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October 08 - More birthdays to go!

752 replies

CantSleepWontSleep · 22/10/2009 21:39

10th Sept (Due 1st Oct) - loulou33 - Boy - Joe Louis David - 6lbs 12oz
16th Sept (Due 8th Oct) - Ksal - Girl - Emma Rae - 6lbs
21st Sept (Due 5th Oct) - myjobismum - Girl - Naomi Caitlin - 5lbs 10oz
2nd Oct (Due 12th Oct) - star6 - Boy - Quinlan - 5lbs 15oz
3rd Oct (Due 26th Sept) - purpleflower - Girl - Rebecca Jill Erzsebet - 8lbs 10.5oz
4th Oct (Due 30th Sept) - Aubergenie - Boy - Stanley - 7lbs 12oz
8th Oct (Due 6th Oct) - ronshar - Boy - William Dexter - 7lbs 11oz
9th Oct (Due 17th) - Marthasmama - Girl - Martha - 7lbs 10oz - Elective c-sec
10th Oct (Due 1st Oct) - CantSleepWontSleep - Boy - Duncan Elliot - 8lbs 4oz
12th Oct (Due 4th Oct) - pistachio - Boy - Thomas Fraser - 10lbs 2oz
16th Oct (Due 11th Oct) - heather1980 - Boy - Alexander James - 9lbs 5oz
17th Oct (Due 10th Oct) - pepperrabbit - Girl - Jessica Rose - 7lbs 15.5oz
24th Oct (Due 29th Oct) - Ekka - Boy - Matthew - 7lbs 15oz
26th Oct (Due 20th Oct) - jenwa - Girl - Phoebe Jasmine - 9lbs 2.5oz
28th Oct (Due 23rd Oct) - RachieW - Boy - Jack - 7lbs 4oz
31st Oct (Due 20th Oct) - KnickersOnMaHead - Boy - Samuel Paul - 9lbs 11oz
5th Nov (Due 29th Oct) - Honeymoonmummy - Girl - Poppy Grace - 6lbs 15oz
5th Nov (Due 30th Oct) - MamaG - Boy - Harry James - 10lbs 9oz

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CantSleepWontSleep · 24/10/2009 08:52

if behaviour is out of the ordinary for them and not stopped by usual methods, then I would medicate (whilst they are of an age where teeth likely to be a problem).
D was a nightmare even with medicine last night. I am exhausted and not going out tonight now.
Lol at star - she is quite right though!
Off to in-laws for lunch today.

OP posts:
star6 · 24/10/2009 09:00

HMM a bit of sugar is ok for them
My mom used to always put in 1/3 of sugar a recipe called for in everything she baked. And I never noticed the difference. I do it now when I bake cookies or brownies or a cake to bring somewhere or for DH and no one ever notices.
Also, they are allowed honey from 12 months, so you could substitute sugar with just a bit of honey (not a lot). Honey (real honey) is much much healthier as a sweetner than actual sugar (a nutritionist told me that, but I'm still ).
My mom has also made chocolate chip cookies, brownies and cakes with honey as the sweet rather than sugar and it still tasted the same to me!
But sugar is ok in moderation. I've let Q have stuff with sugar in it now (on occasion).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to myjob's DS I hope he has a fabulous day.

Enjoy your holiday 50ft.

Don't cancel the night out csws!! It's just one night and a few hours in the bigger picture, D will be ok with cuddles and food from your lovely DH

pepper - sorry about your hand - how awful!

pistachio I'm well impressed with your DH for doing so much housework and
I'm dreading DH being home on half term next week. I know I'll be coming home to a mess to clean (even though he's picked up and thinks it's clean) every single day. He's so messy in the kitchen. Leaves crumbs on the counter, doesn't put dishes away, doesn't wash them properly, leaves paper towels out..etc. yuck! sorry for the rant.

OK, so DH has been fine with me having lunch or coffee or a glass of wine with friends once a week. Last night I was exhausted when he got home. But really wanted to go out for coffee and a chat after Q's bedtime with friends for a bit. I asked him if it was ok. He said yes. I said I wouldn't be long. But the friend lives 20 min away. so 20 min drive there, 20 min back is already 40 min... anyway, I ended up staying a bit over 2 hours and was tired, but just got caught up in chatting and talked to another friend later as well... well, I text DH when I was on my way home and he text and left a voice message that was really nasty - saying that I should be "honest" with him instead of saying I'm going out quickly if I'd be gone for 3 hours to text him at least.
Well, I told him I know how that feels as he's done it to me, and I'm sorry, I should have text. But he didn't respond. Just told me I'm so disrespectful.

