January 2008 Shiny New Year Toddlers - Happy 2nd birthday to us!!

[LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster]

Where did 2 years go ????

LaT I moved Nathan into a big bed because he travels as he sleeps and we got fed up releasing a screaming very stuck tot from the most ridiculous corners of his cot at 4am (think head in bottom right hand corner and body in bottom left hand corner

He loves his new bed, is sprawled all over it, the first night he was at the head end at midnight, upside down at 3.30 and at the foot end by 7.30. He seems to end up upsidedown a lot

Hi all, read all posts but haven't got time to reply to all individually. My friends dd died at lunchtime today , very very sad and heartbreaking but in a small relief that their waiting is over.

LaT - as I've only just moved dd into her own bed on Sunday, we did it as we need to the cot for the new baby and thought it would give her plenty of time to get used to her new room and bed and she wouldn't feel as though the baby had taken her cot from her.

Morning all....

JKS, H seems to be moving on leaps and bounds. Family days out in summer, just makes me really wish for the summer. I cant stand this cold weather.... I am made for warmer climes.

DH picked DC up from nursery yesterday and we have been told AGAIN about E hitting other children and just lying on the floor when he doesnt get his own way, just not sure what to do about it.... he does hit S alot at home and we just take him away and do the explaining and when it is one time too many actually put him in his cot for a few minutes as he really does not listen to time and stay there until I say so type thing. It makes me feel like they are telling me off, I mean I know they have to tell me but they dont seem to be offering any new ideas of how to deal with it and I dont really know what else I can do.

I have been on the other side so appreciate the problem as S is very placid and has often been on the end of child that lashes out but now the shoe is on the other foot I am at a bit of a loss.

Hollyoaks....

So about your friends baby. I hope everyone has the support network they need to get through it.

Mixedmama - am having the same problem with M has she pushes other kids and sometimes even bites if she does not get her own way and J is so laid back so she is totally different.

TBH I would ask them (the nursery) what they do when he does it and maybe come to a plan together of how to deal with it iyswim...ie you discipline him the same at home and ask them to do it the same way iyswim.

Hollyoaks that is so for your friends family

Simpson - no more physio for Tamara at the moment. In the end we only saw the physio twice - because she was diagnosed so late we didn't want to spend months waiting so used my work private insurance to get her seen quickly. Didn't mind, but the first session was only 30 mins and cost a shocking amount, then the second one, a month later, didn't tell us anything we didn't know, recommended not forcing her to do her excercises if she didn't want to, lasted 10 mins and charged £125 for it!! I know we didn't have to pay ourselves but it really felt like the specialist was taking the piss. We'll take her back to the 'proper' paediatric specialist in a month or so, but now she's walking ok I'm inclined to worry less. She still doesn't walk very far without grumbling, and doesn't feel happy on the pavement without holding on for security, but there's nothing she can't do. She's still crawling on stairs, but I think my ds was at this age too (we have fairly steep wooden ones), although she has started asking to hold hands to 'walk' them. Is that what you mean?

Ugh. Brain a total blank. Tamara had her swine flu jab yesterday...she had a slight cough/cold but they said it was ok...she started throwing up in the afternoon and has been sick lots through the night and is just very miserable today. No temp and the docs said just keep her hydrated and watch her, but its really horrible and upsetting when they get so ill and she's totally miserable. And I'm very tired...!!

My symapthies Filly. When Sabela had her vomiting thing a short while ago I was constantly on my nerves. It really upset me. Hope she feels better soon.

Filly how annoying re physio - I sometimes wonder if North Warwickshire is an NHS paradise as everything Nathan needs he gets with minimal fuss (although waiting for speech and language atm but he's replaced all the badadadadas with trugthri erine dubeite etc, we go mad it sounds so much like proper speech).

And poor M with the swineflu jab. Nathan was a bit fragile mood wise yesterday and had some nurofen in the morning but was otherwise totally fine as always after jabs. Hope M is fine really soon and you get some rest!

Hollyoaks so sorry

I think Simps idea is good MM. Ask them how they tackle it and work on a plan together. It still amazes me how two children from one family can be so very different.

Having a bit of trouble settling M in bed at the minute , cue a very tired L not sure how to address it other than keep returning M. But this keeps L awake longer , ahh!!!

Lilyloo - hope M sleeps soon!!

