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June 08 - a Coalition for all (even those with May or July 08 babies).

969 replies

DomesticGoddessInTraining · 29/06/2010 13:03

Abdn liked the title so I just went ahead!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
EddieIzzardismyhero · 22/07/2010 08:41

x-posted AH, IKWYM and I certainly wouldn't want dh to give up his activites, I just miss doing it with him . Dh doesn't do that much without us at the weekends tbh, he mainly cycles during the week as he is lucky enough to be able to cycle to work and he then runs during his lunch hour.

Once the boys are older we'll be able to share all this stuff again - it's just adjusting to such a massive change in lifestyle I suppose. It doesn't help that I feel so fat and unfit at the moment and am struggling with self-esteem, etc, but won't bore you with all that cos it's been a lifelong issue for me . . .

Dh has also suggested just ignoring M and walking away but I find it almost impossible to do . However, I am probably making it worse as every time he fusses I rush over and try and sort it, so of course he knows he gets a reaction.

Have HV coming over in an hour to talk about sleep so will raise it with her too.

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 10:04

eddie I hope hv offers some helpful advice (I know it can happen)... it does sound like you've got an awful lot going on at the moment so am not surprised it all seems a bit much. If hv can tackle the sleep thing wiht you that would be a start. And unhelpful though it probably is to say M's high maintenance aspect probably due to lack of sleep (I know its not just me who is a pain in the arse around here but E too if we've had a bad night).

Have you tried him on baby einstein? I've just cleared a few older ones out my cupboard so happy to lend if it woudl help - I know that they are a bit marmite in terms of love/help but I found this more than conventional tv appealed to e at that age...

abdnhiker · 22/07/2010 10:14

eddie I know all about the self-esteem & being unfit thing! It's really hard to redefine myself when so much of my past identity was built on career and sport. But I'm getting there slowly and I'm a couple years ahead of you...

I do think leaving M would be a good idea - they are manipulative (not maliciously, but as a survival instinct) and they will play us to bits!!! Love the video of him trying to walk!

DS1 has a friend over so I'd better pay attention. He's a lovely boy but Fraser has a habit of bursting in on whatever the older ones are playing and trashing things (because he's not old enough to understand what they're doing and thinks that moving bits around is fun - they're playing farm) and I should try to police it...

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 10:19

agree with ah - it was about this age I finally cracked re cc with edie as it was obvious as ah said that she was getting very conscious of cause/effect and playing upon that.

also my mother did occasionally have good bits of advice and one was does no harm (if they are not ill, in danger etc ) to be cross/cry for a few minutes or be bored while you do something else.

abdnhiker · 22/07/2010 10:35

knowing how to cope with boredom is a very important life skill - think about the number of dull meetings we have to sit through as adults...

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 10:48

very true - and then you have the more advanced skill of looking awake and like you are listening when you are not.

going · 22/07/2010 10:55

Poppy Glad things went as smoothly as they could for you.

Eddie Huge sympathies on having a whingy baby. DD2 was like that as a baby and is still quite whiney. DD1 and DS on the other hand have short sharp extreme explosions if something is upsetting. over with very quickly but probably quite shocking for people veiwing from the outside! If I send DD1 to bed when she doesn't want to go she stomps up stairs and slams the door, DD2 will still on the stairs quietly and irritatingly say 'I don't want to go to bed, I'm not tired' again and again.

DP gets back lunch time on Tuesday and I have told him I'm going out! He complained that he may not be in a very fit state so I told him he has 34 hours to rest on the journey home

CAn understand those of you who don't fancy spa days etc, so much better to be doing something exhillerating to liven up our lives a bit!

going · 22/07/2010 11:02

Poppy Did you get married in Vegas or am I thinking of someone with a similar name?

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:05

yes I did going - want advice/tips? and dewin glad could help on fitness stuff - I've gradually acquired mine over years as its hard to find stuff that is right mix of soft/baggy but not so baggy that can't exercise properly. Just invested in some sweaty betty capri pants in sale as found was too hot to do pilates in trousers.

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:08

and posted something else - but lost it but do think your dh can be jetlagged in charge of kids as not exactly going to be up for much else going.

think need to rest as definitely not got energy - had to drag myself to kitchen as even lure of chocolate biscuits wasnt enough to get my arse off sofa.

