Sept 08: The End of an Amazing year

[Pacita]

Here we are: the thread that will see our LO's first birhtday...

Thanks for your good wishes everyone. I am pleased to say that today is much better than yesterday . My mum is here today so she's got every thing under control and both the dc's are much better, she's taken them out to test drive the new double buggy. Little dd has a few spots but her temp is back to normal so she's over the worst. I think poor dad is much sicker than I first thought though. He has lost a lot of weight over the last 2 months and is complaining of bad back and neck pain , he thinks the cancer has spread and the doctors won't be able to do anything, I must admit it doesn't sound good. He has an MRI scan on saturday so by next week we'll know how good / bad it is. I'm so heartbroken that the dc's may well lose their grandad after not knowing him for very long, he's great with them and always lets ds 'help' when he's fixing things .

starlight I think you have a good point about a traumatic birth causing problems for later in life. There must be a link somewhere, but I daresay it would take a major study to understand it and for hospital practice to change for the better.

Meglet not alot to say to help but just take each day as it comes and enjoy the time your dad has now with the DCs. Thinking of you.

It's hearbreaking how life can be so cruel. One of my colleagues has a DH who has twice fought and won his battle with a brain tumour. She is finally pregnant after 4 rounds of IVF and miscarriages and they have found the tumour has come back and is too deep to operate so chemo is only option. Puts my worries into perspective.

And hopefully I did not love C for at least 6 weeks. Labour was not as traumatic as yours and others but it was the afterwards that tore me apart - lack of support, failure to feed, felt a failure as I couldn;t give birth 'properly' and I didn't stand up to the pushy consultants. I still feel C was born about 2 weeks too early, so was never going to come out on her own.
All this meant I failed to bond with her - I remember saying to DP when she was 4 weeks old - "i don't want anything bad to happen to her and I'll take care of her, but I don't love her". Now I can't believe I said that. I also suspect it was why I didn't try harder to bf. Even though she just wouldn't latch on and my milk never came in (to me, further proof that C and my body were not ready to part company yet), i now wonder if it was because I wasn't that interested in feeding her. I don't know, cos now I'd crawl over hot coals to feed her so my views are skewed.

If there is a next time, if I can't get a home birth I'm going to pay for a doula who will stick up for me when DP can't and consultants get arsey.

It makes me very sad and very mad that mothers are left feeling like this. It is such a failure by the 'system'.

I had an Ind MW with M and it was the best money I ever spent and if we have another baby I will use her again, even if we have to live on bread and water to pay for it. After the 28 days post partum were up we both cried at her last appointment.

I trusted her implicitly as I knew she had no agenda and no boxes to tick. Something I have never felt with the NHS. I feel very lucky that we were able to employ a mw, but sad that not everyone was receiving the same care as us.

meglet - try not to think about the if's, but's or maybe's. Take each day as it comes, whatever it may bring. Wishing your Dad healing vibes xxx

I did take a bit of a day off - did lots of gardening and a little bit of article planning.

Imo did you have an EmCS? I can't remember what happened.

ILTMIMI sounds like you made a good choice. As I've said before, if for some reason I cannot have my NHS CS, we will take out a crippling loan or beg borrow and steal from family members and go private. Although luckily there's no reason why this ought to happen, so fingers crossed! Also I have to actually get pregnant first

Meglet hope it all turns out better rather than worse, lots of positive vibes to you and your family.

T is completely tired and cross, and needs to go to bed due to ridiculous lack of naps today. Is anyone else's baby quite happy to go ages without naps and nap for a short time? My SIL's DS was still napping 2.5 hours in the day at 3.5 (and sleeping 10-12 hours at night), T is already down to 90 mins on a good day, as little as 60 on a bad day, and sleeps for a maximum of 11 hours at night. He seems perfectly happy on it (apart from today, due to being woken up suddenly and not falling asleep again), just wondering if I should try to encourage him to have more.

Interesting re: birth experiences affecting bonding with baby. My 2nd stage was 2 long hard hours, but at no point was I scared or felt like I was being treated badly. I just couldn't believe I had to do all the work. Where was this 'undeniable need to push' I was supposed to feel? I also took a while to feel that rush of love. Overwhelmed and burdened with responsibilty were my strongest emotions for the first few days. starlight DS was 3 weeks early, long second stage, took over a week for milk to come in, will he have suffered a lack of oxytocin in his first week?

DS has had a teething induced high temp for four days. He is utterly miserable. I am exhausted from carrying him most of the day plus all the extra breastfeeding has given me a painful nipple blister. Am starting work tomorrow, so expecting huge rocks in my bra by lunchtime. I also think if this temperature hasn't dropped by tomorrow then DH will need to take him to the docs again. God I wish this wasn't clashing with my first day of this freelance job.

meglet thinking of you and your family.

Not much to say except sending meglet and family healing vibes and good times together.

I never wrote down my birth story on the antenatal thread. I just felt it had nothing to do with what I had prepared for and more importantly, hoped for. Now I realise that I am by no means an exception. The one thing to come out of it, though, was an overwhelming trust and admiration for DP. He was a rock. And like many of you, my wave of love for my newborn baby was postponed by the fact that I just wanted the pain to stop. Not just the contraction pain, after he was out, and after the two episiotomies, I could feel every stitch and cried for more local anaesthetic. It took three shots for it to work! I think if and when I have to bring number two into the world, I'd like to do it at home...

