Postnatal ward - Partners staying?

[SadCupcake]

Just kinda wanted to get people's opinions on whether partners should be allowed to stay with wives and babies on postnatal wards.

And if your partner was or wasn't allowed to stay with you and baby, what was your experience like?

Yet again men are painted to be perverts and probably only stayed so they could get a look at a woman's nipple, not try and help their partner/ baby
It didn't bother me who was on the ward after I gave birth. I just closed my curtain.

I was in 3 days with DC1. All the routine stuff, ward rounds etc were done in the morning, vists to physio etc. This I when I had my catheter out, got taken for a bath etc.

The nursery nurses or midwives were around to pass me DC when needed (although they were always busy) as I had PPH and catheter. The other women on the ward chatted and were helpful and we got the staff to help a ftm in the corner who seemed very unhappy and uncommunicative and struggling with getting the baby to take bottles.

They closed the doors and blinds for an hour after lunch for 'rest time' LOL .
Visiting was at 2 for fathers etc and general visiting in the evening.

It was brilliant, helpful and I was well looked after, but I was bloody glad to get out after 3 days of it. I don't think I would have coped well with extra visitors around all day (and night )

As other have said, no overnight partners unless you have a single room.
Post natal wards need more auxiliaries, not a load of strange men staying overnight. I also think it's a very sexist thing. There's no way men would tolerate women staying on a communal ward after intimate surgery or procedures.

yeah the poor menz, who are all paragons of propriety and no man is ever abusive or a pervert or uses facilities not for them or stares at women making them uncomfortable.

clearly the stupid wimmin who had negative experiences are making it all up.

Lets remove even more essential care on maternity wards, lets get rid of midwives and the menz can come and take care of the women who have just gone thro seriously physically and mentally traumatic experiences.

The maternity wards need to be better staffed, there need to be more midwives available on duty after care should not be down to the partners/visitors of new mothers.

out of curiosity, do other medical wards rely on relatives to provide after care for patients on wards?

Yet again men are painted to be perverts and probably only stayed so they could get a look at a woman's nipple, not try and help their partner/ baby

It's not a misandry question, it's about a woman's right to privacy when she is vulnerable. Some women might discharge themselves early if there were three strange men sharing a ward with them and that could put the women at risk of complications.

I've been on post natal twice and would have gone home before I had recovered if there were 3 strange men sleeping there.I had 2 sections and was a mess. Visiting hours were invasive enough, but I understood that. Overnights? No way.

We don't need our partners there overnight, we need better funding for NHS staff so they're not overstretched.

Perhaps we could go for two wards one where those uncomfortable with partners can stay in and another that allows partners??

that would be great if maternity wards were massive and had lots of space and staffing.

They generally don't.

I don't think it should be allowed and when our Trust brought it in I wrote to outline why. I believe women are very vulnerable after birth and deserve some time with no visitors on the ward. Abusive men are also more likely to stay in order to police what their partners say - after birth is quite a common time for disclosures to be made and not every bloke is lovely and supportive. I also queried toilet provision etc too.

Apparently 90% of women in my area support partners being allowed to stay overnight though, so the policy has been rolled out. However they have assigned one bay that doesn't allow overnight visitors.

Only acceptable if there is a separate bay where men aren't allowed to stay that women can choose to be in, sadly I don't think the NHS has space for that. Above all no woman should be made to share sleeping space with stranger men, especially when she is likely to be feeling at her most vulnerable.

@Heartofglass12345 that's not what people are saying. It's about overcrowding, privacy, dignity and yes, some women will be stressed or worse with unknown men being around in the same room whilst they are trying to sleep.

Most women wouldn't share sleeping accommodation with unknown men. Why should women in the immediate post natal period be forced to?

Private room yes

Ward no taking out everything else they are crowded and noisy anyway and shared facilities are busy enough

Also food etc how would that work as well certainly not allowed food either due to cost

Women need and deserve sex segregated spaces for sleeping and washing. That is the bottom line. Curtains are not soundproof. If one woman self discharges early or is unable to engage with hospital care as a result of this shortsighted policy, it's one woman too many.

