all, thanks for your support. i 'chickened' out at the gp and told her my anxiety was much better so we didn't talk about it at all. just had a chat about piles which haven't gone down at all since right before H's birth. she's given me cream and fibogel so hoping it works.
my anxiety still wakes me but not as badly as last year. however, i just feel a failure in everything and wondering how we're going to cope financially when mat pay ends and my lesser salary(or no salary if i don't go back) starts in jan. and what a bad mum i am. and how i hate my job. and i'm so lazy and useless. and dog didn't get his walk this morning... see? ridiculous things. but i get a pit in my stomach that i can't explain and i can't make it go away. maybe if I were on AD's, this feeling would go away and i'd get the energy to do something like go to a career counsellor or clean the house or walk the dog. or stop screaming at the children. but then, i also think i'll be a failure if i 'give in' to ADs. seems I can't win!
please don't worry about responding to my silly statements about myself. i'm not fishing, just venting i guess. I also know some of you may feel similar (?). in any case, i'm seeing my counsellor hopefully next week who will give me more advice/direction.
again a mostly 'me' post which i'll stop soon. (should prob be posting this on the mental health threads ).