Filly - M very bad at stairs and even crawling up them can topple down

She has physio every 10 wks although am hoping she won't need it so much now as she has improved in the last month

They get her doing lots of squatting etc to build up leg muscles but as you know kids don't always do what they are supposed to

Things with H are going from bad to worse and don't really know what to do tbh. Hoping his sister is ringing kids tomorrow so may have a word with her but am rapidly reaching conclusion that it may not be best for Dcs to see him atm

IWST - how has N been doing in his bed?

Hollyoaks - so for your friend. I am glad in a way that their waiting is over though IYKWIM.

Mixedm - me too, made for warmer stuff i mean! All my years spent in Africa have not toughened me up for British winters!!!
Don't know what to suggest re E at nursery except to say it's a phase and he will grow out of it. I've known friends of T who've been through similar and they've stopped now.

Filly - what a rip off!! Sorry you are so tired, hope it passes soon. (i found i was dog-tired at the beginning most, then better in the middle, then worn out at the end again with H).

Lily - the bedroom thing is stalled here, i can't imagine how the boys can go back in together with such different routine atm, but i will put them back together at some point...

Simps - so so that you are dealing with more H crap. Thought things had settled in a sort of he's-away-sort-of-way?

H woke himself from his nap today, after 1 & 3/4hrs, so that's more progress

And..GOSH phoned:

• H does NOT have Tuberous Sclerosis (nasty genetic thing) - YEY

& he can start weaning off one of his drugs starting tomorrow - YEY!
a slow 6 week wean, and he'll still be on the other drug for possibly another year but hey, progress

JKS Nathan needed that bigger bed - he sleeps so happily now - apart from occassionally wriggling his legs under the guard rail so they stick out of bed. Funny every morning to see where in the bed we will find him this time

JKS - happy birthday

Thank you Simps

Having a good one so far, tea & presents in bed (oh and a late start from T, a present in itself!), pancakes for breakfast, then some peace as DH took both boys to Dad's Group (first time on his own with both!!).

Have handyman here causing chaos-- doing lots of jobs, yey. And T loves him so is totally distracting helping him

H gone down for a nap but making lots of noise atm, could this be the first day he just doesn't sleep????
Hoping DH is going to take T out later for my cake & i've been training T to say Gerberas so fingers crossed!!!

Happy Birthday JKS XXX

Happy Birthday JKS - glad you're having a nice time.

Thanks for your reasons for moving into a bed. Sabela's in a cotbed, so it's pretty big. I'm going ot get the smae one for new baby and hopefully they'll stay in them for a few years and they can go in bunk beds or we can move because I don't think anything bigger will fit in their room!

Hi all

Hope you had a lovely day JKS

Did H have a nap in the end??

Well have come to a difficult decision here

But I think I have come to the right one Let me know what you think...

I am going to stop all contact with H for the DCs unless he can change...

He came last weekend obv. spent no time with Dcs and chatted to my dad etc then got pissed in the eves & over dinner on the sunday I had to ask him to stop drinking otherwise he would have been too drunk to bath DCS

J was very upset with him cue chat with me about how daddy is not well etc.

H had total meltdown on Sunday night (probably due to booze stopping meds working) when he was supposed to be bathing kids because he could not find his mobile phone and was happy to leave J sobbing in bed because he would not say goodbye properly and would not be seeing him for who kmows how long as he was going the next day and wanted to leave there and then to see if phone was at my mums

Deep down I know he is not well but its not my kids fault, they deserve better iyswim.

Just have to decide what to tell J

My mum is calling H's sister tomorrow to pass on message to him as when H called to speak to kids yesterday he was drunk then too so no point talking directly to him iyswim.

Message will be basically sort it or you don't see J&M....

Sorry for long rant

Simpson I agree with your decision wholeheartedly on an emotional level. You need to do what is good for your dcs. But as we have discussed on fb H has parental responsibility and can ask for formal contact and you would have to try. Best discuss with solicitor. Feel v v for J and M andd feel like hitting H's head against wall by way of wake-up call.

JKS - glad the birthday was good. You deserve it and pmsl at training T.

Simps - that it has come to this. On the surface as an impartial observer I think that it sort of isnt fair (due to the parental responsibility/access issues) however in light of his problems and as a mother and your friend I have no hesitation in saying that I would probably consider exactly the same action. It isnt fair on DC and also on you who has to constantly pick up the pieces. Unfort. I doubt there is a simple solution here and no "right answer". IWST advice about the solicitor is spot on.

