Discussion amongst Mums with babies born in December 2008

[Veggiemummy]

Hope you all can find it, Moms title was perfect I thought.

LadyT, I am hoping that DC2 takes after DH who is the most sleepy person in the world. He loves nothing more than sleeping. Having said that my mum had a good sleeper (me) and then a nightmare (my now very chilled out younger brother). She thought she had it all sussed after me as well so it came as a big shock that it wasn't her parenting skills that were so good, and it was just luck with me!

Actually DorasB my DS didn't sleep through until 6months either. But he was very easy when he did wake up for a feed after 6 weeks or so. And he was easy in the daytime too.

spot you should get trying!!! I had a dream the other day that jump was up the duff, she told me and I didn't believe her. Sorry you are having bad sleep at the mo jj, I hope she gets better soon, and for you too katie. jb hooray on the walking.

Veggie thanks for thinking of us, I will get DP to pick some up when he's next there. can't bear it myself but T seems to tolerate it ok. Glad you had such a nice day on the farm, sounds wonderful .

Oh, and thanks to everyone who stood up for our thread, it's nice to have such a feeling of solidarity. I do sometimes forget it's a public thread with my regular TMI updates. (oh, and for those that remember, the cones are working - I didn't go to GP's in the end!).

Jolly, that is lovely about the walking! Do you buy shoes now? I love shoes. Even baby shoes.

Veggie, that sounds like SUCH a gorgeous afternoon, I felt happy just reading it.

DaisyD, 11 months? 1? I don't know how you have stayed so cheeful. You are a remarkably resilient woman and I take my hat off to you! I am a wuss, a lightweight and a faintheart so I am crossing everything for a spot of Turnip's luck (three good sleepers, I reckon that has to be rare, like a five leaf clover!)

Spot, I don't mind you asking anything. It's really on my mind but I don't want to bore people about it more than I have (so anyone else, feel free to skip). When I had lunch with him he was hugely enthusiastic. He had some minor points (mainly some problems with the first chapter) which I worked on within a few days. Then he took weeks to come back to me about them because he was busy, re-read the book and then said that he felt that the main character wasn't sympathetic enough, lacked an edit button and needed to be made more self aware. We tried to talk this out on email but it didn't work so we had a long chat on the phone. I took what he said graciously and listened hard, because I think writers who can't take notes aren't professional and they drive me mad. (Also this agent is v experienced. And nice). However, I am really worried by what he has said. This character is in a bad place at the start, and makes some bad decisions, and becomes increasingly self-destructive, eventually realising they have been a twonk and comes out of it all a wiser, humbler person. If I make them too self aware at the beginning it totally makes a nonsense of my character arc, because they won't then change or develop. And if they are stopping to THINK before self destructive acts, or generally have more self awareness, it seems silly that they would then go on to do these daft things. So I am really stuck He also said he is not sure what the reader is supposed to think of the characters at times (he wasn't specific so I don't know what to do about this either, and not sure I agree) and third thing is he wants all the voices to be distinct, which I worried about myself as I have three first person narrators, but he originally said it wasn't a problem However, that's more easily rectified. He says if I can't do this stuff, we can send it out to publishers as is, but I don't want him to think I am one of those precious writers who doesn't want to change a syllable of the damn thing. But if you are asking me generally about agents/editors' notes on books I would say the truth always lies between what both parties say, because writers have a better overall understanding of the work but informed outside figures have a clearer eye. Personally I think it is time to hand it over to an editor now as an editor will have THEIR own take on it too. But I have to really TRY to work in his suggestions. Just can't think how to do the first one without harming my character. Sorry for that self-indulgent reply!

Oh, and hooray for the cones! Good to know they work for future reference.

Bloody nora it's going to take me forever to catch up. Will be back sometime in the next few days.

Veggie: I'm sorry you have been upset by all this. Having seen a few of these MN rows, it generally turns out to be about something completely different, esp if someone decides to leave. I thnk after the initial irritation everyone on here has been rather grown-up about it all. It does feel like a personal attack when people start having a go at a thread that, for us, is a group of real people. I'm glad you had a lovely day in the sunshine anyway - I did laugh at J staring and roaring!

Re sleep, ds1 was appalling and ds2 has had his moments. Neither slept through until at least a year.

Sorry Jam. I think 156 posts in 24 hours is a record! Here's to a quieter week. Hope the boys are recovered now.

