Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

My ex husband went home a few hours after I had DS1. It was 7.30pm so he left around 9ish I was in for 2 days.

With ds2 we went home 6 hours after having him and the staff seemed fine with that. I wish I'd stayed in with him because he was allergic to the milk and screamed constantly. I was clueless. There were a few men in the ward when I had ds1 but the ward was quite large and we pulled the curtain round.

I had an emcs and my husband and mum did turns in staying with me, he did the night shift and my mum the morning.

I think spending time in a hospital does make you realise how many really shit men there are around.

Yes they should be allowed to stay it’s their baby too.

My husband was allowed to stay we had our own room however they made sure it wasn’t comfortable ie chair v small etc so he slept on the floor.

I had a ceasearen so I wanted him around to help me, this must have in turn caused less work for the midwives so surely it makes sense having those extra pair of hands around too?

As most people have said, in private rooms it's ok. It's not ok on wards with curtained bays.

It may be "their baby too", but they are not a patient, the mother and baby are. That's what should be the focus, every patient's privacy/dignity/safety, and the wants of non-patients shouldn't override that.

Your partner may have caused less work but as you can see from this thread, midwives would have extra work to monitor all the partners, who may not be as unobtrusive as yours.

I'm a midwife and it's a no,no and triple no
Except exceptional circumstances. I will come back in the minute when ive got more time and say why!!
I hate it.

It might be their baby, too, sometimes it's not, but they're not a patient. In no other adult setting would non-patients be allowed to spend the night on a single-sex ward and those patients be expected to share sleeping space with non-patients of the opposite sex. People have fought for years for single-sex spaces for patients for very valid reasons.

baronet yes to this

What's the fact it's their baby got to do with anything? The mum is in hospital because she has given birth. The baby is in hospital because it's newly born and needs to be checked out/monitored. Why the hell is the father there?

I put my DH before other strangers (male/female). That's not being selfish, it's caring about the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with and have children with. If I could have afforded private (like many) I'm sure I would have. As for home-birthing, it's a little difficult when having CS. There's a difference between being a feminist and being a man-hater.

Partners weren't allowed to stay when I had DD - I'd have potentially put myself in a lot of danger and self-discharged if they were.

While it may be their baby too, they're not the patient.
It's a labour ward, an actual medical setting where things could go wrong. There are poorly women and babies who are extremely vulnerable. Women trying to establish BF, women who have just been cut open, women who have pushed whole human being out of their vagina, women and babies suffering with all manner of illnesses and complications.
Even the most textbook birth is exhausting and of course, painful.

To go through all of that and then be told that not only have you got to share a room with strangers, but also their partners too is disgraceful.
It's a ward, not a zoo.
Your partner may be the most sympathetic, gracious and polite person - I still don't want to share my very limited space with him while I'm trying to bond with my new baby.

I put my DH before other strangers
Well thanks for fucking up others' hospital experiences.
I'm alright jack so fuck the women who are uncomfortable or frightened and dont want your H there at night while they get their breasts out
Unbelievable.

It's a ward, not a zoo
100%
It should be banned but apparently selfish women who cant cope without their man there 24/7 voted for it so what can you do?

@AlBeGa how odd. No one is a "man hater".

I find it unjustifiable that you think that the wants of a non-patient are more important than the needs of the actual patients. Visiting hours for partners are usually 12 hours out of 24, plenty of time for you to prioritise your partners wants.

That's not being selfish, it's caring about the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with and have children with.

It's totally selfish when you're in a hospital ward not a fucking hotel. So glad I never had to deal with this sort of self-absorption when I had mine. The women in there are patients, the male is not.

apparently selfish women who cant cope without their man there 24/7

I think this is unkind. I was in a private room but husbands were allowed to stay on the wards too at the hospital I delivered in.

I’d lost a fair amount of blood, just shy of needing a transfusion, had a c section and was getting over a heavy chesty cold. I had twins to nurse. Both needed Bfing, formula top ups and then I was encouraged to express a little colostrum. Each twin took 45 mins to nurse, I could figure out two at once. If I did the whole cycle myself I would not have slept at all.

On the second night I tried it alone so my husband could go home to our other child. I pressed my buzzer so many times but the midwives were too busy to come. I had to call in my husband to help me get the girls out of their cot.

So yeah, I guess I’m a pathetic being for not being able to cope without him. Perhaps you’d have preferred me passed out on the floor?

Husbands shouldn’t be needed on the postnatal ward but I sure as hell needed mine.

DS1 partners got shooed out at about 11pm. I wished he'd been able to stay because midwives didn't respond to the call button and I couldn't lift the baby after my EMCS.
DS2 partners were allowed but DH went home to be with DS1. Much more support in the ward so didn't need him.
I'm not sure what I think- I can see the point about women feeling vulnerable, but it does depend on there being enough staff to support you if partners aren't allowed.

That comment wasn't aimed at you or women in your situation.

Partners staying over doesn't solve any of the understaffing though, it just papers over the cracks. Some like you are fortunate to have a supportive partner who was willing and able to stay over. Many women won't and they wouldn't have any help, understaffed wards and a whole set of unknown men in the same room as them when trying to sleep.

My husband was sent home after having my first. I’d been awake for 42 hours by the time I gave birth and my baby didn’t sleep at all the first night. I was too tired and weak to hold my baby. I really needed my husband there to help me.
For subsequent births I paid for a private room on the postnatal ward.

I agree that husbands should not be needed on the ward but I can’t see the situation getting better any time soon and those of us without a supportive mother or sister to help are going to need husbands. It’s shit

The postnatal ward I was on was shocking. Glad my DH didn't leave me, helped me get to and from the (blood covered & filthy) bathroom as I couldn't walk properly and was struggling to sit up, let alone make bottles and change nappies - which trust me, would not have been an option to ask a midwife on that ward. I kept being given the promise of a room hence why my partner hung around & 'I'm at the top of list' but there were no staff to clean said rooms, so they remained empty.

No, not in wards. They’re busy and noisy enough already and the privacy and safety and comfort of patients need to come first. My DH is lovely, but he’s still a total stranger to the woman in the bed next to me!

Private rooms, fine, but they still shouldn’t be used instead of professional care or there’s a risk to women whose partners aren’t there/are useless.

I don’t want to stay in over night if I can at all help it!

If I do stay I 100% Will insist my DP stay for two reasons;

A: I’ve heard awful stories about exhausted women recovering from difficult births getting 0 sleep with babies kept awake all night on wards! Sorry but it’s his baby too- I’m not being left unable to sleep/recover whilst he goes home for a nice 10 hours undisturbed 🤔

B: He’s actually a doctor in the hospital and routinely works on the labour ward so has full clearance and will know far more than me!

@MrDarcyWillBeMine that's all well and good for your husband but you can hardly extend that to all other men. And the other women patients won't know that he's a doctor and is well behaved.

It makes me laugh that MNetters who won't answer the door in case it's a stranger or answer their phone unless they know who it is will expect other women to put up with their boyfriends sleeping a curtain away from them when they are at their most vulnerable.