April 2009 - Episode 13 - 'I've been looking for the exit for months!'

[Schulte]

Fanjo Warriors, here we are

Well, it may seem a bit radical, but if he's slapping her for such minor things and threatening to beat her, then in circumstances where he is also brandishing threats about snatching her and taking her overseas, there's not much advice I could really give about taking a softly-softly attitude.

You sound very strong and sorted, although you must have been through some really shitty times.

:) Cheers Auld, I haven't even gone into the major things he did yet, but, they all seemed so trivial when compared what was going on with everyone elses trials really (well to me anyway) what with ill parents/children/moving et al it really did seem so petty to rock up with what was happening in my life....

Glad to be back though!

None of that! We are musketeers here.

FWIW I think I would have preferred my mother to stop access altogether, and not just when things were really bad. We never really gained anything from having him in our lives and ultimately we all (four brothers and sisters) decided he was a tosser we wanted nothing to do with.
It makes me cross that you are the one left worrying. He did this. Not you.
You have always struck me as strong person too. Iris is lucky to have you. In the end my Mum was strong and that was all we needed.

Hope I haven't waffled too much.

Lovely to see you again King! FWIW I think you're doing the right thing too. The very fact you feel it's right means it is, even after you've taken the brave step.

Far better to have a strong, sorted, happy mum than a sad mum and a crap Dad. xx

and here was me worrying about how i was going to write everything down!!

Honestly, I tried loads of times, but didn't quite know how to start it.

Feel like I've been in some wierd kind of bubble for ages and only starting to come out of it....

Another one who agrees that you did the right thing
If you ever need a break in the country just shout

Bicnod- hes fine again now hes started smoking again but of course I hate that instead. We're going to look at more drastic methods to stop him as he does want to stop he just caves as soon as theres the slightest stress and then I get it in the neck as it will be my fault
Wish us luck
Apart from that hes actually improved loads since moving here, is happier and more motivated which is fab

Hello!
Kingbeat - best of luck and yes, you did the right thing.

Bicnod - CONGRATULATIONS! Such great news. Well done.
But - what is this about the 18th? HM? What can we do to make you come? Can't we pool baby-minding between us somehow? (It looks at the moment as if I will be able to come - so if I can help with lifts or anything else I would be glad to)
Auld - so sorry you won't be around on the 18th - but if you are around next year I'd love to meet.

Parents of two (or more!) please advise: I have V in a little cot at the moment (smaller than the standard size) and the new baby is due when she will be almost 2. Do you think the right thing to do is to get a new, bigger cot bed, move her into it soonish, and then the small cot will be free for dc2 without any upheaval for her coinciding with new-sibling-stuff, and then we can keep her in the new cot / bed till she grows out of the small bed it will turn into? this seems the most efficient thing to me, but am I missing something, like: is there some way of avoiding having to have 2 cots at all - could two year olds normally move into a real bed, or is that too little?

We aren't ready for potty training, but she always does a wee on her way into the bath and is aware of it so I was also wondering, like Bicnod, whether it is a Good thing or a Bad thing to introduce a potty now for certain specific contexts without really trying to do training; or whether it's better to let the whole thing go till it's time to do it properly.

Sorry to hear about Relationship stuff, Boff. I really sympathise with the thing of trying to point out that the Saint isn't being quite Saintly about certain issues. Let us know how it goes.

BB, have a good rest and don't go remodelling bathrooms while you are supposed to be recuperating.

Hope to see lots of you soon. Who is managing the attendance list for the 18th?

Have a good Friday everyone

Glad to hear your DH is happier, Bronze. Now it's your turn...

GingerSarah, I'd have loved to come, and will definitely try and get to London in the Spring. I have no real advice about the potty training, but as I am lazy and disorganised I'm all in favour of the simplest option, which for me is waiting till they seem pretty much ready. A keeps asking to go to the toilet, yanking down his breeks in impatience, then sitting on it for 1 min max and demanding to get down. I think caca means nappy, pee and poo in his book, so it all gets confusing.

As for the bed, your proposed solution sounds about right to me. My two are both very wriggly, so I'd not have put them in a real single bed that early.

I am translating an article about the very subtle distinction between insularity and islandness . It will pay for my knee op. Which I have been trying to arrange for several days, if the b*stards would only pick up the phone...

I can't translate for long w/o switching off, so I have read the whole amazing pombear/dinner party thread in little instalments. here. If you have time to waste, it is hysterical. I don't often laugh out loud when alone at my desk...

Well, f*ck me, I have booked my op.
10th Dec.

Bicnod will I have a scar? or even two?>>

GingerSarah nice to see you. I have no experience of cots/beds and will leave to the time-served mothers. I will hijack your question though by asking a similar one...

AA you've been very brave. Well done! And it's soon so you won't have much time to think about it. Have started the dinner party thread - it's hilarious!