Hi all,

sorry to have been absent for a few days. Not having the easiest time but have GP appointment on Fri and CPN on Tues so am getting good support.
I just spent ages catching up and actually would love to respond to lots - but - the Other Issue has unsettled me which I know is silly but I can't help it. Kind of made me feel vulnerable and have that horrid feeling which I get with conflict. I know that, as with Veggie, these are my own issues and I'm not in the most stable and safe of places in my own head at the moment, so I'm aware that this is my issue.
Will be back soon to catch up like I'd like to.
xxx

Lots of love to you, Trace. Keep well and come back soon.

You are all such lovely forgiving ladies. I know the subject is supposed to be closed now, but I really need to just say one more thing (I never was one for walking away from a fight!)
R started that thread saying 'I fully expect to be flamed...', well she was, and then had a tantrum about it. Also, her posting on the Twisluts thread I think (my opinion only ) was deliberately inflammatory. She basically hijacked the thread to tell them that she didn't like their name. Although she is obviously entitled to her opinion, as are we, it really isn't any of her business what they want to call themselves. I've been flamed in the past on other threads, but lets face it, if you can't take it then don't post it.
Ok, rant over...and breathe...
I managed not to fall asleep with DD this afternoon, although she was lying on me for 2 hours. I had to wake her up to do the school run eventually and she then promptly went back to sleep in the car, it's alright for some [green].
Had a phone call from the Estate Agent tonight saying that he should have an anwer for us tomorrow, just had to speak to some of the other potential buyers . My feeling is that if there were other bidders offering the same/ higher he would have said, but apprently we are the preferred option, whatever that means. Anyway, hopefully you areoff the hook Turnip .

Really crossing fingers for you, Katie. We all have an emotional stake in this house now

Trace: please look after yourself. This will all blow over in approx one day. Let us know how you get on with the gp & cpn. Is your usual one back?

I have drunk two glasses of native essex wine (there are apparantly vineyards here) and am about to lurch about and say how I love you all, so will go and do the washing up instead.

Whoa, I seemed to have cross posted with loads of you, or perhaps I forgot to refresh. Lady T, both of mine are fantastic sleepers, both slept through from 3 months, so there is hope . DD obviously has lost he sleep halo over the last few days, but did go down without tooooo much fiss tonight. Fingers crossed we don't have a repeat of the last few nights. On that note, I'm off to bed to catch up, night all.
Oh and I am not drinking at all tonight, but I do love you all xxx

It's really not fair to make me promise to keep up for once and then post so much in less than 24 hours, people. Nonetheless, I shall forge on:

Kiwi, my daughter is sort of like yours too. No stranger anxiety, eats like a horse, flirts like crazy, we still breastfeed, woe betide me if I don't tend to her desires immediately, and if I'm in the vicinity, noone but Mum will do. She cries if I look in the wrong direction, sometimes. Yours sounds a bit harder than mine - and I'm at work 4 days a week which lessens the strain a bit - but still.

And mine started crawling at nine months, and only this last week (so coming up to 16 months) has she started walking regulsrly. I think it's improving her mood! If yours has got worse recently, I wonder if she's on the verge of walking too? Mine always gets harder just before a developmental leap.

Also, re: breastfeeding, we only do it at night now, and sometimes she's okay with that sometimes not. When she's not okay with that, I hand her off to her Dad with a bottle of milk and she settles right down. She's a lot easier for him generally, actually - sleeps better, accepts milk bottles, etc - but she prefers me. No wonder, since I'm clearly a sucker!

And lastly on cow's milk: we tried goat's milk to avoid skin rashes, which helped, but what's helped more is lactose free full fat cow's milk, which I can get in the supermarket. I'm in Australia, I'd be surprised if you can't get it there too.

Trace I am praying for you and i really hope that you get on okay with the Dr tomorrow. Please take care of yourself.

Well ladies this will be my last post for a while. DH and i had a huge row last night (again I know). He has apparently read one of my posts on here where I referred to a the fact I had met an ex, and had wondered what might have been. Well despite the fact the post also said I had no feelings whatsoever for this man, and the fact that DH knew I had seen him the day after. He basically feels like I have cheated on him. he also feels I spend too much time on here. So given the fact he is still 'fragile' I think its best I stay away.

I will still be lurking no doubt when he's not about as I will miss you all too much and will need to know you are all doing okay! Gosh I know that sounds bad but you have been so supportive to me of late I feel like I am abandoning you all. But I think its for the best...for now anyway

Oh Daisy, I'm so sorry, what a horrible position to be in. I really hope everything sorts itself out, as you say this is a very fragile time for him and it sounds like he's overreacted to a lot of things.
But it's important that you feel safe and ok about coming on here so please keep lurking and hopefully soon you'll feel able to post freely again. Thinking of you.

