Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

Mixed views. I had an EMCS last time and spent one night on the open ward before being moved to a side room (baby in NICU). DH didn’t stay but I wish he had that first night - it was awful. Loud, couple arguing next to me, I woke up unable to get out of bed covered in blood. This time I am having an ELCS but I will be asking DH to stay if I can’t get out of bed / move to pick up baby. I’m hoping for just the one night - postnatal wards are a bit third world and yes v understaffed. I think men should be allowed to stay yes, but I think there should be tighter regulating / policing of behaviour to ensure it’s not impacting on others.

A no is more important than a yes when you're asking people to share their space, compromise their privacy and dignity and safety.

They shouldn’t stay but on some wards you might find yourself really needing your partner to stay. The midwives are so busy that they can’t give you the support you might need.

@Since2016 but that will cost money that could just be spent on the actual patients, rather than supervising their partners.

First time with twins dh stayed all three nights, id had a csection and couldnt stand for longer than 5 minutes i felt so weak. Also ds had formula top ups as he had trouble latching and low blood sugar. Dd bf fine so how else could i have fed them both and got literally any sleep if he hadnt been there

With my singleton dh stayed one night where dd didnt wake up once (mw told us not to wake her if she didnt) second night dh went home and dd was basically awake and i was almost in tears- i could have done with his help

No they shouldn't stay. If the post natal care in your hospital is poor, then more staff are needed, not a bunch of non-patients with zero medical training

@assassinatedbeauty not necessarily - just empowering staff to enforce the rules. A lot of the help that women need post birth could be done by HCAs, not necessarily always a midwife. I would really struggle with the idea of being left alone overnight with my baby post c section and relying on ringing a buzzer to wait for someone to come to help me pick up my baby rather than have my DH on hand to do so.

In the ward that I stayed in partners were sent home. It was also horribly understaffed and it was immensely difficult to cope. I had midwives who were thoroughly exasperated with me asking them to lift ds out of the plastic box so I could hold him because my notes said normal birth.

They didn't state that at sub five foot and with such extensive arm bruising from being practised on by students that I couldn't use my arm, that I couldn't safely get dc out myself.

There was also the lack of feeling in my legs from epidural, so needed help to the toilet which I didn't always get. My legs gave way more than once.

If I hadn't had the support at home that I did it could have easily been a factor for pnd.

It needs to be one or the other, enough staff or partners stay. It's pretty impossible otherwise.

Absolutely not.

I’d love my husband to stay.

However not all partners will be respectful of either their own partners or other patients.
Some women may be uncomfortable with partners staying and I wouldn’t like to impose my husband on them.
Victims of domestic abuse need the space to be able to speak freely.

No other patient recovering from traumatic events would be expected to have family come in and look after them. Wards should be staffed appropriately.

Secondly - most trusts do make their policies quite clear, is it not factor when people decide where to give birth?

If you are able (and choose to) give birth in the MLU then you have a private room and the option to stay with your partner for a while after birth (or at least this is general practice in most trusts locally)

I totally agree with the comments re wards needing to be staffed properly - however that’s not the question. Should partners be allowed to stay is the question - the justification being that women need help and support because the wards are understaffed. I fail to see how banning partners will therefore improve staffing levels - or at least not unless there are a number of incidents, complaints, staff issues raised that can be tied directly to staffing numbers.

No absolutely not.

If you insist on having your partner there overnight then pay for a private room. Just because you trust them, doesn't mean other women have to or are comfortable with a strange man just behind a very thin curtain when they are vulnerable having just given birth.

My partner was allowed to stay and I'd have been gutted if he hadn't.

There wasn't another woman on my bay either that didn't have their partner there either so none of us were uncomfortable with it. I think that particularly for first time parents, it's awful that the dads can only see their brand new baby at visiting times.

It totally depends on the hospital and the birth at my hospital if you end up on the ward the partner can't stay !! Id feel very uncomfortable going to sleep at night if they were allowed to wander round the ward....

@UghFletcher Yes! To that, i remember getting into an argument with the midwives

Midwife- please can you keep your curtain open during the day

Me- No sorry, I'm breastfeeding and half naked .

Midwife- its policy we have to be able to see you

Me - tell that perv across from me then to leave because every time i look up with my breasts out he's staring at me, otherwise fuck of & leave my curtain alone!!!
I couldn't even imagine if he would of been there all night !

My partner was allowed to stay and I'd have been gutted if he hadn't
Why shouls most women be uncomfortable at their most vulnerable just because you'd have bern 'gutted' without your man. Disgusting and selfish.

I had such bad pgp when I went in to be induced my DP stayed with me for 2 nights in an armchair as I needed help with things like showers etc.. when it was decided the next day I would have an ELCS, he went home for the night and got a good night beforehand.. most partners stayed on the ward where I was (4 man room) as everyone was in the same boat no-one appeared to mind at all

it's awful that the dads can only see their brand new baby at visiting times
Its awful that women at their most vulnerable have to give their safe spaces up, yet again, for 'poor men'.
Have a homebirth if youre so bothered.
Women need to rest, and dont want pervy men using their facilities and shitting into the bathrooms they need to use to change bleeding pads.
Any woman putting their mans wellbeing above pther woman is fucking selfish and everything wrong with fwminism. Pay to go private if you cant cope without your man.

They didn't stay when I had mine thank god. Can't think of anything worse.

Visiting times for partners are usually 12 hours out of 24. Plenty of time to be with the baby, and that should never be at the expense of other patients privacy, dignity and safety.

I came back from the loo to find two men sitting on my bed. They were visiting the woman in the next bed. I felt I might as well have been sitting in the middle of a shopping centre in my nightie. Never got over it. With second baby I put my clothes back on after delivery and went home. Compromised on having baby checked by paed before I left. No way could I face that lack of privacy again unless I was unconscious

I'm so old, our partners weren't even allowed at the birth. We then had 7 days in the hospital, with partners visiting for an hour in the afternoon then a couple hours in the evening. It was great, the nurses in those days helped with everything, baths,showers etc. The babies were put in the nursery while we had a sleep before visiting hours. I would hate to be a mum nowadays in hospital with men wandering in and out at all times of day and night.

I was fortunate to have had both my DSs privately (and PV); I had a private room with a double bed and en-suite (I know, I know!- not in UK!) DH would have been allowed for as long as he wanted including over night, which he did, once in the bed with me which was fine; the DS was taken to a nursery and brought to me when he cried by the midwives who'd stay and help me bf.

I was in for 5 days with both (enjoying the help? 😊)....

But I don't see why NHS maternity wards can't have individual bays with solid half width walls between each bay, with each having a hospital bed and a chair that folds down to a single bed. There should be a curtain across the end of each bay and one bathroom per 3 or 4 beds, with a separate mens' WC.

I get that the initial building costs would be there, but it wouldn't require any more staff; but would afford more privacy and dignity for new mums, while allowing a partner to stay (within reason).

I'm so old, our partners weren't even allowed at the birth

When I was born (PFB), my mother was ambulanced 50 miles to the nearest big hospital. My dad had to get the bus, and go and stay with the in-laws, ringing the hospital at intervals from the phone box round the corner.

The next day, at visiting time, he was elbowed out by DGM in her hurry to get a hold. He has never forgiven her for that.