay. As it was, I spent a very unhappy first night being kept awake by other people's babies - my baby only stirred and cried when other babies were left crying (and one of the women snored).

The whole ward thing was my nightmare to be honest and I was so glad I was only there for 12 hours.

Out of interest- would everyone feel this way about same sex partners

If a woman had given birth and wanted her female partner to stay- would that be ok?

Equally if a surrogate had given birth and the dads (the parents) wanted to stay with their baby - would that be acceptable?

I don't think non-patients should be staying overnight in a postnatal ward full stop, Mr. It's a ward, not a free for all, it was never built to accommodate twice the numbers it was designed for.

I agree with PlumpSyrianHamster.

@plump

So would you apply that to children’s wards then? No parents allowed at night?

Mine stayed until about 9pm on the day I gave birth and then went home. I personally feel it unnecessary to stay and I don't think he would've wanted to! It's noisy, after a two day labour you need to get as much sleep as possible. I needed him fresh for when we got home.

It's a hospital. Give new mums space! I loved the first night with just my baby. No other dads stayed. Surely you can do one night apart? I guess if things have been difficult and you have your own room that's different.

There's no privacy on the post natal ward, apart from a flimsy curtain. In my opinion, it's not necessary. My poor friend spent two nights in hospital being kept awake not by the babies but a snoring dad

Are you hard of reading, Mr, or just trying to shit stir to try to justify your point of view?

Here is my post: I don't think non-patients should be staying overnight in a postnatal ward full stop, Mr.

@plump

I’m not hard of hearing at all - simply pointing out that in a post natal ward you are dealing with two patients ‘mother’ and ‘baby’ and whilst usually the woman who has given birth is the parent - in some situations that’s not the case!

In a surrogate situation you are dealing with two indervidual patients ‘woman’ and ‘baby’ - so is the baby not entitled to a parent being present in the same way that a child in the kids ward is?

Or should overnight care of the baby be inflicted upon the woman - even if that’s not what she wants or may caged emotional complications

No, you're trying to derail/merail the thread with hypothetical situations, Mr. It's nonsensical. Non-patients should not be staying overnight in a post natal ward, IMO, full stop.

I’m not merailing @plump as this ‘hypothetical’ situation is not one I’ll ever find myself in.

I just find ‘ignorant- blanket statements’ which don’t take into account anything but the ‘bog standard’ situation into account - annoying

Everyone wants their own partner there probably, but not anyone else's. Partners shouldn't be staying over, especially not in a maternity ward where women are vulnerable and nearly all the partners will be men.

Well, Mr, the NHS has to build its policy round the bog standard, it's not there to cater to everyone's whims, however annoying you find it. That's too bad. If the policy of your hospital doesn't work for you then it's your responsibility to locate an alternative, not expect everyone else to tailor to your wants. I'm glad I gave birth in a hospital where I didn't have to share sleeping space on a post natal ward with non-patients. The wards were never designed for double the amount of adults one of whom is a non-patient.

Unless you have your own room, the only people who should be in a cubicle overnight is mum and baby.
How is it beneficial to the family to send home 2 exhausted parents?
The other parent goes home, sleeps on something other than a floor or uncomfy chair. Next day, awake and safe to be driving is more useful and is able to bond whilst mum rests

Don't the medical staff have enough to do other than manoeuvre around the extra bodies? Im sure they love those who take them up on the offer

We've all seen and probably cringed at the lollops on reality shows like One Born who lie around on the hospital bed or fixated to their phones. Surely sitting around on sterile beds is an infection risk?

2 normal deliveries and 1 section here. I missed my husband but why would he need poor sleep as well as me? I really don't think it is a good idea for partners to stay for all the reasons given above. It is stressful enough getting used to being a mother and recovering from childbirth. Having to listen to more noise than necessary , snoring etc sounds awful. Women can bond , help and learn from each other on the postnatal ward and rest when the opportunity arises. An extra load of bodies around won't help any of that. My observational experience is also that some men expect to be entertained as well. I'm really against the idea. If postnatal services are stretched to the limit so that they rely on untrained partners to provide care then many women would be better off at home , possibly with female relatives or friends.i know that services are struggling but we really need help with latching, wound management etc.

There’s no reason why a loving husband would be less equipped to provide care than a female relative or friend