Nnnooooooooo Daisy that's not fair. I'll miss you. Gosh I can't think of anything you said in that post that was cheating. Esp considering he had been having a go at your mothering skills and hasn't been very romantic or even friendly lately. All you did was speak to an ex. Also again I know this is a public forum but he was spying on you, what is that about.

Trace I miss you when your gone but I do understand your vulnerability feelings. It is hard as we have felt so safe here and then sunddenly someone came in and shattered that and made us all feel a bit vulnerable I think. Please come back soon though. I think your brilliant.

Tortoise, I'm sorry it's finally clicked who you are, your in Adelaide aren't you. Yeah there is that lactose free milk in the UK I think it's only semi skimmed. It is in a carton with a big cows head on it.

Oh daisy hope you aren't away too long.

It has really highlighted how people are so different - veggie and Trace - so sorry you are feeling sad about P-gate etc. It's strange as that was like water off a ducks back to most of us, but it's easy to forget it can upset people and stir up feelings and emotions etc. I on the other hand have been way more affected by everything going on with Kayz. When my db's wife left It didn't have the same impact and I don't even really "know" kayz, but since having ds I look at all that differently, and really feel sad about it all.
That said I have just messaged her and she said she has not been over here as she just doesn't have as much time now she's on her own, but will stop in and say hi tonight. I guess I keep forgetting that although she FB's like mad, she can do that from her phone.
Trace and Veggie hope you are feeling better about it soon. I blame me.

Daisy, oh no I will FB you every week with a short round up of the action (if you want!)

daisy we will really miss you. Hope all settles with yur DH soon.

Tortoise yes the milk here is called Lactofree but I don't think it is considered suitable for main mil drink until over two, probably as Veg says because it is semiskimmed,. Its good for lactointolerant people but not for those with fill blown milk allergy which my DD (and Invis's and Aubs?? maybe) have.
Ok, this is my ONE and ONLY visit during working hours today. If you see me here before 7, chase me off with a big stick.

I now have two weeks in which to organise a trip to Portugal. I know it won't be that warm but you would have thought warmer than here (Cue - heatwave in Uk for Easter, Turnip Family shivering in Vale do Lobe or whatever its called)

A good (less controversial than yesterday) day to all.

lol - I second that Turnip. Good luck with the Portugal planning.....

I did lol at Katie's post - katie did you type [green] like I did recently by mistake and did you mean to type [ envy ] or were you just follow trend! Let us know about the house....

OK - can't resist a post (quiet here) but after that must go find something to do.

Daisy - sorry that's happened - we will miss you and think of you often. Hope things calm down and we can have you back soon. FWIW, I can't see that you posted anything unreasonable or disloyal.

Trace - take care of yourself. Hope things look brighter soon.

Aub - I'm conscious that your post about your DH got a bit lost in the whole P-gate episode. I guess what I would do in that situation (unless there is a clear underlying problem that needs fixing) is probably keep my feelings to myself on the whole and wait. I know I've gone through periods of irritation with DH (and other members of my family) and they've always eventually gone the way they've come. Airing them doesn't really help me as its not really that rational and putting it under the microscope just makes things worse.

LadyT - interesting to read about the book process. I think you are being admirably open minded about comments and probably the process of thinking about what your agent had to say and trying to implement some of it will make the book better. But in the end, its your work and your judgment as to what works. Its funny how even for professional documents its taken me time to get used to take and give criticism, so it must be even harder when its more personal.

Rub - thanks for letting us know you've been in touch with Kayz, can't be easy for her or her boys.

Turnip - glad I wasn't completely off beam with the bank thing - I was starting to doubt myself! Thanks for asking about the career thing. Am likely to know more about the travelling job next week - if it happens it'll be a bit of a long drawn out process. In the meantime, just got in another application for a public sector job last night. Would be pretty interesting and at least less travelling, but also half the salary....

Rubes, while I would like to say that I was follwing your trend [green] was actually meant to be . I blame tiredness.
Another crap night here, and now I have the virus too, so not in the best of moods.
However, drum roll please.... the offer has been accepted on the house, so you are definitely off the hook Turnip . So releived as I can now walk away and let the solicitors do their bit, phew.
DD finally napping so am going to try to catch up and do some work, but Daisy, don't be a stranger for too long. I think your DH is still delicate enough to read more into your posts than meant.

Honestly ladies, I go away for a little while and you are starting world war 3 on MN!!!

I am fine, but very very busy now it's just me and the boys. I hardly seem to have time to sit down. I have been out loads with my friends just to get me and the boys out of the house.

Can anyone give me a summery of what I have missed!!

Katie massive congrats on the house. Its a fantastic place.

I blame pregnancy on the [green]