November 09 - rolling, laughing and cutting teeth ... but us mama's are still not getting sleep!!

[scarlotti]

New thread for us

Nice title Thanks Scarlotti

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Thanks scarlotti

sirboob If you're prepared for a difficult visit then go along but personally, sleeping in a kitchen is a dealbreaker for me! Your mum and/or brother should take the kitchen and give you and Bryn a bedroom.

sirboob have to say I agree with DWB. Your family will understand why you can't go I'm sure, and you could even offer to go another time (maybe with DP) if that eased things. Your uncle will understand and you can send a card along etc.
Maybe I'm way off the mark here but ... I wondered whether the petrol contribution you would pay is needed by your folks to go? You mentioned they thought you were being selfish, why is that? Surely they can't possibly think that their 18 yr old daughter (regardless of you having Bryn) will want to go visit family with them? DD is 16 this summer and I'm already wondering if she'll come on hols next year, and that would be an abroad lounge by the pool type holiday.

You are being asked to go somewhere at a time when your dp needs you, being asked to sleep with your 5 month old in a kitchen, being asked not to feed your 5 month old in company but not given a room to go to. Does that sound fair or reasonable?

Did you get any further on the housing options?

Off to bed here now as am shattered. Dh taken boys to park - am bit though that am having to waste a gorgeously sunny afternoon sleeping!

love the title!

Sirboob It sounds like your mum 'wants to have her cake and eat it', so to speak. she cant have a go at you for not wanting to come at a difficult time and then set upon you all these restrictions and disapproval when you say you will go. she either has to have it one way or the other. again with DWB the sleeping in the kitchen would be a dealbreaker, and so would be having to feed in a different room. I dont understand why you should have to do this. its natural, how can a flash of boob be offensive?

scarlotti if it were my parents, they would expect me to visit family, even though I'm 29 (eek) and have lived away from home for 11 years - I guess it just depends what your family is like. But sirboob I can see all your reasons for not going and think you should only go if you want to. Your mum does sound like she's setting the terms, but maybe she thinks she's protecting you from embarrassment re the feeding? At xmas I remember my uncle kept leaving the room when I was feeding, in the end I went in another room because I felt like I was embarrassing him, rather than because I felt uncomfortable. Also, what's the kitchen like? I am picturing my own kitchen, which is an ice cold extension and a galley kitchen - I wouldn't sleep in there for anyone! But if it could be made comfortable and cosy, it may be ok.

Sirb It sounds like it would be an extremely stressful weekend for you and Bryn which is definitely something you don't need!
I think your mother may be taking out her emotions on you - possibly she feels like her little girl is growing up and this change in relationship has throw her off. Maybe she feels she is unable to tell you what to do anymore and which she is struggling to come to terms, when she think she knows what is best for you.
I am not trying to stick up for her as I do think she has been unreasonable. Bryn and DP are your family now and you have to do what you think is best for you all and unfortunately you can't make everyone happy!

I am that your family would expect you to sleep in the kitchen, and not give you the bedroom. I don't care how lovely it is, if you have a bad night and then need to sleep in a little in the morning (not talking about midday, but some people get up really early), how much fun would that be having someone traipsing over your head to put the kettle on and everyone having breakfast around you? You would have to be up before every one regardless, and have all your stuff moved out of the way so as not to be a 'nuisance'. And not to have a room to feed in but be expected not to feed in front of people, that would make me too.

I personally think it would be nice for you to have a couple of days at your home without your family there nagging you. How often do you get to do that. And send your Uncle a card to say sorry, and maybe even why you are not visiting this time.

I think the benefits of going do not outweigh the staying, personally. But only you can decide.

Right I put my foot down. I said I will go if my dad shares with my mum and brother instead and Bryn and I can have the lounge - that way at least there will be a sofa for me to sleep on, even if I do still get woken up early (though how on earth that will work is anyones guess as my mum will want to stay up till 2ish), that we can stop a few time on the way so I don't have to lean across and feed Bryn in his car seat whilst we're moving, and that I am not leaving the room every time I need to feed him. I'm just not.

Thing is she has said it not a problem feeding him in the room at the party - which means its just at G'dads. And seeing as he will be at the party too, as will my aunt who is also BF, that sounds like its more her issue than his. Said I will be discrete, will lift my top up instead of down, but am not leaving the room, or its utterly pointless me going.

Mum told me to stop being so f*cking unreasonable and went back to her book. So I dunno.