So, anyone thinking about GS's question, could you consider mine too? We're all going to Zimbabwe to see DH's family in January. Have been before but without a small person. We'll be staying in a few different places and don't think we'll have a cot available in many. We'll be checking in the car seat anyway so no real luggage allowance to take one. What do you think's the best sleeping arrangement. Do we get him used to a bed now and then just do that? Or just let him sleep on the floor there (what about snakes?? spiders??!!)? Any extra thoughts appreciated xx

Zulu you can buy cots that are more like little dome tents, so they're portable and also insect proof. Google little life three arc cots.

these ones

can i get your opinions on this please? here

Um madly busy and shouldn't really be buggering about on t'internet so quickly..

Beds - Ellen was in a big bed from 11 months. When Holly turned 11 months we swapped Ellen's bed for bunk beds. Holly had been in with us until, then (and actually still is most nights).

Potties - We kept one upstairs and one downstairs from 1yr old. Just so they became a familiar sight. Didn't potty train until two. I say potty train it was more "do you want to go on there?" "yes" And that was that. It's a lot easier I guess if you leave it a bit later.

Got to dash but big smooches to everyone.

Can anyone help a slightly distressed Schulte here please?

Schulte - have posted on your thread. How is H now? Sending big hugs x

Kingbeat - at what's been going on in your life for the past few months. I echo what the others have said - you are well shot of him. You sound very sorted and positive.

Zulu I was going to suggest the same as WFH - definitely a good plan as pack up small and keep out the biting things.

Auld - DH says he doesn't have a scar as far as he can see so don't worry about that (disclaimer: his legs are probably somewhat hairier than yours)

Ginger - aww. There just isn't anyone to babysit really - family all live miles away and O is still not a great sleeper so would need to leave him with someone he would be happy to wake up to (which is basically me, DH or my mum). I'm gutted but if Auld is over in the Spring we should try and arrange a 2nd birthday meet up as well...

Speaking of Chrimbo bash shall I start a thread on FB so that people who are able to go can plan?

I feel sick. All the time. I'd forgotten about the misery of morning (noon and night) sickness. Bleurgh.

Awwww Bicnod. I remember the sickness only too well. Hang in there and remember it's a good sign! Have you got a date for your scan yet?

Hazel is now on double dose ABs and ear drops. If this doesn't get on top of the infection, then surely nothing will Paed in A&E said to have her bloods checked as she seems to catch an awful lot of stuff (did I mention she had croup again recently) and that something might be wrong with her immune system. I am not so sure... if you take the ear infections out of the equation, then she's been mostly fine. Do I put her through the blood tests and all that?

Can't remember if I said but DD1 went into a toddler bed at 22 months old, to make space for Hazel. It was fine. Don't know about a big bed, but you can always get those clip on side things to stop them from falling out.

Can someone remind me when the Christmas meet up is?

Zulu, I'd try and go for a pop-up type cot, too. Having him on the floor would freak me out - there were big cockroaches in Reunion and I'd hate the thought of one exploring my DC...

Bicnod, I shall draw a discreet veil over the question of the hirsute/silky state of my pins. Such intricacies of personal grooming are among the first to fall by the wayside in the great Auld life/work/house/kids juggling act! I am already sick of the arthroscopy procedure, after a load of tests yesterday (swab in nostrils and groin, for staph. bugs, then urine test) and a battery of blood tests this morning. I walked DS1 to school and A to the CM's in the freezing cold on an empty stomach. Had to apologise the the mother of one of DS1's friends this afternoon, as I had replied utter gibberish to a question she asked me this morning. Next week, appt with anaesthetist. But that'll be fun, won't it Zulu?

Schulte, I'm sorry about all your health worries. I've no experience of either croup or ear troubles, so have nothing useful to post. If she is getting recurring infections, maybe a blood test would be worth it in the long run?

I took a photo of A in a pan on the cooker, but have failed to upload it.

You're doing better than me auld, I have so far failed to boil my baby. I have no excuse, other than an aversion to putting pics of my dcs on fb. I could just say I'd done it?

AA, anaesthetists are brilliant fun. You'll have a ball . If it helps at all, I did an arthroscopy list yesterday. Each one took about 20 minutes and they were all sitting up smiling ten minutes after. Or maybe that's just the quality of my anaesthetics... .

Schulte, how is Hazel?

Thanks for all the bed advice. I quite fancy one of those pop-up thingymajigs.

Loads of snow here. I feel quite festive!

Zulu - thanks for asking, I think the ear discharge has stopped now.

Auld count yourself lucky. I am so jealous of parents who've never had to take their dc to A&E in the middle of the night with croup and breathing problems. Or a febrile convulsion. I am told there are children out there who only ever get 'normal' colds and coughs and fevers. Sigh. It must be heaven.

Hellooooooo?

You must all be snowed in

Hello.
Back to work now, taught snow bound students online yesterday and it went really well.
Bit tired but still hoping to get to the Xmas meetup.

xx

Hello lovely people,
No snow in Bristol, pah. Well, not what I would call snow, a few flakes but nothing interesting.
Boffin am impressed with teaching online, how do you tell if they're paying attention?
Am trying to avoid Christmas shopping, also trying not to worry about dire financial situation, and trying to work myself up to doing some writing for free for someone to try and build up portfolio. All this means wine and mumsnet!

Orbit now helping with typing so might get random....

Auld hope your op was ok