Also know that will have no sense out of dh for next 3 days as his new iphone has been delivered...

going · 22/07/2010 11:11

Yes please Poppy, been thinking about it for a while now but all the info online is just so head spinning! DId you book your venue before you went or did you just turn up at one? I know we need a license from the courthouse first.
It's all hush hush so can't mention it on fb!

DewinDoeth · 22/07/2010 11:12

Ooh, Poppy which capri pants did you get? I got some in sweaty betty sale too but not sure about them. (The tops were weird, though - looked sprayed on, not flattering! I got my own size as well. )

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:13

whingy baby thing sort of an issue here as dh now erring against having another (think I have said before that was relaxed/happy with one but then was over the moon when I was pregnant so I'm not worried that will be a problem if we are lucky again). Has a few reasons (not least that it takes it out of him too when go through all this - poor man has had enough time off work/picking me up from hospital that didnt surprise me he said was ok with one as it was just after picking me up and I did look pretty awful - I know he hates watching me go trhough the medical side of things ifyswim).

Part of him thinks we are doing ok/did ok with e and dont want to upset the balance with another (dss was very like m or goings dd2 from sounds of it as a baby).

Its all too early to go over this (And got to heal/do tests etc) but I do feel a bit like we are back where I was months ago about views on no 2 ( but then the nice thing is I know I'm not alone here as few of you not having more).

TheBuggerofSuburbia · 22/07/2010 11:14

Hello, my goodness it?s been busy again on here hasn?t it?

Poppy, I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Spider, WHAAAAAAAAT??!! Are you suggesting I?m not posh??? You?re right, I?m not, and yes, I do have a NE accent. Which probably makes things ?easier? ? I see your point. One supplier I used to work with told me that ?Geordies are ok, because they?re Scottish people with their brains kicked in.? Needless to say, he did not supply us for much longer after that! Incidentally, I have the most Scottish name ever (apart from mebbes Shona Spurtle or Lorna Sausage) and my grandparents were from Scotland, so I am a good percentage proper Scottish I reckon!

Amber ? so pleased for you! I am crap at girl?s names, good job I had a boy. I like Miranda, but I can?t really think of any others. So many of the names I like for girls have become very popular, and I do like unusual names. I hated my own name when I was younger for a while, but now I?m older I love it because I rarely come across others. Apart from Neenz?s mum! Congratulations on the driving test too.

Dewin good luck with the job stuff. I agree with Abdn ? salary negotiations can take place after the position has been offered surely. My job (academic support, how I hate that term!) is on a scale with about £6k difference between the bottom and top, and I managed to be appointed halfway, when the usual policy is to appoint at the bottom.

Eddie, have some hugs. I don?t have anything else to add to the suggestions you?ve already been given I?m afraid, but my mantra over the past two years has been ?this too shall pass.?

I wish I could persuade DP to try some relationship counselling. We haven?t had a night away together from B, we have managed a few nights out, but they are few and far between. We had another row last night ? he announced he was going away fishing for a few days with his friend. I?m so hacked off with him ? he is away for work a fair amount, and it?s so bloody hard when he?s not around. He doesn?t do much in the way of childcare anyway, but to have that little bit taken away ? which is basically just bath and bedtime ? is shit. I am permanently knackered. He has made it clear that his work is his priority (I think I?ve banged on about this before), etc etc. I also feel that this exw gets more support from him than I do. She works three days a week, I work full time. We have the girls on the days she works. Nice for her when they?re at school and she has three days a week to herself eh? I hate being this bitter about it, but I can?t help it. We are two people who share a house. That?s it. It blows up every few months, it seems to get a wee bit better for a short while, and then we?re back to square one.

Paint chat ? our house still has all the dull magnolia walls that come as standard with this sort of thing. Might get round to doing something about that at some point. B?s room is a disgrace tbh. Not a nice little boy?s room at all ? it?s got a far too big wardrobe from our old flat, a far too big chest of drawers that DP bought, cot bed and changing table. I want to move him to the bigger spare room when we change the cot to a bed though, which is much nicer, and I?ll think about that then. Means the girls will be in a much smaller room when they stay, but feck it, this is B?s house, and I want him to have the better room ? he?s here all the time after all. Also, it will mean we can move some of his toys out of the living room. Hurrah.