Scarlotti I'm always expected to go an visit. I do keep in touch with my family via phone calls, emails, sending photos etc, but I do understand that there is no exchange for real face-to-face contact. I could probably deal with it if the journey wasn't so bad, tbh. I'm shaking just thinking about it now.

I have a coffee cake in the oven It is taking forever to cook, however... Its been in for over an hour now

Hello all. I haven't caught up after our trip away but wanted to pop in. Sirboob that sounds horrendous. I second pav.

I'm feeling homesick now. We had such a lovely week: steam train, swimming, walk on the beach with old friends and their kids, catching up with family, more lovely walks, dinner out and good weather. Despite having really loved my ML so far I'm finding myself sitting here with a 'back to the grindstone' attitude tonight. Sigh.

It doesn't help that the house is a tip, the garden needs some heavy work done and I'm still disabled by my dodgy right arm. I can't remember if I posted about it but I've given myself tenosynovitis from doing too much one-handed and it's not getting better quickly since I still need to do basic things!

Isla was a nightmare on holiday really. She is still bothered by wind but has now developed a shrill screech to let us know about it. Which she did frequently at all hours of the day and night. I feel like we're getting payback for her being so good in the first months! I'm having some success at keeping her asleep on her front. After her rolling before Easter she hasn't rolled since so I'm thinking that was accidental but when she does I think she'll definitely prefer her tum for sleeping. She won't let me put her down either which is getting tiresome. I have so much to do!!!! It's beginning to do my head in. Perhaps it's time for strict routine. Deep breath.

sirboob if it helps, we took Isla in the car to Stranraer and it was ok. On the way down we left early for stops and the traffic was great. We stopped after 2 hours for a feed and then both DDs slept until we were nearly there 2.5 hours later. On the way back Isla slept for an hour or so and we stopped after 2.5 hours for a feed. After that stop she had another sleep (this is all remarkable given the number of days she slept for 40 mins total in the preceding week ) but then lost her patience with the car so we needed to stop twice more and have her protesting for the last half hour. But it was all much better than I thought it would be.

sirB tbh, even your compromise doesn't sound as though it will work. We went to stay at my Dad's one year and were sleeping in the dining room on the sofa bed. A few of us stayed up drinking till all hours, and dh couldn't go to bed as the lounge was right next door and so all the noise carried.
The only way this would work is if you and Bryn shared the room with your brother and your Mum and Dad sleep in the lounge. That then leaves the kitchen free for anyone that is up before your parents in the lounge. Not ideal I know, but do-able. You could co-sleep so that Bryn won't wake too noisily and disturb your brother.
I still think the best suggestion is for them to all go and you stay home this time. I know face to face is best, but nobody would expect you to go up under these circumstances I'm sure. Explain that it will be easier next time as you're less likely to be feeding during the day and Bryn will be sleeping better at night and so not waking everyone, or needing frequent stops on the way up.
The other benefit of that is that it reinforces that you are now a mother and so will make decisions based on what is best for you and your son. I suspect that is what is triggering your mother's outbursts tbh.
And am sorry to say, but your mother really shouldn't be swearing at you, that's totally unacceptable in my book. Even worse when there are children around - your brother and your son.

Ioan is poorly so heading back to docs today. His cold has now moved to his chest and he's wheezing like an old man. Not sure what they can do, but at least I can get his chest listened to I guess. Poor boy is almost choking by the early hours as his throat fills with gunk.
On the up side, my Mum heads this way for the week today which will be nice. We're making dd's prom dress [aargh!] so tomorrow and thurs are dressmaking days. I really hope we can pull this off!!
Ioan has his first settling in session tomorrow at the cm [fingers in ears and wanders off trilling la la la..]

scarlotti sorry to hear that Ioan is not getting better.
pavlov, how are the antibiotics working? I hope things are really improving.

Paula is much better. The temperature had already dropped friday to saturday night. She still has a really snotty nose, nothing comes out so she swallows everything why I am slightly concerned that her throat could get infected too. She does have a funny voice but maybe this is due to all the loud shouting and crying. I don't think she is in real pain, she doesn't cry that much but she cries more easily (and really loudly) and every time she wakes up. It is hard to tell though. I wish she could already talk.

sirboob, all your own arguments seem to be against going and you have even tried to find a compromise. I think too, it might be best to stay at home this time. It's just not worth it. And next time it will be much easier already.