I worry also about any come back on you from either H and his family or even the DC "you stopped us seeing our dad" etc down the line before they are old enough to understand the motives.

Afternoon all.
Sorry to contradict you willsurvivethis but parental responsability is not worth the paper its written on tbh. When exp took me to court for custody of the boys my barrister told me that. Basicaly he said 'if he pulls the , well I have parental responsability, line the judge will just laugh at him.' So I realy wouldnt worry about that for now Simpson. Agree whole heartedly you should get a solicitor involved even if it is just to outline exactly where you stand if nothing else.You should get legal ais as your not working. Also agree on no contact till he sorts himself out. Like you said it is not fair on the kids and yes they will remember these time when Daddy was too drunk to be like Daddy Though people say 'oh kids will bounce back'. They do suffer and they do remember.
LaT will you not just take the side off her cotbed? It wont seem such a shock to her system then. Bunk beds are the best, not unless they fall off the top that is
Well I think thats about it from here. Still addicted to ym iphone after all them times I had a go at DH for ignoring me......

have got solicitors appt on 15th anyway for first stage of divorce

So will speak to her about it. TBH I want her to write a letter to H stating that visits will be stopped if he does not sort himself out (or words to that effect)

Also gives me paper trail. I would hate DCs when they are grown up to blame me but if I have proof I tried to keep him seeing kids and it was H's choice iyswim.

Gingeme - have got legal aid already for divorce proceedings so should get it for this too Very on your new phone.

The only thing with this parental responsibilty lark is that I have to put H's details on school forms for J which I hate doing. Don't want them texting him every time J is off school (which they have been doing)

Also what would happen if I dropped down dead tomorrow?? (Heaven forbid!!) H would get custody of Dcs and its very hard to override that

Ginge you have the practical experience whereas I'm talking legal theory and I bow to your knowledge. All I meant to say is that H can fight back if Simpson stops contact, whether he wins the fight is another matter, but parties are very much encouraged to try working together for contact in the interest of the children (but whether H is in the interest of J and M is another matter)

Simpson - I'm sorry you're in such an awful position. J already sounds like he is very disappointed with his Dad, and may be feling angry and then awkward about feeling angry. You might find that it's a bit of a relief for him to have that pressure taken from his shoulders if you say you're not going to let H see him. As the child of divorced parents, I'd say it's possible, although I don;t know J etc of course.

Can I just say - TODDLERS!

Yesterday was DH's last Saturday off for two months. The weather was beautiful and we decided we could afford a lunch out. Took DD into town early as DH had an optician's appointment and I swear, from the moment she left the house she was contrary and deliberately naughty, screaming, running off in the street and telling me she did it because it was naughty and for fun (in answer to leading questions!) constantly!

Cue me storming home with her and DH going to his eye appointment alone and pesto pasta at home for lunch

Today, DH had to work from home, so although I really didn't feel like it, I took DD out. It was a beautiful day again, this time DD was delightful. We went to the harbour, we watched the RNLI tractor practising on the beach, we fed ducks, she got in the pushchair without a fight when she was tired, we went for a coffee together and she let me read a magazine while she dealt with her cup of frothy milk, she kept stopping to give me kisses in the street. All absolutely idyllic and delightful.

Infuriating beasts!

They are unusual creatures arent they LaT
Simpson yes keep H up to date on everything you are doing and why. He can not throw it all back at you one day that he didnt know of something. Do you think you might be better going down the supervised visits route? Or arleast give him a list of when he can visit them an atleast he has the choice to follow these visits through again then he cant throw it back and say that you never let him see them. I dont have any experience of mental illness so I dont know how that works re visitation . Sorry if thats no help.
Poor George has a nasty scab under his chin where he had his fall which keeps rubbing on his tops its still pretty sore Itried putting some gauze on it but because he is dribbling due to his blocked up nose its soaking all the time which isnt helping matters . Has anyone tried that spray plaster?

Hi all

Sorry not much to add as still trying to get to know everyone.

Simpson - not sure of the history of your situation, but just wanted to say that it sounds like your having a particularly difficult time with your H. My thoughts go out to you and your dc, hope you reach a solution quickly that is the best for you all.