Sorry I'm going to completely lower the tone on this thread and talk about my house again! We've put in an offer on the one that I've always liked (and dh now admits is the best option ) Our first two offers have been rejected, they want £5k more, we're prepared to pay up to £3k more but obviously won't tell them that!! So we're sitting tight letting them stew in the hope that they'll come back with a half way offer, meanwhile we're stewing and wondering if we should be the ones putting in the half way offer! The wait is so stressful. I couldn't sleep til nearly 2am last night coz I was planning where all our furniture will go in the house, and what are the priorities of jobs to do first, and which ones my dad could do and what we'd have to get builders/plumbers/electricians in for. I'm very excited but the deal is far from done!

Sorry, you can go back to talking about babies now!

carriebo I've always been straight up when it comes to offers and only ever offered the max we've been prepared to pay. The more you budge, the more they think you're not being honest with them. So I say Stick.

starlight yes despite being completely exhausted I do remember feeling very empowered by the experience. So hopefully it's not done DS any harm. Although I am really hoping that next time I won't have to push quite so hard.
Talking to a lady at work who had two very different birth experiences. She said first was awful but second (VBAC) was so much easier and only took two hours.

Nipple blister is nearly the size of my nipple. Should I pop it?

DG that sounds horrible! I have no idea what one is meant to do with a nipple blister.

T has apparently decided not to bother with crawling - today he started pulling himself up on the side of the cot. He's so enormous that he can't really even get his bottom off the floor though!

OMG Digi, the whole nipple blister dilema has made me take a sharp intake of breath. I don't know what the best advice is tbh. If it was on your foot I would say 'pop it', but a blister on the nip is in a different league.

T still might crawl M started to pull himself up and crawl within a few days of eachother!

I done a practice run with a sponge recipe today for M's bday cake. I put too much mixture in the tin and it all spilled over the tin and over the bottom of the oven. It tastes jolly nice though!

starlight we've considered asking them to do something, but the two 'must haves' are putting in a shower, and fencing off the garden to make it safe for our kids. Both could be done cheaply and badly, and have to be re-done by us later. Its tricky coz its a divorce situation and one person is happy to accept our offer and the other isn't.
Well they've got the weekend to argue it out among themselves!

dg ouch at your blister!

Good luck with T's standing upp hopefully .

DD's chicken pox is on the mend, her legs and hands are horribly spotty but she's fine and doesn't need calpol, we just have to wait for her skin to clear up.

Dad had his MRI scan today and has a bone scan next week. He sees the consultant again on Friday so we'll know the score then.

starlight I have a book mark that says "no one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things". Must remember that!

DG Ow!

carriebo Oh, divorce situation difficult. It is not a straightforward decision so I don't think I can offer any advice (shocking I know)! All the very best of luck with it.

Sorry to go on about this but we are LOVING the garden! We had a barbeque yesterday and a coal flew off the BBQ into DD's new paddling pool!!! Don't worry, DH went and bought a new one today...

For anyone who is interested, I have put a photo of DD in the new garden on my profile.

Lovely picture Ponymum You haven't had your garden done recently by any chance?

I love that quote on your bookmark Meglet. I'll be thinking of you all on Friday.

Last night dh and I were talking about ttc in the spring and the lack of my period. I still want to feed ds but mentioned if af wasn't making a reappearance by say christmas I'd drop the feeds down to morning and night and see is she returned.

Bugger me, she returned this morning. I would like to say it's like the return of an old friend, but the cramps are making me think differently!

I'm not brave enough to use my mooncup yet, but I will next time. I can then compare notes with carriebo !

Has anyone else dared use a mooncup yet?

Yes, I did, ILTMIMI! I loved it, although the first few times taking it off felt a bit funny. It is infinitely more comfortable than tampons.

Happy birthday starlight

Cute pic ponymum*

ponymum Your dd looks so sweet in the garden. Your lawn looks good, did you turf it?

Hope you are having a lovely birthday starlight.

I'm trying to sort out the dc's toys today, both of them have autumn birthdays so we'll be overflowing with stuff even before Xmas has arrived. There's a local NCT sale in October so I'm going to try and get enough stuff together to sell, even £40 profit like last time would be nice.

Lovely picture Ponymum

Happy Birthday Starlight, what lovely weather for it.

I've used a mooncup since DD1's birth (6 years ago) and treated myself to a new when when pregnant (I managed to singe my old one during my last period before BFP!!). I love them SOOOO much more comfortable.

We put up our tent in thwe garden yesterday - my goodness it's big.

DD1 camoped out and was up at 6am (she's normally a 9 or 10am riser.)

I bought a mooncup just as my most recent period ended, so it's ready for action next time (although am a little scared of removing the damn thing).

Went to a chilli festival today, was lots of fun, and I am the proud parent of a Nippon Taka chilli plant (apparently it's very prolific and fairly hard to kill, so i figure I'm onto a winner). Ooh, and one of my tomatoes is ripening! Just as I had abandoned all hope of a single ripe tomato this year we got a couple of warm days and it's almost there. I am insanely excited.

pmsl @ ninja 'treating' herself to a new mooncup!

I think it's the removing that I'm nervous of. I can just imagine this loud comedy suction noise as I take it out

I'm using tampons at the moment and it's nice to know that I'm not suffering from a post-partum wizard's sleeve, as they have stayed in place

Whose getting married in NYC? Is it soon? There hasn't been enough details on here for my liking!