SirBoob it is not you being unreasonable, it is your mum. ASking you to feed in another room is just crazy and draconian (yes perhaps if we were in Victorian times it might be acceptable to ask someone to feed in another room).

I hope everyone is ok. I'm a bit low at the mo. but period due any day now sleep erratic again. Fed up of sleep issues.

scarlotti sorry to hear that Ioan is poorly. Hopefully the doc will give you some antibiotics if it is in his chest now. DS has sounded like that, like an old man, since christmas and it has taken this long to get them to take it seriously. Hope you get some easing of the mucous soon, its not nice to hear at all. In fact is quite scary sometimes.

ursi I am glad Paula is feeling better. I wonder about the mucous getting infected too, wonder if this is why Reuben now has a chest infection. He has had mucous for so long as it too young to know how to bring it all up, so given that mucous collects all the bacteria/germs, it makes sense it could get infected doesn't it? Keep an eye on it. Are you using nasal spray?That seems to help a bit. Reuben is much better. The mucous has cleared to almost gone, but he is now left with a permanent wheeze instead, not too severe, but there (was probably always there but we could not hear it on account of the grumbling). He is however not sleeping at all. Waking hourly. I thought he was aving a growth spurt, but now think he is thirsty as he is still feeding. He has diarhea (sp) has had a dirty nappy 4 times this morning already, and 4 times yesterday, I am thinking this is probably side effects from the antibiotics? which means he probably also has a sore tummy. But still happy enough with it!

sirboob i agree, not a compromise at all really, you still get the raw deal. and You cannot feed Bryn while the car is moving. You cannot. It is dangerous. So if that is the only way you feed him on route, then you cannot go, really. And if you are sleeping in the front room, are people going to go to bed early so Bryn can be settled? Sounds like not your mum. If you stay at home, you will be asserting your independence as a woman in your own right, which you are, and not a child who has to tag along with the family, like it or not.

I'm just popping on. sirboob I agree with what all the ladies have said. I think you should stay home as well. You can send you Uncle and little card with some nice words, so he knows you're thinking about him, and you can see him next time around. I hope you're ok.

I think scarlotti you were asking about ideas on blocking out sunlight. I've ordered this, hasn't arrived yet, but am hoping it does the job in our room and can be put in DS1's room when the boys share the bedroom. Sorry Ioan isn't any better

ursi glad to hear Paula is on the mend.

Sorry if I've missed anyone. I'm dashing out the door.

Pav Ethan sleeps at the moment for about 6 hrs, 8-2, then wakes every hour or two. Sometimes a pat or a cuddle is all he needs but I'm starting to think he needs to be moved to his cot rather than the cradle. Then again, you co-sleep don't you? Maybe I'm wrong about the cradle...

sirboob I agree with Pav. Feeding while car is moving is not on and also breaking the law. I think you should rationally explain to your mum that you're not prepared to feed in the car, not prepared to go the whole journey without a break & not prepared to sleep in a kitchen. You are responsible for you & Bryn's welfare now, don't let your mum railroad you into doing something you're not happy with. Scarlotti is right that this would exert your authority as a mother. Your mum needs to respect that. Hope you manage to sort out an amicable solution.

Back from docs and it's nothing more serious than a cold, which is a relief although am hoping now that it doesn't turn any worse! Guess it's back to the karvol, snot sucker and nose spray for a while..

Fruit that looks really good, might just get that as would be handy for visiting grandparents too.

ursi glad Paula is on the mend. Ioan's voice has been a bit odd (think Barry White!) but I'm putting that down to a sore throat to go with the cold.

Pav hope Reuben settles with his antibiotics. I'd imagine his throat is drying out with the wheezing and the meds so would make sense he's thirstier. Bummer for you through the night though. Doc suggested to me to steam him before bed as this helps moisten the passages in their eyes/nose/mouth and aids sleep.

Trying the tips in the ncss nap book to extend the lunchtime nap from 40 mins. Seems to be working - tip is to let them sleep for most of their usual nap then do whatever works for you to get them to 'blend' into the next sleep cycle. For us it's a trip in the buggy, so we've just been to the corner shop and it seems to have worked.

Hello - hope you get things sorted sirB.

Here I'm carrying my dd around so she sleeps in my arms in the day & co-sleep at night. It's vaccinations again this week. The second lot.

Hope everyones littleones will be better soon xx

pav how is Reuben today?

scarlotti Hope Ioan feels better soon. It's been nothing but colds in our house. Hopefully the better weather will stay and we can get rid of these colds and bugs. What is the name of the sleep/nap book?