I'd have loved my supportive, kind DH to stay with me. Having other women's unvetted, unknown partners there too is too high a price a pay.

Every midwife I have ever known has stories about couples having sex on the postnatal wards and men kicking women out of the beds to have naps.

2015 thread on this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/2422363-Men-staying-overnight-on-postna

Private rooms - yes

Wards - no

DH didn’t stay with me. I was moved up to the ward at 7.30pm and he stayed until 9.30pm (kicking out for partners was 9pm but staff were quite relaxed as long as you were considerate). Neither of us saw the point in him sleeping in an armchair when we’d both been up over 24 hours.

He went home and got a decent sleep, I stayed in and got a decent sleep. It was nice, in a way, to have that alone time with my new baby.

Definitely not imo - there should be adequate staffing overnight to support mums with anything they may need.

When I was in the man in the bay next door was a complete bawhead - watched who was going to the loo, commented on how we all looked hackin without any slap on, and decided to stop in overnight - he pinched my chair, pushed my crib out of the way and settled down with his feet touching the side of my bed.

I complained to the midwives who made him leave. His partner spent the rest of the night ringing friends to complain about the stuck up cunt next door to her who cliped on her fella 😅

NO! What's needed is better staffed post natal unit and midwives who've had decent nursing training if they're going to stick to this outdated wards paradigm.

I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with other peoples' man du jour crowding the ward, I'd have left.

Both times dh was allowed to stay with me. The ward consisted of private rooms - not in the uk! My understanding is that when they are running out of beds they send the men to the patient hotel which is directly off the postnatal ward. Dh was expected to care for me and the baby. I did send him home on the 2nd night because we were due to be discharged so he neeeded sleep to be able to drive us home. I think it sends an important message about fathers sharing the care burden. Having said that levels of violence against women are lower here than in the uk. I really dont know how I would feel about it in the uk setup.

My hospital has these rules on their website

Please note that the following rules apply to ensure the privacy, dignity, wellbeing and safety of all women and babies on the ward
1) Only one adult family member or partner may stay at any one time for support
2) Please ensure your partner has signed in and out at the ward reception desk
3) Curtains must remain open in order that staff can observe that you and your baby are well.
4) No alcohol or take-away food is permitted on the ward area
For reasons of infection control, please ensure that you and your partner wash hands regularly and use the alcohol gel provided
5) Please ensure that your partner remains fully dressed at all times

Rule 3 is worrying to me when men/any adult visitor who is not a patient are permitted on the ward 24/7.

I find the fact that they have to put rule 5 to be particularly concerning.

Actually having to state "no alcohol" is also pretty concerning.

3) Curtains must remain open in order that staff can observe that you and your baby are well.

So, there goes privacy and dignity. Wards are fucking barbaric throwbacks to the past but of course, postnatal care is so underfunded they're still being used as there's so little staff.

Loads of stories on here about 'partners'/boyfriends/whatever, often enough they aren't even the father of the child stripping down to boxers, kicking the mum out of bed so they can sleep on the bed and the mum on a chair, having sex in the bays, being drunk and/or high, wasting staff time buzzing in and out all night to go for fags, hogging the patient toilet/stinking it out, taking the food meant for the mum, becoming aggressive towards other women when their babies cry and staff unable to or doing nothing.

I think from when I was last there (3years ago) we were allowed to have the curtains closed only during main visiting times when people often had 3/4 visitors at a time and whilst we were being examined or treated for anything.

The beds are so close together - the idea of having a bloke asleep on the chair just next to you is really horrible, as is the thought of sharing a bathroom with men you don't know when you're feeling so vulnerable.

If extra care is needed, it should be provided by the hospital.

Also if you're in a relationship with a selfish bastard, you're going to find he's sleeping as soon as you get home, just when you could do with some help.

I'd have much preferred if my dp had been allowed to stay, but he wasn't. It felt quite lonely and overwhelming when he left, and the midwives were nowhere to be seen the entire night.

Other people's partners wouldn't have bothered me, although I see why some women wouldn't like it. I don't know why their feelings should trump feelings like I had though, they are not any more valid or important.

This practice is fucking awful and should be illegal.