Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

No, they shouldn’t stay. If you are ill enough to have your own room it’s a different matter, but women who have just given birth are at their most vulnerable and I can’t believe many want strange men on the ward at night (assuming most partners are male).

They will also get a much better nights sleep if they go home!

DH didn’t stay after I gave birth - although it was 5am by the time we made it up to he ward, and there was definitely no need for him to stay the next night so I’m glad he wasn’t allowed to

I don’t think they’re told to leave it’s personal preference, I had a really long labour ending in EMCS and sent my other half home, all they have to sit on is an uncomfortable armchair, you both need sleep and he needs to be fresh and ready to look after you both 😊 also you have a buzzer it’s there to be used the Midwife’s won’t mind they’re there to help, I only pressed mine a few times through the night just for picking the baby up and placing him on me as I couldn’t move, you’ll not be alone 😊

I’m a little bit on the fence here. My DH stayed on the ward with me after an EMCS and the staff on the ward were so overstretched it would have been difficult to do anything without him to help me. On the other hand there was a partner of another mother staying and he was a real snorer and disturbed the whole ward!

Mine wasn't allowed to stay on the emergency csec ward、 but was for the subsequent births though I sent him home. It was a fucking nightmare with the other father's there- snoring and waking newborns and mother's. Looking at other mother's when they were trying to breastfeed. Watching when csec mother's like me were hobbling slowly to the toilet etc. No privacy fro. Their snores、 their eyes etc. Hated having them there, but some will need them.

I sent mine home, wish I had gone myself, too noisy to sleep so went home as soon as the dr in charge of discharges came on shift at 8am despite it being a 48 hour stay officially then. Second time he had to look after dd1 but wasn't in hospital long anyway - unless you have had a c-section I highly recommend going straight home rather than onto to ward unless there's complications.

I had an awful labour ending in EMCS and I sent my dh home so that he would be useful to me the next morning. All the other women on the ward had their partners there, some of whom helped themselves to meals which I thought was a bit off. I felt a little uncomfortable shuffling through the ward to go for a shower/ toilet etc with peoples husbands there and I can totally appreciate why some women would hate it.

Nope. DD born at 6:30am. On ward by 7:30am. DH was asked to leave until visiting hours at 10am. Whilst they let him hang around a bit more than visiting, he wasn’t there the whole time and definitely not overnight.

Selfishly I'd probably want my DP to be able to stay, but taking my own preferences out of the occasion, I think it's probably better if partners don't stay overnight on a communal ward. There will be vulnerable women, some of whom won't have partners to be with them, and it's hard enough to try to relax on a ward without there being more people moving around/snoring than there needs to be, and not nice for new mums to feel exposed and unable to be comfortable.

equation* not occasion!

Dd is 12 now, but when I had her, I felt so sad when dh went home. I wanted him with us. We had to stay in for 3 nights and I really missed him. BUT, I wouldn’t have wanted to share the ward with everyone else’s partner, so it was only fair that my dh went home. The 3 other women on my ward, I remember one, her baby was jaundiced so under the lamps, she had the noisiest dh, who was just loud and unnecessary. Another was ok, but had other children, so he probably wouldn’t have been able to stay and the third, was a single mum, whose baby was in special care, she spent most of the time crying for her baby, so certainly didn’t need loud, unnecessary partner there all day and night.
When I did get home, dh was well rested and ready to deal with dd overnight while I slept a bit. Had he been on the ward, I think he would have been exhausted from the bad sleep, so we wouldn’t have gained anything.

My DH stayed both times. I had two c sections. I wouldn't have been able to manage. I couldn't get out of bed to do nappy changes as I had a catheter for 24 (?)hours and a drain my second time means getting in and out of bed, doubly difficult and slow.

The midwives were too busy to help, so I'm not sure how you would cope if your DH couldn't stay the night?

It was the norm at the hospital where I had dd.

I hated it.

The bloke who was with his wife used the patient toilet/bathroom, altho the facilities were clearly marked ‘patients only’ twat even opened the door on a poor woman who hadn’t properly locked the door.