Thought i'd share with you the contents of C's nappy today Normally, we don't get any poop for at least 10 days at a time, so today was an unexpected package! Lots of broccoli must have been consumed last night as it's gone straight through him! I didn't realise how much he managed to eat! Ordered his highchair last night, can't wait to sit him at the table with us.

fruit he is much better thank you for asking, wheezing, but not much mucous now, although he has had a dirty nappy six times so far today, and only want to feed feed sleep feed sleep feed feed cry a bit. The only place he will settle is attached to my boob . He needs another nappy change as we speak, but he is asleep so not going to disturb him for half hour (even if it is while he suckles, I need the break!

I also have DH asleep next to me. He did 3 hours work this morning, and now is knackered (just some work for a guy he know). what will he be like after a full day .

fruit Reuben sort of co-sleeps in that he often refuses his moses basket and struggles to sleep if not with me due to his blocked nose/chest, and I think now, he is starting to dislike his moses basket because he wakes and touches the sides, he wants to spread out. DH has not put the cot up despite my asking so will have to try to find time to do it myself. I think that will work. He had been getting better, sleeping between 5-6hours, then every 2hourly.

Hi all, have been reading but not writing much - DH had his two best mates up this weekend, which was nice but meant I was pretty much on my own with the kids all weekend. Since he's barely been home before bedtime for 6 weeks, and working most weekends, I am really worn out. Now 'year end' is officially over, we are off to celebrate with a picnic in the park this evening.

Is anyone else's older child running them ragged? DD is 3.5 and talks almost every second of the day. She's also started getting really bossy. I am desperate for a moment's peace. I am already fantasising about her going to school - 17 months away! - which is awful as I know I'll really miss her when she does go, but she is just SO full on.

James, meanwhile, seems to hardly get a look in, poor thing. He is just easy-going, fits in etc. I feel like he doesn't get enough attention

BBL sorry to hear you're feeling low again. Hopefully your period is the reason. Does it make you feel better that you've recognised this?

Ninja How are you feeling these days?

Pavlov and Ursi Glad your two are getting better. I had wheezy DD in my bed last night too, but she seems fine today. The nights are always harder, unfortunately.

Hope the other babies get well soon too.

SirB have you decided what to do?

bluecardi nice to see you again! wizzywoo you too! I hope things are ok your end - please do ask for help if you need it - I could have the kids for an afternoon or anything?

DWB any more wedding plans? I love to hear them!

fruit and scarlotti have you had any issues with babies gagging on food using the BLW method? I'd quite like to try it but am quite neurotic and think I'd be scared of choking. I know it's no more likely to happen, but I don't know if I'd be hovering over him constantly just in case.

laugs yes, ds is running me ragged. am tired and head-achey all the time. ds want my attention all the time, even when not with me he is noisy and running about everywhere. it is worse since my mum has been on holiday as she likes to take him out to give me a break and let him have some fun.

laugs I know how you feel. My DS1 has days when he doesn't stop talking! He almost talks for the sake of talking at times!! I found the first 4 months of C's life was the hardest with DS1, he turned in to a little monster. He's calmer and more settled these days. This is his 3rd week off pre-school, (they finished up early) he and I are very ready to go back next week.
BLW I've been very much on guard when C is eating. After reading the book, it's given some good guidance with do's and dont's. I've tried a lot of different foods with him and we've had a couple of moments when he's gagged, but the food has come straight out of his mouth and he is fine. He is enjoying himself so much and already sussing out how to handle the food. I've started 2-3 weeks before he hits 6 months, doing it too early wouldn't work. So far, I have found broccoli, carrots, toast, cuts of chicken/beef/pork, melon and banana easier for him to handle and suck/gum on. He doesn't take much down, its more the taste and juices from the food atm. He's also enjoying drinking water from a sippy cup at meal time. I look forward to hearing how it goes if you choose BLW.

pav we have put C in the cot the last 2 nights, he was in the hammock before. He hasn't complained or been upset with the move, but he still co-sleeps with us from 12.30pm, so he has about 5 hrs in the cot in all. I love having cuddles with him in bed, but I'm mindful that I'm building a rod for my own back. DS1 has never been in our bed and a very good sleeper. I keep thinking each day, I'll work on this 'tonight' but I'm too tired mostly to bother. Glad Reuben is feeling better