OK, he said I'm disrespectful... as I'm talking to him about this and apologizing and he's staring at his computer screen reading a story - won't even look at me! I brought it to his attention and he said "I heard you, star. There's nothing to say. You're just justifying yourself and you were disrespectful. youcan't change that"
I'm really upset now. I feel like I just shouldn't go out anymore. I said that and he said "dont paint me as a controlling person. I never said don't go out" and I said "well, before when you had a problem with it, you didn't believe where I said I was!" Then he said "well you weren't telling the truth!" Can you believe that?!? I was telling the truth. I always have!
Then he got mad at me for bringing up past issues

But how many times did he go out on a friday evening when Q was tiny and not even tell me and I was kept up worrying about him and he didn't call?? Talk about respect?? I know I should have called to say I'd be a bit longer. I didn't think 3 hours was a lot anywya, but that's not the "point" as he says, so I am sorry I didn't text, but I did say when I was on my way home...
he makes me feel like such a horrible person sometimes.
He actually told me to "F off" at one point in the conversation .
I dont know what to do
I'm crying now - he's gone back to bed as he does on a saturday and sunday. Q wakes up early, I get up with him and DH sleeps for a couple/few hours until around Q's nap time.
I know I made a mistake. I know I'm not a great person. Not a good wife. I try my best with Q. How can he make me feel like such a piece of sh*??

Sorry for the long rant. My counselor advised me recently not to talk to my best friend about stuff like this for a while (after I showed her my friend's texts...etc.) because she said it would just backfire on me. So MN is my only place to turn So, sorry for dumping on you. Just ignore me if it seems too much.

star6 · 24/10/2009 09:09

wow sorry for that enormous post
I meant to add that I feel like even if I did text him while I was out, he would have still been upset iyswim.
And, I know this isn't the point, as he will say over and over, but I wasn't at a pub... I was at friend's houses.. on sofas. with coffee (well, water for me!). I feel like I just can't carry on with someone who doesn't believe me and gives me a hard time about everything. Especially when he has done the same thing to me, only 10X worse... leaving me to wait froma fter school (3.30pm) until 1am wondering where he was! Every other time I've gone out, I've text him and let him know what I was doing and where I was - he jsut didn't beleive me! I need to think about a way to either help us or for me and Q to find another way.

Q has a bad cough and a runny nose.

CantSleepWontSleep · 24/10/2009 09:19

I am very and for you star. His behaviour is totally unreasonable. You need to search for your posts from the nights when he was out gallavanting without contacting you, and read them out to him, to show him that he is a hypocrite.

I am cancelling tonight because I am too tired to go star, not just because I don't want to leave D.

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 24/10/2009 09:20

And you can tell him that respect has to be earned, so once he's earned it you'll consider respecting him!

OP posts:
CantSleepWontSleep · 24/10/2009 09:21

Happy Birthday to Matthew and B .

OP posts:
myjobismum · 24/10/2009 09:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myjobismum · 24/10/2009 09:33

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star6 · 24/10/2009 09:54

Thank you for your replies.
csws that's exactly what I did - I brought up all the times he's done that to me, but worse and he just said I was avoiding his "point" and dragging up past issues and that I need to stop re-hashing old issues as they are in the past and deal with the fact that I was disrespectful. But that's just it. I said I was wrong for not texting him. I was sorry. I did just get caught up in talking... I don't think he understands how easy it is for time to fly when you're chatting with friends!! But he never will. He's still sleeping.
My friend is asking me if I'll have lunch with her today... I told her not a good idea.

star6 · 24/10/2009 09:58

Ah! Happy Birthday Matthew!
csws, hopefully you'll be able to reschedule your night out for again soon! I understand being too tired, though. If I had to go to a restaurant or into london last night I wouldn't have left. I only went because I knew I'd just be chatting on a cozy (cosy?) sofa In hindsight, I should have stayed home!!!

ronshar · 24/10/2009 11:02

Star.
Never ever let another person make you change who you are. If you want to visit friends for 3 hours 4 hours or 30 mins you should be able to do so. You DO NOT need to ask permission. You are an adult, you are a mother, you are a teacher. You are a good person and quite frankly a better wife than me.
I remember last year just before you had Q, your DH went out and didn't get back until really late. He didnt let you know where he was, he most certainly didnt text you and if I remember correctly his phone was off!!!!!
So which is more disrespectful.
1, constant updates from someone whos whereabouts are known
2, no contact from someone whos whereabouts are completely unknown.

