Right here goes, it may be a bit of an essay, but here is how I stopped the bf?ing to sleep.
First of all, choose to use this method on the easiest sleep of the day, ie the nap where they are pretty much guaranteed to go down quickly and easily. Start it on a day when you are both well and when you are full of energy and feeling patient! Also don?t try and attempt this when dc is overtired, because it will probably just end in tears ? from both of you!
I found out this method worked for us because on one particular day I really couldn?t be bothered to put ds down for another nap, so I asked dh to take ds up. To my great surprise ds went down quickly and easily for dh ? result. It then got me thinking that ds did not necessarily need a feed to get to sleep, but I would have to work on the association of me, bf?ing, and napping that ds would have.
So, I choose the first sleep of the day and went from there.
At that point I was stil swaddling ds, so I wrapped him up and had the room cool and dark. I then held him in my arms, much like the cradle hold and jiggled him and sang to him. Because he was so tired (but not overtired) he calmed down and had the thousand yard stare quite quickly, so I carried on with the jiggling and singing until he fell asleep. Once he was fast asleep I would then transfer him to his cot and voila!
Some days were easier than others, and I started with just using this method for one nap everyday and carried on feeding to sleep for the afternoon nap. Once this method was a fool-proof way of getting ds to sleep, I then done the same for the afternoon nap.
This method does not address the whole putting them to bed awake scenario, but it does mean that dh can get ds to sleep if I can?t be bothered to do it!, or if I am out, and that is good enough for me.
Another method I have used is probably one to use when bf?ing to sleep is more ingrained or your dc is more resistant to the above.
Again, make sure you are ready to tackle this, you are both well and dc is tired but not overtired. Make sure their room is all ready to go in advance, ie the blinds and curtains are shut.
When they are showing their sleepy cues (remaining downstairs) swaddle them/put them in their sleeping bag. Start the bf downstairs and choose some calm songs to sing while feeding. When the first side is finished, move upstairs into the nursery and start the feed on the other side. Again singing the same few songs and eventually transferring to cot when your lo is asleep.
Repeat this process at every nap time and when you feel it?s going all hunky dory, go to the next stage!
Feed both sides downstairs and still sing songs, then go upstairs as the feed is coming near to the end (still singing!) and transfer to cot when ready.
When the above is working well, by now your lo should also start associating your singing as a sleep cue.
The aim is to move towards the feed being done downstairs, and moving the sleep association away from the feed and towards the songs and quiet time in the lo?s nursery. Hopefully you?ll get to a point where you can take your lo into their room, wrap them up for sleep, sing songs, and with a little rocking they can drop off.
IME, however you choose to make a change to your lo?s routine, you have to give it time.
Also you?ll think it?s all going swimmingly then it may go pear shaped for a while, but if you stick with it it will normally work out ok again.
I also have used both of the above methods with younger babies (3-6 mo), so using them on an older one may be more of a challenge!