Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

@Assass

I’m not going to have my DH (who has trained his whole life to bring babies into the world safety and save lives) turned out on the notion that some other woman may consider him a predator of some sort!

I understand it can’t be applied to everyone - but I wonder how much emotional damage women being forced apart from their partners does in those emotional first few days!

As I say- unless something is wrong I don’t intend to stay!

Agree with most other here, it's fine for partnets to stay, but only on dedicated wards. I don't even want them around in the private rooms as they still will be using the same bathrooms and walking around the same ward.

Has my DS 4 months ago and the bed next to mine had the partner stay overnight and her mother was there till midnight too. Just so much noise from them!! I know not all men are keeps, but I felt very vulnerable that first night and could've done without that added stress!

darcy
Being a doctor on the hospital means nothing. Presuming he is an obstetrician he may know all about delivering babies(high risk as midwives do the normal stuff) but how does that make him qualified to assist with a baby and postnatal mother compared to a normal.non doctor dad?!
That's hilarious
I hate it when dad's rock up and tell us Staff that they are doctors. They are 100% usually the most clueless!

If we need to rely on our partners to stay overnight to receive adequate care then there is a huge problem. Can you imagine if that was suggested after any other surgery?

After DS was born he was in NICU for a week and I was admitted due to large pp haemorrhage. DH and I were both pretty traumatised by the birth and aftermath and desperately worried about DS; I would have loved DH to stay but understood that the rules didn’t allow it. I was in a right state and can’t say I would’ve been too happy if there were a load of men wandering around the ward at all hours...

@Iused
It seems to me

That nurses/midwives are like the dad who thinks he’s ‘doing everything’ and ‘the backbone of this family!’ Because he does the laundry on a weekly basis.

Whilst Drs are the long suffering undervalued mums who is critiqued for how much they earn and left to deal with things when they actually go seriously wrong!

DP would never refer to support staff as ‘useless’ or make derogatory comments - but it seems that Nurses/midwives and other medical support staff are generally very opinionated about how pointless Dr’s are.

I think it’s a lot of jealousy TBH

@iused

• should also point out that my sibling was severely damaged at birth (due to the failures of midwives and Drs not been brought in when needed)

All the compensation in the world doesn’t make up for the fact they will now never live a fully normal life!

So apologies if I’d rather keep my DH with me!

@MrDarcyWillBeMine well aren't you just a delight

I think it’s a lot of jealousy TBH

Of course you do. Self-centred people who cannot think outside the box and extrapolate that because they are who they it is does supersede anyone else usually turn to such simple explanations to justify their selfish behaviour. It's most tiresome and I am so glad I was spared such as a patient by policies which respected the female patients' right to a single sex ward at night.

I wouldn't give a shit if your husband was Prof James Simpson reborn, I would not want to share sleeping quarters with him or anyone else with a penis after I'd just given birth.

darcy
I didntt know a midwife was classed as 'support ' staff.
I am a professional in.my own right thank you
Doctors do a great job I agree. And save lives. Doesn't make an obstetrician an expert at postnatal care,breastfeeding or changing nappies!!
Most are a clueless as any other dad!unless caring for a new born has suddenly become part of a doctor's training.

Because doctors can't be sex offenders..

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1439081/Sex-offender-doctor-is-still-allowed-to-treat-NHS-patients.html

For me it was crucial. My dh wasn't allowed to stay the first time and I totally lost it.

The 'We're the First Experts to Have Ever Procreated' are some of the most tedious around.

I really needed my husband there to help me
No. You needed adequate staffing.
And why is it always husbands who are 'needed'? What happened to 50 years ago when people's mothers were their support?
And even in a private room, it's not ok.
Hospital security is so poor that all it takes is for one man to kick off and the whole ward is at risk. Who's expected to know the whereabouts of these men all night? And what happens to the ward when an incident does happen-which it will, at some point.

But this is MN where unless it's not you, 'dh' and the children it's not family.

And Mr Darcy will expect special treatment and everyone that isn't her is 'jealous'-er of that level of arrogant dependence? No thanks.

I would not want to share sleeping quarters with him or anyone else with a penis after I'd just given birth
Exactly this.
I wonder how many women would want to share a 4 bedded bay with 4 strange men after having a hysterectomy, vaginal repair or breast surgery, knowing they need to have stitches checked and struggle to move around bleeding and not fully dressed.
It's amazing the values some women profess to hold until comes a position where they decide to override such values and do what they want and fuck everyone else.

Midwives are, on the whole, absolutely amazing. I am really not being critical of them, there just needs to be at least twice as many.

@70sbaubles exactly.
'I don't care if you're uncomfortable, I might have to spend the entire night without my partner and rely on the same care that you're receiving. Not good enough.
So fuck you and your reservations.'

Beyond selfish.