It was incredibly uncomfortable for the rest of us on the ward.

And he kept walking past my curtained off bed peering in whilst I was trying to breastfeed.

Hate hate hated it.

Made a difficult time worse.

My DH stayed with my third baby. I had a very trauma section, I had an infection and was very poorly. I was shoved into a shared ward with a baby to look after and I was unable to move. If hospital care was better postnatally then I would support no partners staying but the staff are overstretches and many women need some help and support.

Erghh sorry for the typos.

It shouldn't happen.

No. I was there for over a week and he didn't stay once. This was in NICu and special care unit. There were two men on my ward who did stay.

One who's wife was in intensive care after complications in child birth, the baby needed extra care too so he stayed on the ward as if he were in the mother's place. He was so lovely, private and respectful and popped notes to us all saying he understood having a man on the ward might make others feel uncomfortable and he wanted everyone to feel comfortable enough to tell him if they needed more privacy or weren't happy. His mother and father in law also spent a lot of time on the ward and they were also very respectful of everyone and really lovely.

The other man was ever so creepy, he stayed as much as he could, he stared at everyone all the time, made comments about breast feeding being a shame for men having 'their boobs' out of action, complained he wasn't allowed to use the shower and ate his wife's dinner.

DH stayed with me when DD was born in October and I honestly don’t know how I would have managed to care for her if he hadn’t (we were on a transitional care ward - for babies/mums too healthy for NICU but not well enough for general ward - after EMCS and bad preeclampSia which I still haven’t managed to get shut of!) physically and mentally, having him there was a massive help though can see why people would object to partners being present

DC I stayed in for 2 nights, on a ward. DH nipped home and came back. We all had our curtains drawn but I did feel a bit self conscious shuffling past to get to the loo, worrying about flooding etc

DC2 was born at 3am and I stayed in the birthing room until discharge at 5pm and DH stayed all day

I was very unsteady on my feet both times and was grateful he could stay with me, I honestly was too wrapped up in my baby to notice other men on the ward anyway but I can understand why some women wouldn't like it

No I don't think they should stay. I have had four c sections and always had a 2/3 night stay afterwards. I think they are noisy and busy enough without extra people being there. Also, it is a women's ward where there are women in vulnerable positions, women who have had operations and are wearing open necked gowns and nothing else, wearing catheters, trying to establish breastfeeding etc so I don't think that is a place for males overnight.
My hospital does not allow partners to stay overnight, you can have one person there between 11 and 7 and other visitors during the usual visiting times. I think that is the right attitude.

No they shouldn't stay unless you have a private room

My DH was sent home. I gave birth, after a 3 day induction, nil by mouth for 24 hours and an epidural, at 11.30pm and he was shooed away by 1pm. I was left, on a ward, catheter out with my first baby, exhausted and alone. I crawled back from the toilet on my knees as I could hear baby crying and no nurses around. I needed my DH with me. It was a horrific night and has tainted my birth experience with DS1. It was hell.

I was stuck in for 24h both times- once for baby to have obs as meconium in waters. Was tolerable but would have been easier as I felt bad for buzzing the midwives.

2nd time in for me as couldn't wee after delivery so catheter. Stuck in MLU which was dingy and designed before the beds got so big. The bay was barely bigger than the bed so spent the entire time staring at the blue curtains. Not that there was space for DH - the visitor chair was behind the bed - but having someone there would have massively reduced the baby blues.

Husband stayed with me and I'm so glad he did. My LG had to spend time in NICU and I wouldn't have coped without him. I had a CS and my DH visited her every 2-3 hours day and night with the tiny amounts of colostrum I expressed (also with his help) as I wasn't well enough for the first two days to visit. There were other partners on the ward but tbh I couldn't have cared less who else was there.

No , unless you have a private room it is very unfair on others.

No they shouldn't stay on curtain bay wards. Private en-suite rooms are fine.

Visiting hours for partners on wards is normally 12 hours a day which is a sensible amount of time. It's totally wrong to expect women immediately post natal to share a mixed ward at night.