Tell him to F**k off.

Emotional blackmail, OOO it makes me

ronshar · 24/10/2009 11:03

Happy birthday Matthew.

CSWS, thats rubbish. I get grumpy when I have to miss nights out. Pesky kids.

pistachio · 24/10/2009 11:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

star6 · 24/10/2009 11:54

Thank you. You are all making me cry! And making me feel better.
I have no idea why or how DH has the power to make me feel like this. It's because I let it happen, I know... I wish I could just stop it. Sometimes I love him and he's absolutely wonderful and says the nicest things. Other times I can't stand him and he's totally horrible. It's doing my head in.
If I try to talk to him about any issues, he always says "I'm not doing this now, star. I'm not doing it." Because he thinks I'm over reacting.
He's so good with Q. Can be a good husband and sometimes I feel like I couldn't be without him. But right now I feel like figuring out how I could get away!

star6 · 24/10/2009 11:55

Good luck with the essay, pistachio!

aubergenie · 24/10/2009 12:00

and at D not S. No wonder nothing worked!

Happy Birthday Matthew! Hope you have a lovely day.

aubergenie · 24/10/2009 12:08

Star - I feel so and on your behalf. Others have put it much more eloquently than me (bearing in mind I don't even know my own child's name today!)but I agree with everything that's been said previously.

I showed your post to dp and he was appalled too. It's no wonder you're suffering from low self-esteem at the moment. It's very clear that you are a great mum.

Also can I just ask, if you're both working full time, how come your dh gets a lie on on Saturday and Sunday?

Clocks change tonight BTW.

star6 · 24/10/2009 16:39

aubergenie... I have no idea why he gets the lie in. I think he thinks he deserves it because he stays up to watch American Baseball games until very late because of time difference. You're right, it does seem odd... especially as I've been home with Q all week this week, too... but it's never even a discussion about who gets to lie in it's just assumed that he goes back to bed. He putters around for a bit at first but then says he has to go to the bathroom, then a few min later you hear the bedroom door shut and I know he's gone back to bed.

Glad to hear that another man thinks the situation is ridiculous. I considered showing this to DH but he would just say "I don't care what anyone else thinks". because that's what he's said in the past.

I'm almost of the mind that I should just say I need some space and leave. But when I was really upset with him many many months ago and said I wanted to just go away for a few days, he told me he'd call the police if I brought Q with me . I'm not sure he meant it... but it was scary. And a different side to him than I had known previously. I'm pretty certain that I would be within my rights, but am I mistaken there? Anyway, if he did do that, it would be unforgiveable and the end

pistachio · 24/10/2009 16:50

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star6 · 24/10/2009 16:54

Now I'm over reacting. Thank you for putting that into perspective. Really, it's silly to even think that!

Congrats on finishing the essay, pistachio! Must be such a weight off your shoulders What was it about?

pistachio · 24/10/2009 17:46

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aubergenie · 24/10/2009 18:33

That sounds really interesting Pistachio. Are you really enjoying the course? I only did my teacher training fairly recently and loved doing all the research. It just felt really good to be immersed in something.

Star - If you do need a bit of space to think is there anyone you and Q could go and visit for the weekend without making a big deal about it (i.e. "I haven't seen X for ages and would love to catch up" rather than "I need to get away from you"). Everybody needs a breather from time to time.

It does sound like you've got some serious talking to do though. What about getting some couples counselling through Relate or a similar organisation? That way you can both air your views in a controlled situation. Would your dh be receptive to something like that?

CSWS about your cancelled night out. What a pain.

star6 · 24/10/2009 19:19

That sounds really interesting, Pistachio! I too, love research. I subscribe to psycology today and another psychology journal and 2 education journals that all come quarterly. I'm a bit of a closet geek.

Thanks for that suggestion, aubergenie. Problem is, DH wants to spend every single second that he can with Q and would not be ok with me taking him away anywhere because it would cut into his time with him iyswim. For example, if I'm later than usual getting home for any reason and I don't tell him, he gets upset that he doesn't get to see Q for as long that day. I know taht me even saying "we'd like to go visit X for a day or two days" would be an absolute No. He'd say to leave Q at home.

myjobismum · 24/10/2009 19:30

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aubergenie · 24/10/2009 19:47

Myjob! I forgot to say happy birthday to your ds too. Sorry. Are they a bit over-excited after their fun day?

Must remember the clocks tonight. Great, another hour of screaming in bed to look forward to!