Dads/partners can stay in our local hospital now. I got a private room and dh stayed after dc2. He wasn't going to but I didn't feel safe knowing random men were in the wards at night. If I had to be on a shared bay with strange men around I would have discharged myself as soon as it was made obvious to me that was the situation despite the fact that she was delivered by emergency section.

I could not have coped with my DH there either time. The first time I developed post partum psychosis very rapidly and did not have a faintest clue what was going on. It wasn't picked up by doctors for quite some time as well. The recovery ward was frankly awful in terms of staffing. I'm not sure what would have actually happened if my husband had not been there. I could not pick up my baby I didnt recognise it as my baby. I couldn't stand up for myself or articulate what was happening to me.

Afterwards I read the story of that poor woman from Bristol who developed ppp and managed to walk out of the hospital with her baby and throw themselves both off a bridge. Whilst her partner was just sat at home twiddling his thumbs because he had been sent home overnight. If you are going to keep women on a ward ACTUALLY HAVE THE STAFF TO CARE FOR THEM. There were people who wouldve watched that woman, her partner her mum.... but they were sent home and she was left alone on an extremely understaffed ward. So understaffed she was just able to walk out of there with her newborn and kill them both. They knew she was vulnerable as she had clearly documented mental health issues.

With my second child I had a care plan in place where they had assured me I would get a private room after the birth so that someone could be with me at all times. This did not happen as it was particularly busy and the room was needed by sick babies who needed the equipment in these rooms. That's totally understandable but I was then left in the position where I may have been left alone on a ward when I was at high risk of having problems again. Luckily they did not ask my husband to leave and this time around I did not develop any problems.

You cannot blame women needing their partners with them when there is the lack of staffing there is.

Really women should not be on large wards when they have just given birth. If you went private you would get a private room. It's because there isn't the money and there isnt the staff.
So I think the people to blame are not the tired frightened women who value their own peace of mind of having help at hand over other womens dislike of make strangers on the ward.

Mine stayed the first night but I was in a private room as our baby had been whisked away to nicu straight after his birth and neither of us got to see him for a few hours.. We hadn't expected the nicu stay and the doctors couldn't tell us what was wrong with our son so I'm glad my husband was with me as I was worried and tired and it meant we were both able to go see him early the next morning. Dh only stayed that first night though - I was in for 3 and ds was in for 7.

Nope. Maternity wards are for women and babies. Men are not required. I suppose at a push in a private room it might be acceptable but NHS resources such as bedding, food etc shouldn’t be being used on non patients.

Absolutely not!!

I've had 3 c sections and I'd have loved my partner to stay but would I have wanted random blokes wandering around in the middle of the night while immobile, recovering from major surgery, trying to breastfeed and possibly the most vulnerable position I've ever been in? No. And I wouldn't want other women to feel like that about my DH being there either.

And I wouldn't want other women to feel like that about my DH being there either
Most people on here wouldn't give a shit what other people feel like

Okay as a midwife this is why i dont agree to partners staying.
I work is a busy.high risk hospital
Most of the wards have bays so minimal privacy as it is. We have extensive visiting hours which is still abused

We often find relatives behind curtains at midnight.
It's unfair on women who do stick to the 'rules'.
We do have private rooms and they are for women who have a very poorly baby,who have lost a baby,have been very ill themselves(ITU)or have serious mental health or physical disabilities. And do need actual support from a loved one not just healthcare support

However, the use of these rooms is abused. People blag all sorts of reasons why they want dad's to stay
Dads.are very rarely helpful to staff or not her in my opinion.

Most sit in the chair and sleep all night or mess about on phones. Or call us so we are caring basically for a patient and a non patient.
Some partners are rude and intimidating and staffing is less at night making staff vulnerable.
Other women feel self conscious walking around in nighties with other men around.
My list is endless. I don't know any other area of healthcare where there is a free for all like this. Even on children's wards where parents can stay there is a bit of order

Oh and most people are okay after childbirth to lift a baby. Cs ladies are immobile obviously, but with better anaesthesia that time is reduced. And what support do these partners provide?they don't check blood pressure,wounds, help breastfeed. Do baby observations. Take blood etc.
I think most of the time it's a case that women can't bear to be parted one or 2 nights from their partner. That's worrying I think.

I have had 4 kids and partners were not allowed to stay when I had my first 3. I was woken at 3 am after having my 4 th as a couple were being moved into the room, no problem just tried to go to back to sleep, he then started ringing round his relatives to tell them she'd had the baby. I was not happy and told him to leave the ward to make calls and to have some bloody respect for other people. A bit later on he was having an absolute fit because the baby did its first poo and it was everywhere, (first time parents and they had no clue bless them) but it woke me and baby up this time,The midwife told him off as well and said it's the worse thing ever for them having men on the ward at night. I discharged myself in the morning as I wanted my privacy and more importantly I needed sleep while my baby was sleeping!!