Deb, hope you get your car sorted. Is car hire an option?

I have a friend called Simon, no ex though, and don?t know any person or animal named Beau.

This is a very long post, so better stop!

Oh, apart from thanks for quilting advice. Looks reeeeeeally hard?.

going · 22/07/2010 11:15

DP will be really jet lagged especially as he's flying via USA. Just going to sit in a coffee shop for a couple of hours quite soon after he gets back - kids amuse themselves pretty well during the day and will be back to cook dinner so really sitting on the sofa is all dp needs to do!

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:19

I actually got virgin to do it for me as was easier as did it as part of hotel/flights -they booked a simple package at one of the more normal chapels (little chapel of flowers).

we had to go to courthouse (you need to go at least a day before but its a matter of filling a form in , paying cash after you queue up). I also went to chapel day before as they discussed flowers, boutique ,limo, photographer and what kind of service/music we want -all very quick (in fact I've spent longer choosing cars but it is an industry there). YOu coudl do it all when over there but I found the virgin people very helpful and it helped to know that I had a slot booked in a venue I was ok with so we could actually enjoy.

the other alternatives is to use the hotel chapels (but we did the whole hush hush just us -photographer as witness thing) as this allows for more guests (although you can have them at chapel too) and if you like a reception (we just booked a nice meal at one of the many great restaurants).

It was a fantastic way to do it and I don't regret it for second - very stress free.

The top is a bit odd on those capri pants (esp as mien a bit big) but I hide them with a teeshirt so don't care so much dewin.

SpiderWilliam · 22/07/2010 11:28

Good news this morning: P has been offered 2 mornings a week at the pre-school from September. Yay! I am now back to worrying whether he is not ready, language not advanced enough, not potty trained etc relieved that I don't have to start looking at alternatives.

Eddie I've just had a light bulb moment! You don't think you are feeling especially down this week as a reaction to all the stress of the house move and job interview do you? It must be a bit of anti-climax and now those big events are sorted M being a bit of a PIA has gone back to the top of the list of worries.

Poppy - hope you make it back to the sofa with biscuits to last you. Glad things were tolerable yesterday. Is DH pleased with his iPhone?

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:33

Yay re nursery - speak to them re potty training but I know one e is going to are relaxed at this age about it.

Agree with your assessment of eddie as that and the new job in top of everything else an awful lot for one person.

And am now lieing in bed - hiding as lovely nanny will fuss over me if she knows.

going · 22/07/2010 11:42

Thanks for that Poppy. Will have a look.

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 11:51

Ohh just had nice hormonal
Moment where snapped on mn about someone moaning about postnatal support .

going · 22/07/2010 12:09

Don't think you snapped so much Poppy as were honest. Many women don't like the food, have awful sleep. Also sounds like she didn't ask for help until things got really bad (her baby falling out of bed!). That is why so many people choose homebirths!

going · 22/07/2010 12:12

Realise the homebirth option would not apply to this woman as she had a c-section!

PiggyPenguin · 22/07/2010 12:17

Spider - I wouldn't worry too much about potty training. I don't think any pre-school expects them to be dry at this age. J is going to start pre-school in Jan and I wouldn't be surprised if they aren't all dry by then either.

poppy34 · 22/07/2010 12:29

I know although felt bit ranty as was agreeing with someone who
Must be the chippiest poster on mn. And even if no homebirth the fact it's not peaceful and food is not great isn't a secret and why lots of antenatal classes tell you to bring snacks, earplugs etc.

abdnhiker · 22/07/2010 12:38

going this all sounds very exciting!

spider I don't think most nurseries would expect a kid to be toilet trained until three and normally are very helpful with toilet training when it does occur.

poppy It's good that you can understand why your DH isn't keen on a second, I'm sure it's hard on him emotionally to see what you're going through. Chocolate is very good too - I hope you enjoy your biscuits!

bugger I'm very impressed with how you and poppy manage with step-kids - it must be hard sometimes and I think you're a star! Can you find some time off for yourself sometime to balance out your DP's time? Would that help? I don't really have anything useful to say I think though...